Chapter 8 — I'm Gonna Blow Up the School (But the Headmaster Doesn't Know)
"Yo, been a while. Why are you so washed now?"
Following Hagrid along the muddy path, Horatio and Hannah bumped into Hermione and Neville again.
"Shut up, Horatio. Watch where you're walking—aren't you afraid of slipping?"
Horatio ignored her completely.
After refusing Neville's desperate attempt to return the golden and silver toads, he patted Neville's shoulder like a mafia boss investing in a promising underling.
"Neville, these trinkets are nothing to a wizard. Study hard. One day we'll build a Goblin-crushing financial empire inside Gringotts."
"But… everyone says I'm slow. I'm scared I'll fail magic…" Neville finally kept the toads.
"That's easy. Watch."
Horatio pulled out his dual-core wand "Hui," giving a consoling pat to his other wand "Li."
[T/N: Sir Horatio insisted the names were "deeply meaningful."
But only he knew they spelled "Harry."
Horatio named his wands:
惠 (Hui) , 梨 (Li)
Because together they spell: HARRY
He is about to attend Hogwarts , Thus He knows about Harry Potter (in meta sense)
So he trolls Harry by naming his wands "Harry".
Horatio dual-wields two wands named Harry. He literally holds Harry in each hand.Double Insurance, Double Safety ]
"Lumos."
A blinding, nuclear-grade white light exploded across the lake like the birth of the sun.
"AAAAAHHHH!! MY EYES!!"
"WHO THREW THE FLASHBANG?!"
The entire first-year batch clutched their faces, trembling in pain.
Ignoring angry stares and Hermione & Hannah's furious baby punches, Horatio continued calmly:
"Neville, all you need is this spell. Then do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10km run every day. You will become bald—
cough—I mean strong."
"When you meet an enemy, flash him, rush in, and punch his dog head. Easy."
"After that, you can uppercut Dumbledore, stomp that noseless electric socket demon, and ascend as Hogwarts Fist Sage. Gryffindor himself would rise from the grave to say, 'You're the real lion now.'"
Neville: "..."
**
Then They reached the shore, where several small rowboats floated.
Horatio looked offended.
"These tiny things? This is an insult to my aesthetic."
"Four students per boat," Hagrid said.
Horatio pulled Neville, Hermione, and Hannah aside.
"We wait."
When the others boarded, Horatio approached an empty boat and pointed Hui at it.
A wave of magic surged—
BOOM
The tiny boat transformed into a massive twin-masted pirate ship, sending tidal waves that nearly capsized every other boat.
Students screamed.
Neville, Hermione, and Hannah froze in shock as Horatio dramatically tugged Neville over and transformed their uniforms into pirate outfits.
"Ladies, welcome aboard The Flying Black Diamond.
I am Captain Horatio. This is First Mate Neville.
Let's set sail to Hogwarts."
PS: I think it's It is deliberately over-the-top, like a 10-year-old boy trying to sound as cool and dramatic as possible.
Horatio : Don't slander me Blasphemer,you are just jealous It's peak Horatio energy:dramatic, excessive, and unnecessary.
"..."
[T/N : In Western pop culture we have:
Black Pearl – from Pirates of the Caribbean
Flying Dutchman – the ghost ship
Horatio takes both concepts and fuses them, and that is [ Flying Black Diamond]]
They followed him in a daze.
Horatio tossed a speaker onto the deck.
"He's a Pirate" blasted as the giant ship powered forward.
[T/N: —the main soundtrack from
Pirates of the Caribbean (Jack Sparrow's theme)
"Da-da-da-da-da DA DA… DA DA…"
The super heroic, adventurous BGM.]
"AAAHHH!! HELP!!"
Hermione frowned. "Did we hit something?"
"No worries. Just a speed bump."
Through the mist at the shore, the grand castle emerged.
A green-robed witch waited on the dock—face grim.
The ship docked violently. Students clung to life.
McGonagall stormed up, glared at Horatio, then spoke to Hagrid:
"Take them to the gate. I'm going to rescue the others."
Horatio shrugged.
"If I can't show off, why even go to school?"
"HARRY!" Hermione pulled Horatio toward a bespectacled boy.
"Harry, this is Horatio. He's… a flashy show-off."
"This is Harry Potter—the Boy Who Lived."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Horatio — codename Thundercracker. But you can call me Daddy."
[T/N: Thundercracker is a Decepticon jet fighter from Transformers.
It has Loud sonic booms,it Flies fast. A Dramatic air show energy
It's a part of the "Seekers" (Starscream's squad)
Basically, a cool plane name.
Why Horatio uses it?,Because:
He just installed a jet engine on a broom.It flies faster than French Aurors.It sounds like a fighter jet ,And he thinks giving things dramatic anime/military names is cool
Thundercracker-"A machine so fast it cracks the thunder."
PS:Exactly the kind of extra nonsense Horatio loves. It fits his personality]
Harry hesitated, shook his hand instead.
Because of his alchemy training, Horatio sensed Harry's soul—
two signatures: one warm as sunlight, one filthy as sewer rat slime.
So this was the legendary "spirit attached from behind."
"You must be good at card games."
Harry: "???"
[T/N:According to great Horatio "Harry, you literally have a second personality inside you,so naturally you're pro-level at Yu-Gi-Oh!"
In Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yugi Muto(MC) has:
Himself (soft, good boy)
PLUS the spirit of the Pharaoh (cool, powerful alter ego)
Both share the same body.And because of that…Yugi is insanely good at card games.
It's the famous trope:
"If you have a ghost/spirit inside you, you must be OP at card games."]
Before the Sorting Ceremony McGonagall returned with several dripping-wet victims of Horatio's ship tsunami.
"Welcome to Hogwarts. Soon, you'll be sorted into one of four houses—Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin…"
She explained the basics, glaring daggers at Horatio before entering the hall.
Neville, clutching Trevor, whispered:
"My gran says we must fight a dark wizard for the Sorting. If we win, we join Gryffindor. If we lose, we're forced into Slytherin to become dark wizards."
Ron chimed in nervously:
"My brothers said we'll fight a troll. Fail, and they expel you."
Hermione turned pale as parchment.
Horatio patted her shoulder.
"Relax. Dumbledore borrowed something from my teacher. The Sorting probably uses an alchemy golem. I used one as a punching bag before school."
Other students stared at him with the grief of peasants witnessing aristocratic privilege.
Horatio sighed dramatically.
From his pouch, he pulled out a warhead painted with a yellow-black trefoil symbol and shoved it into Hermione's arms.
"Fine. If things go bad—just blow it up."
Hermione nearly screamed and almost threw it—Caught herself just in time.Otherwise, Hogwarts' front gate would have become a crater full of familiar faces.
Shaking, she pushed it back into Horatio's hands.
Harry went pale.
"Horatio—why do you even HAVE something that dangerous?"
Horatio swung the warhead in one hand and hummed cheerfully:
"I'm gonna blow up the school,
The Headmaster doesn't know~
Pull the string, then I run—
BOOM! Hogwarts is gone!"
**
T/N: Pure Chaos Is Coming to Hogwarts