I don't know what to say beyond this. I almost overdosed I have Autism and I have been bullied for years, I feel disgusted with myself, with my inability to get past what I'm used to and evolve, to get better. I almost overdosed, the pills were in my hands, if my family didn't need help with money for bills and rent then I would of did it. Even then I would have done it. I would have done it. I would have fucking done it and I know I still will. I want to kill myself, it had been this way for so long, my mom wasted money on karate class I didn't finish, she wasted money on driving school where I became deathly afraid of driving and she wasted money on trying to get me lots of stuff for Ohio University I had a panic attack in and we came back before the semester started. And today I talked with someone to try to get a new job but where we talked and sat at I got anxious and scared ....I fucking couldn't I can't do it. I said I don't want help finding a new job, the place I work at is stressful, trying to push others out and refuse raises. I can't deal with this, with life. I used to go to Lincoln in Warren ohio. I was bullied by teachers and students to the point of when I was in first grade I wanted to jump off the staircase and kill myself, I held back and now after acculated stress and not knowing how to deal with life or anything it has finally exploded. I am gonna kill myself, I know I am I just don't know when. I feel I am useless, that I'm not truly helping. That when I'm given advice it is just making fun of me. I want to die. I want to have release but I'm scared for if I die my family might not be able to pay rent or deal with things. My mom and brother are older, my brother works and helps out but he plans on leaving in a few years and my mom she can't work, she doesn't work....Im soo fucking scared but I want release and I know I will have it at some point. That talk wasn't what caused this it was just the last breaking point. I want a hospital to legally let me die....I want to die ....
