The next day, Rose—pale, wearing dark sunglasses and clearly deprived of sleep—entered the office. After a quick greeting to Ethel and Pete, she headed directly to the conference room where everyone was waiting to discuss the ritual.
Her heart was knotted inside her chest. She really wanted to turn around and go back home. Her heart was pounding full of sorrow and anxiety. She didn't want to see their disappointed looks after her outburst the day before, and despite knowing she had to apologize, their cold words and efficiency were like an iron burning her skin. She couldn't blame them for being detached but it hurt. It hurt too much. Was she being too emotional?
The night before, Locious took her home but she didn't register any of the things they said or did. Like a robot she got off his motorcycle, entered her house and without turning on a single light went directly to bed. Her mind was elsewhere. Actually it wasn't just a wandering head but a feeling of drowning, as if waves of pain were about to eat her whole.
Every time she tried to close her eyes, the priest came to mind. He had such a tragic ending—and until his last breath, he willingly protected the people. He stayed in a cursed place to give the people their last rites and wrote an account of all the strange details for future generations, protecting the journal with his own life. Even in death, he was still the reason why the Angel Society was created and helped humanity for centuries. But where was he now? He wasn't in heaven; his soul seemed to have disappeared. Did he find peace? Was he reincarnated and getting good karma in this life?
But there was a thorn piercing her heart, as if deep down she didn't believe the priest received the reward she was expecting, and that thought made her cry. It was pain, but it was also anger. An almost tangible anger. Spending your whole life, giving your body heart and soul, to end up how? In a book full of darkness as another entry, not even a name noted down nor a thanking plaque or a place to tell him that they were still fighting because of him. Once the first tear was shed, a wave of others followed. That was the reason her eyes were puffy with dark circles around them that day. She didn't want to be there, and she didn't want to listen to the story again, but it was her job, and she couldn't start skipping work just because she was feeling too much.
However, despite all her worries, no one mentioned the story during the meeting. Everyone seemed to already know the facts. The priest wasn't mentioned at all, nor were her harsh words. Locious just gave instructions to everybody and they spent the next few days focused fully on the investigation, which was a relief for her overstimulated heart. Locious and Rose spent the first two days interviewing the rest of the witnesses and practicing the memory erasing skill, but they would always come back empty-handed, which added another feeling to her already chaotic mind mess: disappointment. And to make things worse, every time she saw Locious, her heart skipped a beat, now adding hate for the Angel Aura to her list of chaotic feelings.
What if the battle we are fighting is pointless?
Having to deal with the grief, the strange thoughts and what it was expected from her—was there a reason to keep going? Why am I still here? Will I end up forgotten like the priest?
She stopped reading the papers in front of her and looked around. She hoped she would have a sudden epiphany that would give her a will to keep on going but, at that moment, surrounded by books and computers, with Locious, Sandy, Ben, and Mike fully focused on trying to solve this mystery, she just felt... empty.
"The witnesses are clean, boss," Mike stated stiffly, adjusting his glasses. Locious and Sandy had spent the last few days looking at her with worried eyes and Ben was oblivious of what had happened. However, Mike would give her brief nasty looks when no one was watching and completely ignore her as if she were an ornament when Locious was around. What was the reason behind his attitude? Was it jealousy, overprotection, or was it love?
No, it couldn't be love; if it was, he would have made her life completely impossible, but he probably just saw her as a nuisance, someone who didn't belong there. And he is right, I don't belong here, she thought, but Locious's voice asking Ben about his findings made her focus on the people in front of her once again.
"Nothing on the ritual's symbols," Ben muttered. "Well, nothing we don't already know. It has been used with tragic endings and no witnesses, but no mention of what it is really used for or the how. The only good information we have is from..." he cut his words and looked at her with fearful eyes. Fancy that, he wasn't as oblivious as she thought. But she showed no reaction and stared at him as if waiting for him to finish. He went on rambling about all the mysteries they needed to uncover and she stopped listening.
She tried to be very careful around Locious: not to look at him for too long, not being in his presence for more than a few minutes, and not to pay attention to all the little acts he performed as if he really cared for her. But once more, she couldn't control her eyes and they automatically landed on him. He was the perfect image of an Angel and a boss. Attractive—breathtakingly attractive—strict but easygoing. Cold but reachable. Despite the anger she had felt and the tears she shed, she couldn't really blame him for trying to destroy something that threatened the sole reason for their existence. Even if she wouldn't say it out loud, she admired him.
I really like him. No, I love him, I absolutely love him, the thought repeated in her head over and over and she sighed, taking her eyes off of him. It's not love, we know better. It's just a delusion created by the Angel Aura. Shut up!
"I think we hit a wall," Sandy said, closing the book she was reading with strength, making everybody in the room jump on their seats.
"I agree. I have been thinking about asking for help, but I will be gone for a few days if I do that. So, if you tell me I can leave you in charge, I will get going tonight, we need to work this out as soon as possible." Locious said and looked at everyone in the room. The consequences of not doing so hung over their heads, even if not spoken out loud.
She knew he wasn't talking to her, but butterflies flew in her stomach when he looked her in the eyes, as if asking for her opinion, too. But she couldn't let her heart delude her into thinking that it was nothing more than friendship. Maybe it was not even friendship; it was just how he cared for all his workers. You've seen him, Rose. He does not treat you any differently than any other person there.
Tears welled in her eyes again. It was a hard thing to accept, but until the Angel Aura wore off, she had to remind herself every time of that reality, even if it hurt.
"I'll go home and prepare everything. If anything happens, Sandy, you know how to contact me," Locious said and got up. Mike followed with his agenda, and they disappeared from the office. She tried to remain unaffected by his sudden leave, but her mind showered her with one question after the other. Who is he meeting? May it be a lover, a boss? Who is so important that you have to keep it a secret? Is it someone you want to protect? Is it someone you love? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Fucking stupid aura, fucking stupid trial, she cursed in her mind. If it didn't wear off soon, she would end up crazy. The emotional rollercoaster was too much. None of it is real. You don't love him, and you are not jealous, she reminded herself one more time and got up to go home..
"Hey girly, as we are in a waiting period until Locious comes back, what about going for a drink? You'll be safe, I promise," Sandy said with a smile. Honestly, she didn't really want to and was about to reject the invitation when Ben joined them.
"Yes, let's go to that new bar that has the sound proof panels! I have some gossip to share," he said in a funny tone and gave a quick wink, and it piqued her curiosity. What was the gossip? Would it be like the bomb dropped on her the first day? If I want to stay here, information is necessary to keep my sanity, she thought, and after a moment of hesitation, she accepted. She would just have a drink, gather the information, and go home. At least, that's what she expected but when she heard them talking about tequila shots on their way she instantly regretted her decision. C'mon,you can do this, Rose! You just need to remain calm and collected. If they go all out, we will just ditch them and go home...
"Off we go!!" Sandy said with a wide smile and they followed her inside the bar. She just had to keep them calm enough to give her the information she wanted. How hard could it be?