Ayumi POV.
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My room was enveloped in darkness, as it had been for weeks.
The curtains were always shut, the room was blackened, and I had bags underneath my eyes.
I was tired, and wallowing in my own self-pity.
How many days have it been...? How many days has it been since we betrayed my only brother...
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I'm not sure, I've lost track of time. All I know is that it's felt like an eternity since I saw him.
All I think about is regret, I really am terrible, aren't I?
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I'm absolute trash, and I know it. I don't deserve anything but this empty darkness.
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At least one good thing happened recently. We finally got Satomi to admit her crime, then she was arrested, and Haruki was proven innocent.
We don't know where he's at though, or where he went. He's completely and utterly missing.
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Fukashima told me that his school was in an uproar when that happened, media got attention as well.
Classmates were ratting themselves out, and regret was running deep.
An internal investigation is currently happening within the school, including faculty members who stood by and allowed the bullying to happen.
Satomi's best friend, a girl named Chisaki got the brunt of it all. She had her scholarship removed, and supposedly everyone is blaming her for what happened to my brother.
I think she was the one that was next to that girl while she scammed my mother.
She deserves every little bit of it.
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I bet regret runs heavy.
Disgusting.
All of them took advantage of him.
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Just like me.
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Some of the girls from his class stopped by the house recently, wanting to apologize, but we said that we couldn't accept on his behalf.
It was up to my brother to be the one to forgive them, especially after what we did to him.
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"I-I said such horrible things to him..." She said with tears in her eyes, bowing at a 90 degree angle to the concrete.
The mental state of the school after this incident was awful, especially considering how nice Haruki used to be to everyone.
We all...betrayed him, and his kindness.
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And now he's gone, and no one has seen him since that day. No one knows if he's dead or not.
Left by all he knew and love, to fend for himself.
If he's dead, I don't know what I'd do.
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Her trial is in a few months, the charges brought against her were harassment and blackmail along with extortion and threatening.
While she is a minor, she does face about a year in detention if convicted, unless she has a good lawyer, but we all doubt she'd get that.
Her real punishment was becoming a social outcast, hated by everyone in the public.
She was expelled from school, and everyone hates her. The local media picked up the story, yet didn't report her name since she was still technically a minor.
But a few people online were able to dig up the facts, and soon her name was spread on the internet.
She wouldn't be able to land a proper job, at least for a long time.
And she had to say goodbye to college.
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She absolutely deserved it all.
She ruined us...
....no, actually we all did it, by believing her rhetoric and lies.
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We tried holding search parties for him, flyers and spreading information online.
No one has been able to find him yet around Saitama.
A missing person's report was filed, and even the police were involved now.
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Those girls that came by to apologize to Haruki, are also involved in the search parties for m brother.
Miyu, and Akami I think their names were?
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We turned Saitama upside down, and almost positively, he isn't here.
He probably ran pretty far, no one really knows anything, though it's all speculation.
No sightings have been reported yet, but search parties go further out each time, asking locals and searching for anything signs.
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Where would he go?
I'm not sure, I don't think I have the right to even ask.
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I feel disgusting all the time, I'm rotting away inside of this room.
It feels like a bad taste in your mouth, or when you wash your hands, but it's still dirty.
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I cry a lot now, pretty frequently compared to before. Everyone says that time heals all wounds, but it's just festering.
It's becoming infected.
I... can't take it.
I just need one thing, even if he hates me....
I need to apologize, but where is he at?
I just hope he's alive.
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I just hope he doesn't need psychiatric care after all of this, and that he isn't too far gone.
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Mother POV.
I received a call today form the police, and they said they had an updated about Haruki.
I was so ecstatic, I thought they had found him! My son...
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Tears rolled down my cheek, I was terrified, and happy at the same time.
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"H-hello?! Please, please tell me you found my son...! Please...."
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"A-ah, no ma'am I'm sorry." The officer said.
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It's hurt hearing that, but it's not the first time my hopes have been crushed this last month, no sign of him has been found.
I'm a terrible mother....
"We are calling you to discuss possible options from here on out, we can do it over the phone or in person if you'd rather?"
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"A-anything that would help find my son faster!"
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"Well, here's the thing. It's our professional opinion, that after a missing person's report is filed, and no sign of him has been found after a month..." The police officer said, then paused.
"...that the chance of death is quite high, I'm sorry. We are now actively looking for him but also signs of...his remains."
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Ah....
Hearing that, I didn't want to.
I wish I didn't just hear that.
I collapsed to my knees, what...?
What did they just say...?
My son's remains...?
They think he's...
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The call continued.
"You're saying he....may be dead...?"
I can't hear anything anymore, only white noise as I hear gibberish into the phone.
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Did I kill my son...?
Just like...I killed my first husband with that argument we had, that caused him to stay late at work...?
The one that caused an accident that took his life...?
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The only memory I gave our son, was times of hatred for one another. When really, I only loved him so much. I didn't know it until he was gone, I was such an awful wife.
I remarried fairly quickly to a family friend...I know I shouldn't have moved on that quickly, but I needed to support my son.
Eventually we had a daughter, but I never really loved my new husband.
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Did I really forsake our only living memory together? My only son...?
I hate myself.
I couldn't do anything, besides softly cry within a darkened house, with the curtains shut.
I feel so angry with myself, so disappointed in everything.
My face was overwhelmingly pale, I felt the need to scream.
It felt like a pain in my chest.
"...he's still possibly alive, we just don't know." I heard the officer state.
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Those words rebounded in my head repeatedly.
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Oh, please.
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Either let him be safe or take me instead.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
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I should have never believed that wretch of a girl. I should have never doubted my son.
I should have never kicked him out.
I should have hated my husband for treating him how he did.
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I should have loved my son more.
And now...
I may never be able to show him now, it's been a month now, and things continue to get worse.
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Even Ayumi isn't leaving her room.
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I asked the police to continue the search and keep the report open, and luckily, they agreed to
But for how long will this last until they forget him...?
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I hate myself.
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Fukashima POV.
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He still has not found, and all I feel is guilt.
I feel pure guilt.
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I may have treated him poorly, but what his own family did was much worse.
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Did they kill him...?
I don't know what I'd do if he was found dead.
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My first love.
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I didn't realize this until Satomi was arrested, just how poorly he was treated.
Even the police thought it was necessary to prompt the school to investigate bullying claims.
Three people have been suspended, awaiting possible expulsion.
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And now he's not around, the search parties the people at school has been "participating" in haven't found anything.
Not that I expected much from it anyways.
I even see those who bullied him heavy walk with sullen faces, searching out of guilt only.
Miyu, and Akami. They bullied him just as heavily as Chisaki did. They hid his shoes, and I saw the both of them pouring milk inside of them one day.
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Disgusting.
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The police can't find him.
And I'm worried for the worst.
What if he killed himself in a way we'd never find him?
What if he wanted it that way?
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I'm disgusted, and I think I'll hate myself for the rest of my life.
It's always going to be like this now.
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I'm traumatized, I think. I hate everything about this, everyone at school, his own family, and myself.
Everyone was guilty in one form or another, not just Satomi.
Sure, she was the perpetrator, and she understood what came to her, but it was our fault for not questioning it.
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Everyone who took part, who glanced at him wrong, everyone who hit him and called him a pig.
I just hope we can find a trace of him soon, because if we can't.
I don't know how long I can continue, I feel so empty.
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I don't want to be in a world without him, I love him so much.
I just want to apologize.
I just want to let him know that he's not hated.
That there is a place waiting for him.
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That we can never atone for this mistake.
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Chisaki POV.
I always followed her around, kind of like her lap dog
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Yeah, we were childhood friends, and she wasn't always like this, we used to be playful girls who would catch glimpses at Haruki and Fukashima at the park sometimes, playing as childhood friends do.
We were kids, and I never really played with those two, but we were friendly.
I thought he was cute, sure, but we never really talked.
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But once we hit middle I started dressing differently, following Satomi's guidance and style mainly.
My attitude started following, I treated many of the boys I once thought to be a friend poorly and hung out with guys who couldn't care less about me.
I was attracting disgusting people, why was Satokmi obsessed wt=ith this?
I didn't care; I just wanted to fit in. Whatever it took.
Eventually, she came up with a plan along with her "boy" friends.
Extorting money from some smaller guys, falsely accusing them and threatening legal action unless they pay up.
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She went after that same boy we'd see playing with Fukashima as kids.
And I liked it, for a while....
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Why did it take me so long to realize?
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Slap.
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It really can't leave my head, can it?
Why did I hit him like that? Maybe that was the slap that broke him.
He really was such a kind person, why did I want to hurt him like this? I can't answer it.
Why did I wish to impress Satomi so much...?
Why does he torture me so? I'm sorry for what I did, really.
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The people at school hate me, they called me a murderer and started bullying me since I was affiliated with Satomi.
I found pins inside of my shoes, luckily caught it before I slipped them on.
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Then I was told that expulsion was on the line, and my parents couldn't have been angrier at me.
I was suspended.
It was humiliating telling them and explaining what happened.
My own mother hit me for the first time and dragged me to Haruki's house to apologize to his mother.
I felt awful, and embarrassed. I felt like I was nothing besides just some dirty girl.
At school, they called me a slut, when I haven't even slept with anyone ever!
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We knocked on the door, and my mom was on her knees crying, begging for forgiveness for her terrible daughter.
I'm sorry, mom.
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Haruki's mother was too kind, she begged for her to get up off her knees and even started crying herself, saying it was her fault.
I'm a terrible person, I know, but can't I start over?
Can't I try and fix my mistakes?
I'm human too, you know?
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Seeing that scene made me break down as well, I apologized relentlessly, but I think it was to myself truly.
I was apologizing for betraying my own words, and myself.
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We eventually went home, and my mom made me agree to voluntarily drop out of school, so expulsion wasn't on my record.
Everyone hates me anyways now, so it was worth it.
I needed to move.
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They called me a murderer, even when it wasn't even me! It was that bitch Satomi...
If only she didn't do that fucking false confession, none of this would have happened.
Why did I even think it was funny?
All it was, was cruel...
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I'm recalling that time where we recorded makeshift evidence in a karaoke booth to blame on Haruki.
It's makes me sick to my stomach, I did everything I could to try and impress her.
She was trash, I should have stepped up and called it out when it was happening.
I even hit him.
I perpetrated this entire situation, and I will take my blame for this. I admit this.
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I heard he hasn't been seen in a month, and his own family kicked him out.
All because me us, and our plan.
He is either homeless, living on the streets as a teen, or....
Or there are even rumors he drowned himself.
It makes me shutter at the thought.
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I hate this, and I'm sick to my stomach.
We agreed, me and my parents to start fresh in another city.
To get away from the justified bullying that I'm a victim of.
To get away from my suspension, and my own guilt.
Start fresh as a family....
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It's like they don't think they did any wrong themselves, they bullied him too!
It's wasn't just me! It was every single one of you!
Even Fukashima who was with Haruki his entire life betrayed him because of this?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE BEING HATED??!
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Do they even care about him? Or do they only care about their own images?
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I like to think I care, I didn't want him dead, or gone like this. I want to show that I'm sorry though my actions.
So I will do this, in my new life. I will live in a way that he would approve of.
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I'm sorry.
I wish I could apologize, but I can't.
I even tried to join some of the student body coordinated search parties after school.
But they didn't let me in.
They said he wouldn't want to see my face, it would cause him pain.
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Just the thought that I did this to such a kind man, someone who I once thought was cute.
Maybe far inside of me, somewhere deep down I like him.
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That doesn't mean I want to be with him or something, but I didn't want him to think of me as a monster.
Now I don't have that right.
As someone without a heart, or someone that is like Satomi.
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Now it doesn't matter, we can start a new life as a family in a different city, one about an hour away from here.
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I'm moving to Kawasaki, maybe I can get a fresh start with my family.