…
"I am Thor, son of Odin the Allfather, heir to the throne of Asgard, and the rightful wielder of Mjolnir."
Thor replied, though for some reason he sounded slightly less confident than before.
Each of his titles carried real weight—but compared to Leon's absurdly long introduction, they felt… short. In sheer momentum, he had already lost.
So perhaps longer really was better.
He meant titles, of course.
"Pfft—"
"Did you just say you're the master of 'Meow-Meow' Hammer?"
"Your hammer's name is Meow-Meow?"
Having misheard "Mjolnir," Darcy Lewis burst out laughing—then quickly covered her mouth, trying to appear polite.
"Did you just laugh?" Thor narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
"Pfft— No. I've had professional training. No matter how funny something is, I will not laugh."
Darcy shook her head vigorously in denial. Her entire body—especially certain very noticeable parts—was trembling with the effort of suppressing her grin.
But beside her, Jane Foster and Dr. Erik Selvig completely lost it.
"Hahahahaha!" ×2
"Why is your hammer called Meow-Meow? Is it your pet?" Darcy asked innocently. "No offense—I'm just curious."
Now that someone else had laughed first, she didn't feel the urge quite as strongly.
"It's Mjolnir!" Thor corrected sternly.
"It is my weapon and my comrade-in-arms. Not a pet."
To his credit, the prince of Asgard didn't lose his temper over the mispronunciation. Instead, he turned toward the man who had effectively claimed both his hammer and his armor.
"Leon Stark, Guardian of Midgard. Because of my recklessness, Jotunheim has declared war on Asgard. I must reclaim Mjolnir and return to defend my people."
"Bro," Leon replied casually, "I believe Thor and Odin the Allfather exist. But that doesn't automatically mean I believe you're Thor."
"You'll need proof."
"Otherwise, you wouldn't want just any random guy claiming to be 'Thor' coming over to try lifting this hammer, right?"
"…Fair point."
Thor fell silent. Leon wasn't wrong. Words alone were hardly enough to convince the Guardian of an entire realm.
Yet with Odin having sealed his power, words were all he had. In this mortal body, he was far too weak.
"Alright," Leon said thoughtfully. "I'll ask you a few questions. Answer correctly, and I'll acknowledge you as Thor."
"The library of Kamar-Taj contains many secret records about Asgard."
Of course, that was complete nonsense.
Though Kamar-Taj's library was vast, Leon had only ever opened the first page of Beginner's Guide to Basic Sorcery—and promptly abandoned it.
Anyone familiar with the word "abandon" would understand.
Using Kamar-Taj as an information source was basically his version of Conan's "I learned it in Hawaii" excuse.
And invoking the Ancient One as cover worked beautifully. After all, she wasn't going to call him out.
They were practically family.
"Ask," Thor said, sitting upright after wiping his mouth. He had to earn Leon's trust.
Jane, Darcy, and Selvig had already assumed the posture of enthusiastic onlookers. The waitress even brought them a plate of sliced watermelon.
"Rapid-fire questions," Leon announced.
"No hesitation. Not even one second."
From his System Storage Space, he produced a novelty gavel he had once signed in from an Ace Attorney collaboration event and slammed it onto the table.
Bang! Bang!
"First question. What is the average lifespan of an Asgardian?"
"Five thousand years!"
"Correct."
Bang! Bang!
"Second question. Name the treasures in Odin's Vault and its guardian."
"The Casket of Ancient Winters, the Orb of Agamotto, the Tablet of Life and Time, the Eternal Flame, the Infinity Gauntlet… and the guardian is the Destroyer Armor!"
"Correct."
Bang! Bang!
"Third question. What controls the Destroyer Armor?"
"Gungnir—the Spear of Odin!"
"Correct."
Bang! Bang!
"Fourth question. Who are the Warriors Three?"
"Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral!"
"Correct."
Bang! Bang!
"Fifth question. Are you married to Lady Sif?"
"No!"
"Correct."
Bang! Bang!
"Final question—what color undergarments does Lady Sif usually wear?"
"Black!"
"Ohhh—" ×4
Thor's mouth answered before his brain caught up.
The moment he realized what he had just said, it was too late.
Leon and the three melon-eating spectators wore identical gossip-fueled expressions of instant understanding.
Without giving Thor time to recover, Leon swiftly grabbed Mjolnir and used it like a ceremonial sword, tapping each of Thor's shoulders.
"Congratulations," he said solemnly.
"Thor Odinson, you have passed the test."
"By the authority vested in me as Guardian of Midgard—Homelander, Leon Stark—I acknowledge you as Thor, God of Thunder."
"And from this day forward, you are a member of the Avengers."
"The Avengers?" Thor frowned. "Why would I, Thor Odinson, join a mortal organization?"
His face practically screamed Absolutely Not. As future king of Asgard, how could he place himself under human command?
"You don't want the hammer back?" Leon tilted his head with a smirk, casually twirling Mjolnir.
"…As fellow protectors of the Nine Realms," Thor immediately corrected himself with great dignity, "I would be honored to join Midgard's defensive alliance."
For Mjolnir, he was willing to… lubricate his principles slightly.
After that, the two discussed how to remove Thor's power from Leon.
Yes.
As powerful as the Thorforce was, there was a rather awkward issue—
Leon had obtained it through a bug exploit.
And now he had no idea how to turn it off.
He'd even asked Peter Parker to try lifting the hammer to reverse the effect—no luck.
Thor's armor clung to him as if it had fused to his body.
Leon even attempted to use his Super Self-Regeneration to alter his body shape and slip out through the collar—
The armor simply reshaped with him, tightly encasing him no matter what.
Magic was incredibly convenient when it worked.
And a complete nightmare when it didn't.
The real tragedy?
He couldn't even have a friendly "sparring match" with certain companions.
He was reduced to looking, talking, and—at best—touching.
It was practically monkhood.
Sure, he could theoretically regenerate an alternative configuration from his head—
But forget whether anyone else would accept that—he'd gross himself out first.
He even tried calling his master.
She claimed she was vacationing on a beach in the Maldives and told him to handle it himself.
As if opening a portal required more than a flick of the wrist.
Life was hard.
"Brother, I cannot help you with this," Thor admitted after multiple failed attempts to lift Mjolnir again. He patted Leon's shoulder sympathetically. "You will have to travel to Asgard. Only my father can undo it."
"…Sigh."
Leon lowered his head and glanced downward in quiet melancholy.
"I suppose there's no other way," he muttered.
"I already have a plan."
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