"I'm really useless. I thought I could protect them, but in the end, I couldn't protect anyone."
Yol's voice was like stagnant water, flat and devoid of emotion as she expressed her self-loathing.
Merlin remained silent. A few seconds later, Yol looked up at him with bloodshot eyes:
"I realized that apart from having a bit of strength, I'm truly good for nothing. I swore to you that I would protect them.
"But in the end, I could only wail like a stray dog, and finally, you had to go through so much trouble to save me.
"Can you tell me, what is the point of someone like me living?"
Her gaze was incredibly complicated. Merlin realized her mental state was teetering on the edge of a cliff, about to plummet.
Logically, he should give her a warm hug and comfort her.
But Merlin knew that while she appeared gentle, she was tough inside. Doing that would be too manipulative.
So, his gaze became calm. He raised his right hand and Slap! struck her hard across the face.
Yol was stunned by the slap, her left cheek swelling up in the blink of an eye.
Her head, knocked to the side, turned back. Amidst her bewilderment, Merlin slapped her again. Slap!
Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. She looked up, finally showing a spark of anger in her eyes. "That's enough!"
Seeing Merlin raise his right hand again, she couldn't help but shout.
Seeing her anger, Merlin felt a bit guilty inside, but he spoke calmly:
"You said, 'someone like me'? When the disaster struck, you didn't abandon those brats. You tried to keep them alive.
"Whereas I abandoned you. In terms of character, you are nobler than I am. These disasters aren't your fault.
"If there's fault to be assigned,
"It could be the royal family of this country,
"It could be the World Government's fault,
"It could be the greed inherent in human nature...
"But it certainly isn't you.
"Why blame yourself?
"You're just an ordinary nun with a bit of strength in a church. Isn't it a bit arrogant to take all this responsibility onto yourself?
"You are flesh and blood. Two bullets could kill you. Shouldn't you be glad you're alive right now?
"Yol, do you know?
"Kindness is indeed a good thing, a virtue you possess. But naive and indiscriminate kindness is stupidity.
"You need to learn to make peace with yourself. There's no need to force yourself to be so dazzling. Don't make me feel like I'm useless and without merit in front of you.
"You are a nun, not a saint.
"And don't be too self-righteous, or you'll become annoying."
Merlin spoke his mind calmly. Perhaps he was venting, or perhaps he just didn't want to see her shoulder all the blame.
The values Merlin brought from his previous life told him that kind people shouldn't be treated this way.
Yol stared blankly at Merlin, somewhat at a loss. "Do you hate me?"
Merlin sighed. Black flames rose in his right hand as he pressed it against her face.
"Calamity Absorption."
Absorbing the pain from her face, Merlin looked at her calmly:
"No, I don't hate you. I only hate your indiscriminate kindness toward everyone.
"Remember, you are just an ordinary woman, not a god or a saint.
"I don't want you to wallow in self-pity and deny your own worth because of irresistible factors.
"You did nothing wrong. Blame their bad luck. In the face of national annihilation, all beings are equal. You aren't their parent. Not abandoning them in the face of this disaster was already the greatest mercy you could offer.
"Don't force these misfortunes onto yourself. If you feel weak, then make yourself stronger in the future."
Yol stared blankly at Merlin. A few seconds later, she slowly lowered her head, her heart filled with indescribable complexity.
"Mmh!"
Merlin withdrew his hand and looked at her.
"Sorry for slapping you. If you're unhappy about it, you can hit me back."
Yol looked up sharply at Merlin. At the same time, Merlin leaped backward. Yol watched this scene blankly, the corner of her mouth twitching involuntarily.
"What are you doing?"
Merlin felt a bit awkward. Then his gaze shifted subtly toward the outside.
"Someone's coming. Let's leave here!"
Saying this, he took the katana from his waist and handed it to her.
"Use this sword for self-defense for now!"
Yol hesitated. "I don't know how to use a sword."
Merlin was speechless. "Then use it like a stick and swing it wildly. You know how to do that, right?"
Yol's expression became strange. Merlin glanced outside, ears twitching. He picked up the pack of food and moved first, quickly vaulting over the wall on the other side. Yol followed closely behind.
Unknowingly, Yol had begun to treat this younger brother, who used to need her care, as her backbone.
Leading her to avoid the soldiers on the street, the two soon arrived at the half-collapsed building where Lami was hiding.
Equipped with the [Lynx], Merlin could hear a thumping heartbeat and suppressed breathing.
Merlin looked around; it was safe for now. "Lami. Come out!"
Saying this, he bent down and removed the backpack and grenades blocking Lami.
Soon, Lami crawled out with timid eyes. When she saw Yol, her eyes instantly welled up with tears.
"Sob... Sister..."
Seeing Lami covered in dust and grime, Yol's eyes also moistened. She quickly stepped forward, squatted down, and hugged her.
Rubbing her head gently, she comforted her with a warm gaze: "Don't cry, Lami. Sister is here. I will protect you properly."
"Sob!" With Yol's infectious comfort, Lami finally couldn't hold back and began to sob quietly.
Shouldering his backpack and securing the grenades, Merlin looked around vigilantly, then at Yol:
"Let's not delay. Let's go. I'll take you to a place where we can rest tonight."
Yol nodded quickly. Merlin looked at the small Lami and said, "Yol, carry Lami on your back. It'll be faster."
Merlin led the way, with Yol carrying Lami. Dodging and hiding along the way, it didn't take long for the three to climb over the wall into Viscount Mela's villa from the alley.
At this moment.
Flames were already burning in the main building area of the villa.
Seeing Viscount Mela's miserable corpse, baptized by grenades.
A complex look flashed in Yol's eyes. From the tragic state of the area around the main entrance, she could see how dangerous it had been for Merlin.
Returning here, Merlin's eyes were also somewhat complicated. It was here that he gained the power to protect himself and even Yol and the others.
Seeing the villa surrounded by flames, Merlin breathed a slight sigh of relief.
This proved that people had already visited this place. Merlin gestured for them to go to the rockery.
Seeing that this spot hadn't been discovered, a light appeared in Merlin's eyes.
"Let's go."
Saying this, he bent down and went in first. Moving the stones blocking the hole, Merlin took out the suitcase hidden in the crevice on the right.
Looking back at Yol and Lami at the entrance, Merlin jumped down the one-meter-diameter circular hole.
In the blink of an eye, Merlin landed on the straw-covered bottom of the cave.
Squatting down, he looked around.
The cave was about five meters deep in total. The interior was a cellar-like environment, three meters in diameter and four meters high, with wooden stakes around the perimeter.
But Merlin was looking to his right, where a dark tunnel led to an unknown destination.
The tunnel looked to be two meters high and one and a half meters wide.
The floor was paved with stone bricks.
Every ten meters along the tunnel wall, an oil lamp burned, providing light.
Smelling the single lingering scent here, Merlin's heart stirred:
"It's Viscount Mela's scent. Did he light the lamps too?"
At this moment, Yol called down softly from above: "Merlin, how is it down there?"
Merlin looked up and saw Yol's face at the hole. There were several footholds carved into the narrow shaft wall for climbing.
Beside Yol, Lami asked in a whisper, puzzled: "Merlin? Is Sister calling Laplace-niichan?"
Yol rubbed her head and whispered, "Yes, that's him."
Merlin said, "Lower Lami and the luggage first, then jump down yourself."
Soon, Merlin caught Lami and set her aside, then caught the suitcase, and finally caught Yol as she jumped down.
Merlin set her down, then jumped up to grab the footholds, climbed to the entrance, blocked the hole with the stone from above, and climbed back down.
Standing on the straw, Merlin looked at Yol, his eyes flickering. He took off his backpack and handed it to her.
"There are some clothes in my bag and the suitcase. See if you can change into them.
"I'll go scout where this tunnel leads. You two rest here on the straw for now.
"I prepared food. You and Lami eat some more."
Yol opened her mouth, glanced at Lami, then nodded and said softly:
"Then you must be careful."