For a long moment, Hana remained completely still.
She felt Lyra's weight against her shoulder, those desperate fingers clawing into the fabric of her hoodie. The raw echo of the scream that still hung in the air.
"Shh… shh," she forced out, her voice still unsteady. "I… I'm here."
Her arms wrapped around Lyra. She held her tight, stroking her hair while Lyra slowly began to calm down. The tears grew fewer. The trembling weaker.
"Come," Hana finally whispered. "L-lie down. You should sleep."
She guided Lyra to the bed and helped her lie down. Her own legs were still shaking, but she ignored it. She pulled the blanket over Lyra and brushed one last tear from her cheek.
"Will you stay?" Lyra's voice was so small, so lost.
"Yes," Hana said, lying down beside her, on top of the covers. "I'm staying right here."
Lyra's hand searched for hers. Hana took it and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Thanks," Lyra murmured, already half asleep. The Xanax from earlier was finally taking its toll.
"I'll stay as long as you want," Hana whispered.
She paused, listening to Lyra's breathing as it grew heavy and rhythmic. She felt the grip on her hand loosen until she was certain Lyra was asleep.
Only then did she carefully pull her hand away and reach for her phone to check the time. Her eyes were burning. Her throat felt raw.
The harsh light of the screen cut through the darkness.
17 new messages.
Hana froze. She didn't need a name to recognize the number. She knew every digit by heart.
No. Not now. Please, not now.
With trembling fingers, she opened the messages.
23:47 Hey
23:52 I know you're awake
00:13 [Photo]
Hana's heart skipped a beat. Her thumb hovered over the display for a second before she opened the image.
There he was. Syon. Smiling.
He was sitting in her parents' living room. Her mother sat beside him on the couch, laughing into the camera. Her father had his hand on Syon's shoulder as if he were part of the family.
The teacups on the table. The cookies her mother only brought out for special guests. Everything looked normal. Cruelly normal.
Her parents had only recently told her they'd run into him at the supermarket by chance.
00:14 Your parents are really nice
00:15 They told me how proud they are of you
00:15 Two months clean? Wow, Hana
00:16 And this new job at the "restaurant" 😊
00:17 We both know what kind of restaurant that is
Hana's hands were shaking so violently she had to grip the phone with both hands.
00:18 The Bunny Club isn't far from here
00:19 Funny how you're working with Lyra now
00:23 Your parents would be so ashamed
00:24 Sweet little Hana. 2 months clean 🤣
00:25 Should I tell them how you actually make your money?
00:26 Or about the alcohol? Or Lyra?
00:27 We should talk. Just the two of us
00:28 Like old times
00:29 You know where I live
00:30 And now I know where you live again 😉
Hana swallowed hard and pressed her hand over her mouth to stop herself from gagging. He had been with her parents. He knew her lies. He knew about the club. He knew everything.
She looked at Lyra, sleeping peacefully. So vulnerable. So unaware.
I can't. I can't do this.
She stood up, even though it felt like a fight just to move. Her entire body screamed for alcohol. For anything to drown this feeling.
In the kitchen, she tore open the fridge. She grabbed the first bottle she saw. The cap cracked open. The first swallow burned. The second too. By the third, she could already feel the cold spreading through her chest.
He's going to tell them. He's going to destroy everything.
She drained the bottle. Then the second.
"My parents," she whimpered between gulps.
Oh God, if they find out—
Her hands were twitching so badly she could barely open the third bottle.
I have to get out. I can't stay here.
Staggering, she searched for a scrap of paper and a pen. Her handwriting came out crooked and uneven.
Got hungry. Buying an onigiri. Be back soon. <3
One more lie. What did it matter anymore?
At the door, she hesitated and looked back at Lyra, still sleeping peacefully.
I'm sorry.
Then she fled the apartment. The cold night air hit her like a blow. Her legs carried her automatically toward the stairwell.
NO.
She collapsed against the steps. The whiskey bottle clinked as she opened it. The sharp smell burned instantly in her nose.
She drank. And drank. And drank.
Her phone vibrated again.
00:45 I'm waiting, by the way. Or are you already drunk again?
00:46 Do you remember our last time?
00:47 You cried so sweetly
The bottle nearly slipped from her fingers. Nausea hit her instantly. Bitter bile rose in her throat.
He's right. I'm nothing. I never was.
The concrete wall behind her was rough and cold. She pressed the back of her head hard against it.
Maybe I should just disappear, she thought bitterly.
Then I won't disappoint anyone ever again.
The phone in her lap vibrated once more.
00:52 [Photo]
She didn't want to look. But she did.
It was an old photo. Her, Syon, and Lyra. Laughing. From a time that felt like a different life. At the edge of the frame, Satsu's hand was just visible, the rest of her had been cropped out.
00:53 Too bad Satsu isn't around anymore
00:54 But the three of us can still have fun
00:55 Lyra doesn't know yet, does she?
00:56 That you were only my second choice
Something inside Hana shattered.
"WHY?!" Her scream echoed through the empty stairwell.
She slammed the back of her head against the wall.
THUD.
Pain exploded in her skull, but it hurt less than Syon's messages.
THUD.
I'm so stupid. So fucking stupid.
THUD.
With all her strength, she smashed her head against the concrete again and again. She felt the rough surface tear open her scalp.
If only I had never—
THUD.
Something warm ran down the back of her neck. Blood. She didn't care.
Why can't I just—
THUD.
The world blurred at the edges of her vision. The whiskey, the blood, the pounding in her skull blended into a foggy emptiness. She reached for the bottle again. Drank until she gagged.
"It doesn't even matter," she slurred into the hollow stairwell. "None of it matters."
The bottle slipped from her hand and clattered down the steps. The last of the whiskey spilled over the asphalt.
Hana's head sank to her chest. Dark blood soaked into the fabric of her jeans, mixing there with her tears.
"Lyra… I'm so sorry…" she breathed into the cold.
Darkness crept in at the edges of her awareness.