"Hey! Get up!" Drew suddenly wakes up to the sound of Arthur yelling into his ear. He jolts himself upright, and Arthur starts to laugh in his face because of the reaction.
Drew looks around at his surroundings, and notices that Lukas and Ethan are both sitting next to each other. Ethan looked super worried, whilst Lukas looked like he knew what happened.
That wasn't the only thing he noticed though, they all seemed to be in this makeshift hideout that some without opposable thumbs could make. There were a bunch of different items scattered all over the place. All of them have a differing level of quality. The floor beneath then had some sort of carpet, who knows how it even got there in the first place. Lukas and Ethan were also sitting on a couch that somehow got here. This was all encompassed with a big tarp that had Christmas lights all over it.
"W-where are we…?" Drew asked.
"This is the bear guy's house…" Ethan responded. "He found us with you on his back, and then he took us to his house I guess…"
"Seriously…? Where's Bhyngaux now?" He asked again.
"He left" Lukas chimes in.
"Oh…" Drew rubbed the red mark on his head. Then he looks at them again, and notices that they seem to want to ask another question. Drew wasn't really in the mood, but fuck it, why not. "W-what's wrong? What happened—"
"Where's Nicola?" Lukas questioned. "He didn't show up with you. Where is he?"
Drew takes a big sigh, and begins with his explanation. "He wasn't able to make it back with us… he got stabbed in the neck, and bled out on a tree outside…" The three of them were shocked, and Lukas had no idea how to respond. He gets up off the couch, and wanders his way out of the tent, and into the wildlife.
"Was he the other guy you were with…?" Ethan asked.
"Yes…" Drew answered.
Arthur looked through a creek in the tent opening, and saw that Lukas was looking down, and standing completely still. Ethan noticed Arthur's starting, and went to go check it out. "Hey… you ok out here…?" Lukas sees Ethan emerge from the tent, and returns to staring at the ground.
"I barely knew 'em…" Lukas said softly. "Should've stayed back and helped. If I did, then maybe he would still be alive…" The already big eye bags under Lukas' eye started to feel a lot heavier than usual.
"You shouldn't blame yourself—"
"Why. Not?" Lukas cuts him off, and finally starts to talk in his outdoor voice. "If I were there with everyone else, this could've gone way better for him; but since I had to get you guys out of there, he died way too early…"
"Yeah well, you had to help us instead, so it isn't your fault—"
"I could've gone back," Lukas cuts him off a second time. "I could've… went back once I dropped you guys off with that Bhyngaux guy. But I didn't… I only did the bare minimum…" Lukas looked down at his feet. "I only ever do the bare minimum amount of effort in my eyes. It's how I've been since forever… I have no drive to change who I am… but I also feel like shit every second…" Lukas' whole body was shaking a tiny bit. Ethan noticed, and tried to hold his hand, but Lukas flinched it out of his grasp, saying: "PLEASE! Don't… touch, me…" whilst rubbing his wrist.
Ethan's eyes well up. "P-please… stop saying that about yourself…" He sniffles "I hate it… when you feel sad…" He puts his head and his palms, as tears fall down.
Lukas looked puzzled on why he was the one that was crying. Shouldn't it have been Luks or something. He shakes his head, and reluctantly gives Lukas a hug, whilst putting his head onto his shoulder. Ethan tries to look up, but Lukas keeps his head into place. Making sure that he wouldn't see the embarrassment this is giving him. I mean, this felt kind of weirdo for two dudes to be doing.
Ethan could feel his heart pounding for some reason. I mean, he already knew about how gay he was, but didn't he already like Mark or something? Ethan thought that maybe he was just crazy.
"Hey… I feel your heart pounding… you good?" Ethan pulled away and Lukas said that.
"O-oh! Sorry about that!" Ethan stammers before quickly going back into the tent. Lukas was just left standing there, not knowing what to feel, nor what to do. His mind was wandering, on what could've happened if he had saved him too. He also remembered something that he was mumbling while they were locking away.
I hate myself…
His words echoed in his mind repeatedly, with each repeat getting louder, and louder, and
louder, and louder, and louder. Before he knew it. He'd managed to make it over to a tree, and crawl up into the fetal position, as the pain and shock kept getting louder, and harder to ignore. He remembered the feeling a couple times before, but this time around, he knew what he wanted the most.
He wanted to die.
He wanted to die with all his hatred, and his lack of love, care, and compassion left in him. He never liked anyone, he never truly wanted to do anything with his life. He always just picked the option that wouldn't make him hate himself more. Nothing was ever good enough in Lukas' mind, for him to like. There were a lot of things though, he could most definitely hate. Hate with all his heart. He never deserved to live in this world, especially with kind, and compassionate people he will disappoint.
Ethan was his very first friend that he had made in his life, he has done so much for him in these past couple weeks; more than anyone has ever done before. Which made him hate himself more and more, for just being a nuisance. A burden, and a suicidal freak, that should've died from that gunshot years ago.
"Hey! Get back in here! Ethan and Bro are gonna discuss something with all of us!" Arthur pokes his head out the tent, and screams for Lukas, he was startled by the loud noise, which made him sit up, and rub his face back into its emotionless state; right before quickly strutting his way back in.
If the only thing he could do is keep his head down and go with the flow. Then that's what he will do. As long as nobody he knows gets hurt in any way, then he wouldn't feel like killing himself anymore.
Yeah… yeah that's how that works…