The middle-aged uncle looked at me with curiosity."Eh? How do you know my son?"
I briefly explained my connection with Cao Jingshen—how we were classmates, how we occasionally hung out—and mentioned that he looked ridiculously similar to his father, like they'd been pressed out of the same human mold. Of course, I didn't mention that they were also equally shameless, sleazy, wretched, and vulgar. Anyone could tell at a glance that this father-son duo was doomed beyond redemption.
"So that brat's been in your care, huh? He didn't even tell me he had a friend! Unfilial kid!"
Uncle Cao grabbed the package of H-manga I brought him and lovingly placed it on the round table.
"Heh heh heh heh~~ I've waited half a year for the Ultimate Teacher XXX series. Tonight, I feast!"
Even his creepy laugh sounded exactly like Cao Jingshen.
He must have noticed me staring at his computer screen—the one openly showing some shady message about buying a little girl's underwear. But he didn't bother hiding it.
"Ara, Haruya," he said casually, "as you can see, I'm a pervert."
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
Honestly, in my mind, Uncle, you guys rank at least one tier above regular perverts. Still, admitting you're a pervert to someone younger takes a kind of reckless bravery.
I salute you, my senior.
"Heh heh, my name wasn't originally Cao Jing, you know—it was changed later. Do you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm a director…"
"But you don't look like a director," I blurted out instinctively.
"But—I have a beard!" he argued, stroking his chin.
"You're not a director just because you have a beard!"
"Heh, stubborn kid."
Uncle Cao dashed into the next room, returned at full speed, and plopped a director's hat onto his head.
"NOW I look like a director, right?"
It was a pink checkered director's hat. Hideous. Tacky. Painful to look at.
I was speechless.
"So, Director Cao, why'd you change your name?"
"Heh. I changed it because I idolize Wong Jing!"
Hong Kong director Wong Jing is a household name. God of Gamblers with Chow Yun-fat, Hail the Judge with Stephen Chow—legendary stuff.
As if reading my mind, Director Cao waved his hand.
"I idolize him—not because he worked with superstars like Chow Yun-fat or Stephen Chow!"
He leaned in dramatically.
"I idolize him because he directed R-rated films! He even tried launching large-scale Chinese adult films! I've even heard he wore a hood and starred in one himself! And someone as gorgeous as Shu Qi acted in his R-rated film too. So lucky!"
He got so excited he was practically spraying the room with spit. His eyes rolled up, his fingers curled like chicken claws, his tongue stuck out two inches—he looked like a demon performing a ritual.
I shuddered and instinctively glanced at the bed in the living room.
"I bought that bed to film adult movies here in China!" Director Cao declared.
"…Does China even allow adult films?"
He sighed like a tragic hero.
"Haaah… I've directed a dozen low-budget adult films in Japan and Hong Kong. My greatest regret is not filming one in my homeland and sharing it with my fellow countrymen."
You don't have to regret, man. If your films exist in Japan, trust me—our countrymen have already pirated them online by now.
"So after I returned to China a few years ago, I secretly found a willing actress, hired a crew, planned to film here, and then…"
"Because the actress screamed too loud and caused a disturbance, the neighbors called the police!"
I could vividly imagine their pathetic faces being hauled off.
"I was released after paying a massive fine," he said gloomily, "but all production halted. My hopes… crushed."
Director Cao stood at the French window, staring down at the city like a misunderstood prophet. His expression said his mission was ten times more important than liberating mankind.
"Child, listen to me. I have a dream!"
Oh no.
"I have a dream that one day, in a land burning under oppression, adult film actors and directors will no longer be looked down upon!"
"I have a dream that one day, adult film critics and adult film directors will sit together at the table of brotherhood!"
"I have a dream that one day, adult film stars and the directors who scorn them will—"
"STOP plagiarizing Martin Luther King Jr.! Apologize to every civil rights activist immediately! Apologize to all African-Americans!"
"In order to achieve my dream—and to obtain the panties of a pure ten-year-old loli—I am willing to risk my life!" Director Cao declared solemnly, bathed in sunlight like some saint of degeneracy ready to be martyred.
"…Director Cao, if there's nothing else, I'm heading home."
I really didn't want to hear more about his holy crusade to revive adult films. Being around people like this was corrupting my innocent mind.
"Don't go! Your father sent you here because he wanted me to check your aptitude!"
He blocked my way.
What the hell did he mean? The director my dad said he knew… was actually THIS GUY? An adult film director?! Dad, how deep does your betrayal go? Acting naked is ten thousand times more humiliating than running an adult shop!
I'm still a MINOR! Casting a minor in an adult film is prison time—even in the US!
Director Cao squinted at me, scanning me up and down.
"Haruya, come, come. It's hot. Take off your shirt."
LIKE HELL I WILL!
What the hell are you planning?! Are pre-teen girls not enough for you?! You're targeting your son's classmate now?! Do you want to check if I'm suited for adult films?! Hell no! I'd rather spend my entire life playing background villains in martial arts movies like Ji Chunhua!
"Eh? Haruya, why does your face look pale? Did the AC make you sick?"
YOU'RE the one making me sick! And why did you instantly give me such a porn-sounding nickname?! "Little Haru"? What is this, some Japanese AV stage name?! Police! Please! Arrest this man!
"Haruyaaa, do you have… concerns?" Director Cao tilted his head.
"Yes. I don't want to be in an adult film."
"Eh?! How did you know I was planning to put you in an adult film?!" His face went white.
"You're being way too obvious. You've only ever filmed adult films, and you were checking my physique…"
"Ahh, misunderstanding!" Director Cao slapped my shoulder, laughing.
"I want you in my new short film! It's martial-arts themed!"
He straightened up proudly, actually looking like a real director for half a second.
"You'll start as a supporting character, of course. Stardom doesn't happen overnight!"
"But didn't you just say you wanted me to star in an adult film?" I asked, lost.
He leaned closer, whispering,
"To be honest… your look is PERFECT for adult films. Especially the kind where you dominate the female lead. The audience will go wild."
I stared at him with pure disgust.
"But," he continued, "you're a minor, so whether in Japan or America, I'd face legal consequences. That's why! Before you come of age, I'll raise you like a child star—like Harry Potter! When you turn eighteen, THEN you'll join me and conquer the adult film world! Win-win!"
Harry Potter?? Do I look like Harry Potter to you?! If I shaved my eyebrows and flattened my nose, maybe I could play Voldemort! What you ACTUALLY want is to raise me as teenage Voldemort and then shoot a film where Voldemort oppresses Hermione, right?!
I didn't shout that, though. He was still my dad's friend, unfortunately.
Dad went to all this trouble because he knows my dream of becoming a martial arts star. Dad… you don't have to worry about me. Even if my dreams don't come true, I just want you to be happy.
"Haruya, don't tell me you're losing interest because it's a short film?" Director Cao urged.
"Short films are trendy now! They may not go to theaters, but online visibility is HUGE. Fame, sponsors, maybe even a TV series!"
He sounded proud.
"The script was written by a friend of mine in the industry. It's perfect for a short-form adaptation—ten episodes, five minutes each. We'll film one per week, upload it, and check the audience reaction. This is my first attempt at transitioning from adult films to action films! I guarantee investors will be blown away!"
He was burning with passion.
"To make it more youth-friendly, all the characters are young. And there's a role PERFECT for you. Truly! The moment I saw you, I knew you fit it!"
"…Director Cao, it's a villain role, right?" I asked, frowning.
He stroked his beard awkwardly. "…Well, not exactly a good guy. But he has layers. Depth! A study in human nature!"
"Does he eventually join the protagonist's side?" I asked hopefully.
"No… the protagonist can't beat him for the first nine episodes. And in episode ten, the finale, the protagonist kills him. The character's name is 'Young Thug Jing Ling.'"
Damn it.So after all that… you STILL want me to play the villain?!