The moment they pushed open the Adventurers Guild's heavy oak doors, a blast of heat rushed over them, carrying the mixed smells of cheap ale, grilled Giant Toad meat, sweat, and some indescribable adventurer-specific hormone.
The spacious hall was roaring with noise. At a table on the left, several drunk warriors were arm-wrestling. In the corner on the right, a few Thieves were bragging about last night's achievements. And right in the center, two Wizards fighting over the last piece of fried chicken had already started chanting Beginner Magic.
"Waaah..."
Iris-san, wrapped in her oversized cloak, let out a heartfelt gasp.
Her large sapphire-blue eyes, hidden beneath the brim of her hat, sparkled like never before, as if the rough drunks before her were not rough drunks at all, but some rare and wondrous creatures.
For someone who had always lived inside a palace where rules were strict and even speaking too loudly would earn a scolding from the ladies-in-waiting, this place was practically the most unbelievable Fantasy World.
"So this is the sacred place where common Adventurers exchange information and form bonds of life and death? It's so... so full of energy!"
"Ahem, that's right! Iris... uh, Iris." Kazuma cleared his throat twice, forcing himself to look calm as he tried to act like a seasoned Adventurers Guild veteran. "It might look a little chaotic in here, but everyone is a hot-blooded good guy. As long as I, Axel's foremost Adventurer, am here, absolutely no one would dare..."
Before Kazuma could finish, a voice thick with alcohol and a flippant laugh cut in from the side.
"Yo! If it isn't Kazuma and Kōichi! I heard you two struck it rich again recently. What, finally decided to treat everyone at the Adventurers Guild today?"
The newcomer was none other than Axel's infamous delinquent adventurer, Dust.
He held a huge mug of foaming ale in one hand, his collar hanging wide open, and wore the classic hoodlum grin of someone who had spent years hanging around the streets.
He staggered over, his gaze naturally passing over the stiffened Kazuma before landing on Iris, who was being guarded between the two of them.
"Oh? And who's this little girl in the cloak?"
Dust raised an eyebrow and leaned forward slightly, trying to get a look at the face under the hood. His tone was blatantly sleazy.
"She's all covered up, but with that tiny build and that soft little chin... Heh, looks like a top-class cutie to me. Hey, Kazuma, where'd you abduct this innocent little girl from? Aren't you going to introduce her to yours truly?"
Time seemed to freeze at that instant.
In Kōichi Hayashi's mind, a hundred brutal royal execution methods flashed by at once, from the guillotine to being torn apart by horses, all the way to being thrown into an acid pool full of Slimes.
If they let this loose-mouthed idiot Dust say something outrageous in front of the princess, like asking if she wanted to go drink with big brother or offering to teach her an adult adventure...
By tomorrow, Axel might be physically erased from the kingdom's map.
"Death penalty!!!"
Kazuma let out a deafening scream in his heart. At that moment, his extreme will to survive, honed by the Fantasy World, exploded with speed beyond human limits.
"Whoosh!"
Almost at the exact same time, Kōichi Hayashi and Kazuma pounced on Dust from the left and right like two cheetahs protecting a cub.
"Mmph!!!"
Before Dust could even understand what was happening, Kazuma had his neck locked tight, while Kōichi Hayashi's large hand clamped over his mouth so firmly it practically sealed it airtight.
The ale in his hand slapped onto the floor, and the two suddenly crazed men forced him back step after step until he slammed straight into a support pillar.
"Mmmph! Let go... mmph!" Dust struggled desperately, his eyes wide, completely unable to understand why the two drinking buddies he usually messed around with had suddenly decided to assassinate him.
"Hahahaha! Dust! You're as passionate as ever!"
Kōichi Hayashi kept Dust's mouth firmly covered while turning to Iris with a bright, sweat-drenched smile.
"Iris! This is a special greeting among Axel adventurers! It's called... the Silent Chokehold Hug! It represents the deep, wordless friendship between us!"
"Right, right!" Kazuma gritted his teeth and tightened his grip, choking Dust until his eyes rolled back. "This guy is Dust. He's famous for being... uh, incredibly hospitable! He was actually trying to ask whether you'd eaten yet! He was so excited his tongue got tangled, so we're helping him physically correct it!"
Princess Iris stood there with both hands on her cheeks and let out an awed gasp.
"Wow! So that's how it works! The way commoners express friendship is so wild and powerful! In the Royal Capital, everyone only bows to each other. I've never seen this kind of... suffocating bond before!"
"Mmmph..." Dust let out a weak whimper.
"Behave yourself, you thug with a head full of dirty garbage!"
Kazuma growled under his breath, casually grabbing an empty barrel lid and pressing it against Dust's chest.
Kōichi Hayashi slowly released the hand covering Dust's mouth, though a faintly threatening aura still lingered around his fingertips.
"Hah! Hah... Are you two bastards trying to murder me for my money?!"
Dust finally regained the right to breathe. He clutched his throat and coughed violently, his eyes full of terror and anger.
"She's just a cute little girl, isn't she? Yours truly only wanted to say hello! Did you really have to go that far?!"
Kōichi Hayashi took a deep breath. His face became even steadier than usual, solemn in a way that carried a trace of pity.
He slowly leaned down and whispered into Dust's ear in an extremely low voice.
"Dust, for the sake of all the drinks we've shared, I'll save you one last time. Do you know who that child is?"
"W-who is she? Some rich family's young lady?"
Dust shrank back.
"A rich family's young lady?" Kazuma gave a sinister smile from the side, his acting instantly kicking into full gear. "Let me tell you. She is the i-lle-git-i-mate daughter of some super big shot who even the Demon King's Army would take a detour to avoid, and who could erase Axel from the map with one casual wave of his hand!"
"Illegitimate daughter?!" Dust's eyes nearly popped out.
"That's right." Kōichi Hayashi added gravely, his gaze ice-cold. "That person dotes on her deeply. In order to let her experience life outside, they specifically entrusted us legendary heroes with protecting her. If we had let you finish that harassing remark just now, then by tomorrow, even every male mosquito within a hundred and fifty miles would be skinned, gutted, and hung on the city walls. Do you think that thing you call your dignity as a man could withstand that person's wrath?"
Dust's face instantly went from flushed red to deathly pale, then finally to something closer to ash gray.
His already less-than-bright mind was now filled with horrifying images of royal executions and dark magic curses.
"I-I-I..."
Dust's legs gave out, and he actually scrambled and crawled back to Iris. With a heavy thud, he performed an utterly perfect dogeza before everyone, one so forceful that even the floor trembled slightly.
"I am terribly sorry!! Noble young lady!! This lowly fool failed to recognize your greatness and dared offend you with such filthy words! Please, I beg you, treat me as a pile of excrement and ignore me completely! If that is not enough to calm your anger, please trample me as much as you like! Whether you step on me or whip me, I will not utter a single complaint!!"
Iris-san was startled by the sudden loud thud and sincere apology. Then she broke into an even brighter smile and clapped her hands lightly.
"Wow! Is this commoner etiquette too? So Kazuma-sama and Kōichi-sama's friends are such polite people!"
"Polite, my ass..." Kazuma covered his face, unable to keep watching.
Kōichi Hayashi, however, smiled at Iris and said, "That's right, Iris-san. This is Axel's unique culture of admitting mistakes and making amends. Very distinctive, isn't it?"