"The first steps always take courage."
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Today I'm leaving the hospital. I have so much energy, it's funny to think I was in a coma just a few days ago.
I can't wait to leave.
I don't like staying in hospitals. They just feel too superficial, even though they tried to make the children's ward cozy with different colours.
Who's picking me up? I wonder. I hope it's Mamma. Please, not Father. And not my older brothers.
My hand trembles slightly at the thought of meeting Father or my older brothers. Apart from Ninth Brother, I'm scared of the rest.
My legs sway on the hospital bed as I look around one last time. Maybe I'm more scared than I realised. I don't want to go back to the palace, but that's where Mamma was, and I don't want to leave her.
If only I could live away from the palace with Mamma. That would be the best thing in the world! Mamma and I living in a beautiful home with lots of land and maybe some pets.
Pets don't survive in the palace.
They die not long after you get them—poisoned food, 'accidents' in the garden, sudden disappearances. No perpetrators are found though.
A knock on the door.
'Adira, are you awake?' Mamma was at the door.
'Come in, Mamma,' I call out.
She opens the door, dressed in a beautifully beaded sea blue a-line dress that complements her green eyes, a bag in her hand. 'How are you feeling, sweetheart?'
'Much better, Mamma.'
She lifts the bag.
'I brought you some clothes. Quickly dress so we can go home.'
I nod and jump off the bed, take the bag and walk to the bathroom. Looking inside the bag, I notice Mamma had packed my ice blue princess dress. Got to look presentable for the public, I guess.
I look back at her with unblinking midnight blue eyes, the symbols of my royal status.
'Is it just you, Mamma?' I ask.
'Yes, sweetie. It's just me.'
I breathe, relief flickering in my eyes, the tension in my body releasing.
Minutes later, I open the door, dressed and ready to go.
'How are we getting back, Mamma?'
'We're using the limo.'
'Father allowed the use of the limo?'
'Yes, he did.'
'Why?'
'Because he's worried about you.'
Worried? Father is worried?
No way!
Father would never be worried. Mamma's definitely mistaken.
'Oh… How's Brother Xander?'
'Your Ninth Brother is fine. He's also worried about you, but he has lessons today, so he couldn't come.'
'Lessons are important,' I comment. 'I wish I could take lessons too.'
'You're a girl, Adira.'
'But the noble girls can take lessons!'
'We've been through this, Adira. Your father doesn't want you to worry about such things.'
'It's not because we're left in the corner, gathering dust?' I mutter.
'What was that?' She asks, her voice sharpening.
'Nothing, Mamma…'
'Your father cares about you, Adi.' Her voice softens.
'So you say. He doesn't visit, and he doesn't care if we're not eating properly or if the servants are rude to us. We're lower than servants, Mamma!'
'At least we have food, clothing and a roof over our head.'
'But we're royals!'
'And we're females.'
'I want to be like the other noble girls. I want to learn!'
'You are the daughter of King Hori Oceania. You have no rights to anything your father doesn't give you.'
'But I want to change that!'
'It's dangerous, Adira!'
'Why?'
'Because they won't let you.'
'Who's they?'
'Who else? Satine, Kaitlyn, your father. Even Violet and Rita will have something to say.'
My hands clench at the thought of Queen Satine and Lady Kaitlyn, forcing down the rising anger that bubbled inside.
'They all have sons! And they're not even from Oceania.'
'Doesn't matter. They all come from influential families.'
'Why can't I learn?'
'You can. Just not openly like your brothers.'
'I want to go to the library then.'
'That's fine. As long as you don't let them know what you're learning.'
I sink into the limo's plush seat. The argument with Mamma drained me.
'I just want you to be safe, Adi.'
'I know, but I want to be able to protect you too.'
'I'm fine. I'm your mother and I'm an adult. You're just a 10-year-old girl.'
'I'm still a princess.'
'A princess with no maternal family.'
That silenced me. She was right. Father's other wives all had strong families backing them. Mamma and I had no one. It's why we were in this predicament in the first place.
'Remember, Adi. You're an air-headed princess, okay? You need to stay that way. They can't see you as smart.'
'I know.'
'If you're going to do something, keep it hidden.'
'I know!' My voice rises a little, but then I sigh. 'I just feel… frustrated…'
'I know, sweetheart. It's hard, but we can get through it.'
'What if we can't?'
'Then we fight for our lives.'
'And what if that doesn't work?'
'We would've done everything we could with what we have. Now hush. The driver works for your father.'
'Can I tell Brother Xander?'
'I don't know if you can trust your Ninth Brother.'
'But I want to…'
'I know. I know.'
We remain silent the rest of the trip home.
Arriving at home, the palace looks as uninviting as ever. Under the blindingly scorching sun, it looks big, white and cold. Standing in front of the door is Father, his eyes cold as he looks down at me.
'You're home,' he says coldly.
I shiver at the sound of his voice, hiding my trembling hands behind my back.
'Yes, Father,' I say quietly with a low curtsey.
'Go back to your room. Your mother and I have something to discuss.'
'Yes, Father.'
I keep my head down as I walk past him, flinching when he steps towards Mamma. Tears formed as I cursed my own inability. I had been reborn, yet there was nothing I could do to protect Mamma from Father. I was so sick and tired of feeling useless.
Entering the palace, I find Brother Xander waiting there for me. My eyes light up at the sight of the brown-haired, blue-eyed boy.
'Brother Xander!' I cry. I wipe the tears from my eyes as I rush to him.
'Why is my little princess crying?' He asks warmly as he hugs me.
'Because I'm happy to see you.'
I look up into his midnight blue eyes, searching for any signs that I could trust him. All I could see was warmth, kindness and love.
'I missed you, Brother Xander,' I whisper.
'I missed you too, Adi. Let's get you to your room.'
'…Okay…'
'The others were worried about you, you know,' he says as we walk.
Walking through the white halls of the palace brought back memories buried in the back of my mind. After nearly 20 years away, I was finally back.
'Others?' I ask.
'Mhm. Brother Sandor and Butler Roberts were asking about you.'
'Brother Sandor?'
'Yes.'
'Why?'
'Well, he's your Eighth Brother.'
'Yes, but we've never really spoken.'
Leaving the main building of the palace, we entered the large central courtyard. Noticing a sound, we spot a man and a woman intertwined against the wall. I pause and blink, not able to figure out why I knew him, but couldn't place a name with the face.
'Brother Murdoch's at it again.'
'…Yeah…Second Brother.'
Brother Xander tugs at my hand.
'Let's go, Adi.'
He pulls me away from the awkward sight, heading to the building at the far back of the courtyard.
'He's always with a new woman,' he mutters.
'Do you recognise her?' I ask.
'No, but she's probably one of the maids.'
'Oh.'
Asmodeus was just as promiscuous, but for some reason, seeing my brother acting like that felt a little disgusting, like I walked into something I shouldn't have seen. I didn't really notice him in my past life, and barely knew him before I was married off, but with so many years of experience, I've realised that I observe a lot more of my surroundings. Not that it's a surprise—as a royal, observation is survival.
We walk for about ten to fifteen minutes before reaching the area Mamma and I lived. It was separate to the rest of the family. Queen Satine and Lady Kaitlyn live with Father in the prestigious left wing, while Lady Violet and Lady Rita occupy the right wing. I've never seen either wing, living in the southern-most wing with Mamma.
'Brother Xander, what's the left wing like?' I ask, feeling curious.
'Well, it's big and white…' Xander says, stumbling over his words.
Big and white? What does he mean by big and white?
'Big and white?' I ask.
'Yeah…' he nods. 'Big. And white.'
'…You're not very good at explaining, are you, Brother Xander?' I giggle. Brother Xander blushes.
'I'm very good at explaining things,' he huffs.
That just makes me laugh harder.
Eventually, we arrive at the entrance of the southern wing.
'You'll be alright, yeah?' He asks, turning to me. I feel my smile growing, as I beam up at him.
'I'm fine, Brother Xander. But if you want to make sure, you can come in.'
'No, no. It's fine. You should probably rest. You're still recovering from your illness, after all.'
'I've rested enough in the hospital,' I mumble, stifling a yawn.
'I can tell. You're tired just from the walk here.'
'I'm tired because I rarely have to walk that far,' I huff.
'Are you unfit, my dear sister?' He asks, smirking.
'I'm not unfit! Look at me.' I twirl. 'Do I look unfit to you?'
'You look like skin and bones,' he sighs. 'You definitely need more meat on those bones. Now that you're recovering, eat more. You usually eat as much as a baby bird.'
'I eat a lot, thank you very much.' I glare at him, pouting slightly.
'No, you don't. Whenever we have these family dinners, you barely eat a thing.'
'…I just can't eat that much,' I mumble.
'And that's the problem! You need to eat more if you want to stay healthy and strong. Maybe that's why you're always sick.'
Oh, Brother Xander. I'm not sick because I don't eat well. I'm sick because we're constantly being starved and I can't eat too much. It's a miracle Mamma could even make me some jook with so much rice, meat and vegetables.
'I'm fine, Brother Xander. I know how to look after myself.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes.'
'I'll still bring you breakfast tomorrow, though. And I want you to eat the whole thing, alright?'
'Do I have to?' I groan. Brother Xander's breakfasts are huge!
'Yes. And you're not getting out of it.'
I sigh. 'Alright, fine. But can Mamma eat some too?'
'…Alright,' he says reluctantly.
'Yay!' I hug him, squeezing hard. He gently pats my back.
'I'll see you tomorrow morning, then.'
'Around 10,' I blurt.
'Are you sure you don't want breakfast to be earlier?' I nod.
'Very sure.'
'Alright. Ten it is.' He turns around while waving at me. 'Don't be late.'
'You're the one coming here,' I mutter, waving back.
Once he's a distance away, I turn to walk in. One good thing about the southern wing is the minimal servants running around. Of course, that also means not all of the wing is cleaned every day.
The only areas that get cleaned are the guest rooms and Mamma and my sleeping quarters. Everywhere else has a thick layer of dust collecting. While on one hand, it means I can hide and do my own thing, on the other, it means the servants have given up on us too, and that makes things more dangerous for Mamma and me.
The only thing I'm grateful for is the fact that the library is considered a guest room. I don't have to sit in a dusty library with dusty books.
Mamma said when I was little, that father had made her the library because she loved books, and no one dared to cross the King, even if Mamma and I are unpopular. Servants are very quick to change allegiances, and there's no doubt in my mind that there are spies for Queen Satine and Lady Kaitlyn lying around.
My mind snaps back to reality when I stand before a set of doors. Looking it up and down, I sigh. The door to my room has a fine layer of dust on it. Looks like no one cared about cleaning my room while I was in the hospital.
Opening the door slightly, I slip inside and close it right behind me. I don't care what they think. No one's allowed in my room when I'm in here.
My room isn't too big, but isn't too small either. The walls are white with a lovely marbled floor. My double-sized bed has my favourite colours of blue and green, bright against the dark tones of the wood. My dresser sits near the window and a door leading to my bathroom beside that.
I look around, making sure nothing was touched and that there were no mice or cockroaches around. Well, I wouldn't remember if anything was moved anyway. Why would I remember what my room was like when I was ten?
I walk over to the couch in front of my bed and fall into it. The nice feel of leather makes me sigh in happiness.