BL.
The term lingered still in my mind. I wanted to know more about it and why people who were fans held no contempt towards two males liking each other.
'We hope your ship sails forever…..'
They even wished us happiness.
My fingers moved before I took notice typing away at the search bar:
>What does BL mean.
The results I got had me speechless.
Completely.
The name sounded simple, almost too light for the depth it carried.
The ache of wanting something you weren't supposed to want and finding beauty in the spaces between.
Stories that traced the quiet, complicated emotions between men. It wasn't just about two men falling in love with each other, it was about everything that came with it— the condemnation, the rejection, the fear, the pain, the happiness.
The kind that made hearts flutter and heads turn away. Others regarded it fantasy, some a mishap and others something beautiful. Two boys, one story and a whole lot of feelings no one dared to name out loud.
Not even I.
"You had to look it up?" I heard Sensei's voice behind me.
I went motionless, caught red-handed.
When did he arrive?
He snatched my phone and sat across me casually scrolling through. He leaned in towards me holding his head up with his elbow propped on the table his brows raised with amusement. "Don't tell me Sehyun had no idea about all this?" He taunted softly.
"I was—" I hesitated bitting my lip.
Of course it was my first time, I wasn't even able to tell apart like and admiration untill recently.
Sensei found his answer seeing how flushed I was. He let out a laugh low and warm. "Sehyun, you're really CLUELESS."
The amusement in his eyes changed almost immediately to something…. tempting. He stood up leaning over the table, his frame towering over me. My eyes held his unavoidable ones.
"It's perfect you met me. I'll teach Sehyun everything."
He dropped my phone on the table and held my chin up with his index finger his eyes flickered to my slightly parted lips gleaming with desire. His voice dropped, a rough edge curling with each word. "There's no need for Sehyun to look it up. Whatever you need to know, I'll answer them."
My body lifted towards him, my breath catching in my throat. "T-then Sensei, teach me." I said shakily my lips just a breath apart from his.
Sensei's eyes darkened further. His eyes searched mine as if confirming if that was what I really wanted.
To be consumed by the storm of pleasure Sensei tired to keep at bay.
I wanted it.
Sensei's love, his touch, every part of him.
I wanted it all.
He placed his hand over my eyes clouding my vision. "Sehyun, be careful of how you impulsively demand from me, Sensei's patience easily wears thin." He said deeply. With my vision obscured, Sensei's voice seemed to travel across my body sending ripples of excitement through me. I shuddered involuntarily. "Sensei I—"
He pressed his lips against mine as if repelling the words about to escape my lips. As if giving me one more chance to reconsider what I was about to walk into.
I didn't care. As long as it was Sensei giving, even if being with him destroyed me, I didn't care.
I moved against his lips demanding entrance he refused to permit. "Not here, not yet." He growled pulling away his breath hot against my skin.
Right. We were in the classroom.
I blushed averting my desire filled gaze from his. Rationality struck me like lightening. I jumped to my feet.
"Sensei, I need to leave."
Without waiting for his response, I dashed out of the class running towards the restroom.
I pushed the door open and found for myself an empty stall shutting the door behind me.
I leaned against the wall, the air filled with nothing but my racing heart and faint smell of myself.
I stared down at the dent in my trousers.
It seemed as if I became possessed whenever he gazed at me with eyes filled with so much desire and waning self-control.
It must be painful to keep holding it back that was why I wanted to help.
Help Sensei relieve his pent up desires but Sensei was hesitant. Why?
Why does he keep refusing my help?
Because I'm a kid?
Because I lack experience?
I was faring no better than he was, it was laughable.
'Sehyun, be careful of how you impulsively demand from me….'
Was I being selfish?
Was I really after my own release under the guise of helping Sensei?
Did he know that and so he keeps refusing me?
My hands curled beside me as I stared up at the ceiling with hooded eyes.
I'd wait. Wait till it calms down.
Because, without Sensei, I just couldn't.
***
How the day went by, I had no clue. I was unable to think clearheaded. Sensei had also disappeared since lunch break. I'd not even caught even his scent talk more of his being.
Was he mad? Was he going to keep his distance from me?
The thought scared me. Living estranged from Sensei, I didn't think I'd survive.
As I entered my street, I noticed a black sedan parked outside. A very familiar one.
Sensei's.
My steps unwittingly hastened.
The car was parked in a rush and I couldn't help but feel nervous. Sensei liked doing his things in orderliness. The fact his car wasn't parked properly meant something was off.
I stormed in through the gates running towards the front door. As I pulled it open, the mouthwatering aroma of Ox bone soup hit my nostrils pulling me into a trance.
I subconsciously followed the aroma to the kitchen like an animal headed to it's slaughter house.
I wanted to have a taste so bad I subconsciously licked my lips. It tasted so delicious just from it's aroma alone.
"You're back?" Sensei's voice laced with warmth pulled me from my daze.
"Mn. Sensei..." the rest of my words took a U-turn down my throat as I gawked openly at Sensei.
He was standing by the burning stove, stirring the bubbling pot. He'd taken off the coat he was wearing earlier leaving a now soaked white checkered chirt that clung brazenly on his frame exposing the perfectly sculpted body of his; muscles I never knew were this toned, a solid chest I'd felt countlessly but desperately wanted to run my hands over. His hair clung to his glistening skin despite they remained packed in a ponytail.
He was irresistible tempting. Like a forbidden fruit. I wanted to have not just a bite— I wanted the entire apple.
I gulped feeling a stir within my pants. The little brother I'd coaxed to sleep began stirring awake.
This should be unlawful right. This should be punishable right.
He gave me a stare warm yet undeniably tempting. "I was worried Sehyun was mad about earlier so I made oxen soup. It's my first try making this so, I'm a little ruffled." He gestured at his appearance.
A little?!
I wanted to scream, wanted to tear my eyes away from him but I couldn't. My body seemed bound by this alluring temptation.
"Sehyun's just in time, it's done already. I'll set the table. You should go wash up." He uttered walking past me a bowl of streaming soup in his hand. Our bodies brushed slightly and it felt as if electricity surged through me.
I couldn't tell if this was deliberate or not but whatever Sensei was doing, it was working.
I followed after him like a puppet bound to his master. He dropped the bowl on the table and glanced my way with a raised brow. "You've seen awfully silent. What's wrong? Is Sehyun still mad at me?" He probed softly walking towards me.
The room blurred from my sight. His scent distinct yet addictive—like a drug.
"Should I prepare something else?" His voice floated to my ears like the wind. Gentle but swaying.
My backpack slid from my shoulders and unto the floor with a slight thud. My body moved on its accord towards him. I held his collar and pulled him closer crushing my lips on his.
This time, I wasn't being impulsive.
This was what I wanted.
"Sensei…" I whispered softly against his lips. My eyes seared into his. "Can I have something else?"