In the hallway outside the changing room, heavy footsteps filled with resentment drew closer and closer.
Kōichi was sneaking along the wall, ready to make his escape, when he ran headfirst into a creature that was almost no longer recognizable as human.
It was the blond Dust, but his current state was downright tragic. His left eye was swollen like a purple steamed bun, his body gave off a mix of cheap industrial-strength soap and old sweat, and the most eye-catching detail of all was the clear print stamped across his once fairly handsome face. It was the sole pattern of an old woman's cloth shoe, size forty or above.
"Kō! I! Chi! You! Bastard!" Dust roared like a dying beast. He raised a trembling fist, the fury in his eyes almost hot enough to set the air on fire. "What noble lady? What Golden Holy Spring? That was the Axis Cult's public underwear laundry! That old hag kept screaming, 'Where did this perverted blond man come from?' while grinding my face with a washboard for three whole minutes! Three minutes! Do you know how I survived those three minutes?!"
Faced with Dust's murderous glare, Kōichi did not panic. Instead, his face twisted with grief and outrage, and he even managed to squeeze a tear into the corner of his eye.
He rushed forward and grabbed the swaying Dust, his voice full of anguish.
"Big Brother Dust! You're finally back! I knew that plan would get you hurt!"
Dust froze. The fist he had been about to swing stopped in midair.
"...Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"
"You still don't understand, Big Brother Dust?" Kōichi lowered his voice as if afraid someone might overhear him, his acting reaching its absolute peak. "All of this... was Kazuma's plan! He told me earlier, 'That blond guy is way too annoying. Not only is he better-looking than me, but he's more popular at the Adventurers Guild too. If I don't get him out of the way, how am I supposed to show off in the mixed bath?'"
"...Wh-what?!" Dust's one eye that had not swollen shut went wide.
"I was forced into it too!" Kōichi wiped away tears that did not exist and described the whole thing with vivid emotion. "Kazuma said he had evidence that I accidentally stole a woman's panties before. If I didn't play along and trick you away, he'd get every Axis Cultist in town to hunt me down! He even specifically told me to find the place with the fiercest old hag, so she could completely ruin that annoyingly handsome face of yours!"
The more Kōichi spoke, the more worked up he became. He even imitated Kazuma's signature scummy laugh.
"'Hehehe, once that idiot Dust gets beaten into a pig's head by some old hag, Darkness and Megumin will be all mine...' Those were Kazuma's exact words! I'm just a lowly underling. What was I supposed to do?"
As Kōichi continued, the aura radiating from Dust evolved from anger into pure destruction.
The light in his eyes grew more and more terrifying, and one could almost see some kind of black resentment swirling above his head.
"...Kazuma... Satou..." Dust growled the name through clenched teeth. He was biting down so hard that blood started seeping from the corner of his mouth again. "That shut-in NEET... actually dared to scheme against the great Dust... and even dared to covet my handsome face..."
"Exactly! He's in the mixed bath right now, peeping at those girls while laughing at you for being a blond dishwasher!" Kōichi struck while the iron was hot and pointed toward the mixed bath area. "I saw Aqua and the others catch him just now, and he even tried to pin the blame on me. Good thing I ran fast! Big Brother Dust, right now he's at the weakest and most defenseless moment of his entire life, by which I mean he's currently being beaten up. This is your best chance for revenge!"
Dust took a deep breath. The humiliation beaten into him by that washboard finally erupted in full.
He shoved Kōichi aside and charged toward the mixed bath like a mad bull, bringing a crushing wave of murderous intent with him.
"Kazuma Satou! Get your ass out here and die! I'm gonna shove your head into the drain and wash it ten thousand times, aaaaaah!"
The hot spring house's beautifully patterned curtain now seemed like a one-way gate to hell.
With an incredibly loud impact, Kazuma Satou flew straight out of the mixed bath like a kite with its string cut, launched in a pathetic arc by the combined force of Aqua's divine kick and Darkness's shove.
"Ow, ow, ow! You violent women! I really was just passing by... just passing by!"
Kazuma slammed hard onto the slippery floor. Before he could recover from the humiliation of being attacked by women, much less raise his head to look for the real culprit, Kōichi, he felt a shadow descend over him like a mountain, powerful enough to make his soul tremble.
"Satou... Kazuma... you trash NEET who toys with a man's pure heart!"
A thunderous battle cry exploded through the narrow hallway.
Dust's face, swollen like a pig's head, looked especially vicious under the dim lights of the hot spring house.
He gave Kazuma no chance to speak. Like a crazed rhino, he threw his full weight and all his resentment into a flying tackle, slamming Kazuma, who had just been trying to get up, right back onto the floor.
"Waaah! Dust?! What the hell are you doing?! What happened to your face? Stay away from me, you stink!"
Kazuma screamed in terror, desperately using both hands to fend off Dust's wild, ferocious assault.
"Stink?! You've got the nerve to say I stink?!" Dust shook with rage as left and right hooks rained down on Kazuma's guard. "It's all because of you, you bastard! I just got beaten down at a public laundry sink by a fifty-year-old hag with a washboard for three whole minutes! And you dared to lie to me and say that was a retreat for noble ladies! You even dared to mock me as a blond dishwasher! Today, I'll show you what real savage abuse looks like!"
"Huh?! What dishwasher? What old hag? When did I ever say any of that... Wait! Kōichi! It had to be that brat Kōichi!" Kazuma finally caught on. He rolled across the floor dodging blows while shouting himself hoarse. "Dust, you idiot! Kōichi played you! He's the one who planned all of this! He stabbed me in the back underwater, and now he's stabbing you in the back too! Where is he? Kōichi's over there!"
Kazuma suddenly pointed toward the end of the hallway, but aside from a few trembling Axis Cultists, Kōichi was nowhere to be seen.
At that moment, Kōichi was leisurely leaning in the shadowed corner by the changing room, holding a chilled bottle of fruit milk he had swiped from who knew where. He sipped it slowly while enjoying the dog-eat-dog show he had personally directed.
"Don't try to change the subject! Brother Kōichi told me everything! You were holding something over him and forced him to act!" Dust had clearly fallen completely into the logic trap Kōichi had woven. He grabbed Kazuma by the collar, the fury in his eyes almost taking solid form. "You trash who'd even sell out your own comrades, and now you're trying to smear Kōichi? I misjudged you, Kazuma! Today, only one of us is walking out of this hot spring house on his own two feet!"
"You're the one who misjudged him, you damn blond muscle-brain! Help! Murder! Aqua! Save me!"
Inside the hot spring house, two naked men wearing only bath towels wrestled into a tangled heap on the floor.
Kazuma tried to fight back with [Scratch], while Dust relied on his level advantage to unleash [Thug Headbutt]. For a while, the scene was both utterly chaotic and painfully hard on the eyes.
At that moment, the girls from the hot spring pool came out wrapped in bath towels, just in time to witness this deeply philosophical scene.
"...Ugh, disgusting." Aqua covered her eyes with a look of revulsion, though the gaps between her fingers were wide open. "These two perverts are actually playing such an intense game in broad daylight... Arcanletia really is a place where people can unleash their true nature."
"Kazuma... Dust... you two..." Megumin raised her staff with trembling hands, her face so red it looked ready to bleed. "Engaging in such shameless physical contact in front of girls... Did Chris steal your sense of shame?!"
Only Darkness kept staring at the two men tangled together. Her breathing grew strangely ragged, and she pressed both hands to her burning cheeks as she let out a dangerously eager sigh.
"...Haa... haa... This disorderly violence overflowing with masculine energy... this process of tearing at each other and humiliating one another... If I could join in and have both of them..."
"Don't even think about it! Darkness, your XP is completely beyond saving!" Aqua chopped Darkness on the head with the edge of her hand.
From the shadows, Kōichi nodded in satisfaction. He casually placed the empty milk bottle back into the recycling basket, and while everyone's attention was fixed on the two-man brawl, he slipped silently back into the changing room and quickly changed into his clean, refreshing Adventurer's outfit.