I looked at myself in the mirror, wearing a worn-out hoodie, and my old jeans. I was thinking to myself if I would be able to blend in or at least, not to be recognized as a cop.
I wanted to look miserable but looking in the mirror, I already looked pathetic; looking mid- forty, not shaving for a week and most of all, sad. Years of missing family made me look sad and miserable. I realized one thing also. I couldn't even remember looking into the mirror in ages. In the mirror, I saw more than me. I saw Choi within the reflection. "You promised not to go to the church. You even swore on your son's name." As my guilt was getting to me, I put my right hand on the mirror. "I do this only to save innocent people from evil." I said it out loud like I was running away from the guilt - or something worse. "I am sorry Jae-min." I had to say his name. "I will be back home" As I left my house, I said softly to the empty house. I locked the door behind, and decided to ride the bus to get there to perfectly act like a broke man.
As I was going to the Church on the bus, I saw many people glancing to the distant with empty expression, praying and mumbling "Please take my negative thinking; I want peace in my mind." and some reading papers about Dr.Lee and the church of harmony.
I looked at them in pity.
'Dr.Lee. She is taking advantage of this poor person's soul.'
I thought to myself. I could not express remorse to them as I needed to blend in. I looked outside of the window to avoid any eye contact. I had seen a lot of churches in my life, usually built with a red neon cross on the top of the church, white concrete wall and 2 or 3 storey tall building, but never seen this big. I saw how many stations were left until arriving there, at least 5 stations. I couldn't believe it. Not a single person would allow this building to be built since it would block most of the sun and have huge noise building it.
As I was closing in to seeing the church close, it was more grander than what I saw before. "Next Station: The church of harmony" I heard the bus stop name and pressed the stop button.
As it stopped, most people started to leave. I tried to blend in with the crowd, leaving the bus. Seeing from the close, this church should have cost a lot. Even at the front gate, I saw a marble brick wall and the steel bar gate painted gold with various flower patterns across the bar. It was already open like they were welcoming us.
Going in, It was much more marvelous. Huge parking spaces like you could fit in hundreds of cars, three limousine buses already parked, and the church. It was built like those fancy European churches, built centuries ago- marble bricks, stained glasses, and two huge bronze gates. At this point, I was wondering how she had built this place unless she already had money or had people willing to build this for her.
As I approached more towards the gate, I saw a huge line forming in front of the church gate. In front of them, Ten women in white hanbok, all dressed up fancy, were serving a cup of cold tea saying "Thank you for coming to our church. Leave your pain inside of the church and go back home happy." Their faces were all smiling but seemed a bit empty inside like a robot programmed to smile.
I asked them, "What tea is this?"
"It is green tea from Boseong." One of the women answered.
When I drank it, it tasted almost too sweet like it was mixed with a lot of sugar or else. The only thing I could assume is to dull the edges before the main show.
"Thank you. But do you have a toilet around here?" I asked.
They looked at each other like no one expected this question but came back only moments later, still having that wide grin yet eyes hollow as if there was a black hole in their pupils.
"There is one in the back of the church but you should come back quickly as the sermon begins soon." One of the women pointed to another 6 storey building I didn't see.
It looked very suspicious, being hidden behind the church.
"Thank you again." and I slowly walked towards the building.
"Wait, Sir!" Other women called me."Let me guide you to the toilet as it is hard to find." I looked at other women, whispering to each other.
"Okay then." I said "I will follow you."
She guided me to the building but fast paced, more than usual pace for a person wearing hanbok.
"You are in quite a hurry, miss. Could you slow down a bit?" I said.
"We are about to be late for Dr.Lee's sermon. We have to hurry." Her mask was slipping away. I could feel it.
"Oh? Why would that be bad? There will be another sermon next week, isn't it?" I asked it as politely as I could without alerting her.
"Then I'd be late. I don't want to feel pain again. Worse than before." Her smile cracked like thin ice, revealing teeth gritted in fear.
"Have you missed her sermon? I have! Thinking I am already well! Thinking I am above her! This is my last week, you understand?"
I had seen junkies beg for a hit like this, but this was different, clean desperation yet no needle mark or smell of burning bush lingering from the clothes. "I apologize, miss." We finally arrived at male toilet. "You can do it here. But hurry please." She pointed to the clock on the wall. It was 09:30. "I will." I went in, and pretended to piss by just standing at the urinal. I quickly pressed the button to wash down and turned on the water tap. I washed my hands and came out.
"I will lead you back to the church, sir!" She came back smiling. Still gave me a creep.
I came back to the front gate of the church building. It was already opened as women in hanbok leading people in.
"Welcome to Heaven on earth. Here, you would find harmony in your heart."
Women in hanbok repeat that phrase again and again with the same fake smile.
I entered the church with amazement. I could only describe this place as heavenly; many stained - glasses all around, beautifully illustrated, high ceilings only could be seen in old European churches that I knew of, many floors to fit in a couple thousand people I assumed, and many chandeliers with candles lit on them. I could even smell the flowers that I couldn't spot where they were. Too perfect. No Churches smelled and looked this clean. Looking at people, it was like walking into a psych ward for the soulless.
I sat in the back row of the church, looking at the front, and waiting for her to appear. I wanted to see how Dr.Lee sold her cult to people. How she could gather this many people.
Then suddenly a member of the church choir on the stage started to sing in a perfect unison like puppets attached to the strings and controlled. It is too perfect of a church. A pastor in black suit came on the speech podium in front. "Dr.Lee is coming through the middle gate. Please stand up and sing together to greet her." As soon as he finished his speech, people started to stand up and sing. I had no choice but stood up looking at the entrance. Then she appeared. I couldn't believe it. She was one of the most beautiful yet elegant beings I had ever seen; long dark hair, big eyes with double eyelids, high nose, V-shaped chin, and small mouth. Her body was slender yet voluptuous even could be seen under a pure white suit. Her walk showed her confidence and charisma. In her right hand, she was holding an ancient - looking bronze sword. On it, there were some ancient characters written in gold, but none that I had seen before on the sheath that I couldn't read at all.
She finally reached the podium and held the microphone in her left hand.
"Thank you all for coming" She raised her sword. "It was given by God which provided me with the power to install harmony and get rid of your pain within yourself." With her beauty and charisma, it looked like a scene from a TV show. "I could have used it only to the rich and powerful like I was before, but I sensed my duty. A duty to spread wellness throughout people, rich and poor, powerful and powerless, healthy or needed. I speak to all people now. I am here to serve you!" The crowd erupted in unison - cheering. yelling thanks at Dr.Lee like she was their salvation. She started to walk off the podium and said, "I am now going to touch each of your forehead to erase your pain and give harmony within yourself." She handed the microphone to the pastor, and started to touch people's forehead. As soon as she touched the first guy who looked like a homeless man, he went from looking sad and frustrated to calm within seconds but I could see him too calm, smiling yet somewhere empty. She went by fast, person by person. It was fast but I looked at her face. She looked like she was enjoying the meal; licking her lips and smiling, not with grace but with satisfaction.
Once she reached me, she whispered, "I'll bring peace and harmony to your mind." She put her fingers on my forehead. I was worried that I would turn or feel something unreal. But nothing. I still had my pain - divorce, guilt and frustration. I looked at her. She looked pale; paler than before, her hands were shaking. and mumbling, "It can't be". She quickly moved to other people with a smile but I, and only I, could spot her hesitation. It didn't work on me.
As she had gone to the other floor, I left the sermon thinking there was nothing to see anymore. Women in white hanbok stopped me "Dr.Lee's sermon has not finished sir. Please go back to your seat." They looked calm - now completely empty of emotion from their voice. "I am sorry but I received a text message from my friend and said it's urgent." I said it as calmly as I could. Suddenly, another pastor came in. "What is the commotion, ladies?" He seemed different. "This gentleman is requesting to leave this church without seeing the rest of Dr.Lee's sermon." They responded in unison, creeping me out. "It's okay. Sir, if you want to leave, please leave this place with a peaceful mind. God may bless your soul." He said and pointed to the small side door. "You can use that small door not to distract anyone."
I said thank you and left the church, still feeling creepiness from women.
I stepped outside. The rain had stopped, but the sky looked ready to open again any second.
I stared at my phone, thumb hovering. I didn't call Choi. I couldn't. I dialed Prosecutor Kang.