In the early morning, Kars Aloha could be seen driving his Toyota truck on the road of his lovely hometown to go to work as usual without even realizing that something amazing, like isekai and stuff, was about to happen to him today.
"Where's my money, Robert?" Kars, a rugged man with messy black hair, amber eyes, and the face of a discounted gigachad, is currently talking into his Nokia phone in a serious tone as he is spinning the wheel of his car with the other hand to avoid the ancient pothole on the road.
"L-Listen, Kars, I don't have it yet! Y-Yeah, I know it sounds bad, but think about the bright side, Kars…" The slimy and desperate voice of a male coming from the other side of his phone almost made Kars want to throw it away with disgust.
"Ha, fuck you and your bright side, Robert. The only bright side in this that I can see is that I can use your wife as my cumdump if my money doesn't arrive by tomorrow!" Kars spoke back into his phone with a smirk before he cut the call abruptly, as he doesn't want to hear any more pathetic excuses from the other guy, who is definitely not going to be able to pay him back by tomorrow.
"Fucking broke-ass son of a bitch…" He mutters as he throws the Nokia phone on the seat next to him, regretting a little that he lent the money to his maybe-friend Robert.
And then before he knew it, with a blink of his eyes, Kars suddenly found himself sitting in a fluffy chair instead of his car seat and in a magical place filled with fluffy clouds and surrounded by cosmos, while in front of him there was the big fat ass of someone that was currently pointing it at him like a lap dancer.
"What the shit…??" Kars said in bewilderment with his hand still staying in the air where he was gripping the wheel that was not there anymore.
"Mmh?" The owner of the fat ass in front of Kars turns her head around while she is bending forward and sees Kars sitting dumbfounded behind her with his hand still in the air with a surprised expression.
"Oh my, it seems like I made a mistake." The woman quickly straightens herself up and turns around to face Kars, revealing a woman that fits the image of a stereotypical goddess perfectly with long wavy golden hair, a pair of pretty bright blue eyes, a beautiful gentle face, a voluptuous figure with huge assets that is dressed in ancient Greek-style attire, and lastly, a golden laurel crown on top of her head.
The golden-haired goddess took her sweet time, observing the man who suddenly popped up in her divine realm from his head to toes before her perfect lips curled into an apologetic smile.
"Ah well, my apologies, random mortal man. I may have dropped my realm controller and summoned you here." She gestured vaguely toward a mundane-looking device half-buried in the cloud near her sandaled feet that strangely looked just like a TV remote with too many buttons.
"What...?" Kars, who just recovered from his initial confusion, stared at the remote, then at the goddess, then at his own hand, and then the surroundings. His mind was trying hard to comprehend everything but still failed to make sense of what is going on.
"Like I say..." Seeing Kars still slow in the head, the goddess drawled as she wiggled her fingers in a summoning gesture, making the remote on her feet levitate into her palm like an obedient pet bird.
"There is an 'Oops, I might have accidentally teleported a mortal into my private chambers because I dropped my realm controller' situation here, get it?" She explained more clearly with a sigh before she tossed the remote carelessly onto what appeared to be a chaise lounge made of clouds behind her.
"..." Kars slowly understands what is happening, moving his gaze from the goddess's face to the fluffy cloud floor beneath his boots and then back up to the goddess's beautiful face again.
"Lady," he said with his face frowning and his voice dead serious, "you have to undo whatever the fuck this is."
"Undo this?" The goddess tilted her head, golden curls spilling over one shoulder, a gesture that made Kars have a bad premonition.
"Well... you see, the 'Oops, I might have summoned you by totally accident' button doesn't technically have an undo function." The goddess is twirling her hair as she avoids making eye contact with Kars, who looks righteously furious now.
"But!" The goddess quickly said next. "We could always reclassify this as an isekai scenario; those are pretty trending right now!"
"Isekai...?" Kars blinked once, then twice, and then he ended up pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Listen here, lady—" But before he could say anything, the goddess clapped her hands together, interrupting Kars from ranting about his life and his unfinished businesses back on earth.
"Wonderful! We'll call it... 'Accidentally Summoned?! Now I am going to another world?!' or something, hehe!" The goddess twirled cutely, her voluptuous body on full display as she acted like Kars already agreed to go along with her plan. "You'll be my isekai champion! Slay an evil, save a kingdom, and get a harem! Standard package really..."
"Hey..." Kars's eyebrows twitched violently as he saw the goddess was blatantly ignoring him.
"Let me get this straight," he said, voice low and dangerous, well, to normal mortals, perhaps. "You ripped me out of my fucking Toyota because your godly TV remote slipped, and now you want to just throw me away randomly like trash in your room?"
"There's no such thing..." The goddess sighed, turning to see Kars standing up from his chair with balling fists. "You're already screwed in an existential sense, so you might as well just enjoy the ride after."
"You fucking with me...?" Kars' jaw tightened while the goddess smiled at him with the "What can you do?" look.
"Hehe... no." The goddess giggled before she snapped her fingers, and then suddenly a portal swirled into existence beside them. It's a vortex of blue and gold that smelled vaguely of lemon. "Look! The other world awaits! All you need to do is just go inside, and bam, you're an isekai MC. Pretty straightforward, right?"
Kars took one look at the swirling portal, then back at the smiling goddess, and did the only sane thing a sane man could do in this situation as he lunged for the remote still lying on the cloud chaise as the goddess gasped, more offended than alarmed or surprised.
"Rude!" she huffed as she side-stepped out of the way, letting Kars arrive where the remote was as he grabbed it in his hand while she was watching him with a smirk.
Everything being so easy doesn't register on the man's mind as he starts mashing buttons with the desperation of a gamer on a losing streak.
But alas, nothing happened.
"Oh, dear," the goddess drawled as she walked next to the confused Kars and then plucked the remote from his hands with ease. "That thing only works if you're me, so no matter how much you try, it's useless, silly."
Kars stared at his empty hands, then at the goddess's smug face, his brain cycling through responses, and none of them were polite.
"Lady, you better send me back before I shove my cock down your throat and dump my cum down your windpipe!" he growled, stepping closer with the kind of energy that made lesser men wet themselves.
"Oh my." But the goddess didn't flinch. She didn't even blink. Instead, she arched one eyebrow and looked at him like he had a death wish.
"Interesting strategy. Threatening a clearly higher-level entity with... that. Bold. Unwise. But bold." She said before she snapped her fingers, and suddenly Kars's legs locked in place, his body freezing mid-step as if the air around him solidified.
"Let's try this again, shall we?" She huffs, stepping so close he could smell her fruity scent and something alluringly sweet. "You're not in position to change anything here, mortal. And if you keep talking like a back-alley thug to me, I might turn your tongue into a slug. Understood?"
"Bitch, I'll definitely fuck your throat and make you get off on it...!" Despite that, Kars snarled, still showing defiance as his muscles strained against the invisible bindings, veins in his neck standing out like live wires.
"How unruly..." The goddess sighed and flicked his forehead, making his entire body recoil as if struck by lightning, teeth rattling.
"Argh...?!" Kars gasped as what felt like a shockwave of divine energy jolted through him, his knees buckling before he caught himself, but only because the goddess kept him upright with her power.
Kars' vision swam with blur and afterimages, and for a single, humiliating second, he tasted the primal fear of death for the first time.
"The fuck was that...?" he finally spat out after the feeling started to fade, shaking his head and messy black hair like a dog shedding water.
"I just give you your cheats," the goddess chirped, patting Kars's cheek softly in her perspective, but it was actually a pretty hard slap that stung and made his face snap to the side with the slap sound echoing oddly in the cloudy realm.
"Oops. That was supposed to be a gentle boop." Despite her words, she didn't sound sorry. At all.
"Bitch...!" Kars' head whipped back around, his cheek burning where she'd struck him. He opened his mouth to snarl something obscene, but the goddess shoved her finger against his lips, shutting it before he could speak more.
"Ah-ah! No more rude words, or I'll turn your tongue into an actual slug," she said with a cute huff, wiggling her finger down near his throat like she was actually going to do it.
"Just listen, will you?" the goddess continued, withdrawing her finger but still keeping it raised in the air near his lips, threatening him with tongue transfiguration.
"You're getting powers like a proper isekai protagonist's cheat powers, and you're going to that world to slap the natives around for being such inferior and uncultured lifeforms." She said with a gentle smile as she gestured toward the still-swirling portal. "And you're going to like it, because the alternative is me turning you into my furniture or a pet goldfish."
"You wouldn't happen to like that, right?" The goddess boops Kars on his nose as she is looking at him inquisitively.
Kars sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, his left cheek still stinging from the goddess's slap. His hands were trembling as he tried to ball his fists, but the invisible force holding him made clenching his fists impossible. His eyes are looking at the woman in front of him furiously.
"Now, now," the goddess murmured, tapping his nose with her finger again, "no need to look so murderous. I've given you the cheats that will make you OP and have an easy time in your isekai life, so just go along with it. Trust me, you'll enjoy it a lot over there..."
"Well, anyway, it's time for you to go now! Bye-bye~!" The goddess then suddenly pushed Kars toward the swirling portal with both hands, and Kars, whose legs were still locked in place, toppled forward like a felled tree. His last sight before the blue and gold vortex swallowed him whole was the goddess waving cheerfully, which looked like a mocking farewell in his perspective.
Kars swears to himself that he will come back here and make the goddess choke on his cock someday...
Then after Kars was gone and the portal disappeared, the goddess skipped to her lounge and dropped her big round ass there.
"Being so beautiful is such a sin; even my enemy wants to rape me..." the goddess sighed like a tragic heroine since Kars's thoughts are, of course, open for her to peek at.
"Hmph, I'd like to see how you would reach here again!" She huffs, not really believing Kars would be able to do it.
But then again, if there is a hole, there is a goal...