*A few hours before the meeting, somewhere beyond time itself…*
I am a regressor that goes by the name Mr. Narrator.
Humanity has been corrupted, consumed by the false gods that wear the masks of humans. The Hayermanns. Their sins have poisoned Eden, disrupting the warm embrace of purity and harmony. I have analyzed this very same renaissance and inevitable decay throughout my regressions. The cycle never completes. Similar to the mouth of a snake unable to reach its own tail.
I long to reprimand anyone who denies the nature of life's cycles. Especially those monkeys, those Hayermanns, drunk on their power.
At birth, I was given no name. My parents, my clan had been slaughtered by the Hayermanns before they could utter it. Maybe because of pure luck, I was given the ability to escape death, to rewind time. To regress.
I've died countless times, lived out multiple timelines, and have discovered that it is always connected to him. A man named Bubba Johnson.
Pathetic really, how a man with such mediocrity interferes with my attempts to cleanse this new world. The Hayermanns are always one step ahead, keeping Bubba away from me. But why? Why is it that the Hayermanns have a keen interest in him?
On this day, Bubba will undergo a metamorphosis, where he will shed the cocoon of his dull existence. He will emerge into his new vessel with a delusional resolve, desperate to be great.
But not this time.
I will be his navigator.
I will be his guardian angel.
I will be his god. The god that will grant him true greatness.
I am the narrator. The one who will rewrite his destiny!
***
*The Present - Bubba's Perspective*
Well shit, I got fired from my job. Now what? Hmm... What would a main character do? Actually, let me start even simpler, what does a main character have? Usually they have a cool quirky power like super strength or something. Or they have a really compelling backstory and motive that makes them kickass. I don't think I'm kickass, especially since my boss kicked my ass. Well actually I kicked his ass, but he kicked me out of the office, so I guess it depends on how you view it. Hmm... I don't have cool powers and I'm not kickass, so what do I do?
Suddenly, my eyes catch a poster on a nearby wall. I swiftly scan through the text.
Hello there, are you tired of being apart of the background noise? Do you ever wonder why you're irrelevant?
Wow. This feels oddly targeted.
I continue reading.
Well here's the perfect solution for you. Hire a narrator. Be the main character you've always wanted to be!
Huh, nice try poster. But only an idiot would order someone to narrate their lives. I mean, only someone super duper desperate and attention seeking would actually order a narrator. Plus, how would that even work? Would they narrate me taking a shit? Man, that would be weird.
A man with fair skin and a waist smaller than freaking orange approaches me.
"Ah yes," he says with a stupidly sexy, deep voice, "Perhaps my poster was unclear. My apologies."
Holy cannoli. This guy just gave a double boner. Damn, I hate hot guys.
I snap out of it.
"Who the hell are you?" I grunt, in an attempt to sound more manly.
The twink man smirks.
"Why, I'm Mr. Narrator, the same one the poster refers to. It seems to have caught your attention. Would you like to hire me?"
Nice try bud. I won't hire you just because you're hot. If I wanted a sexy narrator, I would just listen to a Morgan Freeman documentary. Plus, whose last name is Narrator?
I think for a second. "Hmm... I don't know, bro. I'll consider hiring if you're free?"
"I sure am."
"Like completely free? As in zero dollars? I'm only asking since I'm unemployed."
I'll probably leave out why I'm unemployed. You know, the whole wig and sweat part.
"Yes. Totally free."
"Very well," I rejoice, "You're hired!"
Mr. Narrator chuckles, "Great! I'm glad to be of service. We start tomorrow?"
I nod my head and we part ways.
Heh. Maybe this narration mumbo jumbo isn't so bad. I wouldn't mind that cutie following me around all day. It was kinda weird, but for a split second, I think I saw him grinning like a freaking psycho before he walked away.
But who cares?
Afterall, I am the main character.