The strobe lights from the Tau Delta basement made Juliet Hart feel like she was on another planet. Her shoes stuck to the beer-covered floor, and the smell of sweat and liquor filled her nose. She held her red solo cup in one hand and a cigarette in the other. House music blared from the speakers on the makeshift stage in front of her. Nearly out of breath and buzzed, Juliet kept dancing as her life depended on it, spinning around her best friend, Skyler Scott, who drunkenly stumbled over her destroyed tennis shoes. She placed the sunglasses she'd stolen from the DJ onto Juliet's face and pulled out her camera to take a picture. Skyler's blonde hair reflected the strobe lights, and she spun around in circles, spilling her drink.
Juliet stopped when she felt a hand wrap around her waist, and turned her head upward. Her boyfriend of four years, Brandon Keller, peered down at her; his chestnut hair that had been parted down the middle fell over his forehead. He tightened his grip around her waist when he saw one of his pledge brothers stare at her for longer than he should have. When the boy saw Brandon's dangerous expression, he quickly averted his eyes. Juliet pretended not to notice and kept her hand on Brandon's.
Brandon Keller was the football captain in high school. He played in the all-state championship and had the most tackles on his team his senior year. That was why the Tau Deltas rushed him so quickly; he was exactly what they were looking for. Since then, Brandon's popular reputation had slowly slipped away. He'd gained weight, smoked too much weed, and spent his days partying. It had created a rough patch in their relationship; he'd grown to be so different since he joined the fraternity.
"How are you, Baby?" Brandon asked, leaning down to her ear.
"I'm good!" Juliet shouted, drunkenly stumbling out of his hands.
Brandon led Juliet through the sea of sweat-coated people to the troughs and pitchers to get another drink. When she leaned down to grab them, her shorts rose up her thighs, and her cut-t-shirt fell further off her shoulders; she was showing too much skin for Brandon's liking. His eyes narrowed while he gripped the sides of her hips, pulling her close to his chest.
"You're supposed to be someone's mother one day, and you're wearing this?" His voice was cutting.
Juliet swallowed, and her fingers trembled. Her eyes trailed down her clothing, and she suddenly felt a wave of insecurity. Her fingers gripped the material of her t-shirt while she examined her stomach and chest. She felt like all eyes were now on her, judging her and gossiping. She imagined Brandon's pledge brothers in a circle, laughing and shaking their heads in disappointment.
Juliet grit her teeth.
"I-" she stammered. "I'm sorry, I can go change."
Brandon shook his head and rolled his eyes.
"Stop acting like I scare you or something."
Juliet bit her lip while she crossed her arms over her chest, still keeping her solo cup in one hand. She tapped the toe of her tennis shoe against the sticky concrete with a blank expression on her face. After nearly drowning in the awkward silence, Juliet had no choice but to break the silence.
"I think they might hire me to do sketches for the shop." She said quietly.
Brandon turned to her after filling their drinks. As he handed it to her, he raised his brow.
"Do they actually pay you, or is it one of those exposure things?"
Juliet looked down and fidgeted with her hands. Too afraid to say anything else, Juliet was desperate for some way out of the tense interaction. Luckily, a group of his fraternity brothers spotted him and waded their way through the crowd. One of them slapped Brandon's shoulder to grab his attention. They circled him and Juliet, laughing drunkenly. Their conversations were nothing short of dull; meaningless conversations about sports bets and dive bars. Juliet felt herself begin to dissociate when the voices around her slowly drowned out, as if she were submerging herself underwater. When the boys finished their conversation, Brandon and Juliet were left alone again. Still mute, Juliet lightly kicked an empty cup next to her before pulling her phone out and aimlessly scrolling to distract herself. Brandon looked up from his phone screen and rubbed his forehead, irritated.
"Why are you being so weird?" He asked, frowning.
Juliet felt her stomach turn, growing nauseous.
"I'm not trying to be," she said softly. "I'm fine, really."
He took another sip of his drink and shook his head, annoyed
"Alright, Juliet," Brandon sighed, pushing his phone into his pocket. "I'm not doing this with you. Have a good night."
Juliet reached after him and started to say his name, before he disappeared into the crowd. She was so tense that her body felt like it was vibrating. Juliet's eyes darted around the party, desperately searching for someone to talk to so she wouldn't be standing alone, drowning in shame. She pressed her back against the wall of the basement. The music sounded different now, and it made her angry how loud it was. The bright lights burned her eyes while she squinted in pain. The overstimulation was nearly too hard to bear, and she could feel herself begin to sweat. Suddenly, a girl accidentally bumped into her shoulder, nearly tripping over her feet. Juliet's spiked punch spilled over the top and splattered onto the floor.
Normally, Juliet never left a party without a new girlfriend. She'd always been protective of women in social settings, especially when there was alcohol provided. Juliet had seen enough men who preyed on drunken women. She constantly searched for girls who seemed uncomfortable, so she could come to the rescue; she wished someone had when she needed it.
This time, Juliet straightened, stunned. The wide-eyed girl frantically apologized.
"I'm so sorry," she said, her friends fighting to hold her up.
Juliet's upper lip curled while she shot the girl a disgusted look. She looked the girl up and down before rolling her eyes and stomping away. Behind her, she could hear the girls murmuring about her.
"What a bitch," One of them said.
"Seriously," Another replied.
While she walked towards the stage, she felt a tinge of guilt; she knew exactly why she'd acted so irrationally. Juliet had spent years in denial over the reason for her explosive behavior. She'd always been so calm and kind. She was prom queen and captain of her cheer squad in high school. She remembered how her friends and family used to call her Nora, which represented light. Every person she'd ever met had used the same word over and over again to describe her: light. So, why now did she feel like it was dimming? Juliet turned to look back at Brandon, who seemed completely unbothered, laughing and shot-gunning with his friends. It made Juliet's stomach turn when she realized how much more she cared than he did; at least, that's how it felt. Juliet nearly jumped when she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"What did he say to you?" Skyler asked, eyes growing serious.
"Nothing," she shook her head. "He's just drunk, I guess."
Skyler's eyes flickered to Brandon, who was smoking a joint with a group of other fraternity guys. She glared at him, staring long enough for him to notice. Elysium's skin crawled when she saw him watch Skyler; she was the one who was going to have to pay for it later. He looked Skyler up and down, crinkling his nose and shooting her a disgusted expression. He then turned back to his conversation, carrying on as if nothing had happened. Skyler was fuming with rage while she clutched Juliet's arm.
One of Brandon's fraternity brothers tapped Juliet on the shoulder. He embraced her excitedly. She forced a smile, wiping her welling tears from her water line. But it was too late; he'd already noticed. His face fell, growing concerned.
"It's always funny to me," he said. "How someone as kind as you can date someone who's well.." he paused, debating whether to finish his sentence. "Someone who's Brandon."
His eyes shot to Brandon, who stumbled into his other pledge brothers. The group circling him shot each other judgmental faces when they saw his drunken state.
"Yeah," Her lips quivered as she patted him on the shoulder.
Once he left, Skyler clutched Juliet's hand, dragging her towards the doorway.
"Let's go," she muttered, leading her through the sea of people.
Just as they were about to reach the staircase, Brandon saw them from the corner of his eye. Annoyed, he stomped towards them, pulling Juliet back by her free hand. Skyler waited a few feet in front, leaning against the staircase railing.
"You're leaving?" He asked, hurt.
"I'm tired," She replied softly, her eyes falling to the floor.
Brandon scoffed and stepped back, shaking his head. His lips curved downward, almost in the shape of a snarl.
"Yeah, whatever, Juliet." He spat, letting go of her arm.
Back turned to her, he cursed under his breath until he was swallowed into the crowd. Juliet's ears rang; she felt as though everything was moving in slow motion. With a vacant expression on her face, Juliet felt herself begin to travel outside of her body, somewhere safe. A sharp pain entered her chest while she clutched her shirt, wincing.
"Juliet, let's go!" Skyler yelled from halfway up the steps, reaching her arm down for Juliet.
Juliet was pulled from her trance, blinking awake. She hurriedly climbed the stairs behind Skyler, before they parked themselves on the curb outside of the house while Skyler ordered their Uber. Juliet reached into her purse and pulled a cigarette from her pack of reds. She placed the unlit cigarette butt into her mouth, leaning down to grab her lighter. She held the lighter in front of her mouth before she inhaled a wave of smoke, letting it pour between her lips. She rested her chin between her knees while she pulled her legs up on the curb. Juliet passed the cigarette over to Skyler, zoning out into the street.
"You're not really going to marry him one day, are you?" Skyler asked between hits.
Juliet's converse tapped the concrete while she looked away from Skyler, embarrassed.
"I don't know." She mumbled.
Skyler furrowed her brows but remained silent; anything she had to say, Juliet had heard a million times before. When their Uber pulled up, the two slid inside, and the car pulled away from the Fraternity House. Juliet rested her head halfway out of the rolled-down window, letting the air catch through her dark hair. She didn't say a word the entire ride back; she only looked out the window, replaying the night back in her head. The buildings in the busy city flew past her while she ruminated on Brandon's insults; she didn't mean to make him angry. She couldn't figure out how to navigate her relationship with Brandon; it felt like she could never be enough in his eyes.
The Uber pulled up to their apartment sidewalk, and the two got out, walking towards the back staircase. Skyler unlocked the door to the stairwell, and their shoes pounded against the concrete staircase until they reached their floor. Skyler's keys jangled while she pushed the door open. The sound of their television carried towards the entrance while they kicked their shoes off and set them near the door.
"Theo!" Skyler yelled towards the living room.
The living room opened up to the kitchen, which stood on the left side of the front door. The living room was across, with three bedrooms lining the apartment.
"Dammit," Theo muttered, nearly spilling his glass of wine on himself.
His damp, brown curly hair had been freshly washed while he turned around to face the girls. His cropped pajama top was littered with signatures from his favorite artists he'd gone to see. Theo was tall and slender, with hazel eyes and a charming smile. He'd been Juliet's best friend since high school.
"Back so soon?" He asked, hopping over the back of the couch.
Theo's eyes darted between Juliet's and Skylers. He frowned.
"Geez," he furrowed his brows. "What happened?"
Juliet brushed by him and set her purse on the countertop, opening the fridge and snagging a bottle of water. When she closed the fridge door back, Theo's expression had shifted to the same one Skyler was wearing.
"Of course," he rolled his eyes, settling his wine glass down. "I've felt the same way about that homophobic dickhead since junior year.
Theo opened his mouth, then clamped it shut; he'd rehearsed the same speech over and over again for the past four years. Now, Juliet had memorized every word he'd said. Even then, she knew Brandon would come to his senses by the morning.
Juliet felt her throat tighten while a wave of shame washed over her. Her heartbeat quickened when she felt her back pocket vibrating. She swallowed; she could only imagine the names and insults he was hurling at her. Juliet reached down to grab her phone, but she stopped herself. She knew whatever she'd read would only make her feel even worse than she already did.
Juliet didn't sleep that night; she lay on her side, paralyzed. Bright flashes illuminated her walls while her phone screen flashed from messages, vibrating so aggressively it almost fell from her nightstand. Juliet felt like she was unraveling. In a moment of rage, she clutched her phone, throwing it onto her carpet and pulling her comforter over her head. She let the blankets swallow her while she picked at her fingernails anxiously.