Chapter 298: Excuse Me, Are You Ms. Teriri, the Magical Girl of St. Freya Academy?
Looking at the incoming call from Senti, Su Mu reminisced for a moment and immediately understood. Ah. So today was the premiere of Elf Academy. It wasn't surprising that Senti would suddenly call and demand to know if he was an Ultraman from some distant nebula. To be honest, this animation really shouldn't be watched while eating or drinking, or you'd truly laugh your head off. And that ED... it perfectly displayed the "excellent" mental state of the author. It had caused players to collectively ask if the author was too lonely on Earth and suggest he return to Mars as soon as possible.
Of course, setting those factors aside, the first episode of Elf Academy wasn't actually that transcendent; it was mostly just a smile-inducing, comedic daily life story featuring these cute ELFs. But the audience was laughing because they didn't know what was coming next. Su Mu was laughing because he knew what was coming next.
This time, Elf Academy updated with three episodes at once. At this moment, the livestream of the "World's Number One Cutie" Academy Principal was active. Looking at her, she was determined to watch all the episodes together. So, what would happen next? It was so hard to guess~
Thinking of this, Su Mu couldn't help but open Theresa's livestream, starting his brief moment of slacking off. Theresa had no idea she was being watched by a certain unscrupulous "Old Captain"—how does the saying go? The perpetrator always likes to return to the scene of the crime to watch their "masterpiece" up close. Su Mu was exactly that kind of criminal.
She was still laughing uncontrollably at the hypnotic ED of Elf Academy. Under the urging of her fans, she quickly started the second episode. The story of the second episode continued the nonsensical comedy of the first, titled: What Should I Do If My Sister Isn't Home Today?
At the beginning of the animation, Blood Embrace was doing her homework. The questions on the paper immediately amused the Honkai Impact 3rd players. For example: "In a Red Lotus Abyss with a 300% disturbance value, you encounter 3 Elite Shield-bearers. The correct way to handle this is:"
"A: Give up the battle, close the game, and go to MiYoHo to kidnap the MiYoHo Girl." "B: Put down your weapons, sit aside, shout '666,' and collude with the Honkai forces." "C: Give up the battle and go racing in Yae Village to relax." "D: Go to a strategy site to check recommended team compositions."
Seeing these questions, any player would first eliminate D! Another question: "Who is the cutest person in the world?"
"A: Otto" "B: Theresa" "C: Old Thief Su Mu" "D: Ganesha"
This question almost made Theresa spit with laughter. "This guy Su Mu actually wrote himself in? How narcissistic can he be, hahahaha!!!" Theresa couldn't hold it back; the choices were just too funny. Setting aside her grandfather, what on earth were Su Mu and Ganesha doing there? Wasn't Ganesha just that rolling pig??
Actually, Su Mu didn't want to; it was originally supposed to be "Da Wei," but in this world, he couldn't exactly put "Big Sister Kiana" up there. In the end, he could only take the fall for Da Wei's infamy. Truly, MiHoYo's own scapegoat, Old Thief Su Mu!
Putting these irregular questions in a workbook completely piqued the players' interest.
[I'm laughing out loud. Is the old thief going to release a Honkai exam paper?] [Is it "Three Years of Honkai, Five Years of Simulation"?] [Actually, the official could really do an offline event like this. Isn't CJ (ChinaJoy) about to start? Honkai 3rd will definitely exhibit. Doing an offline event where Captains with perfect scores get small gifts would have great entertainment value!] [It really is good. Everyone, send some Super Chats so Teriri can communicate with the officials. I think this is a great idea!]
Watching the comments, Su Mu was beaming. Players were truly a cute bunch. They provided him with emotional value and even helped him plan events. Such cute players deserved to be treated well! It was decided. He would update Delta's story immediately to "reward" the players and let them struggle in "hell"! This was the return from Old Thief Su Mu. Touched? Moved to tears? With an old thief like him around, what time would players get home?
If the players knew Su Mu's "reward" was this, they would likely cough up blood in anger and curse him for being ungrateful, adding that they'd rather die outside than deal with him!
In the animation, Blood Embrace felt the questions were too hard, so she started guessing based on length. Her answers became hilariously wrong: "The cutest person in the world is Otto." "Fu Hua's name in Bronya's dream is Shenzhou Boy." "Cherry Bomb's line during QTE is 'Light Wings Spread'." "ELF Jingwei's Wings will self-destruct when using her ultimate."
Blood Embrace's answers prompted Theresa to mock her immediately. "Grandpa is actually the World's Number One Cutie? Official certification, is it??"
Meanwhile, Otto, who was secretly watching his granddaughter's livestream, almost spat water on his screen. "This... what is all this? That boy Su Mu is making fun of me every day. I told him not to keep shearing the same sheep! Would it kill him to persecute Welt or Kevin for a change?" Lord Otto was full of resentment.
After finishing her homework, Blood Embrace was about to relax when she heard thunder and voices outside.
["Gales, gather here! Proclaim the moment of thunder! Chaos, manifest here! Sound the music of destruction!"]
["What is this?"]
Blood Embrace walked to the window and saw a strange circle drawn in red paint. Below, a sheep's head sat among lit candles—unmistakably a large-scale demon-summoning ritual! Not far away, Selune's Elegy was chanting! It was that chuunibyou girl again, summoning her beloved Dark Knight. Since the first day of school, she had set her sights on Blood Embrace, mistaking her for the Knight who would sign a contract...
Facing this chuunibyou girl, Blood Embrace's response was... to give her two head-knocks. Poor Selune's Elegy cried while nursing a huge bump on her head, wiping away her "masterpiece" with a towel, looking pathetic and aggrieved.
"Was the voice acting for this kid directed by Mei?" Watching Selune's chuunibyou moment, Theresa was reminded of Mei's Raiden Mei Herrscher of Thunder lines.
[Gales surrender to me, right?] [Isn't it pots and pans surrendering to me?] [One sword, two meals, right?] [I will enter the kitchen in exchange for a full meal!] [Enough! Stop persecuting our Queen of Thunder! She stopped being a 'cook' a long time ago, okay?] [How do you know Kiana saved Fu Hua while Mei is in World Serpent?] [Classic painting: 'Mei in World Serpent']
Even though Mei didn't appear, she seemed to be everywhere. Selune's lines were clearly a tribute to a certain great Herrscher of Thunder. This naturally led players to persecute Raiden Mei again.
"But Mei hasn't had screen time for so long. I wonder how she's doing in World Serpent... sigh." Thinking of the rooftop breakup between Mei and Kiana, Theresa felt bad as an aunt. Seeing her niece and Mei, who clearly cared for each other, forced to be strangers was a bitter feeling.
Kiana and Mei weren't just close in the game; it was the same in reality. In Theresa's words, the old Kiana was like Mei's Siamese twin—wherever Mei went, she followed like superglue. However, she had changed quite a bit in recent years, mainly because Mei was very busy with work and couldn't watch Kiana 24/7 like at school. And Kiana... though still lazy, wouldn't starve herself living independently, and her reputation in the company was growing daily. That lazy niece of hers was actually very smart; as long as she applied herself, she could excel at anything.
Unfortunately, including Theresa, a large portion of Schicksal's people had no way to deal with Kiana's laziness. Strangely, Kiana always liked to go against Theresa and Siegfried, listening to no one. Yet, she listened to Su Mu. Whether in independence or work, Su Mu had raised her single-handedly. Sometimes Theresa felt Su Mu was like a second father to Kiana; most people couldn't stand her temper, but Su Mu was always forgiving and patient.
"Sigh... unfortunately, my silly niece probably hasn't realized it herself..." Theresa sighed. It wasn't that the Kaslanas were particularly dense in romance—Siegfried certainly didn't hesitate when pursuing Cecilia. It was just that her niece was a complete blockhead and stubborn to boot. She didn't know the inside story between Kiana and Su Mu. To outsiders, it was inconceivable that they were still just friends at this stage. It couldn't be that Kiana hated Su Mu for some reason—like awakening a system from an urban novel but being unable to use it because of him—leading to a "hate-turned-to-love" she was afraid to admit, right? Haha, that would be too much.
Theresa shook her head. She wouldn't have bothered with her niece's business if it weren't for her own guilt... after all, as an aunt, she had confessed to the man who might become her niece's husband. Though they hadn't taken the final step, they had done plenty of intimate things. There was a sense of betrayal, like "having an affair" behind her niece's back. Unfortunately, Su Mu had recently gone to Canghai City for business, so Theresa had no chance to continue her offensive, only able to send messages occasionally.
Theresa shook her head, stopping her stray thoughts. The second episode of Elf Academy soon finished amidst laughter. Without her "sister" at home, Blood Embrace revealed her true nature, starting a party with Selune's Elegy. They even mimicked a viral video, performing a skit in the kitchen titled: Today My Sister Isn't Home.
Watching Blood Embrace play a trumpet while Selune accompanied her with an oven door. And Blood Embrace tying up Judah to ride it like a horse while Selune cheered. Poor Judah could only be forced into being a plaything!! The two also sneaked into the figure room, with Blood Embrace using a Herrscher of the Void figure as a toy plane... They even tried bitter melon juice, but the taste made Blood Embrace's face scrunch up... Then came official memeing: Blood Embrace and Selune started a QTE sword-clashing sequence, though the "swords" were a colander and a rice paddle...
What made Theresa lose it most was the painting mimicking the Mona Lisa—the Mona Otto hanging on the wall! Watching the two little ones' antics, the audience laughed along. The livestream was filled with a joyful atmosphere.
[Hahaha, I've decided: I'm watching Elf Academy for the rest of my life!] [This is so interesting. I love these crazy little animations!] [The officials are persecuting Otto, huh? What did our Lord Otto do to you?] [I can only say there are too many memes. If you don't surf the web much, you won't recognize them all!] [When is the Herrscher of the Void figure being released? MiHoYo, say something!] [Am I the only one who wants a Blood Embrace figure?] [Valkyrie Judah, Valkyrie Judah, what happened to you! Pull yourself together!] [Is this 'One Hundred Ways to Use Judah'?]
Amidst the laughter, the tired Blood Embrace and Selune sat on the sofa to rest. At that moment, Selune pulled out from her robe—
["The Handbook of the Magical Girl TeRiRi, Radiant as the Stars in the Distance; the Exorcism Records of the World's Number One Cutie, TeRiRi!"]
["Let me perform for you... TeRiRi's blessing!"]
Seeing the handbook printed with the avatar of Magical Girl Teriri, Theresa's heart suddenly filled with an extremely bad premonition for some reason.
END OF CHAPTER
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