"Go down and guard the mountain. Don't make any trouble, or I will certainly put a golden hoop on you!"
Guanyin, having arrived at her majestic Luojia Mountain dojo, gave Zhu Hao a final, stern warning, lightly tapping his head with her exquisite jade finger.
"Sister Guanyin, I was just about to tell you that—"
WHOOSH!
Before Zhu Hao could finish his sentence—or perhaps, before he could even utter the word 'beautiful' a third time—Guanyin gently, but decisively, flicked him off the lotus platform. He tumbled through the pristine air, drawing a perfect golden arc before landing with a soft thud.
"Blast it all, Lord Pig hadn't finished his profound thoughts! Why are you in such an ungodly rush? Is your… your menstrual cycle coming soon, Sister Guanyin?" Zhu Hao muttered in profound dissatisfaction, clinging to a sturdy piece of purple bamboo to stop his roll.
A faint, but distinct, voice echoed directly into his spiritual sea: "I am a Lotus Seed of Creation that achieved enlightenment. I have no relatives, no friends, and certainly no biological cycles. Do not utter such ignorant nonsense, little pig!"
Snap!
The sudden, powerful projection of divine consciousness caused Zhu Hao's little paw to slip. He fell the last few inches, landing flat on his back, eyes wide and unmoving.
"The Guanyin in this world is truly a woman, not that cross-dressing fella named Cihang Zhenren! Confirmed!"
Zhu Hao lay motionless, his mind busy filing this critical piece of dimensional data. He had satisfied his lifelong curiosity about the nature of this universe's Bodhisattva, and the realization brought him immense internal smugness.
Guanyin, watching the diminutive golden form from her lotus platform, felt a rush of self-satisfaction. "Now you understand the weight of my power! See if you dare to plot anything behind my back, little wretch! I can still deal with a defiant piglet!"
If Guanyin had possessed the ability to read his internal monologue at that moment, her enlightened expression would have fractured into pure, divine rage.
Zhu Hao finally rolled over and stood up. He shook off the shock, his big eyes now darting around with predatory focus. "A Lotus Seed of Fortune indeed! This place is extraordinary. No wonder she possesses such a spectacularly grand temple!"
He stretched out his little claw and tapped the purple bamboo beside him. The bamboo was thick, dense, and radiated a faint spiritual energy. It felt incredibly sturdy—a clear indicator of extreme age and high spiritual quality.
"Eating this must grant a decent energy boost, right? With a forest this size, eating a few hundred should be fine, right? Sister Guanyin is so broad-minded and ridiculously wealthy; she definitely won't mind a minor audit!"
He suppressed his desire to dive for the rare and exotic herbs he spotted further away. That would be a declaration of war. A few bamboos? That was just research.
Click, click!
Without a second thought, Zhu Hao embraced the spiritual bamboo and began to chew with terrifying speed and efficiency. He discovered a hidden talent: bamboo eating. The spiritual wood was crunchy and packed with flavor.
"Energy +10!""Energy +10!""Energy +10!"
"Damn, it is a spiritual bamboo! One stalk is worth at least one hundred raw energy points!" Zhu Hao's eyes widened in surprise and delight. This was truly worthy of being a boss's dojo!
Click, click, click!
He tore through the forest, the sound of his chewing echoing like the rapid-fire construction of a beaver dam.
"Energy +10!""Energy +10!" ...The notifications continued relentlessly, a steady, joyous stream of spiritual income.
"COOOOOOL!"
In a short frenzy of feasting, Zhu Hao cleared a small, perfectly circular patch of the dense bamboo forest. He paused, looking around at the sudden emptiness. His system showed a glorious spike.
Energy Increased by: 25,000 points!
"Holy cow, Lord Pig just ate so much!" The sudden realization hit him. He had just consumed enough energy to power his next two dimension jumps. "Should I execute the escape plan immediately?"
He then rationalized the damage: "With such a massive bamboo forest, what Grandpa Pig ate is just a drop in the bucket. It's nothing to a true immortal like Sister Guanyin... right?"
He decided to hold off on the escape. It felt embarrassing to run after only consuming a few bamboos. He needed to make the run worthwhile. If I'm going to flee, I must at least loot a few of those precious elixirs first. That would be a suitably grand exit.
Meanwhile, on the distant lotus platform, Guanyin's perfect composure was being strained to its absolute limit.
"Hmph. He ate two hundred and fifty of my Purple Bamboos in one sitting!" Her plump chest swelled slightly with repressed annoyance. "A single one of those bamboos requires one hundred years of painstaking spiritual cultivation to mature!"
She looked at the perfectly bald, circular crater he'd created in her magnificent forest. The sight brought a genuine pang of distress and a throbbing headache. She desperately wanted to drag Zhu Hao back and administer a swift, godly beating.
"This is just one meal! If he eats like this every day, he will consume my entire bamboo forest within a year!" she thought viciously.
"If you dare to consume this much again, little glutton, I will certainly show you the power of a divine golden hoop!"
Guanyin forced her expression back to compassion, trying to regain her equilibrium. She had brought Zhu Hao here as a facade—a demonstration of strength. She didn't need a guard, just as powerful immortals ride slow mounts; the mount isn't for speed, it's a luxury statement . Zhu Hao was her new, arrogant, and extremely expensive status symbol. Now, he was rapidly becoming an environmental disaster. She truly questioned the wisdom of her initial decision.
In the purple bamboo forest, life continued oblivious to the Bodhisattva's troubles.
Giggle!
A large five-colored pheasant, startled by the sudden, localized clear-cutting, squawked loudly and sprinted into the distance.
"That looks delicious!" Zhu Hao's eyes lit up, and he involuntarily licked his lips, calculating the caloric and energetic value of the sacred fowl. Braised, steamed, stewed, maybe a beggar's chicken?
He checked the mental radar for Guanyin's presence and reluctantly suppressed the urge. Not yet. Focus on exploration.
Half an hour later, Zhu Hao arrived at a serene lotus pond where massive, colorful spiritual fish swam happily. The sight, however, only reminded him of his persistent hunger.
"Little pig demon, are you new here?"
Suddenly, a massive, golden carp—nearly three meters long—swam over to the bank. Its scales shone with pure, flawless gold, giving it a regal and somewhat pompous air.
Looks so fat!
"What a big, fat golden carp!" Zhu Hao mumbled, drooling slightly.
"What did you say, little demon?" The carp glared with its enormous golden eyes, and Zhu Hao was hit by a terrifying spiritual force. The carp was powerful—likely a Golden Immortal-level being.
"Oh my god, this fish might be a genuine immortal! I absolutely cannot afford to offend it!" Zhu Hao recoiled. He knew the tale of the golden carp that defeated both the Monkey King and Zhu Bajie. Even a weaker version of that legendary beast was too much for his current cultivation.
"Nothing much! Sister Guanyin simply invited Grandpa Pig to be her honored guest. I was just taking a leisurely stroll!" Zhu Hao declared without blinking, his tone perfectly composed and arrogant.
The golden carp was visibly startled. "Who is this pig? His raw strength is nothing, but his arrogance is monumental. He calls the Bodhisattva 'Sister'… Could he be the pet or relative of some unfathomably powerful, ancient boss?"
It racked its brain, searching the annals of Buddhist mythology. A Chaos Pig Bear? What is a Chaos Pig Bear? The more it thought, the more terrified it became. It resolved never to provoke the pig.
"And where does Lord Pig practice in his mighty dojo?" the carp asked carefully, trying to glean information to identify the terrifying backer.
"I am the Master of all the Heavens and Worlds, and I am a Pig Bear born in the Eternal Chaos!" Zhu Hao announced, raising his snout and standing with his little paws held grandly behind his back. He then turned and leisurely sauntered away, leaving his ridiculously vague proclamation echoing in the pond.
"Chaos? Mo Fei? What in the world…?" The golden carp was left utterly bewildered, creating a terrifying narrative of cosmic origins for the tiny piglet in its mind.
Back on the lotus platform, Guanyin's expression, which had been tracking Zhu Hao's bizarre interactions, kept changing from confusion to annoyance. "I am truly speechless. Using Zhu Hao to guard the mountain was a monumental error in judgment! He makes me look like an absolute lunatic!"
But her gaze hardened as Zhu Hao suddenly ran back.
"Sister Guanyin, you're here! I missed you so, so much!" Zhu Hao exclaimed, his fat little face alight with feigned adoration. He quickly climbed onto the platform and ran straight to sit right in her lap.
"Go down!" Guanyin commanded, her voice sharp with exasperation.
She truly couldn't fathom his audacity. He was weak, yet he showed no sense of reverence. He climbed onto her, a sacred being, without hesitation!
"I absolutely cannot go down! Sister Guanyin is so beautiful and kind, and you smell so divinely good! Staying right here makes my soul feel like it's flying, and I swear, my cultivation has increased a little bit!" Zhu Hao declared, settling his head comfortably on her silken thigh, acting every bit the innocent, entitled rascal.
The first part of the sentence almost angered Guanyin again, but the last part made her pause.
Her true body was the Lotus Seed of Creation—a nexus of primordial energy. Her presence exuded the essence of the Grand Dao, calming the mind and assisting with enlightenment. It was entirely logical that sitting on her would boost cultivation.
However, he is still the only one who has ever dared to use the Bodhisattva as a personal meditation cushion!
A flicker of genuine amusement touched Guanyin's eyes. She reached out her fair hand, gently pinched Zhu Hao's little fat cheek, and smiled faintly.
Experience +200
"HOLY MOLY, she's a walking cheat code!"
Zhu Hao's heart exploded with shock and delight. Passive experience gain! He didn't even have to fight or eat exotic plants! His energy value was already over 20,000; what he truly needed was the Experience to level up!
"Looks like I must be the best little pig in all the heavens for now, and milk this experience stream for all it's worth!" Zhu Hao secretly decided. His escape plan was postponed indefinitely. Why run and fight when you can lie down and get passively leveled by a divine being?
He snuggled deeper into Guanyin's thigh, already envisioning his next level-up.