Jaeho Han was seven years old when he first understood what sacrifice looked like.
In a life where money was never abundant, Jaeho learned to appreciate the little things and this was all thanks to his father's relentless hard work.
It was past midnight, late at night, Jaeho had woken up from a dream after hearing faint sounds outside his room.
He was an average looking child, chubby cheeks despite being from a low income household, his parents made sure he never lacked.
He saw the faint glow from the kitchen door despite all the lights being turned off to conserve power.
He wondered who it was and peeked only to see his father, hunched over a stack of papers.
Jaeho wanted to surprise or startle him but there was something different this time, he could tell his father was sad.
Jaeho never saw his father sad, he always had a big smile on his face to reassure his family everything would be alright.
But there was a look in his eyes that told the opposite, his father quickly caught him through his peripherals and straightened up right away with a bright smile replacing the sad one he had moments ago.
"Hey kiddo, what are you doing up?" The father questioned in a playful tone.
"I was thirsty, appa," Jaeho responded, the sleep still clear in his eyes.
Seungho tried his hardest to keep up the facade but despite Jaeho being so young, he was perceptive enough to know when something was wrong.
He watched his father get him some water and looked at the table, these were stacks of bills staring him right in the face.
Jaheo knew his father had it under control, his thick arms, he was basically built like Hercules.
"Appa, why don't you sleep?" Jaeho asked his father.
Seungho ruffled his son's hair and flashed that unbreakable smile of his.
"I will, I'm just… taking care of a few things first," Seungho reassured his son.
"Can I help?" Jaeho asked innocently, sipping from the glass of water in his hand.
"You already did," Seungho responded, seeing his son was a brief reminder that things weren't all so bad.
This was six years ago… Six years before everything fell apart.
-
Jaeho was growing at an astonishing rate and not just physically but then came a news that changed everything. Jaeho's mother, Jiyeon, was pregnant.
This wasn't a problem in itself because the plan had always been one more child so Jaeho would have a little one to keep him company.
Seungho Han had picked up multiple jobs in preparation for this but due to their finances, they couldn't go for medical check-ups as they could barely put Jaeho through school.
This meant they had no way of telling the child she was carrying was just one but two.
They were twins and Seungho wasn't prepared for this responsibility because the plan and budget had always been one. Jia came first, screaming her lungs out and Serin followed three minutes later, quiet and wide eyed like she was observing the world.
Of course, this didn't mean he wasn't excited that he had twins, everyone was happy including Jaeho. Jaeho recalled his father's laughter in the hospital's hallway.
"Two girls! Two! I did that!" Seungho bragged.
But reality would soon hit once a week after, the bills and needs of two babies proved to be challenging, burning through his savings faster than he anticipated.
The workload tripled overnight. Diapers, formula, medical checkups. The bills stacked higher and higher, and Seungho picked up extra shifts.
One job became two, two became three. He would leave before sunrise and come back after dark, only to get ready to work the third job that was until 3 AM.
He got into bed only to wake up and do it all over again but he began to lose weight drastically.
Jaeho noticed the change. The way his father was slower and his clothes looked bigger on him.
"Appa, are you sick?" Jaeho asked his father one evening, watching his father rub his chest like it hurt.
"I'm fine," Seungho responded quickly before straightening up.
"I'm fine…" He repeated but he wasn't fine.
-
When Jaeho was thirteen, his father collapsed at work. There was only so much his body could take and he was rushed to the hospital.
But doctors couldn't see anything wrong with him except exhaustion, he was working himself quite literally to death and his body had sent out a warning for him to slow things down.
They prescribed rest, medication and some time off but Seungho rejected it all.
He couldn't stop working because saying his family was living paycheck to paycheck was putting it nicely.
Jiyeon tried to persuade him but he wasn't having any of it.
"We don't have enough saved. If I stop now…" Seungho paused, trying to weigh the consequences.
"Then use the savin-!" Jiyoen was interrupted right away.
"No!" Seungho's voice was firm and final. He wasn't going to bulge.
"That money is for the kids. For their education. I won't touch it…" Seungho was always going to put his family first but he truly believed he would be okay.
"Seungho…" Jiyeon muttered under her breath, this was the stubborn man she married but also the reason she fell in love with him.
"I will be fine. I promise!" Seungho said with a weak smile but he wasn't.
He died three weeks later in his sleep.
-
Jaeho stood at the funeral in a borrowed black suit that was too big for him. The twins, barely over one year old, were too young to understand what was going on.
Jiyeon held them, staring at the casket with empty eyes.
"He worked himself to death for his family," a person whispered behind Jaeho.
Jaeho clenched his fists so hard his nails dug into his palms but he didn't say a single word.
After the funeral, his mother tried her best to sustain her family by picking up a job.
She smiled when the twins cried, cooked meals and kept the apartment clean.
But Jaeho was older now and saw the way she flinched every time she looked at the twins.
The guilt that ate at her was like rot as she blamed herself. Maybe if she only had one kid, Seungho would still be here.
-
When Jaeho turned seventeen, the savings were all but depleted. The apartment was downsized. His mother barely ate anymore. He began to work to help support the family.
And then one night, she just left and never returned.
No goodbye, no note. Just an empty room and two five year old girls who didn't understand why their mother wasn't coming back.
Jaeho called child services himself. Told them he could take care of his sisters. He had a job, he could handle the rent and take care of his sisters.
They didn't believe him but he begged. And somehow, by some miracle, they let him try.
-
Now at eighteen, Jaeho worked two jobs, attended school on a scholarship. He also managed to keep the twins fed, clothed, and safe. But this didn't mean the same applied to him, the bullying at his school was relentless.
The debt was crushing and exhaustion was a constant weight pressing down on his chest… Just like his father.
But every night, he tucked his sisters into bed, kissed their foreheads, and whispered the same thing his father used to tell him.
"As long as we keep moving forward, things will work out," He didn't believe it anymore but he said it anyway.