The night before the dragon-phoenix twins' full-moon banquet.
The entire palace was lit up like Christmas on steroids.
Global live stream had been running 72 hours straight.
Billions waiting for the first official photos of Damon and Luna.
Regulus was in full ceremonial silver-gold robe.
Nine-moonstone crown.
Scepter shining.
Imperial seal hanging from his neck like a medal.
He stood in front of the mirror practicing his "perfect dad" smile.
"I am the Lycan King…
Today I will be flawless…
The empire will see the most handsome father in history…"
I was in the corner feeding Aiden and Aurora, trying not to laugh.
"You sure about that?"
He puffed his chest.
"Of course! I have defeated armies, I have—"
Aiden climbed his leg like a monkey.
Snatched the crown.
Put it on his own head.
"KING!!!"
Aurora stole the scepter.
Used it as a guitar.
"YA!!!"
Damon and Luna, still in his arms, chose that exact moment to have a synchronized poop explosion.
Warm.
Everywhere.
Directly on his face.
Regulus froze.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH—"
Global live stream zoomed in 18K.
Billions watching their terrifying king get a face full of baby poop.
Chat crashed the server for the first time ever.
"THE KING GOT SHIT-FACED"
"this is the real coronation"
He cried.
Actual tears.
"I just wanted to look cool once…"
The kids saw daddy crying.
Started crying too.
WAAAAAHHHH!!
Six-person family crying choir.
Global chat went from laughing to ugly crying in 3 seconds.
Full moon banquet day.
Regulus had massive dark circles.
Poop stains still faintly visible (no amount of royal soap worked).
New robe.
New crown.
Holding the twins like bombs.
Stood in front of the throne.
Facing the global camera.
Forced the most painful smile in history.
"Welcome…
to the full-moon banquet of this king's heirs…"
He didn't finish.
Aiden yanked the crown again.
Put it on his head.
"KING KING!!!"
Aurora grabbed the scepter.
Used it as a microphone.
Damon and Luna projectile spit-up.
All over his face.
Again.
Global camera caught it in slow motion.
He cracked.
"I QUIT BEING KING!!!"
Ripped off the robe.
Stood there in nothing but strawberry boxers.
Grabbed all four kids.
Ran out of the hall crying.
Billions watching their king flee the throne room in underwear.
Chat died for the 69th time.
"THE KING IS IN BOXERS AGAIN"
"strawberry boxers are the true royal attire"
I chased after him.
Found him in the back garden.
Sitting by the fountain.
In boxers only.
Holding four kids.
Crying like a baby.
"Wife…
I really suck at this dad thing…"
The four kids climbed all over him.
Kissing his tears.
"DADDY BEST!!!"
He laughed through the sobs.
The broken, perfect laugh.
The empire watched.
And loved him more than ever.
Because the most powerful king in history
was just a man
who got destroyed daily by four tiny humans
and still smiled.
(Chapter 24 End – i laughed until i cried and cried until i laughed typing this, my baby pooped on me mid-sentence so perfect timing, my shirt is soaked with real tears and imaginary poop, next chapter the kids turn the imperial seal into a bowling ball and knock down the throne, love you absolute maniacs)
Author's Note:
baby is sleeping on my chest finally, cat is purring, my eyes are swollen from laughing, this chapter is pure chaos, we're not ready for the triplet arc, muah poop kings