Liu Yan came online like a machine that had been forcibly rebooted.
One second he was curled up in his tiny apartment scrolling through yet another MPREG novel at 3 a.m., the next he was staring at an unfamiliar stone ceiling. The air smelled of sandalwood incense, metallic ozone, and something faintly coppery—blood, maybe? His blood? No. Someone else's. Probably.
His eyelids felt heavy. His everything felt heavy. And wrong. Too big. Too solid.
He tried to sit up.
The silk sheets slid off a chest that was definitely not his.
Broad. Thick. Sculpted. Pale skin stretched tight over slabs of muscle that looked like they belonged on a marble statue, not on his scrawny 5'6" frame. Long strands of glossy blonde hair—blonde?—spilled over his shoulders and pooled on the mattress like spilled sunlight. He lifted a hand. Huge. Calloused knuckles. Veins snaking over the back like rivers on a map.
"…what the actual fuck."
His voice came out low. Deep. Resonant. The kind of voice that belonged in a dark fantasy trailer narrating "the end is coming." Not his usual soft, hesitant mumble.
He looked down.
Past the ridiculous eight-pack, past the sharp V of his hips, past—
His gaze snagged.
Nipples.
Big.
Dark.
Prominently peaked against the pale expanse of his chest like someone had personally decided to make them the main character of this tragedy.
Liu Yan stared.
Then stared harder.
They were… obscene. Cartoonishly so. The kind of detail no sane cultivation author would bother describing unless they were going for maximum chaos. And yet here they were. Staring back at him. Mocking him.
He poked one experimentally.
It was sensitive.
He yelped—quietly, because even his yelp sounded like a sexy growl now—and snatched his hand away as if burned.
"This is not happening."
But it was.
A translucent blue panel shimmered into existence right in front of his face.
[Welcome, Host. System 077 has successfully bound to you.]
[Current Body: Legendary Alpha Template – "War God's Vessel" (S-grade)]
[Original Owner Status: Deceased via soul annihilation]
[Your Mission: Win the heart of the canon shou, Chen Mo. Survive. Thrive. Optional bonus objective: Activate and complete MPREG storyline.]
[Reward: Return to original world + 10,000,000 plot points]
[Failure: Permanent soul dissipation]
Liu Yan blinked slowly.
"…MPREG. Of course."
Of course the system would give the timid, romance-novel-obsessed bottom the body of a hyper-masculine war god and make him the only one capable of getting knocked up in this messed-up world.
He dragged both hands down his face. Even that motion felt wrong—too much bicep, too much forearm, too much everything.
He swung his legs over the side of the enormous bed. Bare feet hit cool stone. The room finally came into focus.
Walls of dark granite carved with glowing crimson runes. Silk carpets in deep scarlet and gold. A holographic projection floating above a low table—three-dimensional maps of cultivation hotspots, red markers blinking like wounds. Weapons racks lined one wall: curved sabers, energy-infused spears, sleek black pistols that looked like they belonged in a cyberpunk movie, not a cultivation sect.
This wasn't just xianxia.
This was xianxia on bath salts.
He stood.
And kept standing.
And kept standing.
He was tall. Absurdly tall. The mirror across the room showed a man who looked like he ate lesser gods for breakfast: long blonde hair cascading down his back, sharp jaw, high cheekbones, eyes a startling ice-blue. Shoulders that could block doorways. Chest that—
Yeah. The nipples were still there. Still ridiculous.
Liu Yan groaned and turned away from his reflection.
That was when he noticed the figure standing silently in the shadowed doorway.
Silver hair like moonlight poured over black-and-gold martial robes. Golden eyes that seemed to drink light rather than reflect it. Elegant. Lethal. Beautiful in a way that made Liu Yan's new body feel suddenly clumsy and oversized.
Chen Mo.
The canon shou.
Who, according to every single spoiler forum Liu Yan had ever read, was supposed to be a delicate, pitiful omega waiting to be protected and claimed.
This man looked like he could claim armies.
Chen Mo tilted his head, gaze sliding down Liu Yan's bare torso with deliberate slowness.
"You're awake," he said. Voice smooth. Low. Amused. "And… louder than I expected."
Liu Yan froze.
His mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
"I—uh. Hi?"
Chen Mo's lips curved. Just the tiniest smirk.
"Your nipples are distracting the entire room."
Liu Yan's soul left his body.
He slapped both arms over his chest like a Victorian maiden. The motion only made the muscle flex harder, which only made the situation worse.
"I didn't ask for this!" he squeaked—except it came out as a husky rumble, which somehow made it sound like he was flirting. "They're—they're just there! I don't control them!"
Chen Mo stepped closer. Slow. Graceful. Every movement screamed apex predator.
"'They'?" he echoed, clearly enjoying this far too much. "You speak of them like separate entities."
"They might as well be," Liu Yan muttered, cheeks burning despite the fact that his new face apparently didn't know how to blush properly. "This body is sabotaging me."
Chen Mo stopped an arm's length away. Close enough that Liu Yan could smell him—something sharp and expensive, like ozone after lightning and expensive resin.
"Interesting," Chen Mo murmured. "The legendary War God's Vessel… reduced to hiding behind his own arms because his nipples are 'distracting'."
Liu Yan glared up at him (and wow, glaring up at someone when you're this tall was a brand-new experience).
"I will literally fight you."
Chen Mo's golden eyes glittered.
"Promise?"
Before Liu Yan could die of mortification, a distant explosion rocked the compound. Dust sifted from the ceiling. Alarms screamed in the distance.
Chen Mo's playful demeanor vanished in an instant. He turned toward the doorway.
"Assassins," he said calmly. "Again."
Liu Yan lowered his arms. His new body thrummed—muscles coiling, instincts screaming fight even while his brain screamed hide under the bed.
He looked at Chen Mo.
Chen Mo looked back.
For one heartbeat, the world narrowed to golden eyes and ridiculous nipples and the promise of absolute chaos.
Then Liu Yan sighed.
"…I guess we're doing this."
Chen Mo's smile returned—slow, dangerous, and entirely too pleased.
"Welcome to the real world, War God."
Liu Yan cracked his knuckles (they sounded like gunshots).
"Yeah," he muttered. "Let's see how big these things bounce when I start throwing people."
And somewhere deep inside his new chest, the system pinged happily.
[Mission progress +1% — First romantic tension achieved]
Liu Yan wanted to strangle it.
But first… he had assassins to disappoint.
End of Chapter 1