I'm in this strange white place, and my mind seems hazy and lethargic. I'm sure that after I was caught masturbating in the shower, I just finished bathing and went to sleep a bit.
But everything is too blurry in my mind to think straight. In this white place, I recognize a silhouette well, so I ignore everything else to chase after that silhouette.
It's Ayane, my sister. I excitedly go to her, stepping on the white floor that doesn't make it clear if there's something there or not. Anyway, it doesn't matter where we are if she's here, so I'm happy.
"...Sis...why are you looking at me like that?" As soon as I reached my sister, who was facing away, I touched her shoulder and turned her to me. I saw her look of disgust, a look I'd never seen before.
"Sis? Who are you, girl? I don't even know you." My sister says with a strange coldness.
I don't feel good hearing her say that, but strangely I have no control. It's like watching a movie, I don't speak or move as I want, everything just happens on its own while I watch.
"What are you talking about, sis? It's me...w-well, you may not recognize me like this, but I'm your brother." I don't know why I'm saying this, I just have no control. It's like an inconvenient autopilot that doesn't let me say what I want to say.
"Brother? I've never had a brother in my whole life." She says this with a coldness that's not at all natural for her. I've never in my life seen this expression of disgust in her gaze and this cold voice that cuts through my soul.
"W-Well, I-I'm adopted, s-so we're not blood siblings, b-but on the papers..."
"Papers? What papers?" She interrupts me while my voice is failing and trembling with an uncertainty and insecurity that's not at all normal for my usual self.
"Girl, I've never seen you in my life, and I'm sure my family never adopted anyone. I don't have a brother, be it by blood or adopted, I'm an only child."
I know this, I know we're not blood siblings, I know I was just an orphan child who was adopted, and I know that after going back in time, it's as if I no longer exist, so we're not even siblings on paper.
I know it's all in my head, I know my sister doesn't even know who I am, I know we have no connections, I know we're not real sisters, and that I'm just delusionally believing it.
I accepted this fact in the contract. My sister is no longer my sister in any way, only I consider her a sister, while for her I'm just a stranger.
In the end, we were only siblings on a piece of paper without much real value, and now we don't even have that small connection.
I want to say something, but I can't. It's like the autopilot, I just watch my body talking and moving while the tears flow.
"W-Wait, w-we're sisters, it's just that I went back in time! Y-You may not remember, but I went back in time just to save you!" I keep talking against my will, all I can observe is the look of disgust on my sister's face.
'It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...I feel bad... stop, someone stop it' A repetition occurs in my mind, it hurts so much.
"I-I made a contract with a demon, and went back in time, s-so as a condition, no one else remembers me, a-and s-so we're sisters, it's just that..." My voice is desperate as the tears flow, I'm trying to justify myself, saying that we're sisters even though we're nothing.
"...A contract with a demon? Wait, you want me to be grateful? Never asked for this, it's disgusting how you can ally with something bad like that with a flimsy excuse that you went back just to save me." She speaks with pure disdain as my tears increase.
"B-But you never asked...b-but I love you! I swear I'm just trying to save you, even if I did some bad things, it's all for you." I keep talking, why don't I shut up? Don't I see that I'm only making everything worse by telling the truth?
Why can't I control myself? Why does it hurt so much, as if my heart is being stabbed over and over without stopping, it hurts so much, it's hell, I just want something or someone to stop this.
"How can you say that? Do bad things for me? Hahaha you're very shameless, how dare you say you're doing these things for me?"
"You're doing this only for yourself and using me as an excuse to ease your crimes."
"N-No, I-I swear it's because I love you!" My voice is full of despair, I'm not using her as a justification, my mistakes and crimes are only mine and I know that.
"Love me? Ew, that's so disgusting, I don't even know you, but I can see that your love is completely repulsive, honestly, is that really love?"
"Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, you disgust me." Her cold voice shatters my heart, why can't I just shut up, I'm only making it worse, why can't I just move and stop talking?
Every word of her cold voice hurts me more than anything, the same pain I felt when I lost her.
"S-Sis, i-it's not like that, I just love you, t-that's why I did this, i-it was all to save you, p-please don't say that." My tears won't stop falling and my voice is failing more and more, I'm practically just repeating how much I love her and that I did everything for her.
"Did everything for me? Wasn't it just for yourself? I bet you just like being evil, so you're using me as an excuse, or maybe you want my body, is that your love? Do you love my body and can't wait to get your hands on it?"
"N-No, that's wrong, I don't want your body, I just want to save you!" I've never focused on her body, so much so that as a woman, I don't even try to chase after her in search of romance, knowing the type of man she likes.
Even in the past, I never did anything to try to prevent her from loving or having a boyfriend, precisely because my affection is real for her and not just a physical attraction to her body.
"Don't delude yourself, you weirdo, all you want is to fulfill your own selfish desires, and stop calling me sis, it's disgusting to hear an insect like you call me that."
"We're not sisters, understand? Neither now nor ever will we be sisters, so never call me that again."
"Whether physically, emotionally, or on paper, I will never, ever have a sister or brother, and if I did, it wouldn't be a disgusting freak like you." My heart completely shatters.
I just want to die, I draw my gun, and I'll restart, no matter what, I have a second chance, I just can't screw it up, I just need to repeat and do it right.
"W-Why...why...why...WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?" The gun doesn't fire.
No matter how many times I pull the trigger, the pistol does nothing, my voice is covered in despair and my face is stained with tears, I look up, seeing my sister's gaze.
The judgmental and disgusted gaze of my sister, the one I love the most, tearing my soul to pieces and trampled on my heart and feelings as if they were trash.
Soon everything seems to crumble and shatter as I wake up crying, the demon is lying on my lap, watching me intently with a smile.
"...It was a dream..." I murmur.
"You were crying, Setsuna, you seemed very desperate and in a lot of pain, a truly unique sight given how normally cold you are. Seems you had a terrible nightmare."
"Was it you?" My voice becomes apathetic, a morbid coldness as my tears flow. I'll make the culprit pay, I would never dream of something like that, dreams are a product of the subconscious that is linked to various things.
That's why I know I would never have a dream where my sister is cold and sees me as something disgusting.
"It wasn't me who made your nightmare, it was a monster. It's nearby and has the power to affect dreams and also create nightmares, usually uses that to rape victims in their dreams or in reality while they're sleeping."
"Right now, magical girls are facing it..." The cat responds easily, very interested in my reactions as it jumps out of my lap.
"..." I get up from the bed, wiping the tears with my hand.
"Are you going to do something, Setsuna?" The demon asks with genuine curiosity.
"Yes, Hexael...I'll send that monster to hell."
"No one, ever, will be able to separate me from my sister, whether in the real world, in a dream, or even in mere illusions. My sister is my sister, and nothing and no one will say otherwise."
"Ayane may not remember and no longer have any connection to me, but she will never cease to be my beloved sister whom I do everything to defend."
"I'll make that disgusting vermin pay dearly for making me have such a dream." It was hell, my heart hurts so much, I never imagined having feelings could be so bad.
There were only 3 times I felt such emotional pain the first was when I lost my sister, the second was when I read her diary and discovered everything that happened, and the third was when I asked the demon to make me feel all the pain she had already felt.
Aside from those 3 times, I had never before felt such an infernal pain.
"Hehehe, I think this will be fun. I wonder what the cold Setsuna full of hatred will do to that poor monster that affected you unintentionally," the demon says with a malicious laugh, enjoying the situation.
"I'll give you a great show, Hexael." I say only that as I activate my magical girl outfit and start to leave through the apartment window.
My gaze has a disturbing intensity that would scare even myself if I looked in a mirror.