I've come to realize something lately.
It's about lies.
What I mean is, lies are similar to snowballs.
You know how when you roll a snowball in a field of snow, what started out fist-sized eventually becomes as big as a person?
It's the same with lies.
Even if it starts as a trivial lie, trying to hide it leads to telling bigger lies.
And before you know it, what was once a meaningless lie has grown to a size beyond what I can handle.
Why did I come to realize this?
-Sigh... I didn't want to realize it either.
It started with a really trivial lie.
-How's it going over there? Is it manageable?
"Yeah. It's good."
-Have you made any friends?
"Friends? I have plenty."
-Hmm, that sounds like a lie. Really? You're not eating alone, are you?
"Why would I lie? Anyway, I'm telling you I'm doing fine."
I have a childhood friend.
She's a girl, and her name is Kim Ji-woo.
She was my only friend.
When I came abroad for soccer at age 13, I lost contact with everyone, but since she'd been my friend for so long, we kept in touch even after I came here.
Well, it's not like I like her or anything.
We just stayed in contact because we'd been inseparable since we were kids.
Anyway, she's always been a bit of an unusual kid.
She acted like she was my noona or something.
Always asking if I'd eaten, telling me not to hang out with weird kids, and when I had a fight with a friend, she'd come over and fight for me.
What was it she said again?
Something about how I couldn't navigate this harsh world without her.
Anyway, Ji-woo is that kind of strange kid.
Even after I came abroad for soccer, she kept up the noona act like crazy.
How's life abroad, is it hard? Are you studying Italian properly? Have you made lots of friends?
I don't know where all that worry comes from.
Every time we called, she'd ask, so I was always busy reassuring her that I was doing fine, that the kids here treated me well, that I was popular.
But... there was one problem.
-What's wrong with your voice?
"What do you mean?"
-Why does it sound so weak?
"I'm just tired."
-Are you really doing okay?
"I'm telling you I'm doing fine. Do you think I can't live without you or something?"
-What the... that's weird.
The thing is, everything I told Ji-woo about doing fine was a lie.
The truth is, I hadn't been doing well since I came to Italy.
Adjusting wasn't easy.
When I first came here, I realized for the first time that unfamiliarity and fear are similar emotions.
The street signs, the people, the food, even the air.
Everything was unfamiliar, and that scared me.
I was already a passive person to begin with.
Once I became so withdrawn, there was no way I could adapt to an unfamiliar environment.
Popular and making lots of friends, my ass.
I was a loner.
I was lucky if I wasn't being bullied.
But I couldn't bring myself to confess this to Ji-woo.
-How's football going? How is it?
"Going well."
-Really? I heard Italian football is really competitive.
"They're all worse than me. Everyone calls me a genius."
The football talk was the same.
Genius, my ass.
How could it go well in an environment where everything scared me?
Actually, back when I was in Korea, I was pretty good at football.
I even got called a genius... sometimes.
Of course, I'm not saying I was actually a genius. I'm just saying I worked hard enough to occasionally hear that kind of thing.
But ever since I came here, it's been hard to properly focus on football.
Naturally, I lost interest and stopped trying.
My one strength was working harder than others, but instead of working hard, I'd practically given up.
Football Genius, my ass.
Getting called out and scolded every day became my routine, and I eventually ended up transferring teams.
But strangely, it was hard to be honest with Ji-woo.
Part of it was fear of getting bombarded with nagging... but more than anything, my pride was hurt.
-How's it been lately? Have you scored any goals?
"Huh? Of course."
-How many did you score?
"I didn't count. I've been scoring too many."
So I always showed off.
Saying I hear people call me a genius all the time, that I'm sick of scoring goals, that I might end up on TV soon.
I showed off with lies that made no sense.
I don't even know what I was thinking when I told those lies.
When I had no pride to speak of.
I just... I don't know.
I just didn't want Ji-woo to see this side of me.
Again, it's not like I like her or anything. I don't know why I felt that way.
Really.
Well... anyway.
This was the situation.
Unable to adapt, unable to play well.
And in the midst of all that, I had this weird pride, so I was putting on this fake genius act.
But up until here, it was fine.
I thought my lies would never get exposed.
But then, a few days ago.
-Hey! I'm going to Italy!
I received news that made my heart drop.
The news that Ji-woo was coming to Italy.
"...What?"
-I said I'm going to Italy!
"You, why are you coming?"
-Am I not allowed? To see you... well, that's not why. I got selected as an exchange student!
No... since when did our country's education system become that good?
I'd heard she enrolled in a specialized high school, and apparently she got selected as an exchange student from there.
And of all places, why did it have to be Italy?
It felt like a cruel joke by fate.
-Hey! Why are you reacting like that? Aren't you happy that this noona is coming?
"No, it's just..."
Truthfully, I should have been happy.
After all, Ji-woo is my only friend.
So of course I should be happy she was coming, and I actually was happy.
But...
-I'll come watch your game!
"What, why would you come? You don't have to."
-Hey, of course this noona has to come watch. What are you talking about?
"No..."
-Wow, I'm already excited. Let's see how good our soccer genius really is.
The problem was all the lies I had told.
The lies that had snowballed were already beyond what I could handle.
The date Ji-woo was arriving was just two weeks away.
For my lies not to be exposed, in those two weeks I'd have to train like crazy to first catch the coaches' attention.
Then do even better to make it into the weekend match squad.
Then luckily get playing time in that match and miraculously score a goal.
How is that even possible?
There's no way all of that could happen without a single error.
In other words, I was screwed.
"Arghhhh!"
I grabbed my head and sat up in bed.
Why did I tell those lies?
No, actually, if I just admitted they were lies now, it would be over, but...
Ah, I don't know.
I just don't want to show her this pathetic side of me.
"-Sigh."
I let out a sigh and headed to the bathroom.
It was time to go to work.
ㆍㆍㆍ
-Clank!
I locked the door with the key, pulled it once to make sure it was locked, then turned around.
You might wonder if there are still houses without digital locks these days, but every house in this neighborhood is like this.
They just love their traditions around here.
"Phew."
I walked out through an alley filled with orange brick walls. These brick houses might have been built hundreds of years ago.
Walking out of the alley, I reached a small plaza.
The weather was needlessly nice today too.
People were sitting leisurely here and there, drinking coffee and basking in the sunlight.
Whether they did or not, I walked briskly across the plaza.
As I walked, I could hear church bells ringing in the distance.
How many churches does this neighborhood even have?
Wherever my eyes landed, there was bound to be a church, and the funny thing is that even churches that looked unremarkable were at least a hundred years old.
This really is a fascinating neighborhood.
Anyway, walking past countless churches and plazas, I eventually started to smell the earth.
A cool breeze blew in, carrying a fragrant scent of grapes.
I crouched down and tied my shoelaces tight.
From here, I run.
About 2 kilometers to my destination.
The path is a bit winding, but it's a decent running course.
Out of habit, I took out my phone, started the timer, put it back in my pocket, and started running.
From now on, no thinking.
I just kept running.
Focusing entirely on my breathing, I kept running.
A cool breeze accompanied me as vast vineyards passed me by.
I feel most free when running this path where no one else is. It's when I finally feel like my true self.
"Hoo, hoo."
Running like that, I eventually saw my destination.
There, in the distance.
That place that's hard to distinguish from the surrounding vineyards at first glance.
That place is the end of this commute and my workplace.
ACF Fiorentina.
That's the name of my workplace, and this is Florence, the city of art in central Italy.
"Domenico?"
"Yep."
"Gino?"
"Yes."
"Enzo?"
"Here."
"Okay. Everyone's here."
Training for the U17 team, which I belong to at age 16, always starts with roll call.
I was also standing among the kids, ready to answer, but...
Wait, hold on.
"Um, Coach-nim?"
"Hm?"
"You didn't call my name."
"Huh...? Ah, right. Sorry about that. Ji-an Lee."
"...Here."
Only after I raised my hand and spoke up did the coach finally notice me and check my name off.
...Even though I'm late all the time, that's still a bit much.
This is my current position on the team.
You could say I'm practically invisible.
Not just the kids, but even the coaches have little interest in me.
Honestly, I preferred being treated this way.
Being treated like I don't exist, having everyone lose interest in me.
Until last year, I played soccer for a team in Turin, and the kids there were extremely interested in me.
So interested that they'd throw garbage in my locker and hide my shoes...
But the kids here at Fiorentina had no interest in me at all.
It felt like everyone was too busy with their own thing.
There are probably more kids here who don't even know my name.
No one paid attention to me, and I didn't approach the kids first either.
That was comfortable.
But... the coaches having no interest in me either is a different story.
At least now it is.
Right now, I'm in a position where I have to somehow get into the match in two weeks.
To do that, I first need to catch the coach's attention, but...
"Alright, let's get ready for training."
Can I do it?
I don't know.
For now, I just have to try.
Unless I want to be completely humiliated in front of Ji-woo.
TL note
Yes I'm the guy who upload All around Center Forward. My old Gmail account got hacked so the webnovel account i sign up there got lost.