I woke up earlier than usual.
That uneasy feeling still hadn't gone away, and I felt a little anxious about what might happen today. I was trying to not think about it.
I got ready ahead of time and tried walking around the dorm courtyard for a bit. I hoped the fresh morning air would help lessen the feeling.
After several minutes of walking, the feeling didn't go away at all.
I gave up and walked back to my room to wait for Fyna.
"Rene? Where did you go? I thought you already left for school without me," Fyna said, having just finished putting on her uniform.
"I just walked around the courtyard a bit. You know… to reduce the 'stage fright.'" I said with a small laugh.
Fyna walked closer and held both my arms. "Ready?" she asked.
I nodded. "Let's go."
Vyne and the others were already waiting in the dorm lobby.
We headed to school together to meet and face our "fate."
All the students were gathered in front of the hall doors. Everyone was excitedly waiting for the doors to open so they could enter and meet their guardians.
Their faces looked joyful and calm—Fyna and the others too.
Only I couldn't feel joy or calmness.
The uneasy feeling had been haunting me since last night.
After a moment, the doors finally opened.
"Let's go…" Fyna said, placing her hand on my shoulder.
Vyne, Efan, and Resa smiled and nodded at me.
I smiled back at them and walked into the hall together.
When we enter to inside, I saw the chairs were arranged facing each other—just like the headmaster explained yesterday.
Some students already started walking and sitting down, which meant they had found their guardians.
I also tried looking for someone I could see among the empty chairs.
I watched as some students reached out toward empty chairs, and a moment later, white light appeared from their hands.
The light gathered and formed a human-like shape sitting in the chair in front of them—their guardian—who also reached out a hand.
They had completed the "adjustment."
Fyna and the others began choosing their seats too.
But I still didn't see my guardian.
I felt nervous and scared.
The number of students still standing beside me kept decreasing, and I still couldn't find anyone.
After checking all the seats multiple times, I finally realized—
and ran out of the hall.
When I snapped out of it, I was already sitting under the bridge… the place where I always met Yue.
I don't really care where I am now.
This time I really don't know what I need to do.
I hugged my knees and tried to process what had happened.
I remembered entering the hall, trying to find someone I could see and sit with…
but I saw no one.
Only other students with their guardians.
The bad feeling I had since last night…
It had become real.
---
I felt like crying.
It's made me remembered my past when my parent leave me alone. And today, this was the day I had been waiting for all this time—
yet I felt abandoned by my own guardian.
Why didn't I have one?
Why was I alone?
It wasn't possible to be born without a guardian…
So why?
Why did this happen to me?
Tears fell as I cried into my knees.
"Rene?" someone called.
I wiped my tears and looked up to see who is calling me. It was -
Yue.
"Why are you crying, Ren? Did something happen?" Yue asked.
I didn't know whether I should tell him.
But I shook my head.
"No… nothing… I was just thinking about something…"
"Thinking of something?" he asked, sitting down to listen.
"I was just wondering about you…"
I looked down at the ground.
"I was wondering whether you'd still want to be my friend even after I get my guardian partner…"
He went silent for a moment—then laughed.
I looked at him, confused.
"You were thinking about that? You could've just asked. Why cry? Were you scared I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore?" he teased.
I didn't know how to reply.
I just felt embarrassed. I should not asking something i shouldn't ask.
"You used to be so stubborn and persistent when you wanted to be my friend. Why are you be crying baby now?" he laughed again.
"Don't worry, I'll always be your friend," he said softly with a smile.
I froze a little at his words and the way he smiled.
He felt different from the first time I met him. His eyes not showing the sadness anymore.
It made me happy to see that.
"And thank you… for crying because of me," he added.
"By the way, did you meet your guardian today? What is he like?"
"…."
I couldn't answer.
"I… I don't know…"
"What do you mean?" Yue asked, a little confused.
"I don't know what he looks like…"
I hugged my knees tighter.
"I don't even know his name…"
Yue stayed silent.
He didn't ask anything. And I hugged my knees more thighter.
"Since last night, I've had this bad feeling. I didn't know why… but my friends said it was just 'stage fright.'
I was trying not to think about it. But when I entered the hall to look for my guardian… the feeling came back haunted me and scared me.
Then, after I realized it—
and ran away from that place and here I am."
"I… I didn't find my guardian.
I felt so alone... Because no one can be my partner!
Everyone found their partner except me.
I don't understand what happened.
Where is my partner?
Why don't I have a guardian?!
Why?! Why am I the only one alone?! Why?!!"
I finally cried so hard and broken after said it all out.
Yue stayed quiet. He didn't say anything, he just keep waiting until I calmed down.
When I finally settled a bit, I stood up and bit farewell to him, to go back—so my friends wouldn't worry.
Then I left the place.
----
End of Chapter Eleven.