So many things can make one 'not fine'. But what can they be? So many means so many, period!
I always try to have l e which is the closest to the way I feel about "not fine" at the moment.
Sometimes it's not having someone to talk to, or yell at me (I don't like to be scolded but once in a long time is better than once every time!), the list runs so long.
All I'm saying is that being fine sometimes can be "not fine" as well. But what you do at that moment of being "not fine" defines you for the rest of the day. Sometimes what you do as that specific moment, defines you for the rest of your life. You do the right thing or the wrong thing, no one else get to enjoy or suffer from it than you!
This is so because, whatever you do sticks to your mind subconsciously telling or rather suggesting to you later on when you're "not fine"again of what you did earlier to overcome or feel better.
The likeliness of you redoing that suggestion is very, very high, why? Because you did it before and it worked! Nothing more nothing less.
Many allow that feeling of being "not fine" define them at the moment. Many assume to be "not fine" just to redo those things earlier done to waste time or because they're bored. The second reason sticks to me the most, because they are bored.
But then, why won't you just go get busy and not be bored? Why create that moment of being bored to repeat things?
Many response will come to these questions and they will be different because we have different problems that makes us "not fine" and definitely different ways of feeling better.
But left to me, I'll say filter them out first. I myself need to do same. Most of us think that they are an exemption but we really are not.
Doing bad things won't just come knocking at your door to same, neither are doing the right thing. Well the difference between the two is that you know the right things and when you do them, you don't fret at all. But the wrong things.... aren't so. You just stay and they come to you, and they feel right, like very very right at the moment but very very wrong the next minute.
You can't run away from everything. You certainly can't run away from yourself either.
You are the best enemy and friend that you could ever have. You are also the best frienemy (friend + enemy) to yourself than your closest friend that you think knows everything about you.
No does, no one really and truly does know all thinks about you than yourself!
You might have many things to say in this regards but that won't change the fact that you were with yourself like since forever and as long as you can remember. Now that becomes the problem.
Not being fine sometimes is your gateway to being alone from the crowd of people you have overwhelming you at that moment.
Not being fine is an excuse you make to be with someone. This defines who are you at the moment and what you are going through.
Most times, we share this moment with others, sometimes we share it alone.
That doesn't mean you're bad or good, right or wrong, it means what it means. Take a deep breath and find your bearing and be happy.
To be frank, you really don't have to make an excuse to have people around you or not around you. If you do, you really need to work on the set of people you have in your life.
I don't have many, that you already know so I don't have to be worried about excuses for such.
If you have a handful of them, sit them down and play a game of "know me better" with them all.
Know me better is a game where everyone will talk about themselves and be questioned just to better understand the way the person's mind works and why. Few will play along and be truthful and many will talk to not be the worst one in the group.
But what they don't know is, everyone is the worst person in the group but they just focus on their strength rather than their faults and share their faults with others who I. turn help them be better there.
Not fine, my foot!
If you have read this far, I appreciate you and feel to let me your thoughts on the book so far.
Much Love, FYD