Inside the Golden Holy Spring Pool, purple ripples spread silently around Hans.
Kōichi stared hard at that ring of eerie foam, sweat sliding down his forehead. This was definitely not accelerated blood circulation. It was some kind of biological instinct screaming bloody murder.
"Oh my, my lady, actually, I'm not just a hero, I'm also a man of exceptional taste…"
Kazuma was seriously trying to scoot a few centimeters closer to Wolbach, while casually showing off the biceps he did not have.
"That's right, when it comes to taste, I, Dust, am famous in Axel for…"
"Gwaaah!!!"
Kōichi suddenly let out a scream that could shake the heavens. His whole body shot up from the water, both hands clutching his chest, eyes rolled back as he convulsed like he had been electrocuted.
"K-Kōichi?! What's wrong with you?!" Kazuma was so startled he nearly sank into the water.
"My… my heart! My old condition is acting up! This spring water is too nourishing. My body can't withstand all this divine power!" Kōichi gagged with outrageous dramatics while reaching out with two hands like iron clamps, seizing Kazuma and Dust by the backs of their necks with perfect accuracy. "Quick… get me out of here… I'm dying… I'm going to meet Eris-sama…"
"Hey! Let go! You bastard, why are you so strong?!" Dust struggled for his life, but he had no chance against Kōichi's sudden burst of survival-fueled strength. "My big sister! My socialite! Kōichi, let goooo!"
"No… I can't… die here… You two… are my closest friends… You have to come with me… on this journey…"
Kōichi gave them no chance to argue. Under Wolbach's amused gaze and Hans's chilling stare, he dragged the two shrieking men out of the Holy Spring District like a gust of wind.
"Bang!"
The marble doors of the Royal Bathhouse were slammed open, and the three of them tumbled back into the changing room.
"Kōichi!!! You absolute piece of trash!!!" Kazuma kicked away his soaked bathrobe, trembling with rage as he pointed at Kōichi's nose and shouted, "Do you have any idea what kind of mood that was? That was a fated encounter! That was the opening scene of a harem protagonist! And you chose that exact moment to fake an illness? You even dragged me out with you?! My ticket money! My ten thousand Eris!"
"Exactly! I'm protesting too!" Dust crouched on the floor, drawing circles with a face that had lost all hope. "I definitely saw that lady smile at me… She must have thought I was a man worth entrusting her life to… Then you dragged me out like a dead dog and ruined my whole image!"
Kōichi gasped for breath, not wiping the cold sweat from his face until he had confirmed that the heavy door was firmly shut behind them.
"You two… calm down."
Kōichi lowered his voice, his tone so serious that the two of them instinctively shrank back.
"Calm down? You cost me ten thousand Eris! How am I supposed to calm down?!" Kazuma was still fuming.
"Listen. There's something wrong with that new pretty boy." Kōichi frowned, replaying that strange scene in his mind. "I saw purple foam in the water just now, and… didn't you smell it? After he came in, the air was full of that nauseating, sweet, fishy stink. My instincts are telling me that if we stayed in that pool for another five minutes, by tomorrow there'd be three corpses swollen like pig heads floating in Arcanletia's moat."
Kazuma froze, then gave Kōichi a suspicious look. "Really? You're not making that up so you can keep Big Sis all to yourself?"
"Do you think I'd joke around after paying thirty thousand Eris for tickets?" Kōichi snapped, rolling his eyes. "And did you notice that woman's eyes? The way she looked at him didn't look like she was seeing a stranger. It was more like… she was looking at a troublesome acquaintance. Anyway, that bathhouse isn't safe right now. Let's hurry back to the inn and bring that moron Aqua with us. I've got a bad feeling something huge is about to happen in this city."
Dust looked at Kōichi's grave expression and tucked his neck in.
"It still pisses me off… but you really do know how to stay alive, Kōichi. Fine, since you're saying it like that… But when we get back to Axel, you're buying me drinks again!"
"No problem, as long as we get back alive." Kōichi finished getting dressed and prayed silently to himself. Aqua, please don't pick this exact moment to go purifying some random well!
...
Kōichi, Kazuma, and Dust had only just run back, panting, to the commercial street where their inn was located when the scene before them left them stunned.
Countless believers in Axis Cult robes were charging through the streets in groups, brandishing torches, brooms, and even wooden bath basins.
What came from their mouths was not their usual scalp-numbing proselytizing, but roars filled with anger and despair.
"Where's that blue-haired woman?! Catch her! She walked into the spring source in my shop, and in less than three seconds, my priceless concentrated golden hot spring turned into plain boiled water you could brew tea with!"
An innkeeper was sobbing his heart out while gripping a giant rolling pin.
"Mine too! My beautifying spring is so clear now you could raise fish in it! That's murder! That's desecration of the Hot Spring Capital! Where is that lunatic calling herself a Goddess?!"
Listening to the shouting, Kōichi felt his temples pounding.
He turned to look at Kazuma and Dust, who were just as pale as he was.
"Hey, Kōichi." Kazuma quietly edged into the shadows and spoke with the calm of a man who had seen through the world. "I always knew that idiot Goddess would destroy this city sooner or later, but I didn't think she'd do it this fast. Listen. From now on, I don't know anyone named Aqua. I'm just an ordinary tourist passing through, extremely outraged that the hot springs have turned into plain water. What about you?"
"Same here!" Dust nodded furiously, even stuffing his distinctive blond hair into the collar of his bathrobe. "I'm just a wandering samurai who came to the City of Water in search of true love. Aqua? Idiot? Never heard of her! Kōichi, let's get out of here. If these fanatics find out we're with her, they'll tie us to crosses and pour Holy Water into us until we explode!"
Kōichi looked at these two scumbags, both ready to abandon their companion at any second. His heart was full of contempt, but his body was honest enough to follow them straight into the alley.
"Have some backbone, you two!" Kōichi growled under his breath, though there was a hint of collapse in his own voice too. "I just got you out of danger, and now the backyard is on fire?! What the hell is that moron doing?! I clearly told her to stay put at the inn!"
Just then, a familiar, piercing scream rang out from the distance.
"Waaah! Help me! Kōichi! Kazuma! Where are you?! These believers have gone insane! I was clearly helping them purify those impure auras, but they're calling me a Devil! I'm their Goddess! Why are they splashing Holy Water on my face? That's just wasting resources!"
A blue figure shot around the corner so fast she was almost a blur. Aqua was wiping away tears while dragging the nearly collapsed Megumin and a deeply embarrassed Darkness, sprinting straight toward Kōichi and the others.
Behind her were at least fifty Axis Cult believers armed with heavy blunt weapons.
"There! The blue-haired lunatic is over there! And her accomplices!" The leading priest spotted Kōichi and the other two, who were trying to sneak away, and let out a shrill accusation. "Brothers! For the hot springs! For the Cult's revenue! Catch these heretics!"
"We're done." Kazuma stared blankly at Aqua charging toward them, then at the dark mass of people behind her. "Kōichi, do you think if we hand Aqua over to them now, they'll declare us innocent?"
"Do not make jokes like that at a time like this! Even if it's tempting, the readers would absolutely tear us apart!" Kōichi shouted at the two who were still frozen. "Run! Head out of the city! If we get caught, we're really going to end up performing a full-party Holy Water enema show in Arcanletia's square!"