POV Jess
My problems seem so small, so nonexistent after hearing his story.
A lone tear wells in his hazel eyes just dying to be released. I so badly want to reach out and swipe that ball of excruciating pain from his eye but I can't.
"I'm so sorry Cole, truly," I say feeling the burden of his heartache gravitating towards me.
"It's okay, what my mom lacked my dad picked up tenfold," he says with appreciation etched along his face.
"Your turn," he announces. What am I supposed to say now? I'm a brat that has the world at my fingertips but it's not good enough for me?
I shake my head no because I just can't whine about my situation after his story he'll think I'm absolutely ridiculous.
"I'm not going to judge you, we all have our own stories blondie and though they may be different our pain is always identical," Who is this man? That was beautifully said for someone that I thought was brainless.
"Well I think I need to start with some back story or I'll just sound like a whiny brat," I say, and his face shows indifference, like he wasn't planning a motive for his reaction.
I tuck a wavy strand of hair behind my ear and start, "I have a pretty rocky relationship with everyone in my family and it all started when I was five, my sister Nicole was six. We were outside playing near our in-ground pool, our nanny was washing dishes and we snuck out. There was a locked gate that Nicole secretly figured out how to open and we wanted to have our Barbies go swimming. I turned around to grab a Barbie and heard a splash, Nicole was leaning too far over and flipped herself over and into the pool. She hadn't really known how to swim quite yet, I tried to reach for her but she was too far out of reach, I watched her drown Cole," Tears brim in my eyes, I try not to think of that July afternoon too often, it's a trauma I bury deep.
"Go on," he whispers.
"It was the beginning of the end for me. I watched Nicole flail her arms and then I watched her stop. I did nothing, I just stood there and watched, looking back I think I was just in shock. Addy, our nanny luckily caught on quickly that we weren't inside and saw me standing by the pool, alone. She jumped in the pool and retrieved Nicole's limp body, called 911, and started CPR. What did I do you ask? I did nothing once again, I just stood and watched it all."
"Jess, you were five," Cole tries to reason with me, and in my head I know this but in my heart I am at fault. I also don't miss the fact that Cole said my name but I choose not to acknowledge it.
"So within minutes medics were on scene and yes, today I do have a sister so she survived but our family was never the same. Everyone blamed everyone, there was speculation that I attempted to kill Nicole which is not true, my parents had me in serious therapy, our nanny was fired and blacklisted, mom quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom and completely lost all of who she was. Tension was thick in the house and Nicole was treated like an absolute queen. My parents refused to say no to anything she wanted, they babied her, gave her the best of the best everything and it eventually caused a huge rift between all of us, mostly between Nicole and me. I'm not going to be naive and think that I didn't have a good childhood myself because I did, I was blessed with loving parents that put a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back but the bond was broken. Which I guess brings me to my life today, after Nicole's drowning incident my dad drilled life saving tactics into our heads and eventually unrelated medical lessons, every week we were tested with what we learned throughout the week, if we didn't pass our little test we were to do extra chores and as we got older our phones were taken away until the next test. Everyone in my family is or has been in the medical field. My dad owns his own pediatric office, Nicole is a pediatric nurse and my mom used to be a pediatric intensive care nurse before the Nicole thing happened. I feel like my parents and sister are worlds away from me and our thinking. Our personalities clash and Nicole is still the golden child, especially now because she's engaged to mayor Weston's son. Tonight I met with my mom and she wants me to leave Harborview to take Nicole's position at my dad's office so Nicole could go live a lifestyle of politics and look pretty on her soon-to-be husband's arm."
Cole sits there for a second taking everything I just said in and with every passing second I want to crawl inward into myself and die of humiliation.
"Are you going to do it?" He finally asks.
"Do what?" I just trauma dumped my whole life so I don't know what he's talking about.
"Are you going to go with your dad?" He asks staring me in the eyes and I'm starting to feel self-conscious.
"I don't want to but I know they'll find a way to get what they want," I truthfully admit.
"Can I ask you something Jessica, and can you be transparent with me?" He asks and the anxiety is flowing freely within me because I'm afraid of what he'll ask me.
"Are you happy?" I'm a little taken off guard by his question. It's a simple yes or no, needs no explanation, needs no thought just what I feel. I sit on this for a second, I study Cole's appearance as he waits for an answer. I look at his tattooed arms, mountains, an eagle, a cross, colored skies, and deep shaded black litter his arms with nature and faith. He is sure of who he is and I'm not, I bring my eyes back to his hazels.
"No Cole, I'm not."