The social teacher stopped him and said
"Wow Noxan that's a lot of information that you just told me ,but I don't think you are life risked so I won't tell your parents but I want you to know that I'm always here for you,if the waves become to strong."
Noxan nicked his head in understanding,but he already knew he will never use this opertunity,if he told the whole truth,she would definitely call my parents.
*I can't risk it ,my parents can't know of my sexuality.*
It started to rain,and the sound was hearrebel on the window, knocking and popping.The wind was calm,no sing of a sturm.Just the quit and relaxing rain.
Nocan had a deep connection with the rain,in his Panicattacks the rain calm him down,and allowed him to breath the fresh air with that unique smell.
Noxan spoke again, clearly relaxed and chilled down,like the ocean after the storm.
"Thanks but I ask you please don't tell my parents or anyone else about my sexuality, people won't accept if I tell them.I tested it and a lot of the people in this school are homophobic.I'm scared of the waves that come with it.It's like a deer without his horns,he still the same but nobody sees him as normal anymore.They expect me to be beautiful and myself at the same time,not to fit in but to be the standard.I feel like as soon I start questioning myself about my sexuality my skin starts to burn,just why does my skin start to burn.I wanna love but not in fire"
The social teacher answers
"Why are you scared of the waves,why are you scared of not swimming,why are you scared of rescuing yourself.Is it that you want to be held,do you want to be the victim,do you want a boy who dominats you,or did you forget the help yourself"
Noxan realized that,all that time he helped others he lost himself,he lost the ability to care for himself,he pushed others out the ocean with the price of falling deeper with less air which each step.
Noxan also realized he wasn't dominant,not just dominant but also the submissive,he needed a boy who can take the lead but also that boy uses his map.
"Both, I don't wanna be masculine all the time I wanna be poetic,I wanna be weak,I wanna be miserable but in comfort and not Servitude."