The sea was purple.
Not a majestic violet, or a deep royal indigo. It was the color of a texture missing in a video game. Just a flat, blinding #FF00FF purple that didn't reflect light so much as absorb hope.
The OPengers were sailing on it.
Their vessel was a Franken-ship. The hull of the Going Merry, the masts of a Viking Longboat from Vinland Saga, and the warp engines of a Federation Cruiser (which were currently sparking and smoking).
"I'm gonna hurl," Natsu Dragneel moaned.
The fire mage—who had been found clinging to a piece of driftwood ten miles back—was hanging over the railing.
"Get it together," Gray Fullbuster kicked him. "You're embarrassing the guild."
"This isn't motion sickness," Natsu gagged, green in the face. "This ship isn't moving. The world is moving around the ship. My brain knows the difference!"
"He's right," Bulma Briefs (tech support, brought along via capsule) tapped away on a holographic keyboard. "Our coordinates aren't changing. The 'Sea of Lost Content' works on treadmill logic."
"Meat..." Luffy whimpered.
The future Pirate King was sprawled on the deck like a wet noodle. Being on a sea—even a glitchy purple one—drained his energy.
"How are you a pirate if you can't handle the ocean?" Kazuma Satou asked, holding a fishing rod over the side. He pulled up a boot. Then a tin can. Then a Blu-Ray copy of a cancelled anime. "Garbage loot table. Figures."
"The water is weird," Tanjiro noted. He was leaning over the edge, sniffing the purple sludge. "It doesn't smell like salt. It smells like... ink. And unfulfilled promises."
"Don't fall in," Rimuru warned, in slime form. "I dipped a tentacle in. It tastes like filler episodes."
Suddenly, a piece of paper blew onto the deck.
It fluttered past Naofumi (who blocked it with a Shield, just in case), slapped Anos in the face (who burned it with a thought), and finally landed on Saitama's shiny, bald head.
Saitama peeled it off.
He looked at it.
He squinted.
His eyes widened into actual ovals. His pupils dilated.
"Genos."
"Yes, Sensei!" Genos was at his side instantly, readying weapons. "Enemy threat?"
"Look." Saitama held up the flyer with trembling hands.
It was a crude advertisement, printed on neon yellow paper.
GRAND OPENING: THE ABYSSAL SUPERMARKET.
Located: The Void Zone (700 miles East).
SPECIAL OFFER: TODAY ONLY.
PREMIUM WAGYU BEEF. 99% OFF.
LIMIT: ONE PER CUSTOMER.
"Ninety... nine... percent..." Saitama breathed.
"Sensei, this is clearly a trap," Genos analyzed the font. "That is 'Comic Sans.' No reputable grocer uses Comic Sans. The villains are trying to lure you away from the strategic objective."
Saitama didn't hear him. He was already vibrating.
"Genos, if I run across the water at Mach 500, I can get there in three seconds, shop for two minutes, and be back before anyone notices."
"Sensei, we need you to—"
"WAGYU!"
BANG.
A shockwave hit the ship. The sails shredded. Natsu was thrown overboard.
By the time the water spray settled, there was a cartoon-style dust trail (on water?) leading to the eastern horizon.
Saitama was gone.
High above in the clouds, lurking on a hovering string-manipulated platform, Donquixote Doflamingo laughed.
"Fuffuffuffu! It worked! He actually took the bait!"
Next to him, Light Yagami clicked a pen. "Psychological warfare. The simple mind is the easiest to manipulate. Now the power balance is manageable."
Light looked down at the purple sea.
"Deploy the Deep Ones."
The Purple Sea
Current Status: Missing One Bald Guy
"He left," Kazuma stated. He dropped his fishing rod. "The strongest guy in existence just abandoned us for steak. We're going to die."
"We still have plenty of firepower!" Asta yelled, jumping onto the railing. He pointed his sword at the ocean. "COME OUT! I CAN SENSE YOUR KI! OR CHAKRA! OR WHATEVER!"
The purple ocean bubbled.
"Careful," Jin-Woo stepped forward. His shadows were writhing on the deck, uneasy. "The water... it blocks necromancy. I can't summon soldiers from beneath the surface."
SPLASH.
A figure erupted from the waves.
It landed on the deck with a wet thud. It was blue. It had gills. It had a massive sword wrapped in bandages.
Kisame Hoshigaki?
No.
He was taller. And he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. And his nose was... saw-toothed.
"Shahahaha!" The hybrid laughed. "Welcome to Arlong Park... Remix Edition!"
It was a fusion. Kisame + Arlong.
And he wasn't alone.
Behind him, the water exploded upward. A hundred fish-men emerged, but they were wearing Akatsuki cloaks. They rode on sharks made of Nen beasts.
"Hand over the Anchor," Kisame-Arlong grinned, revealing rows of regenerating teeth. "Or feed the fishes."
"An Akatsuki Fishman," Naofumi sighed, his Shield glowing green. "Creative."
"Let me handle this!" Vegeta floated up, eager to prove he was better than the guy who left for beef. "I'll evaporate this entire ocean! BIG BANG ATTACK!"
He fired a sphere of concentrated energy.
It hit the water.
Bloop.
The water didn't explode. It turned into rubber. The attack bounced off the surface, flew back up, and hit Vegeta in the chest.
"GAH!" Vegeta tumbled out of the sky.
[SYSTEM GLITCH: WATER PROPERTIES SET TO 'RUBBER' FOR 10 SECONDS]
"Physics glitch!" Kirito shouted, checking his UI. "The mechanics of this zone randomize every 30 seconds! Don't trust your footing!"
"Randomize?" Aqua's eyes lit up. She pointed her staff. "Then water is my domain! SACRED CREATE WATER!"
She summoned a flood.
[SYSTEM GLITCH: WATER PROPERTIES SET TO 'LAVA']
"HOT! HOT! HOT!" Aqua shrieked as she summoned a tidal wave of molten rock onto her own teammates.
"YOU USELESS GODDESS!" Kazuma tackled her, dodging a blob of magma.
"It's chaos," Gojo laughed, standing on the railing. A spray of magma hit his Infinity barrier and fizzled out. "Guess I have to get wet."
Gojo lowered his hand. "Cursed Technique Lapse: Blue."
He aimed not at the fish-men, but at the ship's center. He grabbed the mast, the crew, and the deck—and pulled.
"Hold on!"
The ship leaped. Gojo yanked the entire vessel thirty feet into the air, just as a school of Nen-sharks devoured the spot where they had been floating.
"Nice assist!" Tanjiro shouted.
He looked at the Kisame-Arlong hybrid. "Water Breathing..."
Tanjiro hesitated. If I use water, will it turn into lava? Or pudding?
"Use Fire!" Natsu screamed, climbing back onto the ship (charred from the lava). "Fire Dragon's ROAR!"
He spewed flames.
[SYSTEM GLITCH: FIRE PROPERTIES SET TO 'CONFETTI']
A harmless blast of colorful paper fluttered out of Natsu's mouth, gently covering the menacing fish-men.
The fish-men blinked. They looked at the confetti.
"Now!" Asta screamed. "PHYSICAL ATTACKS DON'T GLITCH!"
The Anti-Magic boy launched himself. Since he used no magic, the glitched physics engine ignored him. He slammed the Demon-Slayer sword into a shark-mount, slicing it clean through.
"Mushrooms," Mash murmured.
Mash jumped. He didn't fly; he just kicked the air so hard it compressed into a step. He landed in front of Kisame-Arlong.
"Your sword," Mash said, pointing at the Samehada (Shark Skin) sword. "It looks edible. Is it rasp flavored?"
"It eats chakra!" Kisame-Arlong roared, swinging the massive blade. "And it will eat you!"
The sword bit into Mash's arm. The spikes dug in.
Samehada shuddered. Then it whined.
It tried to suck magic. There was no magic. Just incomprehensibly dense muscle fibers.
Mash flexed.
Samehada's teeth shattered. The living sword screeched and wiggled free, slithering away across the deck in terror.
"Bad sword," Mash reprimanded. He headbutted Kisame-Arlong.
CRUNCH.
The fish-man fusion flew backward, skipping across the lava-water-rubber-confetti ocean like a stone.
"Dive!" Jin-Woo ordered. "The Anchor is below! While they're distracted!"
"Who can swim in this mess?" Naofumi asked, blocking a rain of acid spines.
"Me," a voice bubbled.
Rimuru Tempest turned into a sleek, submarine-like shape.
"Hop in," Rimuru said, opening a hatch in his slime body. "I'll shield you from the glitches. We need a striker and a navigator."
"I'll go," Tanjiro volunteered. "I can smell the Anchor's scent even underwater."
"I'm coming too," Jin-Woo said. "If we reach the seafloor, the shadows might work there."
The two boarded the Rimuru-Sub.
The slime dived.
Location: The Abyssal Floor (Depth: ???)
It was quiet down here.
The water turned black. The glitchy surface effects faded. Here, the pressure was immense—crushing enough to flatten a tank.
Inside Rimuru, Tanjiro and Jin-Woo looked out through transparent slime-windows.
"It's a graveyard," Jin-Woo noted.
The seafloor was littered with sunk ships. A Viking longboat. A Navy warship from One Piece. A Titanic. And weirder things—giant statues of characters that looked "off." Bad drawings. Early concept art models given physical form.
"There," Tanjiro pointed.
In the center of a trench sat a chest. It was glitching violently, flickering between a gold chest and a cardboard box.
[Reality Anchor #2: The Plot Armor Breastplate]
"Plot Armor," Jin-Woo scoffed. "How literal."
"Warning," Rimuru's voice echoed inside. "Great Sage detects a massive biological signature uncloaking directly above us."
It wasn't a fish.
A giant shadow covered them.
It was a starfish. But the center wasn't a mouth—it was a face.
A pink, geometric face with dead eyes.
PATRICK STAR?
No. It was... Majin Patrick.
Patrick Star fused with Majin Buu.
He wore the Buu vest. His pink skin had holes in it for steam. And he looked hungry.
"Is this the Krusty Krab?" The monstrosity bellowed, the sound wave nearly destabilizing Rimuru's form. "NO! THIS IS DESTRUCTION!"
He raised a tentacle. A pink energy ball—the Vanishing Ball—formed at the tip.
"It's a gag character fusion," Jin-Woo's eyes glowed. "Just like Saitama. Logic won't work well."
"Then we use anti-logic," Rimuru decided. "Raphael, authorize ultimate skill: Gluttony King Beelzebuth."
Rimuru opened his mouth. Or rather, the submarine unhinged.
"Jin-Woo, shield us! I'm going to eat the attack!"
Majin Patrick fired. The pink beam tore through the deep water, boiling the ocean instantly.
Jin-Woo raised his hand. "Rise."
From the seafloor, darkness erupted. But not soldiers. He summoned Tusk—the massive orc giant he had collected. The giant shadow spirit braced itself, acting as a wall.
The beam hit Tusk. Tusk roared, vaporizing, but buying one second.
That was enough.
Rimuru surged forward. The black void of Gluttony met the pink beam.
SLURP.
The attack was gone. Absorbed.
"Delicious," Rimuru noted. "Tastes like strawberry ice cream and malice."
"My turn," Tanjiro said. He stepped out of Rimuru's body—braving the crushing pressure.
Water Breathing? No.
Sun Breathing?
"Dance of the Fire God..."
In the pitch-black ocean, flames erupted. Not chemical fire, but solar spiritual energy that ignored the lack of oxygen.
"Solar Halo Dragon Dance!"
Tanjiro twisted. The flame dragon lit up the abyss. He slashed at Majin Patrick's connecting joint.
Slash.
The arm fell off.
"OW! MY TUBBY CUSTARD!" Majin Patrick wailed.
"NOW!" Jin-Woo shouted.
He didn't attack Patrick. He lunged for the chest.
He grabbed the glitchy box.
[REALITY ANCHOR 2/7 ACQUIRED]
The ocean screamed.
The purple color vanished. The water turned... blue? Normal blue?
Physics reset.
Up on the surface:
"Ahhhhh!" Aqua fell as the water she was standing on stopped being solid glass and became liquid again.
"Physics!" Bulma cheered. "Gravity is constant! 9.8 m/s squared!"
Later: On the Deck
Saitama returned.
He was holding a small plastic bag. He looked devastated.
"Sensei?" Genos asked carefully.
"It was fake," Saitama whispered, staring at the horizon. "The beef... it was tofu. Painted brown."
He crushed a piece of fake Wagyu in his hand.
"Unforgivable."
Naofumi patted his shoulder. "We got the Armor, at least."
The group gathered around the chest. Naofumi opened it.
Inside lay a chestplate. It was brilliant white, glowing with a golden aura.
"The Plot Armor," Kirito analyzed. "Item Description: When equipped, the user cannot die unless it adds dramatic value to the story."
"That's broken," Kazuma reached for it. "Mine."
"NO!" Everyone slapped his hand away.
"We give this to the tank," Kirito decided, handing it to Naofumi.
Naofumi equipped it. The green gem on his shield resonated with the white armor. He felt... strangely safe. Like the Author personally liked him.
"Two down," Asta grinned, shaking sea water out of his hair. "Five to go."
[SYSTEM ALERT]
[VILLAIN ALLIANCE MOVEMENT DETECTED]
[TARGET: ZONE 3 - THE ETERNAL SCHOOL FESTIVAL]
"School Festival?" Deku shuddered. "Why does it have to be a school?"
"I sense high magical energy," Rimuru looked at the map. "Zone 3 is where the romantic comedies merged."
"Rom-coms?" Anos raised an eyebrow. "A battlefield of hearts. Finally, a challenge."
"Wait," Gojo held up his phone (which somehow had signal). "I'm getting a text from the Zone 3 villains."
"What does it say?"
Gojo showed the screen.
It was a picture of a girl. A very specific, pink-haired yandere girl. Yuno Gasai.
Holding hands with... Satou from Happy Sugar Life.
Text: COME PLAY WITH US. OR WE KILL THE LOVE INTERESTS.
"Love interests?" Tanjiro panicked. "Nezuko!"
"My tea set!" Anos narrowed his eyes.
"Meat!" Luffy added.
"We move," Vegeta commanded, crossing his arms. "I have a wife to get back to, and if these romance cliches delay me, I'm blowing up the planet."
"Don't blow up the planet, Vegeta," Goku laughed. "But yeah! Let's go to school!"