INT. BOB & LINDA'S BEDROOM — MORNING
The alarm BLARES. BOB bolts upright, bleary. His fist instinctively rockets out and PUNCHES the alarm across the room where it embeds in the drywall with a sad plastic whimper.
BOB(staring at the wall crater, groaning)
Ugh. Not again.
He swings his legs out of bed. In the doorway: GENE, frozen mid-crunch, a bowl and spoon dangling—then CLATTERING to the floor.
GENE(eyes huge)
Holy crap!
BOB(sighing as he stands)
Good morning to you too, Gene.
TITLE STING — "BOB'S BURGERS" THEME, BUT PUMPED-UP "ONE PUNCH MAN" STYLE, NO FIGHT MONTAGE — JUST FAMILY CHAOS
INT. STAIRS / HALL — CONTINUOUS
BOB and GENE head downstairs. GENE carries only the empty spoon like a microphone.
GENE(fast-walking, fast-talking)
How long have you been a superhero? Do you have a secret identity? Is this your secret identity? Because if so, you're killing it.
BOB(deadpan, shuffling)
No, no, and no, Gene. I just… woke up like this one day.
INT. RESTAURANT / KITCHEN — CONTINUOUS
BOB takes the bowl and spoon, drops them in the sink. GENE peels off his socks and confidently shoves them into the microwave.
BOB(catching it mid-beep)
Gene… no.
GENE(already moving on)
Counter-offer: yes later.
INT. BASEMENT STAIRS — CONTINUOUS
They descend.
GENE(leaning over the rail, whisper-conspiratorial)
Wait—so your powers ONLY work when you're asleep?
BOB(careful on the steps)
Right, Gene.
GENE(outraged)
That SUCKS!
BOB(flat)
…Thanks, Gene.
GENE(demonstrating with wiggly precision)
I mean, come on—even just a finger— (wiggles finger) —or, like— (tries a hop, slips) —a toe would be better!
He wobbles. BOB catches him by the shirt without looking.
BOB(steadying him)
Yeah, I know, Gene.
INT. BASEMENT — CONTINUOUS
Concrete, tools, the usual Belcher clutter. BOB grabs a toolbox.
GENE(mind racing)
If you could be conscious while you slept? Now THAT would be a power.
BOB(matter-of-fact)
But if I'm awake while I'm asleep, it wouldn't work. I have to be literally unconscious, Gene.
GENE(crestfallen)
That sucks, Dad.
BOB(gentle)
I know, Gene. I know.
The basement door above SLAMS.
GENE(wincing)
Too late.
BOB looks up. Beat.
MUSIC TRANSITION — THWIP
GENE(leaning in, excited whisper)
What if Mom has super powers too?
LINDA'S VOICE screams down from upstairs:
LINDA (O.S.)
GENE, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE WALL?!
GENE(screams back)
AHHH! MOM HAS SUPER HEARING!
LINDA (O.S.)
WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? I'M RIGHT HERE!
BOB(to Gene, dry)
Your mom doesn't have powers.
GENE(calming instantly)
Because she has—oh. She doesn't?
BOB(shrugging his toolbox higher)
As far as I know, it's just me. And with how… specific this is, I'm betting anyone else's power has a big, dumb downside too.
DRAMATIC STING — SMASH CUT TO:
INT. FIRST NATIONAL BANK — DAY
JIMMY PESTO, in sunglasses and a smug grin, is mid-robbery. Bags of cash FLOAT up and zip into his arms like obedient pigeons.
JIMMY PESTO(to the heavens, gloating)
Wow, I'm glad my powers don't have some obnoxious downside that prevents them from working properly!
A SECURITY GUARD, hunched behind the counter, peeks up.
SECURITY GUARD(confused)
Who are you talking to?
JIMMY PESTO(beat, smiles thinly)
Nobody.
The lights FLICKER. Offscreen THUD. The guard's hat rolls into frame.
SMASH TO BLACK