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3rd POV
{Kids, I mean it—don't text your date like I did.}—Old Ted
"Hey," Robin greeted as she approached Ted, who was already waiting for her.
The restaurant Ted picked was exactly the one he remembered—Carmichael's.
It wasn't a fancy restaurant, but that was what made it feel so exclusive. Ted had visited it once before, scouting the location because he wanted to see whether it matched the memory he held in his mind.
Golden-brown walls, warm ambient lighting, and decor that felt classic without being stuffy.
A brick-exposed wall stood at the center, becoming the quiet star of the room.
And hanging above it…an ornate blue French horn.
The ornament that once made 'Ted' go all in…
…and eventually, steal it for Robin.
Ted stood up as she arrived. "Hey. Was it hard finding the place?" he asked, pulling out her chair.
{Okay, I said that because deep down, I knew this woman wasn't ordinary. We talked and joked around on the first night we met, but I already knew she was… different.}—Old Ted
Robin smiled, glanced around, and pointed to the blue French horn. "Wow. Yeah… I get it." she chuckled.
Ted lit up. "Right?! Right?! People usually miss that, but I knew you'd notice it!"
Robin narrowed her eyes playfully. "I don't think I've ever seen a Smurf penis before, Ted."
Then she smirked. "Wait…have you seen one? I don't judge, but is that healthy?"
"Wow… you're good," Ted pointed at her, pleasantly surprised that she matched his humor. "But what about you?"
"I told you, I've never seen a Smurf penis," Robin replied, then noticed Ted gesture toward the menu. "Oh. You meant the food?"
"Yes," Ted grinned, clearly messing with her.
"You're a terrible man, Ted Mosby." She smiled and finally looked at the menu.
They ordered shortly after.
"I'm glad you came," Ted said as he handed the menu back to the waiter.
"...I already promised someone I'd go on this date," Robin replied, turning her gaze away. She didn't want Ted to know how excited she'd been. "What about you?"
"I've been eager to show you that Smurf penis," Ted said with a straight face, nodding at the blue French horn.
"You know, it's really great to display above the fireplace."
"That's actually a good idea," Robin said, glancing at it. "Nice conversation starter too."
Ted chuckled, then mimicked his imagined introduction. "'Guys, I have a blue French horn that looks suspiciously close to a Smurf penis,' and then you hold it with both hands… because, well, you know—you have small hands."
He nodded at her hands.
"Well, you can see them," Robin said, stretching her hands forward. "Can they hold a small French horn? I guess so."
Ted examined them with a soft smile.
"Well… my apologies for accusing you of having small hands."
He continued, gently, "They're pretty hands, by the way."
"Oww… really?"
Robin looked at her hands, then back at him.
"I'm a journalist. I have to take care of my body."
"Tough job, huh?" Ted said, smiling warmly—genuinely impressed. Not to the Journalist part, but to take care of her body.
"Yeah," Robin nodded with a smile. She's happy for the flirt, but she doesn't want to show it more than smile.
Their conversation paused when the waiter returned with their food.
"You like dogs?" Robin asked as she watched Ted slice into his steak. It wasn't a deep question, just something to open the door. Still, she secretly hoped Ted liked dogs.
"Yes. Why? You have a dog?" Ted replied, looking up before taking a bite.
"I have a few," Robin said with a smile. "I love my dogs. It's like having a best friend and a roommate at the same time."
Ted paused. "How many is… a few? Don't tell me it's five?" He narrowed his eyes at her.
Robin looked a bit embarrassed. "...Yes. Is that too much? I love all of them."
"No kidding? Well hey, as long as you love them, why not?" Ted shrugged. He wasn't shocked, this was Robin after all and he already knew that.
"I mean," Ted added, "I have roommates-slash-best-friends. Except instead of licking my face in the morning, I have a fully grown male human."
"Is it the guy who slept with my friend last night?" she whispered, disgusted. ".....That's kind of low isn't it?..."
Ted chuckle and set his utensils down.
"No, Barney's not my roommate. But… he is my friend. My weird friend. I just accept the chaos that comes with him. Yeah, also he is a disgusting man who thinks only with his dick."
Robin stared at him for a moment—Ted didn't get defensive and that's interesting.
Maybe he was used to Barney's level of insanity. Or maybe… Ted was the kind of guy who saw the best in people.
"And my apartment is upstairs from the bar," Ted added casually. "Same building."
That surprised her. But she also admired how calm Ted stayed after the jab she gave him.
Robin sighed. "Sorry about that." She looked down at her plate, letting the silence settle between them.
Ted wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Hey. It's okay. I'm not mad. You don't know them yet. Maybe, if I get a second date—you can meet my friends."
Robin looked up with a small smile. "I'd like that. And I think I know where you guys usually hang out."
Ted smirked.
""MacLaren's.""
They said it at the exact same time and both laughed.
Robin waved at the waiter and ordered a Scotch. Ted watched her with raised eyebrows. "You like Scotch?"
"I love Scotch," she said proudly. "I love Scotch that's old enough to order its own Scotch."
Ted chuckled. "Nice line."
"And you?" she asked.
"Me too," Ted admitted. "I mean… I wish I had a girlfriend who likes what I like. So we can do things together, you know? Like Marshall and Lily—my two best friends. They just got engaged."
"Oh, is that the same best friend who had sex on the kitchen floor?" Robin asked, remembering their conversation last night.
She couldn't help but recall how Ted wasn't exactly excited when he talked about the engagement.
"Yes. That one," Ted said with clear annoyance. "And I told them—repeatedly—that they can't have sex on the kitchen floor. It's disgusting. They don't know what's under the fridge… or behind the dishwasher… or the stove. If they want to celebrate their engagement, they should at least do it on the couch or in their room. Not on the kitchen floor."
Robin stared at him, amused. Slowly, a smirk appeared on her face.
"You're really jealous of them, huh?"
Ted didn't hesitate.
"Totally."
That made Robin laugh again, loud and genuine and Ted found himself smiling at her like it was the easiest thing in the world.
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"So? What happened? Tell me everything! Is this the future Mrs. Mosby?!" Lily demanded the moment Ted sank lazily into the couch.
Ted smiled softly, "Well… yeah. We had dinner. Then I walked her home." He looked at Lily who's 'Aww…' to him.
Marshall approached with two beers in his hands. "Should we celebrate this new relationship?" He gave the beer to Ted then opened up himself.
"No." Ted said flatly, he opened the beer then sipped it slowly.
What Ted said made Lily immediately exchange a look with Marshall—she knew exactly where this was going.
"You didn't give her what human nature needs?" Lily asked, "Because it's what I heard in college….They want a piece of you." Lily said with a meaningful gaze toward Ted then looked at her fiancee who didn't like that at all.
"Seriously Lily? Everybody didn't want a 'piece' of Ted! Sure they looked at Ted, but who's Wingman he has to get that piece of meat?" Marshall gave her an incredulous look while gesturing to his body. Lily just tapped his hands to calm him down, but she didn't say anything to him.
"Sex, Lily. It's called sex." Ted said, staring at both of them, especially at Marshall. "No, I didn't sleep with her. I knew this would happen anyway, so I… didn't expect anything." He stared at his beer like it was the saddest thing in his life.
"So you got cockblocked, huh?" Marshall said, sipping his beer while Lily looked at Ted with sympathy.
"Totally! God, I'm pissed!" Ted said while taking a long sipped to his beer. "You know me…if I got laid, I wouldn't be home tonight! It feels like the universe cockblocked me!."
"Her job, huh?" Lily said, know him so well, stealing Marshall's beer and taking a long sip.
"Yes!" Ted handed his beer to Marshall and stood up to get another from the fridge. "I mean, the universe was supporting me the whole time! We were right in front of her door, and then her coworker showed up to take her away before I made my next move! Damn you, jumper guy who tried to end his life!"
He returned to the couch dramatically. "I should call Barney. I need my wingman." pulling out his phone while sipping his beer.
"No!" Lily yanked the phone out of his hand. "Why would you call him?! Ted, look at you, you obviously like this girl! You want a real relationship with her, why would you ruin that with Barney?!"
Marshall joined in with a frown. "Yeah, dude! First of all, that's not how the universe works and second, Why call Barney? I'm your best friend and I can be your wingman!"
Lily slapped Marshall's arm. "You're not helping!"
She turned back to Ted. "Tell me, Ted. What did you feel when you kissed her?"
Ted, not looking at both of them, whispering. "I… didn't kiss her…"
Lily leaned closer, unimpressed and didn't buy that kind of response, "I'll ask again. What did you feel when you kissed her?"
Ted sighed and gave in. "Fine! I like her, okay? And when we kissed… it felt different. I looked at her and I could actually see what we could become."
He swirled his beer bottle, as if that motion could hide the embarrassment on his face.
"You didn't kiss her, did you?" Marshall said, seeing right through him. Lily's jaw dropped—they both knew Ted was full of it.
"The Ted Mosby who chickened out because of a girl… wow. I don't even know what your ex-girlfriend from college would say." Lily shook her head dramatically.
"It was a kiss!" Ted protested. "Just… not the hot, passionate, slimy kind. I just— I couldn't do it. With her, all I could think about was… the future. Like she'd be my friend."
"I should call your ex-girlfriend…" Lily muttered, staring at Marshall who was still laughing. It had been a while since he saw Ted like this, or maybe he never saw it. In college, every time he came to their dorm, there was always a different woman in Ted's bed. This was something new and he will not let it go.
"Or maybe I'll post it on Barney's blog," Marshall added with an evil grin. "Should I call your mom too?"
Ted groaned. "Alright! Fine!" He grabbed his phone back from Lily.
He typed furiously.
While Ted is focused on his phone, Marshall is already on call to the one and only, Barney Stinson. "DUDE!! Listen to this—Ted chickened out!" Marshall shouted into the phone while Lily burst out laughing beside him.
Ted glared at him but kept typing. "I invited her to MacLaren's, okay?!" Ted said, holding up his phone for Lily to see.
Lily looked at the phone but she still had that kind of smile, and Marshall relayed Barney's instructions. "He says to suit up." He said then looked at Ted.
"Nope," Ted said. Then his phone buzzed. "She'll come to MacLaren's after she's done with work." he said before standing up and grabbing his coat.
"Chicken Ted… wow. That has a nice ring to it," Lily said through a full smile.
Marshall chuckled. "That's not him, Lily….. He doesn't have any feathers on him."
Ted groaned, looking back at the two of them. "You guys aren't going to let this go, are you?"
"Nope."
"No way."
Lily and Marshall high-fived as Ted walked toward the door—frustrated, embarrassed to himself because he really chickened out. He didn't know what's wrong with him, but clearly, it's not just the universe doing, but himself.