Alex Thompson slouched deeper into the cracked vinyl booth at the back of the school library, the faint smell of old paper and teenage desperation hanging in the air.
His phone screen glowed under the table—another practice SAT score that made him want to hurl the device across the room.
1280.
Again.
Not bad, but not good enough for the scholarships that would keep his mom from working double shifts forever.
He rubbed his temples and glanced at the clock. 7:42 p.m. The library would close in eighteen minutes, and he still had half a calculus problem set to finish before his shift at the gas station started at eight.
Another night of lukewarm coffee, flickering fluorescent lights, and pretending he wasn't counting down the hours until he could collapse into bed.
His phone buzzed. A text from his mom:
Don't forget to eat something real tonight, not just Red Bull and chips. Love you. ❤️
He typed back quickly: Got it. Love you too.
Then he opened his notes app and stared at the bullet points he'd been adding for months:
Get 1400+ on retake
Apply to state schools with decent aid packages
Maybe community college first if money's too tight
Don't let Mom know how bad it really is.
He sighed and closed the app. Sometimes he wished life came with a save point and a level-up screen like the RPGs he used to grind obsessively on his laptop. One good quest reward and boom—stats boosted, gear upgraded, future secured. Instead he got incremental suffering and the occasional free fountain soda when the manager wasn't looking.
The final bell for after-school study hall rang.
Alex shoved books into his backpack, nodded at the librarian who always gave him the "you're a good kid, don't screw it up" look, and headed out into the humid evening.
The walk home was the same every night: past the strip mall with the perpetually broken neon sign, across the cracked parking lot of the abandoned Blockbuster, down the side street where the streetlights flickered like they were on their last legs. He kept his earbuds in, volume low enough to hear footsteps behind him—city kid habits died hard.
Tonight the playlist was moody lo-fi beats.
Fitting. He was halfway through the third track when headlights swept across the intersection ahead. A delivery truck barreled through the red light, horn blaring too late.
Alex had half a second to think: This is how it ends? Not even dramatically? Just… Tuesday?
Then impact.
WHAM!!
Black.
Nothing.
…
When awareness returned, it wasn't pain. It was… floating. A gentle, warm void.
No body, no gravity, just the vague sensation of being held in someone's palm.
A voice—female, amused, a little mischievous—echoed around him.
"Well, well. Alexander Thompson. Eighteen years old. Died via delivery truck accident. Not the most glamorous exit, but points for consistency."
Alex tried to speak. Nothing came out. He didn't have a mouth yet.
The voice laughed softly. "Relax, darling. I'm not here to torture you. I'm here to offer a reroll."
A figure shimmered into view. She was… impossible. Long silver hair that moved like liquid moonlight, eyes the color of storm clouds, wearing what looked like gossamer robes that clung and shifted in ways that made his brain short-circuit even without a body. She lounged on nothing, one leg crossed over the other, smirking like she knew every filthy thought he'd ever had.
"I'm cindara," she said. "Goddess of second chances. You've got potential, kid. Wasted on calculus and minimum wage. So here's the deal: I'm going to give you a second shot at life by sending you to Elysara. A place where you'll find Magic. Monsters. Quests. A harem if you play your cards right—and let's be honest, you've got the horny gamer energy for it."
Alex finally managed a mental squeak. A… harem?
Cindara's grin widened. "Oh yes. Multiple gorgeous, powerful, very consenting women who'll want to ride you into next week once you stop being a cinnamon roll and start being useful. But there's a catch."
Of course there was.
"Your system is… special." She twirled a finger and a translucent blue panel appeared between them, flickering like a glitchy arcade machine.
[GLITCHY GROWTH SYSTEM – v0.9β]
Experience gain: Based on "fun factor" (undefined). Good luck.
Power-ups: Random. May include god-tier buffs, useless curses, wardrobe malfunctions, sudden aphrodisiac aura, chicken transformation, etc.
Level cap: None. Sanity cap: Also none.
Special trait unlocked: Protagonist Aura (women 18–∞ will find you increasingly irresistible the longer you survive. Side effects may include jealousy-fueled catfights and spontaneous orgies.)
Alex stared at the screen in his mind. This is a fever dream. I'm in a coma.
Cindara leaned forward until her face filled his vision. "Nope. This is your new reality. You'll wake up buck-naked in a forest. First monster you kill gets you your starter kit."
She reached out and tapped his nonexistent forehead.
"Any last words before I yeet you into paradise?"
Alex's thoughts raced. Mom. School. The unfinished problem set. The truck. Then… the promise of something more. Adventure. Power. Women who actually wanted him instead of ignoring him in the hallways.
He mentally squared his shoulders.
Cindara laughed delightedly. "That's the spirit."
The void spun.
Light exploded.
Alex hit soft earth face-first.
He gasped, lungs burning, naked skin prickling against moss and fallen leaves.
Sunlight filtered through a canopy of trees that looked too vibrant, too alive. Birds with impossible colors darted overhead. The air smelled like pine and magic and something faintly sweet, like sex and ozone mixed together.
A familiar blue panel flickered into existence right in front of his eyes.
[Welcome to Elysara, Player.]
[Glitchy Growth System online.]
[First quest auto-accepted: Survive the Slime.]
A gelatinous green blob the size of a beach ball wobbled out from behind a tree ten meters away, quivering happily like it had just found lunch.
Alex scrambled to his feet, heart hammering.
Okay. Deep breath. You've played enough RPGs. Naked start, weak monster, random bullshit system. Classic.
He cracked his knuckles, trying to look braver than he felt.
The slime lunged.
Alex dove sideways, rolled, and came up clutching a fist-sized rock.
Here we go.
He threw.
The rock hit dead center.
The slime burst into sparkles.
That went faster than expected
[Slime defeated!]
[EXP +7 (Fun Factor Bonus: +300% for naked desperation)]
[Random Power-Up awarded… spinning…]
[Congratulations! You received: Enhanced Stamina (Permanent) + Temporary Pink Glow (Duration: 2 hours)]
Alex looked down.
His skin was now Barbie-dream-house pink from neck to toes.
He groaned.
"Of fucking course."
Somewhere in the distance, a woman's laughter echoed through the trees—rich, warm, and very curious.
Alex swallowed hard.
His new life had officially begun.
And it was already ridiculous.