Jade
Melbourne's Rod Laver Arena is amazing.
When Sherry waved an envelope under my nose, I wondered what it contained.
And when I opened it, I nearly fell to the floor: a ticket to the Reb3ls concert, including flight and hotel.
When I saw the reservation at the Quest Jolimont, I whistled in surprise, because it's a luxury hotel and I didn't think I could afford it, but Sherry downplayed it, saying that Dad had created a program for the owner to manage reservations and he had a crazy discount.
At this point, I wasted no time, packed my bags, and without telling Min-ho, I came to hear them.
It may seem crazy, but I've never heard them live, since their concerts were mostly in Asia, and I'd never traveled alone before returning to Seoul.
And now I'm here, staring at the spectacle of the stadium, glittering with lights, from the balcony of my room. It's very beautiful, spacious, and I was welcomed with such kindness.
Mr. Johnson was full of praise for my father and provided me with everything I needed to make my stay as enjoyable as possible.
When I told him I was there for the concert, he made a strange face, but then he said goodbye and went back to his work.
Maybe he doesn't like K-pop, and maybe the various fans staying at the hotel are annoying.
The beep of the hair straightener brings me back to the present. I pick it up, straighten my hair, look at myself in the mirror, and smile. They've grown even longer; I'll have to decide to cut them, since they now reach my waist and butt, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep them in place, especially when I dance. The braid is heavy, and the ponytail flaps everywhere, leaving a lot of hair in my mouth. But I'll think about that when I get home.
Meanwhile, a basketball cap on my head, a fandom T-shirt, jeans, boots, a sweatshirt tied around my waist, and a backpack, and I'm ready. I check for the millionth time that I've scanned the QR code on my ticket, that I have my sound check pass, and that my lightstick is working.
Everything's there, and I can go.
I mingle with the noisy crowd, a cacophony of different sounds and languages that makes me feel good. While I don't love being in a crowd, I like people at a concert, even if they're laughing, singing, and dressed out of place.
I notice many fans wearing outfits from various Reb3ls eras, and I watch them curiously: I've never been part of a community like this before, and I feel a little excited.
I reach the "FAST" area, where an employee gathers us and checks our IDs, then leads us into a long corridor that leads us under the stage. It's beautiful, even if it's still stripped of the tour scenery, but the size of the venue and the rings that run through it, where the entire audience will soon arrive, make me feel happy.
I approach the kids, who are laughing at every silly thing, while keeping a safe distance from the various groups, as I have no connection with them, and wait for them to tell us what to do.
A press officer arrives and explains to us, in both English and Korean, what will happen and how to line up along the roped line. She repeats several times that we shouldn't push, that we can't touch the idols unless they come up to us; they can hand out gifts, take photos, selfies if they want, and show photos and shirts to be autographed. For the rest, there will be officials who will monitor the flow of people so they can then let those with the VIP package through for a few minutes of chat with each member of the band.
A strong excitement runs through the group, and I stare at my pass in confusion. I honestly don't know what kind of ticket I have, only that I could get in early, but Sherry didn't give me any further instructions, and there's nothing written on the back of the card.
Sighing, I approach two Asian girls, who stand a little apart from the others and seem the least lively.
"Excuse me, do you know what kind of ticket this is?" I ask in English.
They raise their hands, letting me know they don't speak the language, so I repeat it to them in Korean.
Their faces light up, kindly take the card and look at the color.
"Pass A," they say in unison, "sign copies."
I stare at them, perplexed: I didn't bring anything to have autographed.
I huff, thinking I can only get my shirt autographed.
They laugh, chatter among themselves, and then one says to me:
"You don't have to get anything signed, you can just chat or give them a gift, if you brought one."
I shake my empty hands, dejected.
I didn't know.
"It's my first concert," I whisper, head down.
What if I went out and bought something now?
I'm about to turn to the security man to ask for directions, but a voice stops me:
"You're Lee Yeona, right?"
I stand still, breathless with shock.
I slowly turn to look at the girl who gave me directions.
She smiles, blushing a little.
"I recognized you right away and I'm thrilled to talk to you. I'm Kim Miyeon, and this is my friend Go Mi-Cha. We've been fans of yours since the first episode of Project. We're sad to see you leave, but we follow you on social media."
I stand there speechless for a moment, then relax and smile sheepishly.
"I'm just Jade now," I reply, bowing slightly. "It's a pleasure to meet you, and thank you for your support."
They smile, in the typical Asian way, then Miyeon's eyes widen and she gasps:
"You still have it!"
She's staring at my wrist, where I'm wearing a thin gold bracelet with blue and gold stars. The show's fans had sent it to me that distant day, and I've never taken it off, along with Min-ho's necklace.
"Yes, they gave it to me..." I stop and realize her expression. "Did you send it to me?"
She smiles excitedly and, without thinking, I move closer and hug her.
She gasps, but then returns the hug.
"Thank you," I say, "it's a beautiful gift. I love it."
We melt, and she bows and smiles even wider.
"I'm so happy, especially to have met you and talked."
We're still chatting when a man gestures for us to come closer and stand along the barriers because the meeting is about to begin.
I approach with my two new friends and wait excitedly to see them march by.
I wonder if they'll recognize me among these faces; I don't know whether to hope or fear.
I breathe in and around me I hear voices rising in pitch, people shouting, singing, speaking loudly.
A girl next to me leans over and shouts loudly:
"Jon-Ho! Jon-Ho! Merry me!"
I turn, shocked, and look at her, raising my eyebrows.
She glares at me and continues screaming undaunted.
I turn to the two Koreans and grimace, making them laugh, but a push from behind sends me crashing into the barrier.
The impact hurts my side, and I turn angrily to my neighbor, who smiles wickedly: she pushed me, the viper!
"What's wrong with you?" I ask her, annoyed.
"I saw you eyeing me and insulting me to your friends. Do you think you're better than me just because you're tall and slim?"
I give her a puzzled look: is she accusing me of body shaming her just because she's shorter and plumper?
I roll my eyes and glare at her menacingly.
"Listen, bitch, I didn't even consider you, and if you touch me again, I'll cut off your hands, do you understand?"
Our discussion drew several glances, especially from security, who promptly approached.
"Ladies, what's going on?"
"What's going on is that this one pushed me," I reply sharply, pointing at her with a finger.
"Reb3llius."
A gentle voice behind us dampens my anger, while the girl opens her eyes and mouth wide, covering it with her hand. She seems to be choking on the noises she's making.
I slowly turn and look at Jon-Ho, who looks at me with curiosity, then with increasing surprise.
"Reb3llius? Is that you?" he asks, taking off his glasses and scrutinizing me carefully.
I feel a chill all around me, everyone is staring at me, and I want to collapse: I hadn't imagined my encounter with the idols to be like this.
I purse my lips and nod, taking off my hat.
"Noona?"
Seo Joon's exclamation sends everyone into a frenzy, and the crowd closes in around me.
"Jade?"
There, I'm dead. Min-ho has seen me too and comes towards me.
The three Reb3ls are staring at me in amazement, soon joined by their classmates, who lean forward to see what's happening.
The girl next to me has taken a step back, seeing that they know me, and so have the others. I'm an isolated person in the midst of a stunned crowd.
"Reb3ls?" I retort sarcastically, trying to ease the tension.
Jon-Ho bursts out laughing, pats me on the shoulder, and everyone laughs, except Min-ho, who stares at me blankly.
It's Seo Joon who steps forward and smiles at me.
"It's nice to see you again. I didn't think I'd see you like this, but I'm happy."
Behind me, everyone is whispering: "He called her Noona," "Min-ho knows her name," "Jon-Ho knows her too," in a growing buzz.
A man arrives, pushing his way through, and stops dead in his tracks when he sees me.
"Miss Lee, what a surprise!" Or should I call you, Taylor?"
I nod and wave.
"Mr. Kim, it's nice to see you again. Sorry for the commotion, I didn't mean to disturb you," I reply in Korean, "but this girl pushed me and…"
I turn around and the girl is shaking her head nonstop.
Apparently, she's changed her mind about me.
I nod and continue in English:
"Sorry, please continue with the sound check. It was a misunderstanding."
Min-ho comes closer, too close to be a mere acquaintance, and finally smiles.
"Jade Taylor, it's nice to see you again. I wonder why it's always so chaotic wherever you are."
He's put on a professional air, and I really appreciate it. I bow and say goodbye.
"Hi, Coach, I really didn't mean to disturb you. It's a pleasure for me too to finally see you in concert again."
"You promised us, right?" he replies.
I nod, but Jon-Ho demands my attention.
"Jade, right? You ran away without even saying goodbye, you cried in my arms, and now you're disrupting our concert. You don't think you can get away with this?"
I look up at him in surprise, but he's smiling.
"What do I have to do to apologize, buy you dinner?"
He laughs amusedly, followed by the laughter of his companions, but shakes his head.
"You'll have to sing, little girl. For me."
I shake my head and raise my hands.
"No way. I'm done with the talent show."
"But we're doing it here, we're among friends, right?"
Mr. Kim puts a hand on his arm and he whispers something in his ear, leaving him confused.
"What are you thinking of doing?"
"Something different, for once. What do you think?"
Do Hyun steps forward and nods.
"Tell us what to do and we'll take care of it."
Mr. Kim has a couple of men approach us and ask us to move away from the barriers, which are removed, causing surprise among the audience.
Then we are made to sit on the floor, in a semicircle, leaving a section of the audience empty, where the band stands with their microphones.
"We'll rehearse from here and then we'll all have a nice chat, what do you say?" Jon-Ho suggests, setting the audience in a frenzy.
The music blares, the idols strum a few songs, try a few moves, but it feels more like a rehearsal among friends than a professional one.
Min-ho hasn't taken his eyes off me the entire time, scrutinizing me and sighing every now and then.
After about ten minutes, Ye-Jun decides:
"Now Jade will sing for us."
And he holds out his hand. I don't take it, staring at him with narrowed eyes.
No way. No way. Not if...
But Miyeon and Mi-Cha are applauding enthusiastically.
"Excuse me," asks a voice from the back of the row. "I don't know Jade. Is she a friend of yours? Is she an idol too?"
I burst out laughing, while there's a murmur around me.
"She could have been, but she decided otherwise," Min-ho replies, surprising me.
He briefly tells me about my adventure in Korea, and one of the guys present, fiddling with his phone, finds the videos on YouTube.
"Wow!" he exclaims, showing one to the others. "You were really good!"
I smile at him, but I'm embarrassed. I'd like to forget the project, but apparently it's coming back to bite me like a boomerang. Not that I regret it or am ashamed of what happened, but I wish I were something else.
"Why did you leave?"
Well, they wouldn't have said that in Korea, but Westerners don't have such qualms.
Everyone is staring at me, even the idols, waiting for my answer.
I purse my lips and try not to let my discomfort show.
"I went there for the wrong reasons, but I came home for the right one," I reply.
Seo Joon applauds, and the others follow suit.
I'm grateful to all of them for their solidarity and give a small bow.
"But now do something with us," In-Soo replies, stepping forward, offering me his hand, and pulling me up.
Apparently I'm not going to get out of it, since even the participants are urging me to cooperate.
"What do you want me to do? I can't sing for one of you," I protest.
"You could replace all of us, from what I remember," Ye-Jun laughs. "You've done several of our songs with all the voices."
I shake my head and smile: what beautiful memories.
"What if we all danced together?"
Dong-Geun comes toward me and suggests a step, inviting me to follow him for a little dance routine. I study him for a moment and adapt to his movements, but then, having no backing track, we trip over each other and stop laughing.
"Okay, we need music. What shall we choose?"
Different voices and different songs rise from the group, until Pirate Bay is chosen.
Amidst the general chaos, we all dance together, idols and fans, in a tangle of people united by our love of music. Finally, tired and sweaty, we collapse to the ground.
"This is the best meet & greet I've ever been to," whispers the girl I'd been talking to, glancing at me. "And that's thanks to you, Jade. Sorry about before, but I really want Jon-Ho to marry me."
We burst out laughing, and the man covers his eyes, amused.
"But I'd like Jade to sing 'Storm' with us," Jin-ho whispers softly.
I lean over to look at him and grimace.
"I liked the version they did at the Project," he says simply.
"Maybe another time," I reply with a slight smile.
"Who knows when we'll meet again, why put it off?"
I think about it, while Min-ho stands up and says to me:
"I'm giving you my voice. I know you'll do something special."
I'm shocked, but the others agree.
"Mine too. I'd like to hear her, Jon-Ho, and Jong-ho together. I'm curious to see what effect it has," says Dong-Geun.
He asks the sound engineer to start the backing track, and with a feeling of anticipation, I close my eyes and begin to sing, feeling my heart heavy. For me, this song is about love, growth, finding yourself, and I put all the depth I can into it.
When I open them again, Min-ho is in front of me, and his gaze is something that hits me straight in the stomach, making my voice tremble, but I continue, until the music fades.
There's a religious silence around us, which then explodes into applause and shouts of happiness.
Mom, I'm moved, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
Dong-Geun smiles and nods, clapping his hands.
"We don't sing this song at concerts anymore. It was written for a special moment, but now it's taken on a new meaning thanks to you, Jade. Thank you so much."
I can't respond because a lump in my throat tightens, but Mr. Kim brings us back to reality.
"Guys, you don't have much time. Start taking photos and signing autographs because at the end of the performance you'll have the press and the VIP Club package."
Called to order, the emotional moment fades into the background.
The fans crowd around the idols and it's a continuous snap of selfies, exchanging gifts, autographs, in an endless chatter and laughter.
I let myself slide to the floor with my back to the stage and don't immediately realize I'm not alone.
When I look up, Min-ho is there, scrutinizing me with a smile on his face.
"Jade Taylor, you're a constant discovery," he says to me in Korean. "This stage will be truly special thanks to you. But I'm warning you, don't disappear after the concert, I have to talk to you."
He hands me something with closed hands, pretending to say hello.
I slip it into my pocket, standing up and returning the greeting.
Someone tells us the doors are opening, so the barriers are put back up, and in a few seconds the kids are back backstage.
The lucky participants return to their places, and as they pass by me, they ask me for a selfie with them or thank me with hugs and kisses for the unexpected event.
Miyeon and Mi-cha approach me, and the former whispers:
"You could have been up there now, you know?"
I turn around with a smile and hug her.
"But I'm happy to be here, with you."
I take her arm and we take lots of photos of funny faces, smiles, and grimaces.
I really think: if I had been up there, I wouldn't have been able to experience moments like these.