"Well?" Lizz taps her finger on the wooden desk. I actually finished debugging the program a few minutes ago, but I pretend to read the code on my laptop.
"Come on, is it done or not?" Lizz paces the short length of Dr. Cauchy's office.
"Why are you anxious?" I probe.
"I don't know, Ace. Maybe because she's coming in two minutes. Maybe because I can't believe I let you talk me into this! I should have gone with my own idea instead of your crazy plan." Her hands spread above both sides of her head.
Infusing disappointment into my voice, I say, "Ohhh... I thought you liked my plan."
Her hands form fists on both sides. "I said it was crazy from the start."
"Well... it's done."
The hands come loose. "Really?! Really?" She stares at the prototype of our collaborative summer research project. Lizz brilliantly came up with a theoretical mathematical model that could calculate cybersecurity risks, and I proposed taking it to the next level by creating a program that not only calculates the risks using her model but also traces their source and, if possible, proposes ways to mitigate the risks, hence preventing the attack before it can happen.
"Good afternoon, ladies, how are we doing?" Dr. Cauchy greets us with a smile full of expectations. Her eyes have that glint when they fall on Lizz. I keep telling Lizz that she's Dr. Cauchy's favorite doctoral student, but Lizz doesn't believe me. Funnily, she noticed how much my PI, Dr. McCoy, dislikes me.
I let Lizz lead this mini progress report on our project. I should let her lead with Dr. McCoy too. Lizz gives off that approachable, friendly, polite energy so most people like her. Roberto used to be like that too.
Piggybacking on Lizz's idea is advantageous. First, it's better to piss off Dr. McCoy by collaborating with someone from another field than by outshining him with a hologram or one of my other advanced ideas. Second, I love pushing Lizz's buttons, and I've gotten to do it for the last two months of summer. Sometimes I wonder if, as a man, I'd marry someone like Lizz. She's adorable when she blushes.
Will Mr. Silence falls in love with someone like her? I try to picture the woman he will fall in love with but I keep drawing blanks.
Lizz elbows me. I tear my eyes away from her and look at Dr. Cauchy.
"She's asking if you have anything to add," Lizz reiterates, side-glaring at me. Even her silent reprimand is cute.
"Nothing that our beautiful genius hasn't already said," I reply, blinking lovingly at Lizz as I speak. She blushes and holds her breath, the terror in her eyes making me bite my lip. Dr. Cauchy's laughter fills the room.
"I'm glad you two get along," she remarks.
"She's always picking on me!" Lizz blurts out, then covers her mouth with her hand, new terror evident in her eyes as her face turns red. Dr. Cauchy lets out another amused laugh.
"What do you mean? Do you see how mean she is to me? All I do is shower her with love," I pout and say in a whiny tone to Dr. Cauchy. Lizz glares at me again, silently telling me to be quiet.
Dr. Cauchy laughs it off before saying, "Thank you for this progress report. I see that you both have made tremendous strides. I'm extremely proud, and I'm looking forward to the next phase. I'll be here whenever you need me."
I step between Lizz and Dr. Cauchy and hug her as I say, "Thank you, Dr. Cauchy, for your constant support," while hauntingly smiling back at Lizz. She looks shocked and then furiously jealous. After all, Dr. Cauchy is the only reason I could convince Lizz to study at Cal Tech. She idolizes her.
"That's sweet, thank you, Ace. It's always my pleasure to see women thrive in STEM."
Dr. Cauchy greets her other post doc student while Lizz and I pack up our things. Lizz is slower than me for some reason. Stepping out of the mathematics building, I feel the troubling anger coming at me from behind. Then she passes me, heading straight to her car. I stride to keep up with her speedy pace.
"Lizz!"
"Don't talk to me!"
"Wait for me, I thought you were taking me to eat?"
"Screw you!"
"Why are you mad?" I feign ignorance.
"I can't believe you!"
Needing a reason to stop her, I yell, "I'm getting married!"
She stops. I wait. She robotically turns to me with narrowed eyes. "You don't believe in marriage. Wait... he proposed?"
With a straight face, I say, "I moved in with my husband... a while ago. I told you--"
She walks toward me, even though she says, "I don't believe you."
I pull out the white card and presents it to her.
"Is that...THE white card?" She takes the card and examines it.
Seriously. Does everyone know about this card except me?
"I'm hungry. Let's go eat," I say, wrapping my arms around Lizz's dragging her along while she's distracted by the card.
Twenty minutes later.
Arms crossed, Lizz stares at me blankly as I finish recounting the last nine months of my life since I met Mr. Silence.
"You're not married to him?" Lizz asks, deadpan.
I grin and shake my head, almost amused.
"Have you told him you're poly? Does he know?"
"That's not important. We're living together, and it's a blast! Honestly, I'm having the time of my life."
The waiter hands me the bill with my credit card. I sign it quickly and give it back to him.
"Won't he be pissed when he finds out you're poly?"
"Or maybe we'd—" end it before he finds out.
"Is that a polyamory thing?"
I tilt my head.
"The uncertainty. Is that a polyamory thing? You never seem to care how long relationships last. You asked me if we could be friends for a day, remember?"
I hold my head high and say, "And it's been six years now."
"We're not friends!" she protests, louder now—our usual banter.
I smirk and waggle my brows. "Want to be my lover instead? I know my way around a woman's body." I add a wink for good measure.
Her expression turns serious as she asks, "Is he in love with you?"
Sadness bursts through my chest like fireworks in an empty night, brilliant and fleeting, but leaving a shadow behind. "No. He's infatuated, mostly. He loves how I love him—easy, fun, uncomplicated. I'm a good distraction, and maybe he's obsessed with my body because it's new... but that'll fade."
Her face jerks back with a disgusted expression. "And you're okay with that?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Aren't you in a committed relationship with him? You should want him to be crazily in love with you."
"I'm committed to him. I think he still has casual sex and hires professionals. Why would I want him to be in love with me?"
"Because that's what a woman desires!"
Not me. "But why?"
"Being in love is no fun. He'll be in so much pain if he falls for me because... we're fundamentally different. I'm poly and he's... not that."
Uncrossing her arms, she sinks into her chair. "What makes you think he won't in the future?"
Her question makes me wonder again what kind of woman he will fall in love with. "Men fall in love fast. If he could, he would've already. He's not curious about me—he's never asked how I grew up, what I dream about, or what keeps me awake at night. He doesn't know me, and I don't think he wants to. He could fall for the way I love him, but that should be easily replaced once he finds someone monogamous."
I both hope for this monogamous woman to appear in his life soon and dread it. Will she be someone like Lizz?
"Unbelievable—you idiot!" Her voice rises even higher now in that infuriatingly pleasing way I love. "I can't tell if you're this way because you're poly or because you're an idiot."
Lizz is brilliant, beautiful, and interesting with all her nerdy quirks. Could he love someone like her? Why is it that every time I try to picture the ideal woman for him, I come up blank? "Doesn't love make us foolish? Maybe I'm a fool for him."
Her head flops down along with her arms by her sides. Dramatically admitting defeat, she takes out her frustration by chomping down the last of her waffle, clearing her plate. Lizz is an emotional eater.
Sometimes, I share more about my intimate sexual relationship with Lizz than with my closest friends. I wonder if it's because, even though Lizz doesn't understand my poly nature, I feel like she's less judgmental and more inquisitive. Even when she's judging, she does it in an amusing way that keeps me wanting to share more.
I go on and on about Mr. Silence on our walk to her white Tesla, and then the drive to the glass house.
"He can be so childish one second, a dominantly intimidating man the next, and then becomes my perfect fantasy romance prince the sec–" I stop when Lizz's widened eyes motioning at me.
Looking through the open window, the security guard smiles at me, "Hello, Miss Chan Yeol."
"Hello, Ben. This is my friend, Lizz, we're going to 1748."
"Thank you for the confirmation, please go ahead."
"Thanks."
We go through the security gate down the street beyond.
I go back to Mr. Silence. "When he wakes me up with his demanding touches, I'm not sure if I'm still dreaming or awake. He does this weird thing where, even though he's always on his phone, he follows me everywhere in the house. I'll be making him a sandwich in the kitchen, and he'll stand next to the counter on his phone, not realizing he's in my way. It's annoyingly distracting because–"
"You didn't tell me you live in a Beverly Hills mansion."
I turn in the direction of her stare at the glass house.
"It's not big enough to be a mansion."
"Not the house, the property."
I look at the house, then realize for the first time that the surrounding grounds are actually four times the size of the house, making it a large property. Why haven't I noticed that before?
We get out of the parked car, and I offer, "Do you want a tour?"
She studies the house curiously, so I drag her along by her arm to the backyard. Pointing to the five medium-sized aloe vera potted plants, I say, "These ones are my favorite. I can't wait until they're bigger so we can plant them."
When she doesn't budge, I turn to her. Lizz is blushing. Something ahead freezes her in place. My eyes sweep in that direction.