If Dumaguete had a central nervous system, it was Tita Hanya's Facebook page.
Hanya de los Reyes, 58, widow, self-appointed neighborhood watch, and owner of the most active gossip network this side of Cebu, had built her retirement around one simple truth: Filipinos loved chismis more than they loved lechon.
And right now, her phone was EXPLODING.
"Ano?! May drone na nasira sa boulevard? Sinong may-ari? Bakit?"
She typed furiously, her fingers a blur of misinformation and speculation.
Hanya's Chismis Corner (Public Group) - 12,847 members
Tita Hanya: GUYS MAY DRONE NA NA-CRASH SA BOULEVARD KANINA. MAY NAKAKITA BA? BALITAAN NYO KO.
Comment 1: Nakita ko! May pusa na sumakay sa drone parang action star!
Comment 2: PUSA?! Yung pusa lumipad?!
Comment 3: Hindi lumipad, sumampa habang nasa ere. Grabe, trained killer yata yun.
Comment 4: Sino may-ari ng pusa?
Comment 5: Yung bagong lipat sa apartment sa may boulevard. Matandang babae. Hindi lumalabas.
Comment 6: HINDI LUMALABAS? SUSPICIOUS.
Tita Hanya's eyes narrowed. A mysterious woman. A trained attack cat. A crashed drone.
This was GOLD.
She went live immediately.
"Good evening, mga ka-chismis! Nandito tayo sa may boulevard, sa mismong lugar kung saan nag-crash 'yung drone kanina. At ayon sa aking sources..." She paused dramatically. "May nakatirang babae diyan na HINDI NAGPAPAALAM sa mga kapitbahay. Hindi sumasali sa barangay meetings. Hindi nagjo-join sa aming Christmas party. AT MAY PUSANG SUMASAKA SA DRONES."
Within an hour, the live video had 50,000 views.
Within two hours, comments were flooding in from across the Philippines.
"Aswang yan 100%"
"Hindi daw lumalabas kasi baka makita yung wings"
"Yung pusa, familiar. Parang yung pusa sa lumang alamat ng Manananggal"
"May alamat ng Manananggal na may pusa?"
"Wala, pero magaling ako gumawa ng storya"
Glad watched the live video from her apartment, Anino purring innocently on her lap as if he hadn't just sparked a national conspiracy theory.
"Anino," she said quietly, "you started a war."
Anino purred louder.
"And I think we're losing."
A knock at her door made her jump. But it wasn't Mang Berting this time, or Professor Kim, or even Rigen.
It was Officer Aljade Ramos, looking distinctly uncomfortable in his uniform, holding a tablet with Tita Hanya's frozen face on screen.
"Ma'am," he said politely, "I'm sorry to bother you at this hour. But we've received... several reports. About a cat."
Glad stared at him.
"A cat."
"Yes, ma'am. A cat that allegedly... attacked a drone. While flying."
"That's impossible. Cats can't fly."
"That's what I told them." Officer Ramos sighed. "Ma'am, between you and me, I think my neighbors have watched too many fantasy movies. But I have to ask—is this your cat?"
He pointed at Anino.
Anino looked at him.
And then, very deliberately, Anino winked.
Officer Ramos blinked. "Did your cat just—"
"He has allergies. Eye allergies. Very common."
"I see." The officer didn't see. He saw nothing except a very suspicious cat and a very nervous woman. "Ma'am, I'm going to close this report as 'unfounded.' But if your cat attacks any more drones... please control him."
As he left, Glad closed the door and leaned against it, heart pounding.
"Anino, you have to stop."
Anino yawned.
"You're making us MORE obvious!"
He started grooming his paw.
"At least pretend to be normal!"
He looked at her, then deliberately knocked her phone off the table.
"THAT'S NOT NORMAL!"
From the corner, Alexa chimed in. "Your cat is displaying dominant behavior. Would you like tips on establishing pack leadership?"
"ALEXA, NO."