Today I saw you again, we talked again, we laughed again, you were there looking at me like at the beginning, with love and your eyes shining more than the sun in a blue sky, you didn't stop looking at me, you sought to have physical contact with me until you hugged me, you did it in such a soft and delicate way as if you were afraid of breaking me, you hugged me and held me like the fragile thing in the world. You hugged me and little by little I felt how the pieces you left broken stuck more into me, making healed wounds bleed.
Your brown eyes had no evil, they didn't look at me with hatred, your mouth was looking for mine just to kiss me and not to tell me hurtful things, you needed to feel me close, however in that hug I didn't feel anything, I no longer felt safe, on the contrary I was terrified because the same person who mistreated me, cheated on me, hurt me physically and mentally, made me feel less and the most horrible person in the world, now he was just looking to take care of me and love me, but I'm terrified.
I don't trust that look, those hugs, those kisses.
I don't believe you when you tell me that you are sorry, that you love me, that you realized everything I did to save the relationship until the last moment because you left, you went to another bed while ours was empty, you kissed other lips, you hugged someone else and now you come back waiting for me to jump desperate into your arms.
I don't love you anymore, I don't feel anything for you, it rejects me that you hug me or kiss me because I imagine you with her and it just makes me want to get away.
I want to stop talking to you, I want to stop seeing you because I know that you are getting excited just like I did the first time we saw each other again, I had hopes because I had love, now I have neither of us for us, just because I am disappointed in you, I can't believe you, I get scared when you hug me because I feel your hands on my neck hanging me, or holding me tight without caring about the fact that you were hurting me.
Your lips are rough, I don't feel them soft, it will be because from that same mouth you told me that you didn't love me and preferred to leave rather than continue.
Your eyes shine but they don't illuminate us, they illuminate when you looked at other people while I slept next to you.
Today I choose not to choose you anymore, I choose my smile and heal my soul before continuing in the same toxic circle because you are not going to change and I am not going to pause my stability for someone who does not know what he wants. I release you, I leave you alone, to find my peace.