Chapter 13 — One Word I Couldn't Say
---
The sun hadn't fully risen yet. A gentle mist curled over the mountains, softening the world in pale blue. The guesthouse was quiet, broken only by the occasional rustle of a sleeping bag or the sleepy thump of footsteps on wooden floors.
Save was already awake.
He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes, his hoodie pulled tight around him. Across the room, Auau stood near his bag, folding clothes neatly, yawning as he adjusted his backpack straps.
Save watched him.
His heart thudded — not loudly, but enough to remind him:
> "Say it today. Just say it before the hike. Before everything gets loud again."
He rehearsed it in his head for the fifth time that morning.
> "Hey, Auau… about before… I wasn't trying to be mean. I just… I didn't know how to talk to you. I'm sorry."
> "Just say it," he told himself. "Even just that."
Auau noticed him looking. He smiled gently, eyes still sleepy.
> "Morning, Black Cat," he said — that teasing voice he always used. Like nothing had happened.
Save opened his mouth — and then—
> "WAKE UP, CAMPING ZOMBIES!"
Por burst into the room, fully dressed and dramatically waving a flashlight like a sword. "We leave in thirty! If you're not packed, you're wearing a leaf!"
Laughter echoed through the room. Bags unzipped. People moved.
And just like that…
> The moment was gone.
Save stared at his socks, frustrated.
> "Missed it again. Coward."
Outside, the sound of birds grew louder, signaling the start of another long day. Everyone began gathering bags, prepping tents, and stuffing snacks into side pouches.
Excitement was in the air.
Save was quiet.
---
The group moved like a slow, colorful snake winding its way through the trees — some students chatting excitedly, others groaning under the weight of their backpacks. Sunlight filtered through the forest canopy in soft golds and greens, dappling the dirt path with light.
Branches cracked under boots. Insects buzzed lazily. Somewhere ahead, Por shouted, "Who packed five bags of chips and no water?!"
Patji's voice echoed: "It's called balance!"
Laughter rolled up the trail.
Save lagged behind.
His eyes scanned the line ahead until he spotted Auau — walking just a few steps away from Por. The two of them were joking about something again. Por made dramatic flailing gestures, and Auau laughed, leaning into him just slightly.
> "It's nothing. Don't spiral," Save told himself. "You're the one who stepped away. Not him."
He adjusted his bag strap and quietly picked up his pace until he was walking beside Auau.
Auau looked over, slightly surprised, but gave a soft smile.
> "Getting bored back there, Cat?"
Save almost smiled — but it didn't quite reach his lips.
> "Hey…" he started.
His voice was small, but clear.
Auau turned slightly toward him, waiting.
> Now. Say it now.
> "I just… I wanted to—"
> "SNAKE!!"
A scream cut through the forest.
Someone up ahead jumped. Bags hit the dirt. Boon yelled. Mintra shrieked and climbed behind Patji like he was a tree.
Save and Auau both froze.
Seconds later: laughter.
"Not a snake, idiot! It's a stick!"
"Who screams at sticks?!"
"YOU screamed at a cricket yesterday!"
The chaos settled into nervous giggles. Even the trees seemed to breathe again.
Auau laughed too, hand on his chest.
"God, I thought it was going to bite my face," he muttered.
Save tried to laugh along. But the tightness in his chest returned.
> Moment gone. Again.
Auau looked at him, still smiling, a little winded from the scare.
> "You okay?"
Save nodded. "Yeah."
> But inside, he was screaming.
You don't know how much I want to talk to you. To tell you I'm sorry. To say everything I've been holding in.
> And still — nothing came out.
They kept walking.
Leaves rustled behind them. Por caught up, swinging a stick like a sword.
"Fear is weakness leaving the body!" he declared.
Patji followed, unimpressed. "That's not fear, it's drama."
The hike continued.
Save fell silent again.
---
The group settled under a patch of trees, backpacks tossed like tired bodies and water bottles shared like treasure.
The teachers had passed out packed lunches — rice, omelets, spicy fried something that half the class pretended to like. The forest buzzed with soft wind and distant birdcalls, a brief moment of peace.
Save sat a little apart from the others, his legs stretched out on a sloping rock, lunch untouched in his lap.
Across from him, Auau pulled a drink from his bag and walked over.
> "You didn't take the orange juice," Auau said, holding it out. "Here."
Save looked up. Auau's voice was light, but his eyes lingered — unsure, maybe even… trying?
Save took the drink slowly.
> "Thanks," he muttered.
Auau gave a small smile. "Still not talking to me properly, huh?"
> It wasn't accusatory. It wasn't teasing.
Just soft. Curious. Like a question waiting for an answer.
Save's throat tightened.
> Say something. Say anything. Don't freeze again.
He opened his mouth—
"AUAAAUU!!" Por called from a short distance. "Help me open this. My fingers are wet. It's an emergency."
Auau glanced at Save — like he wanted to stay — but then rolled his eyes and turned.
"Coming!"
He jogged off. Save just sat there, orange juice in hand, lips parted in silence.
> Another chance, gone. Again.
His grip tightened slightly on the juice box.
---
A few meters away, Por crouched in a huddle with Toon, Mintra, Beam, and a few others. Their voices were low, but the mischief was obvious.
> "Okay, listen. Tonight — perfect time," Por whispered.
"He's terrified of ghosts, right? We hang up a fake spirit sheet in the trees, rattle some bamboo. Instant drama. It'll be funny. Maybe he'll cling to someone. Boom. Spark."
Beam laughed. "You're evil."
Por: "I'm a genius."
Patji walked over and crossed his arms.
> "This is a terrible idea," he said flatly. "You remember how freaked out he gets."
Por waved a hand. "Exactly. This'll break the tension. Get them talking again. He'll probably run into Auau's arms."
Patji: "Or run into the forest and cry. Real funny."
Just then, Auau approached, frowning slightly.
> "You're really going through with it?"
Por looked at him. "Come on, you were saying you don't know what's up with him either. Maybe this will shake something loose."
Auau didn't answer right away.
He glanced back toward where Save sat — alone, looking down at the drink in his hand like it was a lifeline and a curse.
> "I don't think this is the way," Auau finally said.
Por: "It's harmless."
Patji: "It's dumb."
Beam: "It's already halfway planned."
Auau hesitated. Just for a second.
> He didn't want to be part of it. But he didn't walk away either.
---
Save sat alone, knees tucked up, juice still unopened.
> He gave me a drink. That was… something.
He was trying. And I just sat there. Again.
Why am I like this?
He pressed his palm against his eyes.
> I hurt him, and he doesn't even know why.
No one does.
They all keep reaching out.
And I keep pulling back.
In the background, someone let out a fake ghost moan. More laughter.
Save didn't even flinch. He just felt… tired.
---
By the time they reached the campsite, the sky had dipped into soft amber. Light filtered through the trees like gold dust, and the air was filled with tired chatter, unzipping backpacks, and the occasional, "Where's the tent pole?!"
> "Okay!" Teacher Plaa clapped. "Group A, set up tents. Group B, collect firewood. Group C, help with the cooking gear. Go go go!"
Save and Auau ended up together on firewood duty.
Of course they did.
> "Stay together," Teacher Chai warned. "Don't wander too far. Forest spirits don't return things."
Por whispered to Toon, "He means socks, right?"
---
The forest swallowed the group in leafy silence. Save walked a few steps behind Auau, hands deep in his sleeves. The basket they'd been given for collecting kindling swung gently at his side.
Neither of them had said much. But the quiet between them wasn't sharp — just... tentative.
Auau glanced back.
> "You're still weirdly quiet today," he said, not unkindly.
Save looked up. "Sorry."
Auau raised an eyebrow, surprised. "For?"
Save hesitated. "I mean, not for anything. Just… I don't know."
Auau smiled softly. "You're strange."
Save bent down to grab a branch. "Yeah."
> "You weren't like this before," Auau added, a bit more gently now.
"At least… not around me."
Those words hit too close.
Save opened his mouth — this is the moment, say something, now — but nothing came.
> "I…" he started, but the air caught in his throat.
"It's nothing."
Auau didn't press, but his eyes lingered a little longer this time. Like he knew it wasn't nothing. Like he wanted to wait — but didn't know how long to stand in the dark with someone who wouldn't speak.
---
Back at camp, tents were half-up and half-collapsed. Patji was poking at a tarp like it had personally wronged him.
> "Why does this look like a deflated bat?" he muttered.
Save and Auau returned with the wood. Por popped up beside them with an exaggerated gasp.
> "You guys didn't get haunted? Amazing."
Save shot him a look.
Por grinned. "You look like you saw a ghost, Save. Or is that just your usual face?"
Save forced a laugh. "Funny."
> Inside, something twisted. Because he almost said it. Almost.
---
Later, under the cover of low voices and twilight, Por huddled again with the others.
> "We'll wait till after dinner," he whispered. "One ghost sheet. One speaker for creepy sounds. A few shadows. Save gets scared. Auau finds him. Instant bonding."
Patji frowned. "You're playing with feelings."
Por shrugged. "I'm playing with timing. Same thing."
Auau stood behind them this time — arms crossed.
> "I'm telling you again. Don't take it too far," he said quietly.
Beam: "We won't. It's harmless."
Auau didn't reply.
> He just turned toward the campfire, where Save sat alone again, staring into the orange glow — eyes far away from everyone else.
> He shouldn't have let it go this far.
But something in him still wanted to believe Por knew what he was doing.
Even if it felt wrong.
---
The sky had turned indigo, the stars beginning to bloom one by one. A thin breeze rustled the treetops as students gathered in a loose circle around the small campfire. Marshmallows hissed and cracked over the flames. Someone played guitar badly. Laughter filled the air.
But Save felt like the only one not breathing it in.
He sat near the edge of the group, close enough to feel the warmth, far enough to avoid the noise. His hoodie sleeves were pulled over his hands, thumb pressing against his palm rhythmically — a nervous habit he didn't know how to break.
All day… he'd tried.
> "I'll say it before the hike,"
"I'll say it during lunch,"
"I'll say it when we're alone."
But the words had never come. He'd let every moment pass.
And now?
Now, Auau was sitting across the fire, bathed in soft gold light. His cheeks glowed slightly from the heat, his hair a bit messy from the hike, his smile smaller than usual… but still there. Laughing at someone's joke. Not looking at Save.
Not anymore.
Save's chest tightened.
He doesn't even know what I've been carrying.
That I'm sorry.
That I didn't mean to freeze him out.
That I didn't know how to deal with how much I liked him.
That I thought staying silent would protect both of us.
> "Just one word," Save thought. "Just say sorry. Just… try."
He opened his mouth.
But just then—
> "Let's tell ghost stories!" Beam shouted dramatically, waving a half-roasted marshmallow like a wand.
Groans. Excitement. Movement.
Someone killed the camp lights for extra effect.
Save immediately felt his spine stiffen.
The dark closed in. The flickering fire made shadows dance against the tents. Tree branches looked like twisted arms above them.
Por stood and took center stage, arms spread like a villain in a play.
> "Legend says… a boy once got lost in these very woods."
"He heard a whisper behind him… turned around… and saw—"
"Nothing."
Everyone leaned in.
> "But when he looked back… his tent was gone."
Shrieks and laughter.
Por grinned like a proud child. "So don't wander off tonight… or she'll get you too."
More laughter. Marshmallows fell into the fire. Someone screamed over nothing. Beam started humming fake horror music.
Save's hands had curled tightly into fists.
He didn't realize he was trembling until he felt it in his arms.
He hated this. The dark. The stories. The way everyone laughed like it wasn't terrifying.
He risked a glance across the circle — and found Auau watching him.
For a second, their eyes met.
Auau's smile faded. Concern flickered in his gaze.
He was about to stand up.
But Por leaned down to whisper something — and Auau's attention was pulled away again.
> "Now," Por whispered to his little group. "Time for the real show."
Patji heard it. He looked up sharply. "Don't," he said low. "It's not funny anymore."
Por gave him a look. "It's just a prank. He'll be fine."
Patji didn't answer. His lips pressed into a line. He turned to Save, who hadn't heard anything, still too frozen to react.
The fire crackled louder now. Shadows flickered along Save's face. Auau's gaze returned to him — a bit anxious, a bit unsure.
But Save didn't speak. Not even when he wanted to.
He just stared into the flames, thinking:
> "Tomorrow. I'll say it tomorrow."
> "I'll make it right. Tomorrow."
He didn't know that the prank had already begun.
---
The forest was dark in a way that didn't feel natural.
It wasn't just the night. It was the silence. The kind of silence that sinks into your bones and tells you you are very, very alone.
Leaves rustled above him. Branches creaked like something breathing.
Save crouched near a crooked tree root, hugging his knees, flashlight flickering in his trembling hand.
He had wandered off — a little too far — when the prank started. Someone shouted about a ghost. A scream. Laughter. Flashlights went wild. People scattered.
He hadn't meant to end up here.
He had only stepped away from the fire to clear his head, to rehearse — again — how he might finally say sorry to Auau.
But then… everything spiraled.
Now, he didn't know how far he'd come. Or how far everyone else had gone.
And no one was calling for him.
Just the wind. The creak of trees. His own heartbeat in his throat.
---
Save's Pov.
> "It's cold. No, not cold — empty. Like the kind of cold that starts inside you."
> "Why did I leave the tent? Why didn't I just say it earlier?"
> "I wanted to say sorry. Just one word. Just one word. I couldn't even do that."
> "I was so afraid of ruining things that I ruined them anyway."
> "Por's probably laughing. They all are. I bet they think I'm just dramatic again."
> "I'm not strong like them. I don't laugh things off. I feel everything. I always have."
> "And him… Auau. He probably doesn't even care. Or worse, he does. And I still pushed him away."
> "I never told him. Not even once. Not that I was sorry. Not that I liked him. Not that I kept dreaming of what his smile would look like if it was meant for me."
> "And now I'm here. In the dark. Shaking like a kid. Pathetic."
> "I bet if I disappeared, no one would even notice—"
(beat)
> "No. That's not true. Patji would. Por would. He… Auau… would."
> "...Right?"
(a crack of leaves nearby. Light flashes. He flinches.)
---
The torchlight hit his face first — a streak of gold across pale skin and wide, watery eyes.
Then the voice. Breathless. Urgent.
"Save?!"
Auau stumbled through the last line of trees, panting hard, flashlight raised like a sword. His eyes landed on Save — curled against the trunk, knees drawn up, breath ragged.
For a second, neither moved.
Then Save blinked.
"Y-You?" he whispered.
Auau stepped closer. "God… Save, are you—"
He knelt beside him, lowering the flashlight, his voice breaking, "I should've stopped them. I knew this was going too far."
Save's body went rigid.
He stared at him like something had just cracked open in his chest.
"…You were there," Save said. His voice was too soft. Too broken.
Auau's breath hitched. "I—I didn't want it to go this far. I tried—"
"You were there." Save's voice rose, not loud, but sharp. Frayed.
He shoved the flashlight away, barely able to look at him.
"You were with them."
Auau opened his mouth, but Save was already unraveling.
---
"I tried all day," he said, the words tumbling out now. "I tried so hard to say one word to you. Just one. And every time, I froze. Every time, something got in the way. Or someone. Or me."
His voice cracked.
"I've been so cold, haven't I? I know. I know I hurt you. I ignored you. I avoided you like it was your fault I was falling apart."
His hands were shaking. His whole body trembled now.
"And still, you looked at me. You were nice to me. You—god, you gave me that stupid juice at lunch like it could fix me or something. And I didn't even look you in the eye."
Auau whispered, "Save—"
"I'm not done," Save said, more to himself than anyone else. His hands curled into fists against the dirt. "Everyone keeps saying I'm quiet. Sensitive. 'The black cat,' remember?" He gave a bitter laugh. "But no one knows how loud it gets in my head."
"I'm always scared. Of saying the wrong thing. Of saying too much. Of being laughed at. Or worse — being noticed, and then forgotten again."
He turned away.
"I'm sorry. I am. I'm so sorry I made you feel like you weren't enough. You were. You are. I just…"
"…I wasn't ready."
---
The Silence
The wind moved gently through the leaves.
The flashlight had fallen to the ground, casting soft light on both of them.
Auau didn't speak for a while.
When he finally did, his voice was barely a breath:
"I never wanted to hurt you."
He scooted closer, slowly, careful not to startle Save. "I saw how scared you looked today. I knew they were going to do something. I tried to stop it. I did. But I didn't try hard enough. That's on me."
He looked at Save fully now.
"I care about you. Even when you're cold. Even when you push me away. I still care."
Save looked at him then — really looked. His eyes filled up again, but he didn't wipe them.
He just said one last thing.
"I thought you wouldn't come."
Then he collapsed forward — from exhaustion, from panic, from holding it all in.
Auau caught him.
---
He wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly, protectively — like he was something fragile, something precious.
Auau whispered, "You idiot. Of course I'd come."
Then softer, against his hair:
"…My little black cat."
Save didn't hear him.
But maybe, somewhere inside, he felt it.
The forest was still dark.
But the cold wasn't so empty anymore.
---
— End of Chapter 13 —