I stepped out of the bathroom, leaving a thick cloud of cold, refreshing mist behind me.
The 'Dao of Cold Water' had done its job perfectly. The heavy, aching fatigue in my muscles from the brutal football drills had been violently flushed out by the freezing temperature.
The cold water had essentially acted like a low-level body cleansing pill from a cultivation novel, stripping away the physical exhaustion and leaving my senses incredibly heightened. My skin was tingling, my mind was razor-sharp, and I felt like I had just chugged three cups of highly caffeinated espresso.
I secured the fluffy white towel tightly around my waist, running a hand through my dripping wet, messy blond hair.
The second-floor hallway was completely, unnervingly silent. The late afternoon sunlight was filtering through the window at the end of the corridor, casting a warm, golden glow over the plush carpet. It was the calm before the storm, the brief, peaceful intermission before the rehearsal dinner chaos officially began. I took a deep, relaxing breath and began a slow, casual stroll toward my bedroom door, savoring the quiet.
I reached out, my fingers just inches away from the cool brass doorknob.
"Looking for this, my ascending little star?"
GASP!
I physically jumped, my heart leaping straight into my throat. I spun around so fast I nearly slipped on the carpet, my hand instinctively clutching the knot of my towel to ensure it didn't fall.
Standing right behind me, completely silent and seemingly appearing out of thin air like a bohemian ghost, was Grandma DeDe.
I hadn't heard a single footstep. I hadn't heard the floorboards creak. She possessed the terrifying stealth capabilities of a high-level assassin, wrapped in the flowing, colorful linen clothes of a Malibu spiritualist.
"Granny! Don't sneak up on people like that!" I gasped. "You nearly gave me a heart attack. You move like a ninja."
DeDe didn't apologize. She simply smiled a mysterious, knowing smile. In her outstretched arms, she was holding a sleek, black garment bag. Unzipping it halfway, she proudly revealed a brand-new, incredibly high-quality charcoal-gray suit.
As I stood there, catching my breath, I took a moment to actually gaze at her closely. In my previous, rushed encounter in the kitchen, I was too busy dodging her aura readings and spiritual interrogations to really look at her.
But seeing her standing there in the natural sunlight, I had a sudden realization.
Hmm, I thought, my analytical mind taking over. She is actually a very beautiful woman for her age.
Despite her chaotic, wildly eccentric personality and her tendency to cause psychological damage to her children, the genetic lottery had clearly been kind to her. I could instantly see exactly where Claire had gotten her sharp, striking facial features and her good looks.
DeDe only had a few fine wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, mostly from smiling—or intensely scowling at Grandpa Jay. But otherwise, her skin was clear and radiant, and her long, wavy hair didn't have a single strand of gray in it. It was a vibrant, sandy blonde.
Mom definitely got those top-tier genes from this woman, I concluded internally.
As I was silently appreciating my family's genetic advantages, I noticed that DeDe had suddenly gone very quiet.
I blinked and looked down. DeDe's eyes were wide, and she was staring intently at my front. Because I had just stepped out of the shower, I was standing there half-naked, with water droplets trickling down my chest and shoulders, my wet hair plastered to my forehead.
DeDe's gaze slowly dragged up from my shoulders to my face. She let out a dramatic, breathy sigh, her eccentric personality immediately shifting gears into an overly dramatic, slightly boundary-lacking grandmother mode.
"Oh... gosh," DeDe murmured, her voice dropping into a dramatic, almost flirtatious whisper. She looked at me like I was a famous movie star who had just walked onto a red carpet.
"Look at this strapping, magnificent young man! So incredibly handsome! With those broad shoulders and that sharp jawline... oh, honey, you are going to absolutely knock out the entire rehearsal dinner tonight! The girls in the family are going to be so jealous of your masculine energy! You look like a Greek statue!"
My right eye gave a violent, uncontrollable twitch.
A weird, slightly uncomfortable feeling settled in my stomach. Having your eccentric grandmother stare at your half-naked, wet body while calling you a 'Greek statue' with a dramatic, breathless voice was definitely not on my bingo card for this new life.
Okay, she lacks all normal social boundaries, I thought, suppressing a shiver. Time to deploy the ultimate counter-measure. The Dao of Unstoppable Flattery.
I forced a smooth, charming, incredibly confident smile onto my face. I casually leaned one arm against the doorframe, projecting the aura of a seasoned gentleman who was completely unbothered by the awkward situation.
"Oh, Granny, please. I'm just trying my absolute best to keep up with you," I joked smoothly, my voice dripping with charismatic sincerity.
"I might clean up well in a suit, but we both know who the real star of the show is going to be tonight. Everyone in that restaurant is going to be utterly fascinated looking at you. With your timeless beauty, your vibrant energy, and your perfect hair? You are going to completely steal the spotlight from the bride. I'm just lucky to be your escort."
It was a highly calculated, critical hit.
DeDe's eyes widened, and a bright, youthful blush instantly spread across her cheeks. She giggled like a schoolgirl, completely forgetting about my wet hair and towel. She reached up and bashfully tucked a strand of her sandy blonde hair behind her ear.
"Oh! Oh, my stars, Luke, you are such a smooth talker!" DeDe laughed, fanning her flushed face with her hand. "A true gentleman! My goodness, you really think I could steal the spotlight?"
"Absolutely," I nodded with a serious, unwavering expression. "The bride won't stand a chance."