Nyxara
đŻď¸ Content Warning: Brief mention of past suicide attempt and body disidentification. Emotionally nuanced and non-graphic but may be sensitive for some readers.
"To keep you in the loop about your recovery, you should know that over the next 2 weeks, you will be receiving layered in-hospital therapies. If your recovery has progressed well enough, Dr. Fillon, your primary care physician whom you met this morning, will sign off on you being released to complete your recovery at home."Â I couldn't suppress the excited wiggle or the grin that followed. I can't wait to get out there and explore this new world. I will do my best to make sure I can get out of here in 2 weeks. My actions brought smiles and grins to everyone's faces. Upon registering their reactions, I instantly pretended I hadn't gotten excited and affected a cool expression.
"I and Dr. Fillion will go over the fine details of your care plan later. To get your therapy jumpstarted, I will go over the topic of mating bonds. With the added information about you having a Hollow-bind previously, we do believe it played a big part in why you did what you did." With a pause, Aspen's eyes checked in with me. I nodded that I was good, so he continued. "There are two types of mate bonds in our society: Velari and Kaelin."
The screen displayed with a soft golden flame over a humanoid figure's heart. "Kaelin bonds are platonicârooted in choice, mutual respect, and spiritual kinship. There is no physical body manifestation of the bond, but one can see the bond mark in the auras of the bonded. Kaelin bond ritual includes a spell that will link essence cores but not exchange energy. It will also give the participants a mental link that varies in how it will manifest. For some, they can exchange thoughts. For others, they can only exchange emotions. Those are just two examples. The Kaelin ritual is the same for all designations."
When the next slide was displayed, Lux picked up where Aspen left off. "The other type of mating bond, Velari, is romantic or instinctive in nature. They can form by choice or fate. When it comes to the steps needed to complete the ritual, it matters whether the ritual will be between fated or chosen mates. This is for all designations. In a chosen Velari ritual, a binding artifact, a spell, and a ritual circle are necessary components. During the ritual, the participants will bite each other, perform an intimate act, and exchange core essence energy. This harmonizes essence cores and allows safe, consensual sharing of thoughts, emotions, and even essence."Â
The current slide had two images on it, one labeled chosen mate mark depicting a wrist marked with a braid of red and gold. The other image was labeled fated mate mark and it depicted a different wrist marked with a black, gold, and violet braid. Aspen pulled out a laser pointer from somewhere, circling the marks on each wrist. He can be so adorable when he gets all academic. I can't help but smile, wishing I could snap a picture of him mid-lecture.
"In a fated Velari ritual, there are some minor differences. This ritual is the same for all designations as well. The ritual is simpler. The participants only need to exchange essence core energy while committing an intimate act. Like in the chosen version, this harmonizes essence cores and allows safe, consensual sharing of thoughts, emotions, and essence." There is no way I could have prepared for what came out of his mouth next.Â
"It is believed that the reason why an intimate act is a step in both versions of the ritual is because when a person orgasms, 95% of people let their guard down, and true connection can be made with a person's essence energy, which facilitates the soul-deep bond." I blush and do not make eye contact with anyone.Â
Aspen did not just talk about orgasming with our parents sitting right there. And he said it clinically, but stillâŚI don't think I can look at my parents right now. I finish jotting down my notes, then hold up my hand to stop anyone from saying another word.
"I'm calling time out. Keir, help me to the bathroom. I need a moment to not look at any of you right now." While I'm rambling and ranting, Keir picks me up and walks me over to the bathroom. It's like a spa in here. He sets me down on the vanity table bench. While I continue to word vomit about my embarrassment, Keir puts cozy socks on my feet. He turns me to face the mirror, then proceeds to style my long hair into a ponytail with a brush.
I don't know how long I go on before I finally stop and look at myself in the mirror. Keir doesn't speak. I can feel him standing somewhere behind me. The face looking back at me is mine, but not mine. It's younger for one. I know logically, I was told this body was 21, but considering I was almost 30 when I decided to end my life, seeing myself at 21 again is a complete mind fuck. My skin is a pale golden brown. My eyes are like two silver moons. My hair, that was chestnut brown, curly, and shoulder-length in my past world, is long, wavy, and raven black in this world. I look physically weak, but there is a sense of strength hiding in the way my body wants to move.Â
I look beautiful and strong. I have always considered myself attractive, but the woman in the mirror is gorgeous in the way of a supermodel. Examining myself, I had to give a small thanks to Angel for sending me to a world where I got a massive glow-up. I need to stop looking at myself before I become vain. Somehow, I pulled my gaze away from myself but promised myself another session with myself later. Keir had kept watch over me the whole time. He did not rush me. He let me just be in this moment. It felt good to confirm my instincts were right about my choice to have him come in here with me.
"Everything is where it should be? You are not experiencing some kind of depersonalization, are you?" Keir asked cautiously. He looked like he wasn't sure if I would suddenly rage out or faint. "A little bit, to be honest, but not too much. I feel like I need to adjust to this body again, if that makes sense. I'm not going to self-harm if that is your concern. I think this body has had enough of that experience in this lifetime." And there goes my dark, twisted humor rearing its head during conversation. I wince, hoping Keir isn't about to get upset with me.
He snorts and chuckles, and that is all the personal confirmation I need to know this Keir will be my partner in crime in this life as well. "Yeah, Dragonfly, I would have to agree with you on that topic. Well, if you have calmed down enough, let's rejoin the others before they send a rescue team in here." He picks me up gently and carries me back to my chair. He makes sure I'm all settled and snuggled back in before he retakes his seat.
"Are you good now, little wolf? I apologize for Aspen catching you off guard like that. He does sometimes let his mouth say things that could have been worded differently when he is in lecture mode. I hope you will forgive him." Lux says calmly, but I didn't miss the smirk curling on his lips.