Chapter 297: Su Mu: Please Do Not Watch Elf Academy While Drinking Water.
Halfway through the OP, Senti suddenly had an "epiphany"—wasn't this Bronya's voice? Is that right? That can't be right, can it? Bronya actually provided the vocals for this animation's OP? Wow, that's impressive!! "But I remember Bronya also sang for *Cyberangel: ZERO Exception*... You have to admit, Bronya sings quite well. I'm willing to crown her the Queen of Kindergarten Nursery Rhymes!" Senti's comment instantly amused the livestream audience. It was true; when "the Duck" (Bronya) sang, it really did have a nursery rhyme flavor. But coupled with the chibi art style, the Nursery Rhyme Queen persona fit perfectly.
"It seems this will be a 'moe' comedy animation. Is that good? It's very good." Though still watching the OP, Senti, based on her years of internet experience, had already given her evaluation. she was confident in her judgment. At least *Elf Academy* wasn't aiming to send "knives," as *Cooking with Valkyries* already had. Even if Su Mu was a beast, he wouldn't play the same trick twice, would he?
As the OP ended, *Elf Academy* officially began.
["Sister, I'm going to school!"]
The animation started with Theresa in casual clothes, patting the small head of a white-haired girl. She instructed the girl to come home early after school, ask the teacher if there's anything she doesn't understand, make lots of friends, and definitely not play with bad kids...
"Pfft, sister..." Senti almost couldn't hold it in when she saw the dialogue.
[Host, do you have something against our World's Number One Cutie?]
[What's wrong with 'sister'?]
[Do you want to taste 'Grandma's' flying kick?]
Senti's difficult-to-mask expression amused the viewers. Everyone knew that while she looked cute, Theresa's actual age was... ahem, an elderly person—why act like a young girl!
"Oh? This white-haired girl, if I remember correctly, should be the ELF Blood Embrace, right?" Senti quickly identified the girl calling Theresa "sister." Though she was wearing a kindergarten uniform and a safety helmet, the highly recognizable hairstyle and black-and-white stockings immediately gave away her identity. "But is Blood Embrace the type to be a well-behaved student? I remember her voice lines seemed quite 'chuunibyou'..." As one of the original ELFs, Blood Embrace indeed had a chuunibyou teenage girl vibe. Of course, Senti's favorite ELF was the Phoenix (Jingwei), since "love me, love my dog." Though the Phoenix ELF was a bit arrogant—calling everyone "brat" and acting like a teacher—she was cute.
As the animation continued, Blood Embrace skipped along her way to school. Passing a billboard, the content almost made Senti spit.
["World Serpent Seaside New City"]
["Grand opening today, special offer sale"]
On the billboard was none other than Ms. Raven (Natasha Cioara) holding a glass of red wine!
"Pfft-hahahaha!!! Su Mu, you're too cruel, man!!" Senti burst into laughter at the sight.
[My word, do you have something against our 'Island Exploding Raven'?!]
[Raven fans' hearts are officially broken!]
[Raven fans? You mean the ones who repeat the 'island villa' line every day? Raven is truly lucky to have fans like you!]
[Enough! How long are you going to play this 'Island Exploding' meme? Can't I play it alone?]
The viewers in the livestream were persecuting poor Raven again. Since the official source led the way, if Raven wanted to complain, she'd go after that old thief Su Mu first, right? In fact, the viewers wished she would find him and give him a good thrashing—not enough to stop him from making games, but enough to learn a lesson!
What surprised everyone was that the next scene was even more explosive. Senti, already laughing at Raven's billboard, almost spit again. As Blood Embrace walked toward the billboard, the art style suddenly shifted—the previously well-behaved girl became a "wild child," hopping on a motorcycle and speeding down the road!
"I knew it! How could Blood Embrace be that well-behaved? Her true nature is showing!" Senti puffed out her chest proudly.
Afterward, the nonsensical plot of *Elf Academy* made many viewers' stomachs ache from laughing. On the way to school, Blood Embrace rescued Higokumaru, who was almost eaten as a fish by some Zombies.
["Hey, you guys, what are you doing on my turf?"]
Wearing sunglasses, Blood Embrace showed an incredibly powerful presence. But after two steps, the opposing Zombie Archer saw her height and immediately laughed.
["What? A shrimp like you calling yourself 'Boss'? Hahahaha!!!"]
It's over!! This scene made viewers pity the poor Zombie lady. The underlying logic of *Honkai Impact 3rd* is to never mock a white-haired shorty, or they'll blow you away! But the next second, Blood Embrace grabbed the Zombie by the collar, their faces closing in. The entire animation vibe turned into a strange, old-school shoujo manga style, with both having huge "shoujo manga eyes." This shift left everyone questioning what they were watching.
Just as they thought they were in the wrong studio, Blood Embrace suddenly headbutted the Zombie, slamming her forehead into the wall!
"Pfft!" Senti, who already had a low threshold for humor, burst out again. "Hahahaha!!! This animation has so much 'life'! This 'Super Headbutt'—did Rozaliya teach her that?" Blood Embrace, crosses... well, crosses are meant to be used for smashing. A headbutt into the wall was perfectly reasonable!
After defeating the Zombie, Blood Embrace adopted a big-boss posture, announcing that Higokumaru should follow her from now on and that the "Judah Gang" would cover her.
Simultaneously, in Theresa's livestream, she was also watching *Elf Academy* and was thoroughly entertained by the nonsensical and "unwell" plot. "What's the Judah Gang? A gang made of many Judahs?"
[Wild guess: the Valkyrie Judah is the leader!]
[What 'Valkyrie Judah'? Do you have something against our World's Number One Cutie?]
[What? Isn't Theresa just a Judah launcher? Don't stop our Valkyrie Judah from outputting!]
Theresa's livestream was also "dancing like demons," as players who had survived Su Mu's torture were all unique people. *Honkai Impact 3rd* players have such great mental health—though for some reason, since starting the game, their backs ache, and life feels like a disaster! Cursed Su Mu, is this the world you desired!?
The surprises of *Elf Academy* didn't end there. Moving to the classroom, under the gentle smile of the Phoenix teacher (Jingwei), Selune's Elegy was drawing a magic circle and chanting incantations.
["Hahahaha, guide of the helpless abyss, lord of the endless depths, Selune's Elegy! Listen to my teachings! The deep, dark black tide is about to submerge this world! Descend here! Black Shield Rider!!"]
The moment the chant finished, a red motorcycle crashed into the classroom, the wheel hitting the Phoenix teacher directly. Seeing the wheel's close encounter with the Phoenix's face, everyone was stunned.
[My word? Directly hit the Phoenix teacher?]
[Polite Teacher: Are you a Phoenix?]
[The Rider is here! This summoning chant is truly top-tier!]
The other companions—Tesla ELF (Xiao Te) who was building things, and the Xuan ELF (Xiao Xuan) who was dozing—were all shocked. They thought Selune had truly summoned a Dark Knight! A huge hole was smashed into the classroom by Blood Embrace, and the poor Phoenix teacher had both legs hanging from the wall. Blood Embrace leaned on her bike, coolly greeting everyone.
["Hello everyone, I'm the leader of the Judah Gang, Blood Embrace! You can call me Boss. From today on, we are good brothers!"]
Selune's Elegy also thought she had summoned Blood Embrace and wanted to sign a contract to make her a servant. But Blood Embrace was the leader of the Judah Gang—how could she...
["Judah Gang, huh?"]
The next second, the defeated Phoenix teacher suddenly stood up, her voice sounding like a demon from the underworld, making Blood Embrace break into a cold sweat! The Phoenix teacher shifted into her familiar ELF form and grabbed the head of the trembling Blood Embrace.
["Leader, huh?"]
The cool Blood Embrace instantly became a well-behaved kitten, performing a kowtow before the Phoenix teacher.
["Teacher, I'm sorry, I did something bad! I'm a bad kid!"]
Facing Blood Embrace's "moe" offensive, the previously furious Phoenix teacher instantly forgave her. She even comforted her, saying the podium and windows have life... but then she realized her transformation spell had failed. She had worked so hard to maintain a mature adult persona, only to be hit by a motorcycle! Blood Embrace showed her "true colors" again—you think she was actually apologizing? No, that was just a "moe" attack she used on "sister" Theresa! If you're cute, you're forgiven for anything!
["Good chance!"]
Blood Embrace seized the moment and bolted, with the Phoenix teacher chasing her in anger. Under the gaze of the other students, this destined-to-be-noisy new semester began.
Honestly, if the animation ended here, people would just think it was a nonsensical comedy. The style was moe, the ELFs were cute, and the plot was humorous—it could brighten anyone's day. This wasn't to say such animation was bad; after all, you can't have a horse run without feeding it. Constantly stabbing players would leave them numb! You need to balance work and rest, providing a buffer period with funny stories so the wool can be harvested long-term! That's sustainable development!
But just as everyone thought it was over, the real show was about to begin! As the *Elf Academy* ED (Ending) played, Senti almost spat her cola! Where am I? Is this still Earth? Can a carbon-based lifeform really create this!
In the ED, Selune's Elegy was drumming on the Xuan ELF's belly, Blood Embrace was using a Judah cross as a guitar, Tesla ELF and Benares (Bella) were playing instruments, Ruoshui was a DJ, and "the Duck" (Bronya) was cheering... Seeing this "hellish" painting of chibi ELFs and hearing the fitting BGM, everyone's facial expression management completely failed.
[Is this something a human on Earth can make?]
[Old thief, are you an alien?]
[Old thief, listen to me: if you're sick, get help! Stop harming society!!]
[I only know one thing: do not drink water while watching this. I just soaked my monitor!]
[I truly can't imagine what kind of mental state the old thief was in when making this...]
Senti's expression was spectacular; she never expected the animation to be so "transcendent"! Looking at her screen soaked in cola, she felt a surge of indignation! *Cursed Su Mu, it's all your fault for making me spit water on the screen!*
She immediately called Su Mu and asked point-blank: "Su Mu, you must really miss your home planet, right? You're actually an Ultra-man from a distant nebula, aren't you?"
On the other end of the phone, Su Mu: "??"
END OF CHAPTER
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