Another vibration.
It shoots through my hand, buzzing into my fingertips.
My phone lights up again — the screen burning white in the dark.
A new notification.
"Haru why aren't you answering my texts or calls?" — Mina
My throat tightens.
My hand shakes.
If I open it…
If I click it…
She'll know.
Keys jingle downstairs —
a soft metallic clink.
Dad's home.
The sound barely registers before another thought crashes through me, sharper and heavier:
Mina.
Her smile.
Her voice calling me her boyfriend like nothing happened.
Like she didn't almost kill me.
Like the knife never touched my throat.
And…
That whisper.
The one that didn't feel..
Real.
I stand frozen, staring at the notification so long the screen dims.
A cold chill slides down my spine.
A horrible realization clicks into place—
Did I…
Did I agree..
To be her boyfriend?
Her voice repeats in my skull, too soft, too warm:
"Then it's official. You're my boyfriend."
Something in my chest loosens in a sick, familiar way.
My grip on the phone slips.
My breaths turn too fast, too shallow.
Each inhale burns.
Each exhale trembles.
No.
My heart spikes.
No. No. NO.
I grab my chest, nails digging in.
"Stop… please stop…" I choke, squeezing hard like I could crush the panic out of my own heart. "Just stop beating so fast— I can't think— I can't THINK—"
My mind spirals.
I'm so…
Useless.
I ruin everything.
Everything is my fault…
right?
Middle school memories flicker like broken film reels.
The bullying.
The humiliation.
I can't keep pretending I'm okay.
A heat gathers in my stomach — sharp, boiling, ugly.
My hands clench around the phone.
BANG.
Both fists slam onto the desk.
The phone jumps, skidding across the wood like it's trying to escape me too.
"I fucked it up," I mutter.
Then louder—
"I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!"
My voice shakes the air.
I fall back onto my bed, limp, staring at my ceiling like maybe it'll tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do.
This isn't real.
This can't be real.
I pinch my forearm— once, twice— hard.
Sharp pain shoots through.
My breath shakes.
"...This is real," I whisper.
Not a dream.
Not a nightmare I can just wake up from.
Just life.
My shitty, stupid life.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
My mother — a liar.
A cheater.
A walking burden.
And father…
Clueless, blind, pretending everything is fine.
My "girlfriend"…?
A violent monster.
"What part of me is normal?" I whisper.
"What part "
School is tomorrow.
I can't avoid her.
Even if I wanted to.
BZZZZ. BZZZZ. BZZZZ.
My whole body jumps.
She's not stopping.
She'll NEVER stop.
Somehow, deep inside, I know that.
"…'I love you,'" my mind whispers back at me — the moment she released my neck, the moment she stopped the knife.
Those words saved me.
Or doomed me.
My head pounds.
I grip my skull.
"God… everything is…so annoying," I mutter through clenched teeth.
"Everything."
Maybe…
Maybe if I give her what she wants…
Maybe she'll leave me alone.
I drag my fingers through my hair, practically clawing at my scalp.
"This is so frustrating!" I shout, pulling at my hair.
BZZZZ. BZZZZ. BZZZZ.
The phone lights again.
A call this time.
My stomach drops.
Should I answer?
Should I lie?
Should I tell her I was in the hospital?
My pulse thins, weak and cold.
Lying got me into this mess.
But…
what choice do I have?
My thumb moves on its own.
The phone goes to my ear.
Ten seconds of silence.
Only breathing.
Heavy.
Shaking.
Like she's been crying for hours.
My heart slams.
She's waiting for me.
"Uh… h-hello?"
A tiny squeal breaks through the speaker — high and breathless.
"Haru… I didn't think you'd answer… I called and called… I think over 200 times… I kept calling… and you never picked up—"
Her voice tumbles, frantic, cracking.
She sounds like she thinks I abandoned her.
"I— I was in the hospital," I say. "I fell down the stairs. Hit my head."
Why can't I tell the truth?
Why can't I just say..
You did this?
"WHAT!? Are you okay!?" she yells — panic, real panic.
Don't pretend you care..
A heat shoots through my chest.
"Yeah… I'm fine."
Her breathing slows.
"Good… Haru…"
A pause.
Then—
"…I missed you."
My heart stops.
"I was so scared something happened to you…"
Something DID happen.
You nearly killed me.
"I… I even went to your house… I knocked… and knocked… but no one answered—"
My stomach drops.
She knows where I live.
How?
Before I can ask:
The call ends.
Then—
BZZZZ.
Video call request.
My breath freezes.
Why…?
I should decline.
I should—
My finger slides anyway.
The camera flips on.
Dark room.
Blankets.
Her phone under the covers.
One eye appears first — too close to the lens, unblinking.
She pulls the blanket back.
Her hair is tangled.
Her eyes swollen.
Dark bags under them like she hasn't slept.
Face pale.
Cheeks puffy from crying.
She looks like she's been living underground.
In a cave.
With nothing but her insanity to keep her alive.
She's smiling.
A weak, broken smile.
My chest tightens.
In the corner of the screen —
my reflection.
And I look like shit too.
She studies me slowly.
Her breath grows heavier.
Then—
Her smile stretches.
"Haru… can I show you my love?"
She exhales onto the camera — fogging the lens.
My hands shake.
What does she mean?
I swallow hard.
"…Yeah."
Her eyes ignite.
But not with something human.
She lifts her wrist.
Brings it closer to the screen.
My stomach flips—
Deep cuts.
Long.
Red.
Some dried.
Some reopened.
Some bleeding down her arm.
I flinch, pulling the phone back.
My heartbeat pounds so loud I hear it echo.
"M-Mina… what—"
"Haru…" she whispers, voice trembling with a twisted devotion.
"My love for you…"
She angles her wrist so I see every fresh wound, every scar.
"…all for you."
My breath dies in my throat.
Her eyes shine with something unhinged.
Broken.
"Haru… please… never leave me…"
Her voice cracks.
She presses her bleeding wrist closer to the camera—
"I'll make deeper ones… I will… if that's what it takes to show you how much you mean to me."