Hey guys
fun fact, I'm taking commissions now. I figured that I should make money off something I like doing now that my pockets are a bit parched. Go to here to see my Kofi. or to https://ko-fi.com/mrlegantrop
5 bucks a thousand words, pretty low, but this is my first time doing this and I need to get the feel for it. You should probably message me, either here on QQ, on Ko-fi or on Discord so we can discuss if I wanna do your comm or not. My discord is mrlegantrop99027.
I think I really like this chapter. It's just an excuse for me to just do some bullshit and just embrace some wacky ass comedy with James.
Enough of me though, enjoy the show.
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"Now say Fuga."
"Fuga!"
FWOOSH
The block of wood in front of Niffty was set ablaze and turned to ashes in mere moments by her cursed technique while James, Angel Dust and Charlie being on the sideline and watching with James mainly teaching her. "That's what I'm talking about, good work, Niff'." He said, giving her some headpats while Charlie and Angel looked on in awe and confusion.
"What the hell, how is she doing that?" Angel asked, thoroughly astounded.
"She has the power of God and anime on her side…Along with an ancient evil slumbering in her body that I lobotomized, sealed inside of her and sped up the process of him giving her his cursed technique that allows him to cut anything."
"And just how exactly did you manage to get an ancient evil and do that?"
"Aura." James said simply and walked over to Angel Dust, picking him up in a princess carry and nuzzling his face in his neck. "You're hubby-wubby-nubby can do anything." He said in a comically cutesy voice before looking to the side." Don't think you're excluded either, Charlie and Niff!"
"Huh?" Was the only sound Charlie could let out before she started floating along with Niffty into James' arms that were now somehow comically long.
"I just luv all of you guys you know that? Luv luv luuuuuuuuuuuv~~~ 😍😍😍"
"...Why is he acting so weird?" Angel whispered to Niffty.
"I think his mind is breaking after going so long without sex, it's been 2 months and 29 days at this point and he might be going insane."
"Insane?"
"Insane."
"Why're you guys whispering in scary voices?" Charlie interjected.
BEEP BEEP
James stretched his comically long arms and put his wrist to his eyes, seeing that his watch's alarm had suddenly gone off. "Oh shit!" He exclaimed, letting everyone down gently before conjuring a skateboard made out of crystal and booking it as fast as he could. "I love you guys, I'll see you later, bye!!!!!!"
The trio just stood there for a moment in silence.
"...He's cheating on us, isn't he?"
"Niffty!" Charlie admonished, but she didn't change her expression. "There's no way he would do that."
"It's suspicious, though, right?" Angel asked, rubbing his chin in thought. "Almost every day he's been going out at random times and even worse than that…He hasn't been creaming his pants looking at us!"
"W-what?" Charlie stuttered out hearing his crude language, but Nifty simply nodded along like this was normal.
"Think about it, he practically had a fucking rock in his pants anytime he put his eyes on us and then a few months ago he's suddenly an eunch? Bullshit! Someone's been handling that snake in his pants and been making him spew that cock-cream and it's not been us!" He said, his tone reminiscent of a war general rallying his troops. "We need to find him and track down that bitch he's been cheating on us with, kick her ass, and then cut off his balls! Now who's with me!?"
"YEAH!" Niffty cheered while Charlie just deadpanned.
"Look, James isn't cheating on us, he wouldn't do that at all. Sure, he's a horny menace who probably has ADHD, but he wouldn't cheat on us. Hell, before we started dating, he told me he wanted me, but was scared even though Niffty told him that he could date other people. There's no way he would betray our trust like that." She explained. "I have full trust in him and–"
"Track him."
"...What?"
"I said, track him down." Niffty continued. "You're the princess of hell, you can track him down, right? I'm sure you're pretty interested in what he's got going on too."
"Well I mean, I could, but that's…" She tried to come up with a reason for not doing it, but her desire to find out the truth outweighed the morals. 'Tracking someone down isn't that bad, besides we just wanna know what he's doing, that's not bad, nope, not at all.' She thought. "Fine, okay, I'll do it."
She held out a hand, golden dust beginning to swirl in her hands before it expanded, the dust covering all 3 of them before they were all turned into dust, the dust beginning to fly away and to…
"Dad's house?" Charlie questioned, reforming the fastest along with Niffty and Angel Dust respectively. "What the heck is he doing at dad's house?"
Niffty didn't say anything, but looked up at Angel Dust with a knowing stare, the aforementioned looked down and quickly had to cover his mouth in order not to laugh. "I'm sure he's just…Doing stuff in there." He squeaked out, managing to not put any sort of laughter in his voice as Charlie just walked to the front door and opened it, Angel and Niffty being close behind.
"What the–"
***
"Alright sir, we just need you to take a deep breath into this little device." James said, giving a small little medical mask to…James 2. "I promise you, this brain and heart surgery will be just fine, I graduated at the top of all my classes." He did a thumbs up as James 2 nodded and took deep breaths.
He closed his eyes, focusing on the breaths and.
"Crap Lucy, I never did surgery before. Man, I cheated my way through med school with ChatGPT, I think I killed my last patient." James said, James 2 attempted to open his eyes and struggle, but he had already been slipping into unconsciousness.
***EXACTLY 32 SECONDS LATER***
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" James yelled on his knees, seeing the corpse of James 2…Who was now a comically large fish skeleton. "I'm a failure of a surgeon!" He cried before he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"C'mon, J, you're a great surgeon." Lucifer said, now a very busty nurse for some reason. "Now let's get something to eat."
He sniffled. "You're right, Lucy." He said as they both walked through the door.
"Alright, what did you bring me today?" Lucifer asked, straightening his tie as he sat down at the table and awaited his meal.
'It is a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, 4x4, animal style, extra shingles, with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, hit until it cried, burned alive, along with having swam, chef." James explained, adjusting his chef's hat as he served Lucifer his food.
"Hmm…"
**INTERVIEW J***
"I feel like Chef Lucifer will like my meal. I made it exactly to his tastes and I've been perfecting my craft for the past 300 years."
***INTERVIEW J***
Lucifer hummed, taking out a fork and knife and cutting off a small piece of the burger, delicately picking it up before taking a bite. He chewed on it, grinding the ingredients with his teeth until he eventually swallowed as he looked at James with the most neutral look he could muster.
James gulped under Lucifer's gaze until Lucifer finally stood up and looked James in the eyes, though James had his eyes straightforward while Lucifer looked from under him. "Mr. Richardson, I must say…This is the most BAD thing I have ever eaten!"
"I deeply apologize, chef–" He tried to say, but Lucifer cut him off.
"And by bad…I mean BAD from Michael Jackson! Immaculate dish, Richardson!"
"THANK YOU, CHEF!" James yelled, crying tears of joy as he prostrated before Lucifer and–
CRREEEAAAKKKK
"What was that?" James asked, flashing his flashlight down the empty hallways of the old house he was in. Lucifer trailed behind him, just as scared as he fiddled with the edge of his duck-themed pajamas.
James tip-toed his way to the door, slowly putting his hand on the doorknob before opening it ever so carefully before he found the scariest thing he or Lucifer could see.
"CHARLIE/CHAR-CHAR!?"
***10 MINUTES LATER***
"What the hell is going on here?" Charlie asked, crossing her arms while James and Lucifer were both on their knees with their heads down. They were all in Lucifer's living room, the cityscape now gone song with the ducks as Niffty and Angel Dust shared a big bag of popcorn
while they watched.
"Honey, we were just…Having some fun." Lucifer explained, shrugging his shoulders. "Every other day, your friend comes over here and we just have some fun…All alone…Sometimes with our clothes off."
"WHAT!?"
"Don't listen to him, he has horrible phrasing!" James yelled, trying to save his own skin. "What he means is that some days we fight and beat each other's ass so hard that our clothes get erased before he makes more for us and other days we just goof off and have fun like today." He explained in detail, trying his hardest to seem the most innocent he could be.
"...Show me."
"Eh?"
She makes a chair and floats it near Angel and Niffty before making a barrier made of golden light. "Have a round right now and I'll see if you guys are telling the truth or not."
"What, why would that…You know what? Whatever, I don't really care." James said, standing up and stretching before reaching up and tearing his shirt off. "I'm really looking forward to pounding your ass right in front of your daughter." He grinned, the Satsui no Hado making it so his ki was freely flowing on his arms.
"Trust me, you're the only guy getting his ass pounded." Lucifer responded to the banter, tapping the ground with his foot to make the city back around them.
"I wouldn't say all of that, I mean…" James responded before trailing off and quickly running at Lucifer.
1 frame.
16 frame.
32 frames.
64 frames.
In only a second, James moved 64 times and touched Lucifer on his chest, freezing him in place before pulling his hand back and slamming it in Lucifer's gut, black sparks coming out so easily, it was like James had almost done it at will. The aforementioned smirked seeing the king of hell being knocked back and destroying a building.
"I made a few wishes on a star, so don't get too cocky!"
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THE END
So, how was it?
Off-topic, but I just watched the Goku vs Saitama death battle and I'm mixed on it. I felt like it was great, but I watched it again from a critical standpoint and it felt like it was more a Goku episode that had Saitama in it, he didn't get ANY fanservice when Goku got that whole Superman punch thing. I dunno, I think it was good but it had some glaring flaws to me.
Also, I feel like I gotta write this down.
A few nights ago I had some weird dream. I was watching a youtube video about cartoon characters being scary, the first one being about this woman who was somehow being born inside Earth. She destroyed most of the planet by growing up and when she was finally adult age, her husband sealed her with her consent in some random house.
Somehow, I don't know how, Kratos and Atreus come visit and Kratos breaks the seal while he yells "KRATOS WANT ORGY" I really don't know why, but after that, a red balloon makes its way out of the seal and we flash to Kratos from the back and the tip of a knife is edged in his chest, the woman smiling as she gently taps it, yet the bleeding is astronomical.
There were 3 total segments, but that's the only one I watched since for some reason I was in school after that. When I was in school I had to take this little CYOA about what I would do if I fought an eldritch being where I literally created a character, hair, eyes and all. My build was something to do with an Overwatch styled enhancement to my head while this eldritch monster produced "noise" that allowed me to use my senses better, the monster not caring.
I woke up after putting it to paper and here we are now.
But enough about me.
Bbbbbbbyyyyeeee!