I woke up with a jolt, breath short.
My heart was racing — it had been a long time since I had dreamed about the past.
I opened my eyes once more to a bright morning, hoping I would never dream of the past again, because what belongs to the past should stay in the past. No one can change it.
And right next to me, on the floor, half-fallen off the bed, was a body.
Soren.
He had sneaked into my room again in the middle of the night.
I let out a sigh, both relieved and exhausted.
He was still sleeping deeply, one arm hanging off the bed, one leg on the carpet. His face was relaxed, his hair sticking out in every direction. He must have rolled around the whole night.
I leaned down and gently placed his head back on the pillow.
"You're such a mess, you know…" I murmured.
I couldn't shake the dream.
Those vivid images.
That past I had tried so hard to forget.
But before I could think any further, Soren groaned.
"…Angi…?"
His voice was hoarse, still full of alcohol and fatigue.
I looked up. He was barely looking at me, just one eyelid open, a half-stupid smile on his lips.
"You're already awake?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Yeah. And you should stay in bed."
He slowly sat up, wincing.
"My head hurts. And my back. And my… aaah, I'm dying."
I rolled my eyes.
"You're the one who decided to drink like crazy last night."
It took him a few seconds to reconnect the dots. Then his expression changed — a mix of embarrassment and confusion.
"I… didn't say anything stupid last night, right?"
I looked away.
"No, nothing. Don't worry."
He sighed in relief.
"Thanks… for taking care of me."
I stared at him. Soren, with his sleepy smile, messy hair, and that way he thanked me like it wasn't normal for me to look after him.
I answered softly:
"I'm your brother… it's normal."
He stared at me a bit too long,
as if he was suspecting something — but what?
Soren eventually stood up, wobbling a little.
"Let's… go eat? I'm hungry. And I need coffee. A huge coffee."
I stood up too.
"Go wash up first. You reek of alcohol from three meters away."
"I'm not that bad!"
"Soren, you stink."
He burst out laughing — a warm, sincere laugh that filled the whole room.
And looking at him in that moment, I realized something:
Even if my dream was nothing but a memory…
Even if the past was over…
One thing had never changed:
I wanted to protect him.
Again.
Always.
Since Soren and I were thrown out by our parents, we've worked extremely hard to live a stable life and finish our studies.
Now we're both graduates of Oneka High School — a public vocational school that opens many paths after graduation.
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
We celebrated our nineteenth birthday at the end of high school, marking the end of our tragic past — even though I'm the only one who knows about it.
As for Soren, he decided we should take a gap year, that it was time for us to rest and have fun until we turned twenty.
I guess it wasn't such a bad idea, so I agreed. After all, my big brother is always right.
Today is the first day of our gap year, and Soren decided we should go out and have fun.
It's not that I don't want to keep telling you the story, but I have to get ready now. Bye.
"Angi!??" Soren shouted. "Who are you talking to!?"
"Oh!! No one, I'm going to get ready! Let's meet in the living room!"
"Uh… such a weird little brother," Soren muttered to himself.
After we finished getting ready, we headed out for our day. Since Soren had his driver's license, he drove. I wanted to get mine too, but Soren said it wasn't necessary — that he would drive me anywhere I wanted.
I was really happy that he thought about me so much.
But while we were driving along the main road, the car suddenly broke down.
It was a mess. We pulled over, and Soren called a tow truck. I just stood there waiting for him to finish.
It was strange — the car had never broken down before.
Soren handed the car over to his friend who worked as a mechanic, and the guy drove off with it, telling us he'd take it to the garage.
Soren was really lucky to have such connections.
He made a lot of friends since middle school, unlike me — I never had time to make friends, I was too focused on Soren.
But well, as they say, every misfortune has its good side.
Besides, Soren's friends are also my friends, so everything's fine.
After our little incident, we went to a small café called (Sluty Mixte).
As the name suggests, it's not a regular café — it's more of a pleasure zone or a meeting spot for certain types of… encounters, if you know what I mean.
It was Soren's favorite café.
Since Soren is gay, that means he likes men.
But I'm not gay — though Soren still doesn't know that — and he always drags me to the weirdest places in the city.
Sometimes I wish I could tell him the truth, but I think he wouldn't be able to take it.
"Um… Soren?"
"Angi? What is it!?"
"Big brother… why don't we go somewhere else? Hm..?"
I was sure Soren would understand, but he unexpectedly replied:
"Why!? It's not the first time we come here. Stop making a scene and get inside."
"What…? Sore—"
I couldn't even finish his name before he opened the door without looking back.
I couldn't believe it. That was… Soren?
"Are you fucking kidding me!? SOREEEEN!!! How can you say something like that and leave me behind after everything I've done for you!?"
I was outside near the trash cans, having a full breakdown.
"I play the good little puppy every day and this is how you treat me!!?... Ugh… sniff… sniff…
Waaah… S-so-soren… hic…"
It was the first day of our gap year. Our car broke down, and now this?
Soren must have gone crazy — that's the only explanation for how insolent he was.
He must be angry because of the car.
He never meant to say that to me, I'm sure.
I'll go home and prepare a surprise for him, and when he comes back, I'll apologize.