Wasn't that Amy? And is she wearing a new outfit again? What is she, Sakura Kinomoto with a magical outfit rotation?
This time she had a black ribbon tied neatly at her throat, and a thin red headband holding down her blonde twin-tails. She'd gone full goth-lolita today: black dress, white stockings, and those oversized doll shoes with silver cross charms. The whole look screamed eccentric celebrity fashion. She even wore sunglasses to "hide" her identity.
But honestly—why dress like a flashing neon sign if you're trying to stay undercover? And with that bright golden hair of hers, she stands out no matter what. Even though the city gets plenty of international visitors these days, a doll-like foreign girl in full goth attire still draws attention.
Her sunglasses were also slightly too big, so they kept slipping down her nose. She had to push them up every few seconds like a kid trying on her mom's shades.
She pushed her shopping cart with great effort, constantly stopping to look around as if she feared someone might be tailing her.
Did she become paranoid after getting stalked back in the States?
She finally stopped in front of the chips aisle.
Even with her sunglasses on, I could practically feel her blue eyes shining hungrily toward the shelves.
She looked like a starving kitten spotting a fish.
Seriously? Is it that dramatic? Isn't junk food practically an American national treasure? Shouldn't she be tired of it after living there for so long?
Amy reached for a can of chips.
Unfortunately, it was on a higher shelf—not compatible with her 4'7'' (1.40 m) height. Even standing on tiptoe, stretching her arms out as far as they'd go, she couldn't touch it.
She tried again after a quick breather. Tiptoes. Stretch. Groaning with effort. Nothing.
Her expression turned stubborn, frustrated, and wronged—like she was silently screaming, "God must hate me!"Do you want chips that badly? Would you actually commit blasphemy for snacks? Honestly, if Satan offered her those chips, she might sign a contract with zero hesitation and then calmly watch the Apocalypse unfold.
And who stocked these shelves? Is the Walmart employee angry because their paycheck got delayed? Children's snacks go on the bottom shelves, not up with the adult rations!
There wasn't anyone around the aisle, but even if there were, she probably wouldn't have asked. The last time I tried helping her, she practically bit my head off.
Eh? She's still not giving up?Realizing she couldn't reach from the ground, she started climbing onto her shopping cart.Are you seriously using the cart as a ladder just to get chips?
Be careful—Hey—hey—THE CART IS WOBBLING.Waving your arms won't save you!You're falling—YOU'RE GOING TO HIT YOUR—
I rushed in with one long stride and caught the falling Amy from behind.
She was feather-light, like she'd snap if I handled her too roughly. I held her by the waist and gently set her on the ground like placing down a startled kitten.
She was still panicked, her tiny chest rising and falling rapidly. Her sunglasses were completely crooked, making her look ridiculous.
Once she regained her senses, she immediately wriggled out of my hands. Her face flushed bright red—embarrassed—and her expression screamed mind your own business.
She bit her lip, looked at me, and then froze in surprise.
Before she could verbally assault me, I opened my mouth first, teasing her:
"What's wrong? Want chips? You can just ask, you know. How would I know you want them if you don't say anything?"
My strange line made her flinch backwards. She must've never seen the Journey to the West parody I was referencing.
I savored the panicked look on this doll-faced menace and continued:
"It's not that I won't give it to you because you don't want it—it's because you don't want it that I have to give it to you~"
"Stalker!!" she screamed.
"Who are you calling a stalker? I'm a monk from the great Tang dynasty!"
"Pervert!"
Her voice got louder. I started worrying security might come over, so I reached up, grabbed the can of chips, and held it teasingly high.
"Do you want this, Miss Amy?"—or at least that's what I meant to say. But my tongue slipped on her foreign name and I accidentally dropped a syllable.
"Do you want this, Miss A-mi?"
My face heated instantly. How is my English so bad that I mispronounced a name that's already been localized into Chinese characters?
Amy stared at me with confusion and suspicion.
"Stalker. How do you know my real name?"
"Eh?"
"Amy is my stage name. Only my family calls me Ami!"
I accidentally hit the bullseye? Well, Ami is a cute name! Short, clean, and honestly pretty close to a Chinese nickname. I've decided—I'm calling her Ami from now on. If it annoys her, even better.
Ami took a defensive stance, ready to kick me at any moment—so I instinctively shielded my crotch.
"I saw you yesterday at the subway station too… Were you sent by my mom to monitor me?"
"Huh? Why would I know your mom? And who monitors their own daughter for no reason?"
"Of course—" Ami pointed dramatically to the can of chips in my hand, her expression both angry and heartbroken. "Of course because of this!!"
"The chips?"
"YES, THE CHIPS!! Because of my stupid mom, since childhood—since childhood—I've never had chips! NOT EVEN ONCE!"
Ami was practically trembling with grief and outrage.
Never had chips? Not even once? Even for health reasons, that's extreme parenting.
But now that I knew her weakness… I could take petty revenge for what she did to me at the subway station.
I shook the can once. The chips crackled inside.
"You monster! Don't shake it!" Her voice wavered like she was about to cry.
"Do you want it?" I asked calmly.
"…"
"If you apologize, I'll give it to you."
"…"
"You don't have to say much. Just bow your head and say: 'I'm sorry I kicked you last time. I'm just a brat who still smells like baby formula, so I'm ignorant. Big brother, please forgive me.' Say that and I'll let you have it."
Silence.But her tearful blue eyes glued to the can betrayed her completely.
"As if— as if I'd apologize to a stalker like you!"
Then she reached into her bulging fanny pack, pulled out a fat wad of crisp 100-yuan bills, and held them out.
"This is your commission! Give me the chips and you can take these red bills!"
There were at least ten of them. She didn't even look hurt handing them over. Maybe because U.S. dollars are green, she assumes RMB being red makes it more… "premium"? And she's offering 1,000 yuan for a single can of chips I don't even own. That's a level of rich-kid spending I'll never comprehend. If I met ten Amis a day, I'd become a millionaire just by retrieving snacks.
"Hurry up and take the money! Is it not enough?" she shouted.She pulled out another wad."Add this too! For that can! Even if you're greedy, this should be enough!"
This girl was losing her mind over chips.
I decided I'd teased her enough and handed her the can.
Ami accepted it with sparkling eyes. She looked like she wanted to hug it to her chest and kiss it. The way she held it was like someone clutching their Oscar trophy.
"This is your commission!" she declared, stabbing the money into my arm."You're useless now. Take the money and go!"
I didn't take it. Not because I dislike money, but because I knew that if I accepted it, the disdain in her blue eyes would deepen. And for some reason, I couldn't stand the idea of being looked down on by this doll.
"Why aren't you taking it? Aren't you 'Celestial Empire people' supposed to be obsessed with money?"
I almost laughed. You're an American using an online meme we use to mock ourselves? But considering she used the advanced insult "your sister" the first time we met, her Chinese is clearly top-tier.
She must've grown up speaking and listening to Chinese. Her handwriting might still look like an elementary schooler's, but her fluency is on par with any local kid her age.
If she's mixed, does she have Chinese blood? Maybe one of her parents is Chinese.
"Anyway, I'm leaving. Keep your money. And put it away unless you want to get robbed." I turned and walked off.
"You— get back here!"
I ignored her.
"I… still have more work for you!"
Curious, I turned back.
Ami pointed at the top shelf again. Even though she was embarrassed, she eventually shouted:
"One can isn't enough! Help me get more chips!"
I chuckled, walked over, and grabbed five or six cans of different flavors, tossing them into her cart.
Ami's eyes sparkled with pure joy.
"Do you… really not want the money?"
"Chinese people don't take handouts. We're noble, selfless citizens. Anything else?"
She frowned, snorted, and turned away. "None of your business. Go."
I shoved a hand in my pocket, turned coolly, and walked off.
Let her witness the noble character of us "Celestial Empire" citizens!
I shifted my thoughts back to my own dinner plans.Vegetarian meatballs, spring rolls, soy sauce beef.And onions—Dad asked for those.
I checked out, paid, loaded my basket, and left while humming the theme from Tai Chi Master.
Passing the frozen foods section, I unexpectedly saw Ami again.
Now her cart had two giant 2.5-liter bottles of cola added to it. The cart was overloaded, and she was pushing it with all her might.
She was also wandering aimlessly—stop, look around, confused expression, move on.
She walked past a store employee and looked like she was about to ask for help… but bit her lip and stopped herself.
She walked away with forced arrogance—but behind that proud mask was a lonely, helpless gaze.
Don't tell me…
Are you lost again?