"And as for Hatada Kōsuke… he'll end up as nothing more than something to be used—drained dry until there's nothing left, reduced to worthless trash at the bottom of society…"
Hachinami Anna clutched her head in horror.
"No—don't say it! Don't let that happen! Don't let Kōsuke become a failure!"
…That was a bit excessive.
Onimizu Kazuhiko and Hikigaya Hachiman exchanged glances.
Matsueda Azusa's argument was clearly extreme—a textbook slippery slope.
Did Anna actually believe it?
Hikigaya shook his head.
No.
She didn't really believe it.
She just needed a reason.
A reason to break up Hatada Kōsuke and Himegami Karen.
Because Anna was a good girl.
She wouldn't interfere as a third party.
She wouldn't destroy someone else's relationship just because the boy she liked chose someone else.
But—
If it was "for his own good"…
If it was to "save him"…
Then it became acceptable.
Humans always need justification.
And Matsueda Azusa understood that perfectly.
He didn't need a perfect argument.
In her current state, Anna would accept anything—
As long as she still liked Kōsuke.
"…Wait."
Anna suddenly scratched her cheek shyly.
"Um… just hypothetically… I mean just hypothetically… if Karen dumped Kōsuke…"
"…wouldn't I have a chance?"
…Unbelievable.
Matsueda, Hikigaya, and Kazuhiko all wore the exact same expression—
Like a tired office worker staring blankly at his phone on the train.
You are truly invincible.
The ultimate self-sacrificing type.
"…That won't happen," Hikigaya muttered, covering his face.
Even when he got rejected…
He hadn't gone that far.
"Waaah, don't look at me like that! It makes me feel pathetic…"
Anna covered her face.
"It's not pathetic…"
Matsueda delivered the killing blow.
"It's tragic."
"Pfft."
Hachinami Anna—defeated.
She collapsed onto the table, her soul practically leaving her body.
Kazuhiko quietly unwrapped some wagashi and fed her.
Hachinami Anna—revived.
Hikigaya watched silently.
…Food really does fix everything.
After recovering, Anna slapped her cheeks.
"Alright… I get it!"
"If I let Kōsuke stay with that pink-haired, big-chested devil, he'll definitely regret it!"
"Exactly!"
Matsueda crossed his arms in satisfaction.
"So what should you do now?"
"If you want to save Hatada Kōsuke?"
Anna clenched her fists.
"We break them up!"
"We must eliminate improper relationships between boys and girls!"
"Well said!"
Matsueda clapped.
"Hachinami Anna—you've evolved."
"I hereby declare you the fourth member of the Improper Relationship Inspection Department. Congratulations!"
Then immediately—
"Now that we have a goal, we move on to planning."
"I'll assign roles. Everyone must carry them out seriously. If you have ideas, speak up."
Hikigaya started sweating.
…This guy was completely serious.
What kind of grudge did he have against Hatada Kōsuke?
"Osu!"
Anna stood at attention and saluted.
"President! Please give your orders! I'll complete them at all costs!"
"Excellent spirit!"
Matsueda patted her shoulder.
"I'm assigning you a difficult mission."
"It will be painful. It might even break you."
"Can you accept it?"
Anna nodded firmly.
"I can!"
…She got into character way too fast.
Kazuhiko rubbed his forehead.
The money he spent cheering her up earlier…
Completely wasted.
"Very well."
Matsueda raised his hand.
"Your mission—"
"Infiltrate Hatada Kōsuke and Himegami Karen's surroundings and gather intelligence."
"Everything—from how they met to how they interact now."
"No detail is too small."
He clenched his fist.
"Know your enemy, know yourself—victory is guaranteed."
"Whether we dismantle them slowly or strike all at once depends on our intel."
"Pfft—"
Anna poked Kazuhiko.
"He's talking about you. You're the frog."
…That joke hurt.
Kazuhiko shivered.
"Captain Shimizu!"
Matsueda called out.
"Here!"
Kazuhiko instinctively stood straight.
"You will assist Hachinami Anna as her support."
"Observers see what participants cannot."
"Details determine success. This mission is yours."
"Captain Shimizu, I'm counting on you!"
Anna grinned.
"…I don't remember agreeing to this," Kazuhiko muttered.
Meanwhile—
Hikigaya quietly tried to slip away.
"…This has nothing to do with me, so I'll just—"
But Matsueda instantly pulled him into a headlock.
"Who said that?"
"You're the most important piece!"
Matsueda's expression turned serious.
"Hikigaya—the self-destruct unit!"
"You will deliver the decisive blow at the critical moment!"
"For Anna. For this club. For the peace of the school—"
"Use your self-destructive methods on school couples!"
"…What does that even mean?"
Hikigaya wiped his sweat.
"Alright, it's settled."
Matsueda ignored him.
"The first meeting of the Improper Relationship Inspection Department is officially concluded."
"Everyone—applause!"
"…Yay."
Hikigaya clapped half-heartedly.
"So… can we go home now?"
"By the way, President…"
Anna suddenly spoke, posing thoughtfully.
"You started a club like this… so you've never had a girlfriend, right?"
…Direct hit.
Hikigaya and Kazuhiko instantly stopped moving.
Both turned toward Matsueda.
Who could resist gossip?
"…Not really."
Matsueda waved casually.
"I've had one."
"EH?!" ×3
Anna's eyes widened.
"I've never heard that!"
Hikigaya slammed the table.
"You traitor! You normie! You should eliminate yourself first!"
"…Wait."
Kazuhiko narrowed his eyes.
"'Had one' means…?"
"Oh, that?"
Matsueda scratched his head.
"I got dumped."
"EH?!" ×3
Even Kazuhiko was shocked.
A guy like Matsueda got dumped?
Normie relationships were terrifying.
Anna patted his shoulder sympathetically.
"You got dumped too…"
"…Where did 'too' come from?"
Matsueda blinked.
"You only get dumped if you've actually dated."
"If you haven't, it doesn't count."
"Puaaah!"
Hachinami Anna—defeated again.
Hikigaya stayed silent.
Watching Matsueda.
He looked completely fine.
But—
That couldn't be true.
"Time heals all wounds" was a lie.
It didn't heal anything.
It just buries things deep enough that you pretend they don't hurt.
But whether it truly stopped hurting—
Only the person themselves knows.
Just like Hikigaya.
Still trapped in his past.
If Matsueda truly didn't care—
He wouldn't have created this club.
This topic… shouldn't continue.
Someone would get hurt.
"…Getting dumped isn't a big deal," Hikigaya forced a laugh.
"For example, me—"
He stopped.
Matsueda suddenly wrapped an arm around his neck.
"That's exactly why I started this club!"
Hikigaya froze.
Hey… that road leads straight to hell.
Matsueda let go, sat cross-legged on the table, and rested his chin on his hand.
"You're all curious, right?"
"So I'll tell you."
"…Unless you want to go home?"
"We want to hear it!"
Of course they did.
Humans could live on gossip alone.
Hachinami Anna—revived again.
Snacks and drinks appeared instantly.
She sat upright, ready.
Does he have a Doraemon pocket or something…?
Hikigaya and Kazuhiko exchanged a glance—
Then quietly sat back down.
Matsueda looked out the window.
The evening light softened his expression.
Then he spoke calmly—
But his words were anything but calm.
"Love… or even liking someone…"
"Is nothing more than a twisted, ugly emotion."
"It's filled with jealousy, dependence, possessiveness… even obsession."
"If I like someone—"
"I'll want her to prioritize me above everyone else."
"I'll want all her time."
"I'll want her eyes to stay fixed on me."
"And I'll want to hold her hand forever…"
"…and never let go."