Noxan follow the social teacher,the wind behind them was filled with energy.
"Noxan I think you are in love with Sylas and don't want anyone to know, can I ask you why and can I please get more details of what happened"
Noxan clenched his had together and slowly said
"It's hard,I also don't know what happens with me"
"Ever since kindergarten I have been bullied and I felt emotion less, only pain no love, happiness or interest.I felt and reacted to emotions ,but never truly lived them.It's like phantom pain but with emotions.You fell something but at the same time the ocean is still with no source of wind.As if someone put fire behind a glass wall,there is something there but you can't really feel it.And now there is love,lust,need and grief I hate it.
The Love controls me and the lust,need and grief trigger my addiction, Everytime I think of him or I see someone who looks slightly like him I get the urge.
That's why it raised to 5 times daily,I can't control it.This feeling is to strong for me .The wave sucks me deep into the ocean.
Not only that,I can't love him.Love is the law and religion was taught,but I believe in my religion and I don't wanna disappoint my parents.
I need him so much,it hurts me not having him.Fridays I cry and Mondays I enjoy just because of him.
I'm at the same deep hole again like in my deep depression,but this time I work ,I live,I function.
The hole is there but I'm fragily floating over it.
I hurt him and that made me fall,I hurt him so much.I saw the trauma on his face,I saw the confusion in his head,the wind was turning his glaze multiple times it was a chaos I caused.I don't wanna hurt anyone,not anymore.... , except myself... .If blood is my price I will take it.I will slice trough my head like a soldier for her princess.
He is deer in the forest,so beautiful yet easy ot scare away, just why can't he trust me , because we are not the same.... ,just because my gender I can't love him? Is that what we were made for.
To chase but never catch,the dronw but never swim,to glide but never stay in the ocean.
This hole is deep,maybe even deeper then ever,yes probably.Depresion doesn't go away it just gets deeper,we became better at hiding and ignoring it because the ground can't be seen anymore."