Chapter 73: The Spirit-Attracting LampThe second-floor hallway was dark and long, with only a strange, eerie light spilling out from a half-open door at the end."Gulp."Haru and Kazuma swallowed simultaneously, their footsteps coming to a dead halt at the top of the stairs.Although the temptation of the mansion was immense, the chill radiating from the depths of the hallway instantly brought the "cowardly duo" back to their senses."Um... Brother Haru," Kazuma whispered, his voice low enough that only Haru could hear, "Look at this hallway. The yin energy is so heavy. If a Dullahan or some amalgamation of vengeful spirits suddenly charged out, low-level Adventurers like us who haven't even changed classes yet wouldn't be enough to fill their teeth, right?"Haru nodded in deep agreement. "Indeed. While we have hearts that yearn for a mansion, we can't just throw our lives away. In times like these, we need a professional to take the lead."Both their gazes fell simultaneously upon Aqua, who was cowering at the very back, trying to hide herself within the gaps of Darkness's armor.Aqua seemed to sense the two malicious gazes. She jerked her head up, her face full of terror. "W-what are you two trying to do? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm warning you, I am the Goddess of Water! I am very noble! I will absolutely not be used as cannon fodder!!""Oh, Lady Aqua, whatever are you saying?" Haruimmediately put on a flattering smile, wrapped an arm around Aqua's shoulders, and pushed her forward. "We are creating an opportunity for you! Think about it, this is a nest of evil spirits filled with wicked energy! As the Goddess of Water in charge of purification, if you could personally take action and illuminate these dark corners with your holy radiance, what a magnificent achievement that would be!"Kazuma chimed in from the side, pulling out a bottle of what looked like high-end red wine (though it was actually leftovers from last night) from out of nowhere. "That's right! And as long as you can drive away those evil spirits, this bottle... ahem, this bottle of top-tier red wine, aged for a hundred years, will be yours! Plus, all the wine in that large cellar will be under your management from now on! How about it? Tempted yet?"Aqua looked at the red wine, then at the pitch-black hallway, and finally at the two men's expectant (actually, just wanting to watch the show) gazes."R-really? All the wine will be mine?" Aquaswallowed, the fear in her eyes gradually being replaced by greed."Absolutely true! I swear on my reputation as Kazuma (Haru)!" Haru and Kazuma guaranteed in unison."Fine! Then let this Goddess purify this filthy place! Watch me!"Aqua took a deep breath, puffed out her unremarkable chest, gathered a ball of dazzling holy light in her hands, and strode toward the room making the noises."Evil spirits, begone! Natures Beauty! Sacred High Exorcism! God Blow!!"Aqua shouted various nonsensical move names while charging into the room, swinging her arms like a crazed windmill."Waaahhh! What is this thing?! Stay away! So ugly! Help!! Haru! Kazuma! Come save me!!"The next second, Aqua's heart-wrenching screams came from the room, followed by a clattering crash, as if a hundred pots and pans were being smashed at the same time.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance and, with perfect tacit understanding, took a step back, hiding behind Darkness's broad back.As expected, Aqua's so-called "God Blow" had no actual exorcism effect other than making the dust in the room settle more evenly."Waaahhh! Help! Haru! Kazuma! They aren't afraid of my holy aura at all; instead, they're all pouncing on me!!"Accompanied by a scream loud enough to shatter a crystal chandelier, Aqua flew backward out of the room like a blue cannonball. Due to the intense momentum, she slid several meters across the hallway floor, finally colliding precisely with Darkness's greaves with a crisp clang.Haru and Kazuma poked their heads out from behind Darkness to look into the room.They had expected to see some hideous evil spirit, but what drifted slowly out of the shadows were dense swarms of translucent... dolls?Not only were there dolls, but also floating teacups, scissors opening and closing on their own, and a group of expressionless ghosts wearing old-fashioned servant clothing. They weren't clawing and gnashing like in the movies; instead, they stared at Aqua with a gaze that was almost devout and fanatical—or more accurately, they were staring at the pure, holy mana overflowing from Aqua due to her fear."Hey, Brother Haru, did you notice?" Kazumatwitched the corner of his mouth, giving a deadpan stare. "These guys... they don't seem to be attacking Aqua, but rather fangirling over her?"Haru watched as the ghosts, like moths drawn to a flame, tried to reach out and touch Aqua's faintly glowing blue hair, and he suddenly realized what was happening."I get it! That idiot Aqua—her so-called Goddess of Water aura is like the only neon sign in the middle of the night for the Undead, and it says 'Free Holy Water, Unlimited Refills'!" Haru slapped his thigh and couldn't help but retort. "No wonder the bounty is so high. This isn't some haunting; this place is a natural gathering spot for spirits, and the moment Aqua walked in, she increased the spiritual density here tenfold!!""Nonsense! How can you blame me!" Aqua hugged Darkness's leg, crying her eyes out, wiping snot and tears all over that expensive armor. "I was trying so hard to purify! It's them, they're too greedy! They want to suck my divine power dry! Wuu-wuu-wuu, I want to go home! I don't want a mansion anymore; I want to go back to the stables! At least horse manure doesn't try to crawl into my clothes!"Just then, the floating dolls suddenly sped up and even began to let out shrill laughter. The entire second-floor hallway began to shake violently, and the wallpaper on the walls peeled off."Oh... oh oh... this feeling..." Darkness was not afraid at all; instead, she slumped to the ground, her hands covering her flushed cheeks, letting out a dangerously suggestive gasp. "Surrounded by countless invisible spirits... being licked all over by their cold gazes... and even dolls trying to pull at my skirt... Ah! Is this the legendary spiritual molestation? Please, by all means... please increase the intensity!!""Stop getting aroused at a time like this, you perverted female knight!!" Kazuma shouted in despair.Megumin had already silently raised her staff, the red light in her eyes exceptionally dazzling in the Darkness. "Haru, since purification isn't working, let me use Explosion Magic to send this floor... no, the entire manor along with these filthy souls to the sky! This is the most efficient way to exorcise spirits!""Stop! Do you want to blow us up along with them?! Most importantly, I really don't want to be saddled with a mountain of debt again!!!" Haru quickly pressed down on Megumin's hand, cold sweat streaming down his face.If this house exploded, forget about a mansion; his group would probably have to work for that wealthy merchant for the rest of their lives to pay off the debt.Haru took a deep breath. Watching the ghosts getting closer and closer, a solution to this situation surfaced in his mind."Listen up! Aqua, stop crying! Go to the center of the first-floor lobby right now and draw the largest holy water circle you can! Kazuma, go and shut all the doors and windows; don't let these guys escape! Darkness, you're in charge of luring all the ghosts to Aqua—you enjoy this anyway, right?"Haru flashed a demonic grin and pointed at Aqua. "Since you're a spirit-attracting lamp, let's play for high stakes. Aqua, you're staying in the lobby tonight, continuously casting purification spells until you've sent every ghost in this house to meet your junior, eris! You don't get to rest until you've finished purifying them all!!""Eh?! You want me to face so many ghosts all by myself?! Haru, are you even human?! You must be the Demon King! You're definitely a mole sent by the Demon Kings Army!!"Aqua's protests were directly ignored by Haru and Kazuma.For the sake of a mansion, sacrificing one night of sleep from a useless Goddess—this deal was just too good!In the first-floor lobby, the originally eerie and terrifying atmosphere was now covered by a light that was extremely bizarre and full of absurdity.Aqua was standing in the very center of the lobby. Beneath her feet was a massive circle temporarily drawn with holy water, and she herself radiated a blue holy light bright enough to blind a dog. Countless translucent ghosts, floating teacups, and eerie dolls were crashing frantically against her holy barrier like moths to a flame, only to be purified into wisps of smoke with a sizzling sound by that pure mana."Wuu-waaahhh! Holy Light! Sacred High Exorcism! Sacred Highness Exorcism!! Go away! You disgusting things! Don't touch my clothes! Haru! Kazuma! You two devils! Come help me! My mana is about to hit bottom! My skin is going to be dried out by all this yin energy!!"Aqua waved her staff wildly with her eyes closed, crying until her face was streaked with tears. The miserable sight was enough to make anyone who heard it sad and anyone who saw it shed tears—of course, that was assuming the person hearing or seeing it wasn't Haru or Kazuma.On the other side of the lobby, Haru and Kazumahad worked together to move two leather-backed chairs that looked expensive down from the second floor, and they were now lolling on them in a relaxed manner.Haru was holding a plate of well-sealed, high-quality butter cookies he had accidentally discovered in the kitchen, while Kazuma had somehow gotten his hands on an unopened bottle of aged red wine and was skillfully prying the cork out with a short sword."Hah... Brother Haru, I have to say, this high-end stuff really is different." Kazuma took a blissful sip of the red wine, letting out a sigh of contentment like an old master. "Watching Aqua glow over there, listening to these rhythmic screams, and pairing it with this top-tier red wine, I feel like my life is complete. This is the life an Adventurer should have."Haru tossed a cookie into his mouth, chewing with a crunch, and cast a sidelong glance at Aqua, who was jumping back and forth in the lobby. "Indeed, this is even more spectacular than the best theatrical performance in Axel. And look, Darkness is working hard too, so how can we say we aren't helping?"
Chapter 74: Humanoid Bug ZapperNot far away, Darkness was actively plunging into the densest cluster of ghosts in an extremely twisted and alluring posture.Her sturdy Crusader armor emitted bursts of chill as the ghosts passed through it, while she herself was flushed red, letting out unsettling moans."Ah... this is the feeling... cold, emotionless souls piercing through my body... it feels like even my internal organs are being frozen... there are even dolls pulling my hair... more! Curse this humble flesh of mine to your heart's content!!""Hey, Haru, should we remind her? If the client sees that expression of hers, we might be arrested as cultists."Kazuma asked, his mouth twitching."Leave her be, she's having fun," Haru waved his hand calmly, then shouted at Aqua, "Hey! Aqua! Don't slack off! There are three more dolls peeking at you from the left! Hurry up and wash them away with that Sacred Water Flow or whatever! If we finish this tonight, we'll go eat Dragon Meat Bunstomorrow morning! All-you-can-eat!!""Dragon Meat Buns?! Really?! Don't lie to me!!" Hearing the temptation of food, Aqua's originally dim light instantly surged, like a high-powered searchlight, instantly evaporating all the ghosts in half the hall. "For the buns! Sacred Purification!!"Megumin squatted beside Haru's chair, looking at him with a resentful expression: "Haru, why do I have to stay here and watch over you guys? I want to release Explosion Magic too. The feeling of blowing away all the spirits with a 'BOOM' must be much more satisfying than Aqua's slow purification.""Megumin, be good," Haru patted her head (and incidentally wiped some biscuit crumbs on it), "If you release Explosion Magic, we'll have to eat Dragon Meat Buns in the ruins. Be a good girl, and when the exorcism is over tomorrow, I'll take you outside the city to blow up those Giant Toads. You can blow up as many as you want.""That's a promise then!"Megumin finally sat down, satisfied.Haru and Kazuma looked at each other, revealing that kind of sadistic, tacit smile unique to those who exploit their teammates."Big brother Haru, after we get this mansion, should we expand that Hot Spring Pool?""That's a must, Kazuma. And I plan to install a Vending Machine in the wine cellar... of course, the kind that's only open to the two of us."Moonlight spilled into the manor through the clouds. Accompanied by Aqua's wailing and Darkness's moaning, this night of exorcism seemed exceptionally beautiful and harmonious.The sizzling sound in the hall continued. Aqua's originally crisp and pleasant voice had now turned into something resembling a broken bellows."Wuuu... I can't do it anymore... my sacred power... is about to run dry... Haru... I beg you... let me have a drink of water... even foot-washing water is fine..."Haru sat with his legs crossed, playing with his faintly glowing Adventurer card, turning a deaf ear to Aqua's pleas."Kazuma," Haru took a sip of red wine and looked at the "Lv. 18" displayed on his Adventurer card, saying thoughtfully, "I suddenly realized that we've been so busy making money and dealing with these troublemakers lately that we haven't even properly learned any skills. Look, I'm almost level 20 now, and my skill column is still a blank slate. If word gets out, wouldn't it be embarrassing for us, the future owners of a mansion?"Kazuma froze for a moment, pulled out his own card to check, and scratched his head awkwardly: "True. Besides learning a few basic skills like [Steal] and [Lurk], I don't seem to have any proper skills either. But big brother Haru, what do you plan to learn? [Two-handed Sword]? Or [Explosion Magic]? Let's get this straight, if you learn that, our house will literally go up in smoke with one shot."Haru shook his head, revealing a profound smile filled with the stench of capitalist greed."No, Kazuma. Since we are going to become nobles, we must act the part. Leave the fighting and killing to a meat shield like Darkness and a human cannon like Megumin. As an elegant estate owner, what I need is not the skill to kill, but... the Art of Living."Haru took a deep breath and issued a command in his mind: [Add Points].A translucent screen that only Haru could see unfolded before him.Haru ignored those combat skills flashing with cold light and locked his gaze directly on the Life Skillssection of the Sub-class column."System, max out [Cooking] for me! Oh wait, let's just get it to 'Proficient' first."As 15 Attribute Points (AP) and 10 Skill Points (SP) vanished, Haru felt a massive influx of knowledge regarding ingredient preparation, heat control, and seasoning secrets flood into his mind.Haru now felt that he could not only distinguish whether a hundred types of mushrooms were poisonous but could even turn the simplest cabbage into a feast that would make a king salivate."Hehehe... with this skill, when we hold banquets in the mansion in the future, I can personally show off my skills and then watch those nobles and celebrities show that 'This was actually made by an Adventurer?' kind of ignorant expression. That is the true way to show off!"Haru stood up, brushed the biscuit crumbs off his butt, his eyes flashing with a fanatical light."Big brother Haru... your expression is so sadistic," Kazuma shrank back, looking disgusted."Haru! Did you learn some powerful magic? Hurry up and save me!" Seeing Haru stand up, Aquathought he had finally found his conscience and was coming to help, her eyes welling up with tears of excitement.Haru strode to Aqua's side. Just as she thought he was about to release some large-scale purification spell, he pulled out a rusty kitchen knife he had picked up from the kitchen earlier and skillfully twirled it in the air."Aqua, don't be noisy. I just realized the true meaning of life. To ensure tomorrow's Dragon Meat Buns reach the perfect texture, I'm going to the kitchen now to study the fermentation ratio of the dough. You just keep shining here, and try to turn all these ghosts into the purest steam. Maybe you can even help warm up my bun steamer.""You're a devil!! You're definitely a devil!! Who goes to study dough at a time like this?! Waaaaah!!"Aqua's screams grew even more shrill, but Haruturned a deaf ear, even humming a little tune."Megumin, come on, follow me to the kitchen. I'll teach you how to control the heat using scientific methods. Although you only know how to blow things up, if you control your mana output a bit, you might be able to make the perfect Explosion Fried Chicken.""Explosion... Fried Chicken?" Megumin's eyes instantly lit up, and the ruby on her staff flashed along with them. "That sounds like... a destructive delicacy! I'm coming!"Thus, in the mansion's hall, Aqua continued to serve as her humanoid bug zapper, Darkness continued to roll and moan in the pile of ghosts, while Haru led Megumin ambitiously toward the kitchen filled with dust and paranormal vibes, ready to begin his path as a noble master chef.As for those ghosts?Hah, in the face of the peerless delicacy about to be born, they were nothing more than background scenery.
Chapter 75: Acquiring the MansionThe sky outside was already turning pale, and the first rays of morning light filtered through the dust-covered stained glass of the manor, casting patterns onto the hall floor.As the last stubborn Grudge Doll dissolved into wisps of smoke amidst Aqua's nearly exhausted cries of "Begone... disappear... you bastard...", the dark clouds that had loomed over the manor all night finally dispersed.The originally bone-chilling air instantly became fresh and tranquil, as if the farce of dancing demons from last night had never happened."It's... finished... This Goddess... finally... won..."Aqua collapsed like a puddle of mud into the Holy Water Circle in the center of the hall. Her originally magnificent Goddess Raiment was now rumpled, her long blue hair was as messy as a bird's nest, and her entire being emitted a grayish-white aura of being completely burnt out.Just then, a rich aroma strong enough to revive the dead and make evil spirits weep wafted slowly from the direction of the kitchen.It was a mixture of the toasted scent of high-grade butter, the fatty aroma of fresh meat, and an aggressive spicy scent instantly triggered by flames."Phew... Mission accomplished!"Haru pushed open the kitchen door, holding a massive silver tray, followed by Megumin, who had a look of adoration on her face and smoke still rising from her staff."Everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting! Lin Jin's Special Explosion Fried Chicken with Golden Holy Water Egg Fried Rice is officially served!"On the plate, golden and crispy fried chicken pieces were piled up like a small mountain, each piece radiating an enticing oily sheen.This was a masterpiece created using Haru's newly maxed-out [Cooking] skill, combined with Megumin's precise trace amounts of Fire Magic (though she almost blew up the pot), locking in the juices under instantaneous high heat.As for the egg fried rice next to it, every grain of rice was perfectly coated in egg wash, shimmering under the sunlight like golden sand."Meat... the smell of meat..."The previously half-dead Aqua suddenly snapped her head up, her eyes bursting with a divine light even stronger than during the purification last night! She scrambled toward the tray, her speed so fast she left afterimages in the air:"Give it to me! Feed me now, ahhh!! Haru, you demon! If you don't give it to me right now, I'll bite your Adventurer Card into pieces like a chew toy!!"Kazuma didn't care about his image anymore either; he tossed aside an empty wine bottle and lunged forward: "Hey! Save some for me! Brother Haru, this skill... this isn't Cooking, it's practically magic! I feel like my HP and MP are recovering at a visible rate!"Darkness also came wobbling over from the end of the hallway. A few strands of doll hair were still caught in her armor, and the flush on her face hadn't faded yet, but upon smelling the aroma, her stomach let out an incredibly loud rumble:"This... this feeling of my body being forcibly filled by ultimate deliciousness... Ugh, although it's not being ravaged by monsters, this sense of humiliation from being conquered by food... isn't bad..."Haru looked at this group of problem children fighting over the tray like crazy and nodded in satisfaction.The yin energy inside the manor had completely vanished, replaced by a warmth called home (even if this warmth was accompanied by Aqua's screams while snatching chicken legs)."Alright, alright, don't fight, there's another pot in the kitchen." Haru clapped his hands and turned to look out the window at the mansion that was about to be his. "Since the exorcism is complete and we've eaten our fill, Kazuma, let's head to the guild later to turn in the quest.""No problem!" Kazuma replied, his mouth stuffed with fried chicken, his voice muffled. "From today on, the Kings of Mansions in Axel will be us two brothers!"The morning sun shone on everyone. Though they all looked like a mess, every face was filled with longing for a future 'unprincipled noble life.'Of course, that's assuming Aqua doesn't lure any more strange things home in the future.The doors of the Axel Adventurers Guild were slammed open, and the morning sun slanted into the tavern, illuminating the Adventurers who were either still hungover or preparing to take on early morning quests.Haru led this strange party—who looked like they had just crawled out of a swamp or just finished a carnival—marching toward the counter."Yo! Miss Miss Luna! We're back to turn in the quest!" Haru gave a brilliant (and money-scented) smile, slapping a stack of exorcism reports—soaked by Aqua's tears and stained with fried chicken grease—onto the counter.Miss Luna, behind the counter, rubbed her sleepy eyes. After seeing the group's miserable state, the quill in her hand almost fell to the floor: "Eh?! Mr. Lin Jin? You... you guys actually came back? And with the whole party surviving? The evil spirits in that manor were something even high-level Crusaders were helpless against!""Of course! Who do you think this Goddess is!" Although Aqua's face was pale and her steps were unsteady, she still forced herself to lean on the counter, desperately showing off her now-transparent Adventurer Card. "I stayed up all night and sent every single ghost there to see eris! I even scrubbed the yin energy from the gaps in the floor tiles three times! Quick! Give me the reward! I'm going to buy the most expensive sparkling wine! I'm drinking until dawn!!"Kazuma stood aside with dead-fish eyes, ruthlessly exposing her: "Hey, Aqua, is that for the reward? You were fighting for your life for that meal of Dragon Meat Buns. Miss Miss Luna, ignore this idiot, please verify the quest results as soon as possible. We urgently need that money... and the legal ownership certificate for that house."Miss Luna looked at them skeptically, then called over an appraiser to examine the exorcism evidence Haru brought back—a fragment of a Ghost Knight's helmet that had been purified until it was sparkling clean.A moment later, the appraiser nodded.Miss Luna's expression gradually shifted from surprise to a professional sweet smile, though there was a hint of helplessness in it, as if thinking these guys were incredibly lucky."Verified. The evil spirit reactions in the haunted manor have completely disappeared. Congratulations, Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Kazuma. Here is the agreed-upon reward of 500,000 eris."Miss Luna pulled a heavy coin pouch from under the counter and placed it on the table with a thud. The clinking of gold coins sounded exceptionally pleasant in the quiet guild hall.The surrounding Adventurers cast gazes filled with maddening envy."Also, here is the ownership deed for the manor." Miss Luna solemnly handed over a piece of parchment stamped with the Lord's seal. "From now on, that luxury manor in the suburbs is officially registered under the names of Mr. Lin Jin and Mr. Satou Kazuma. However... since it was a haunted house, the subsequent cleaning and repair costs might not be low.""Repairs? Just leave that kind of thing to Aqua and Darkness; they're best at manual labor."Haru grabbed the deed, feeling its thick texture, and the heavy stone in his heart finally settled."Money! My money!!" Kazuma lunged at the coin pouch like an octopus, his face filled with a ghastly sense of happiness. "Brother Haru! We're rich! We're really rich! 500,000! Plus our previous savings, we're now the richest Adventurers in Axel!!""Hey! That was earned through my hard work too! Give me half! No, give me two-thirds! I want to buy that solid gold staff!" Aqua tried to reach for the coin pouch, but Haru and Kazuma each used a hand to expertly pin her head down.Megumin held her staff, watching the group mess around, a trace of a smile appearing on her lips: "Since we have a big house, does that mean after I cast my Explosion Magic every day, I don't have to sleep in a damp stable anymore, but can sleep in a large bed covered in silk?""Of course." Haru smiled and patted Megumin's hat. "As long as you promise not to practice magic in the house, you can sleep wherever you want."Darkness, meanwhile, stared out the window somewhat blankly, muttering to herself:"To actually become the owner of a mansion... this huge sense of disparity from being a down-and-out Adventurer to suddenly becoming a landlord... Ah, if I could be forcibly dragged away by guards because I can't afford the property tax, what a wonderful experience that would be...""Don't spoil the mood at a time like this, you perverted knight!" Haru shouted, then raised the deed in his hand, announcing to the entire guild: "Tonight! We're having a housewarming party at our new home! Drinks are on the house! Of course, limited to our friends!"Amidst a chorus of envious and hateful boos, Haruled his party out of the guild with their heads held high.From this moment on, Haru and Kazuma's noble life in another world officially began.PS:The following plot will start returning to the main storyline. Rest assured, the 'ghostly' antics won't be missing.Quick interview: If I bully Aqua too hard, will you guys feel bad for her?Actually, I have a lot of ideas, but I'm worried you'll scold me -,-I hope if you like it, you can interact more and show some support. Please, everyone, I want to get the full attendance bonus this month!Massive updates! Massive updates! Massive updates!
Chapter 76: Housewarming PartyReturning to this manor that now belonged to everyone, radiating an aura of nouveau riche in the sunset, Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance and, with perfect understanding, shared the deep smirk of the landlord class."Alright, everyone! It's time to assign rooms!" Haruclapped his hands, his voice echoing through the wide corridor. "As a democratic and loving team, we shall arrange comfortable living quarters based on everyone's characteristics."Haru walked to the master bedroom area on the second floor, pointing to the room with the most sunlight, the best view, and situated right next to his own room—which featured a private luxury bathtub."Darkness, you'll stay next door to me. After all, you're our Crusader. If some petty Thief (or a strange spectral remnant) breaks in at night, your sturdy body will be my strongest line of defense! Besides... the lock on that door seems a bit loose and occasionally makes an eerie 'creak-creak' sound. You should like that, right?"Darkness was still marveling at the grandeur of the manor, but upon hearing this, her face turned beet red all the way to her neck, and her breathing instantly became ragged."Eh?! Living... living right next to you, Haru? And in a room with a broken lock? What if... what if you get drunk at night and walk into the wrong room... or intentionally break in late at night to give me some kind of head of the house punishment... Ah! This sense of shame from being monitored by a companion at close range and being liable to attack at any moment... I accept! I completely accept!!"Looking at Darkness, who was already lost in her delusions, Haru turned to Kazuma with satisfaction.Kazuma immediately caught on, pointing to a room with a balcony at the other end of the corridor, right next to his own, and said to Megumin:"Megumin, you'll stay next door to me. Think about it: every day after you cast Explosion Magic, you're as weak as a sheet of paper. What if you fall in the hallway and no one's there to help you? If you live next to me, I can take care of you at any time (and supervise you so you don't doodle in the room). Plus, that room's balcony has a wide view, perfect for you to recite chuunibyou lines to the distance when you wake up in the morning.""Take care of me? Though it sounds a bit suspicious, that balcony does indeed have the aura of an Archwizard." Megumin adjusted her hat, a glint of red flashing in her eyes. "In that case, O neighbor of my destiny, I shall reluctantly agree."Just then, Aqua, who had been waiting expectantly for her assignment, jumped out and shouted excitedly while pointing at the remaining magnificent guest rooms:"What about me?! Me?! I want the one with the big chandelier! And a bathtub covered in rose petals! I'm a goddess; my room must be the most magnificent in the whole manor!!"Haru and Kazuma turned their heads simultaneously, staring at her with looks of extreme disdain and indifference."Aqua," Haru spoke in a flat tone."What is it? Haru, are you going to personally lead me to my palace?" Aqua looked hopeful.Haru pointed to a dark little room at the end of the first-floor hall, near the back garden and at least fifty meters away from the master bedroom area (it was originally for the gardener's tools)."You'll live there. It's far from the kitchen, so you won't sneak food in the middle of the night; it's far from us, so you won't wake us up with your drunken antics; and most importantly, it's close to the front gate. If you attract any more ghosts, you can take them out for a walk immediately without dirtying our new carpets.""Exactly," Kazuma added coldly from the side. "For the sake of the whole family's sleep quality and mental health, Aqua must be kept at a physical social distance. Aqua, this is what you call a goddess's independent space, understand?""Waaaaah!! You two demons!! This is blatant discrimination!! I'm a goddess! I don't want to live in a drafty little dark room! I want a big room! I want to live with you guys!! Haru, you heartless jerk, I spent all night glowing for you last night!!"Aqua rolled around frantically on the marble floor, tears and snot smearing everywhere once again.Haru and Kazuma ignored her completely, high-fived, and then picked up their luggage (which was just a few ragged clothes and a bag of gold coins) and headed toward their desired neighboring rooms."Big Brother Haru, shouldn't we order a home delivery from the Succubus Shop tonight to celebrate? We have plenty of rooms, so we don't have to worry about Aqua bumping into them.""Kazuma, you have a bright future. But we still need to prepare for the housewarming party we promised today!"Night fell, and the "formerly haunted mansion" that had just changed hands was now brightly lit.To celebrate their leap from stable-dwelling vagrants to manor-owning bourgeoisie, Haru and Kazuma spent a fortune (actually just a few tens of thousands of eris on alcohol and ingredients) to throw this grand housewarming party.The first-floor hall, where demons once danced, had now been transformed into a buffet restaurant.The long tables were filled with delicacies Haru had meticulously prepared using his [Cooking] skill: Frostfall Red Beef steaks crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, Explosion Roast Chicken with freshness locked in by magical flames, and a mountain of Axel's specialty vegetable salad."Cheers!! To our new home! To escaping poverty!!"As Haru and Kazuma raised their glasses, the atmosphere in the hall was instantly ignited."Whoa! This house is huge! Is this the life of the rich? Damn, I'm so jealous!" That punk Adventurer named Dust stuffed a chicken leg into his mouth, his face distorted with envy. "Hey, Kazuma, I heard this place used to be haunted? If any seductive ghosts show up at night, remember to call your pal!""Go away, go away. All the female ghosts here were purified into ash by Aqua." Kazuma waved him off with disdain, then turned to the other side with a flattering expression. "Yo, Chris! You came too! How is it? This fried chicken tastes good, right? It's Big Brother Haru's secret recipe."Chris sat agilely on the windowsill, a glass of fruit wine in her hand and a bit of sauce on the corner of her mouth, smiling brightly."Mmm! It's seriously delicious! Haru's Cooking is even better than the chefs in the Royal Capital! Hey, hey, as a housewarming gift, I'll give you this!"Saying that, she pulled an exquisite-looking but actually ordinary silver-plated dagger from her bosom and tossed it to Kazuma, then smoothly—really, just extremely smoothly—swiped his wallet from his pocket."Thanks!...Wait! Give me back my wallet, you Thiefgirl!!"On the other side, Wiz was clutching a large box emitting an ominous purple aura, walking tremblingly toward Haru."U-Um... Mr. Lin Jin, congratulations on your move... This is the treasure of my shop that I carefully selected... A music box that screams with the voices of a hundred people once opened... I hope it adds a bit of... er, lively atmosphere to this spacious house?"Haru looked at the box that seemed ready to explode at any moment, his mouth twitching."Wiz, I appreciate the sentiment. But please take this back, or maybe bury it under Aqua's little dark room.""Eh?! Why... This is a very rare Cursed Item..."Wiz looked like she was about to cry, appearing both pitiful and cute.In the center of the hall, Aqua, who had been crying about her room assignment, was now completely revitalized under the irrigation of several bottles of high-end sparkling wine.She stood on a table, waving two folding fans, with brilliant sprays of water erupting behind her, performing her only specialty—the Party TrickNatures Beauty."Take this! Sacred Water Art! Let's get hyped! As long as you give me booze, I can spin until morning! Haru! Kazuma! Since this goddess is working so hard, can you let me move back to the second floor? Even the hallway is fine!!""No!" Haru and Kazuma refused in unison, then clinked glasses and shared a pleasant laugh.In the corner, Miss Miss Luna had completely shed her burden as a guild receptionist and was guzzling from a keg of beer, muttering:"These problem children... they actually completed that S-rank Quest... Now my bonus is secured... *hic*! Another glass! I'm going to drink these two nouveau riche dry!"Darkness, wearing a slightly stiff evening gown, stood at the edge of the crowd, her face flushed as she looked at Haru: "Haru... this feeling of being watched by everyone, as if waiting for a master's command... If you could command me to perform a shameful dance for everyone right now... Ah, no, just thinking about it, I'm going to...""Don't even think about it. Go pour some wine for Miss Miss Luna."Haru ordered casually."Yes! Master!!"Darkness rushed over excitedly, nearly knocking over the table.The lights in the hall seemed a bit hazy amidst the alcoholic mist. Aqua was still spinning tirelessly on the table, splashing water everywhere.Haru swirled the remaining half-glass of red wine in his hand. With a slight buzz from the alcohol and a playful smirk on his face, he walked with somewhat light steps toward Chris, who was crouching on the windowsill watching the show."Yo, Chris. Hiding here alone at a lively time like this doesn't seem like your style."Haru plopped down into an armchair by the windowsill, leaning forward slightly to close the distance with the silver-haired Thief girl.Chris had just been laughing at Kazuma's pathetic state. Seeing Haru approach, she skillfully tucked the stolen wallet into her bosom and flashed a bright, dashing smile."Hehe, Haru! I'm just admiring the masterpiece of Axel's number one Party Goddess. I have to say, Senior Aqua... I mean, this girl Aqua is definitely world-class when it comes to setting the mood!"Haru keenly caught that tiny pause in her words, and his gaze grew deeper.Haru stared into her lively, clear eyes and at the faint but dashing scar on the lower left of her cheek."Chris, I've always had a question." Haru lowered his voice, his tone carrying a hint of post-drinking raspiness and teasing. "Don't you think you look a bit too much like eris, the goddess who governs luck in the Celestial Realm, has a gentle personality, and is worshipped by all of humanity? Especially that sense of holiness that can't be hidden even when you're doing something bad (like stealing a wallet)?"Chris's smile froze.
Chapter 77: Striking from Both Sides, Quite the Show of PowerIn that instant, a visible flicker of guilt flashed through her eyes, which usually sparkled with cunning.She instinctively shrank back, waving her hands in a panic, her voice rising an octave:"Huh?! Wh-what are you talking about, Haru! You must have had way too much to drink; the alcohol has fried your brain! Lady Eris is a high-and-mighty goddess. How could she have anything to do with a Thief like me who just idles around Axel all day? That kind of joke isn't funny at all!"As she spoke, her gaze darted around, and a fine layer of sweat even broke out on her forehead.Her desperate attempt to hide the truth was so clumsy and cute that it was practically shouting "I am eris" to the whole world.Haru had no intention of letting her off. Instead, he took a step forward, propping his hand against the windowsill and pinning her against the corner in a kabedon."Is that so? But I've heard that Goddess Erisoccasionally descends to the mortal realm for inspections because the heavens are too lonely. And besides, Chris, your luck stat is ridiculously high, almost as if the Goddess of Luck herself were using cheats. Hey, want me to use [Steal] to verify? If I Steal something divine, the truth will be out.""W-wait a minute! That skill is absolutely forbidden!!" Chris let out a cute scream, her hands tightly covering her chest and the pockets at her waist. Her face was as red as a ripe apple, and her eyes were full of pleading. "Haru! You're too much! Who makes jokes like that to a girl? Get away from me, your alcoholic breath is going to hit my face!"Her awkward and guilty appearance made Harualmost one hundred percent certain of his suspicion.This usually cheerful and dashing Chivalrous Thiefactually showed such a girlish side when her true identity was touched upon."Well, since you're pleading like this, I'll just treat it as drunken talk." Haru chuckled, stepping back to a safe social distance and raising his glass. "Regardless, whether you're Chris or eris, as long as you're my friend, that's enough. Are you having fun tonight, Miss Lucky Thief?"Seeing that Haru was no longer pressing her, Chrisfinally breathed a long sigh of relief. She gave him a slightly annoyed roll of her eyes, but the corners of her mouth couldn't help but turn up slightly, revealing a playful expression that was both guilty and somewhat touched."Hmph, you really have a bad personality. But... since the fried chicken was delicious, I'll forgive you. Tonight... I really did have a lot of fun, Haru."She muttered quietly, then grabbed the nearby juice and took a large gulp as if to hide her embarrassment.Haru, looking at her like that, was already planning how to better utilize this Goddess's special identity in the future.The clamor from the other side of the hall seemed isolated from this corner.Wiz hung her head, her hands tightly clutching a still-vibrating purple Cursed Music Box. Her long chestnut hair covered most of her face, making her look exceptionally frail under the flickering candlelight.Although she was a Lich with extraordinary magical power, at this moment, she looked more like an introverted high school girl who was at a loss because no one was talking to her at the party.Haru set down his glass, wove through the gibberish of the drunks, and walked up to this useless shopkeeper."Wiz, why are you spacing out here all by yourself? This is a housewarming party. As my friend, it wouldn't be right if you didn't have a drink."Wiz jerked like a startled kitten, and the music box in her arms nearly fell to the floor.She looked up, her pale purple eyes darting around uneasily, and a faint blush appeared on her pale face:"Ah! Mr. Lin Jin! I'm sorry, I... I just thought it was too lively here. A gloomy Undead creature like me—a Lich—might ruin the mood if I get too close to everyone... Besides, I can never sell anything in my shop, which makes me feel like I'm just someone who causes trouble for others..."Seeing her deep-seated lack of self-confidence, Haru sighed helplessly and leaned against a nearby pillar, his tone softening:"Don't talk nonsense. Look at Aqua over there; she causes trouble all day long, yet she's still so carefree. Wiz, I've always been curious—you're so gentle and incredibly powerful, so why do you always let yourself look so lonely? Is there really no one in Axel to have a cup of tea with you?"Wiz was slightly taken aback, then gave a bitter smile that was both nostalgic and lonely.She lowered her head, her fingers gently tracing the cold patterns on the music box:"Lonely... Maybe it's because I'm always on the wrong side. Back when I was an Adventurer, I became a Lich to save my companions. Later, to protect everyone, I had to join the Demon Kings Army as an executive... Even though I have a shop now, because I'm Undead, people don't hate me, but it's hard for them to truly accept me. And... I really don't seem to have a head for business. I'm always spending my savings on useless items, and Mr. Vaniroften scolds me for it..."She paused, looking up at the brilliant starry sky outside the window, her voice as light as a breeze:"Sometimes I wonder, if I weren't a Lich, but just an ordinary girl who could make delicious black tea, would I be able to sit among these friends more comfortably?"Seeing her looking so pitiable, Haru couldn't help but reach out and gently pat her shoulder, as if comforting a startled small animal. Wiz's body trembled slightly, and that cold yet soft touch characteristic of the Undead came through the fabric."Silly Wiz. If you were just an ordinary girl, then who would sell me those useless but interesting items? Who would show off that cool magic when we need help?" Haru looked directly into her eyes, his tone firm. "Listen, everyone here is a freak. Kazuma is scum, Aqua is an idiot, Darkness is a pervert, and Megumin is an Explosion Maniac. So, you, an overly gentle Lich, are actually the most normal one here. As long as I, Haru, live in this mansion, there will always be a place for you. Understand?"Wiz stared blankly at Haru, sparkling tears gradually welling up in her eyes.She suddenly broke into a smile through her tears and nodded vigorously. It was the brightest, most cloudless smile you had ever seen."Yes! Mr. Lin Jin... really, thank you so much! Getting to know you is truly the happiest thing since I became a Lich... no, in my entire life!"She was so excited that she wanted to step forward and hug Haru, but she forgot she was still holding the music box.Due to her emotional fluctuations, a trace of her Frost Magic was accidentally injected into it—"Awoooooooo!! Help!! It's so cold!! Someone save me!!"The music box suddenly burst apart, instantly letting out a piercing scream loud enough to be heard throughout all of Axel, accompanied by a bone-chilling cold that swept through the entire hall."Waaaaah! Enemy attack! Is the Demon Kings Armyattacking?!"Aqua, who was spinning around, was swept by the cold air and slid right off the table, falling butt-first into a wine barrel."I-I'm sorry!! Mr. Lin Jin! I'll freeze it right now! No, wait, it's already ice! Waaaaah!!"Watching Wiz, who had once again fallen into a panic and was clumsily trying to repair the music box, Haru couldn't help but sigh and rub his forehead.As expected, in this world, a warm atmosphere never lasts more than three seconds.
Chapter 78: Identity VerificationIn this mansion on the outskirts of Axel, the morning sun streamed through the bright floor-to-ceiling windows, casting light onto the long corridor covered in velvet carpet.The lingering smell of hay and horse manure from the stables was gone, replaced by a fragrance known as decadence.The core of this decadent life wasn't the massive sum of five hundred thousand eris, nor was it the spacious rooms; it was the soul-stirring aroma wafting from the kitchen."Hey, Aqua. I recall someone sneaking into my pantry last night and polishing off that high-end bottle I was saving for the beef bourguignon."Dressed in comfortable loungewear, Mr. Lin Jin was elegantly slicing fresh cabbage on a massive cutting board with a kitchen knife that gleamed with a cold light.Haru didn't even turn his head, asking the question in a flat tone.Aqua, who had been planning to stealthily swipe a freshly fried shrimp rice ball from the dining table, instantly froze in place as if hit by a Binding Curse.Her crystal-clear long blue hair trembled slightly. When she turned her head, her face was already plastered with an extremely flattering smile:"Ehehe! L-Haru-sama! What are you talking about? How could a noble Goddess like me do such a thing? It must have been... it must have been those ghosts that haven't fully dispersed yet! Yes! The ghosts drank it! As compensation, I can scrub all the floors in the house today until they shine like mirrors! So... about that shrimp rice ball...""Go scrub the floors. If you don't finish, lunch will be nothing but boiled cabbage with no meat."Haru coldly handed down the sentence."Waaahhh! I'm going right now! Please don't cut my meat, Haru-sama!! I'll literally die without Haru-sama's cooking!!"With a tearful face, Aqua scrambled to grab a bucket and dashed toward the corridor.Kazuma, leaning back in his chair with a copy of the Axel Daily, let out a delighted laugh:"Nice work, Big Bro Haru. That's exactly how you handle a useless Goddess who only exists to increase food expenses. But... Big Bro, since Aqua's portion is being saved, can I get an extra egg in mine? You see, I've been using a lot of brainpower lately researching how to install anti-theft traps in the mansion."Haru gave him a sidelong glance: "Kazuma, if you can pull your eyes away from the direction of Megumin's room and pull the weeds in the yard while you're at it, I might consider giving you a double-yolk egg.""Understood! I'm on it!"Kazuma stood up instantly, his movements as sharp as an elite soldier's.This had been the norm for the past few days.In this mansion, Haru was at the absolute top of the food chain.Every day after returning from casting Explosion Magic, the first thing Megumin did wasn't rest; she would sit at the dining table like an obedient kitten, her red eyes wide with anticipation for the new explosion-flavored dishes Haru was developing.With just a word from Haru, she was even willing to change her catchphrase from 'I am the greatest Archwizard of the Crimson Demon Clan' to 'I am Head Chef Haru's first assistant.'As for Darkness... her current state was the most dangerous.When Haru, annoyed that she had accidentally broken some expensive porcelain, coldly ordered her to 'Go stand in the yard until I'm satisfied,' this young lady actually showed a flush that would make passersby call the police. Panting heavily, she cried out, '—This feeling of having my very lifeblood (stomach) controlled and being humiliated at will... Ah! Please, you must not give me food! Let me watch you all eat, and then mock my weak will to your heart's content!'Haru didn't even need to use force; using only a spatula and seasonings, he had completely dominated this group of twisted problem children.In the afternoon, Haru lay on a rocking chair on the balcony, watching Aqua cry while scrubbing the floor, Kazuma sweating as he pulled weeds, Megumin studying recipes nearby, and Darknessstanding in the sun in a self-induced trance.Haru took a sip of freshly brewed black tea, feeling the massive, barely-touched sum in his account, and sighed from the bottom of his heart: "This is what life in another world should be like."However, this peaceful life always seemed to be accompanied by surprises.In the distance, from the direction of Axel's gates, a group of fully armed knights seemed to be galloping toward the manor, kicking up clouds of dust.Watching the silver armor and fluttering Griffin Banners emerge from the rolling dust, Haruelegantly set down his gold-rimmed bone china teacup and lightly tapped his fingertips twice on the mahogany tabletop."Everyone, assemble! Stop embarrassing yourselves!"Haru's voice wasn't loud, yet it possessed an unquestionable piercing quality.Aqua, who had been wriggling on the floor like a caterpillar, immediately flipped to her feet and wiped her face with a rag;Kazuma, who was battling a stubborn weed, quickly brushed the dirt off his hands and straightened his slightly shabby green cloak;Megumin skillfully struck a grand magus pose, though the ruby atop her staff glittered somewhat comically in the sun.The trickiest one was Darkness. She was currently flushed and glassy-eyed from her long standing punishment, muttering softly, "—Ah... is Master finally going to perform a public execution on me..."Haru walked over and unceremoniously slapped her thick shoulder guard, producing a crisp metallic clang:"Snap out of it, Darkness! The Capital's Knights Order is here. Show some of the dignity of the Dustiness Family. If you act like an irredeemable pervert and embarrass me, tonight's dinner will be nothing but unsalted boiled grass roots.""Eh?! U-Unsalted grass roots?!...Ugh, such a punishment... No, I will do my best! For Mr. Lin Jin's dinner, I will show a solemnity that would make even the gods recoil!"Darkness instantly straightened her back, her gaze becoming sharp and holy, as if the perverted masochist from a moment ago was merely an illusion.In less than two minutes, a rather intimidating formation took shape before the wide gates of the mansion:Haru stood in the center, hands in his pockets, looking every bit the unfathomable head of the house; Darkness stood to Haru's right like an immovable iron war god; Megumin held her staff horizontally on the left, her hood covering half her face for maximum mystery; Kazuma stood half a step behind Haru like a shrewd lieutenant, arms crossed;As for Aqua... Haru had her stand in the back holding a basin of holy water as a background prop. As long as she didn't open her mouth, she did indeed look like a noble Goddess.The Knights Order reined in their horses in a synchronized halt ten meters from the gate.The lead knight dismounted, revealing a serious face that looked like it was carved from granite.He scanned the elite squad before his eyes finally settled on Haru's face. Removing his helmet, he performed a standard knight's salute."I am Sena, Captain of the Third Squad of the Capital's Royal Guard. I presume you are the renowned Mr. Lin Jin, who recently defeated a Demon Kings Army General in Axel?"Captain Sena's tone was polite, but his eyes were scrutinizing.He glanced at Darkness, a flash of surprise crossing his eyes, though he quickly masked it."Captain Sena, thank you for making the long journey," Haru nodded slightly, his tone as relaxed as if he were greeting a neighbor. "I wonder what grand matter brings the Capital's elite to my newly cleaned home? If it's for debt collection, I can hand over that blue-haired one over there right now.""Hey! Haru, you bastard, what are you saying?! I'm your comrade!!"Aqua, the background prop, instantly broke character and shrieked.Captain Sena's mouth twitched, and he coughed to regain his seriousness: "It is not a matter of debt. Mr. Lin Jin, due to the extraordinary combat power you've recently displayed and certain royal secrets involving this mansion, the Capital has decided to conduct a formal identity verification. Furthermore... regarding reports of frequent Demon Kings Army General activity around Axel lately, we require your assistance in the investigation."He paused and lowered his voice: "And of course, the most important point. Lady Lalatina of Dustiness Family... appears to be in this party? Certain lords in the Capital are very concerned about her safety and education."At the mention of 'Lalatina' and 'education,' Darkness's body shook violently, her mask of solemnity showing signs of collapse.Under Sena's stern gaze, which felt like that of a prosecutor eyeing a criminal, Haru was exceptionally cooperative, even insisting that Aquabehave herself.After a fair amount of trouble—including checking Adventurer cards, verifying city entry records, and Sena double-checking Aqua's card (which listed her as an Archpriest but showed an absurdly low intelligence stat) five times—the serious inspector finally pushed up his glasses and let out a long sigh of relief."Very well, Mr. Lin Jin, and everyone else. Although your behavioral logic is... extremely difficult to fathom by common standards, based on the current verification results, you are indeed not spies for the Demon Kings Army. After all, no matter how short-handed the Demon Kings Army is, they surely wouldn't send such... such..." Sena glanced at Aqua, who was trying to sneak free snacks from the guild table into her pocket, and swallowed the word 'idiots,' "...send such highly idiosyncratic personnel for a deep-cover mission. Thus, the misunderstandings regarding the disruption of official duties and suspected illegal assembly are hereby resolved.""Phew! Scared me to death! I thought I was going to be locked in that gloomy prison again, eating cold rice balls every day!" Aqua patted her chest, looking like she'd survived a disaster, then immediately changed her expression to make a face at Sena. "Did you hear that, you stiff inspector lady! We are legitimate Adventurers! Hurry up and apologize, then kneel and beg for this Goddess's forgiveness. Maybe I'll be merciful enough to grant you an application to join the Axis Order!""Aqua, shut up." Haru expressionlessly pressed down on Aqua's head to prevent her from actually being arrested on the spot for insulting a public official.
Chapter 79: LalatinaCaptain Sena closed the register in his hands, his gaze deeply sweeping across Darkness's face, which still couldn't hide a trace of agitation despite her efforts to maintain dignity.He lowered his voice, his tone carrying a hint of a senior's warning:"Additionally, Lord Haru. Although the Royal Capital has temporarily recognized your right to use this mansion due to your achievements, please keep in mind... the eldest daughter of Dustiness Family is no ordinary Adventurer. Certain high-ranking lords in the Royal Capital have shown an extraordinary concern for Lady Lalatina's current situation. If they were to see in some report that the young lady is living here... er, this kind of life where she's treated like manual labor, I'm afraid it would cause unnecessary trouble."Sena's words were subtle, but every word fell into Darkness's ears like the sound of heavy chains.Her shoulders trembled slightly, and a shadow flickered across her eyes—a complex mix of disgust, responsibility, and a chill that even a masochist like her found repulsive.Haru keenly caught the abnormality in Darkness's expression.That expression was definitely not the flush she usually had when entering her delusion mode, but a genuine heaviness belonging to a noble girl facing an inescapable fate.Haru wanted to ask who exactly was concerned about her, but on second thought, the aristocratic circles behind these people were even more chaotic than Aqua's intelligence.If Darkness herself didn't want to talk, it would be better not to rush into a mess filled with political marriages, territorial disputes, or the covetousness of perverted lords.After all, this current degenerate life was hard-won; there was no need to ruin a pleasant afternoon tea time for a trouble that hadn't happened yet."Thanks for the reminder, Captain Sena." Harupicked up his teacup again, his tone as steady as usual. "We will take good care of Lady Darkness. As for the lords in the Royal Capital, as long as they don't plan on coming here to help me pull weeds personally, I think we should be able to get along just fine."Sena sighed, seemingly having a headache over Haru's unyielding attitude. He put his helmet back on and waved to the Knights Order behind him:"Then, the verification is complete. Lord Haru, please continue to contribute to the peace of Axel... and the integrity of this house. Let's go!"With a rhythmic sound of hooves, the Knights Orderrode off, kicking up a cloud of dust.The moment the gate closed, Darkness, who had been maintaining her image as a holy female knight, seemed to lose her strength, leaning against the doorpost and letting out a long sigh."Darkness, are you okay?" Kazuma approached, eyeing her suspiciously. "When Sena mentioned the lords from the Royal Capital just now, your expression was as disgusted as if you'd seen natto that expired three years ago.""It... it's nothing." Darkness quickly adjusted her breathing, forcing a stiff smile. "I just remembered some boring social pleasantries. More importantly, Haru... regarding what Sena said, please don't take it to heart. No matter what happens, I will... I will protect this party in the name of a Crusader!"Although she spoke heroically, her fingers gripping the hilt of her sword until they turned white betrayed her inner unease."Alright, alright, since they're gone, don't just stand at the door in the wind." Haru clapped his hands, breaking the heavy atmosphere. "Aqua, finished scrubbing the floor? If not, there really won't be any beef stew with red wine for you tonight. And Megumin, stop posing over there and come help prep the ingredients.""Eh?! Beef! I'm going to scrub it right now! I can use Holy Water!!" Upon hearing about food, Aquainstantly threw her earlier sense of crisis out the window and rushed back into the corridor with her bucket.Haru looked at this group of teammates, each with their own thoughts (or no brain at all), and the corners of his mouth curled up slightly.Who cared about some lords from the Royal Capital or some fate; at this moment, nothing was more important than a sumptuous dinner.However, Haru still made a mental note of Sena's warning and Darkness's abnormality.In this world, trouble always finds its own way to your door. The only thing he could do was to hone his weapons—namely, these problem children—to be a bit more resilient before then.Just as the mansion's gate closed and before the heavy atmosphere could fully dissipate, Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look with perfect timing.(To explain here, Haru and Kazuma actually had some understanding of Darkness's identity. After all, the world is dynamic, but these two were smart enough not to run their mouths before things were out in the open.)That look was a signal unique to two men who constantly tested the boundaries of having no principles—"The prey is in the net; it's time for a public execution."Haru slowly walked up to Darkness, who was dazed against the doorpost. Instead of giving a direct command as usual, he bowed slightly in an exaggeratedly perfect courtly etiquette, his movements as elegant as a gentleman inviting a princess to dance at a Royal Capital ball—though the smirk on his face was as punchable as could be."Oh my, how rude of me. I didn't expect that in our little Adventurer party, there was actually a genuine high-born lady hiding among us. Lalatina... oh no, it's Lady Lalatina of Dustiness Family. Making you stand in the yard as punishment just now, and even threatening to dock your dinner... that truly is a crime of lèse-majesté."Haru's voice was intentionally drawn out, filled with a theatrical tone that gave one goosebumps.Kazuma beside him immediately caught on. He quickly tossed the shovel he was holding, pressed his hands together, and approached with a look of utter trepidation:"Exactly! Big Brother Haru! We were so inconsiderate! To think we let the noble Lady Lalatina do manual labor alongside a useless goddess like Aqua! If word got out, wouldn't we be fed to Slimes by those lords in the Royal Capital? Lady Lalatina, please forgive us! This lowly one will go prepare the finest black tea and snacks for you right away!"This sudden flattery didn't give Darkness any sense of honor; instead, it felt like a heavy hammer smashing into her sense of shame."Don't call me by that name!!"Darkness let out a wail, covering her ears tightly. Her entire face instantly turned red down to her neck, and even her rigid armor rattled with the trembling of her body."I'm not some young lady either! Here, I'm just Darkness! I'm your Crusader! The meat shield dedicated to taking hits! That kind of embarrassing title... that feeling of being treated like something fragile... Ah! I beg you, please look at me with those eyes like you're looking at trash again, and then order me to scrub the toilets! I'd feel much better that way!"She shouted incoherently, her eyes glazed over, clearly falling into some strange delusion.Haru had no intention of stopping there. Instead, he went a step further, reaching out to gently tilt up her chin, which was lowered in shame, forcing her to look him in the eye."Oh? You don't want to be a young lady? But Captain Sena said that the lord in the Royal Capital is very concerned about your education. Lalatina, tell me, if we were to draw a picture of you scrubbing toilets in a maid outfit here in the mansion and send it to that lord... what kind of expression would he make?""No, don't! Anything but that! If my father or Aldapfound out... ugh... Haru, you demon! Fiend! Pervert!...But... this feeling of being forced to submit because someone has dirt on me... this shame of being a noble toyed with by a commoner... ah... I can't take it..."Darkness finally couldn't hold out any longer. Her legs gave way, and she slumped onto the ground, clutching her chest and letting out a misunderstood panting sound.Kazuma watched from the side, dumbfounded, and couldn't help but give a thumbs up:"As expected of Big Brother Haru, toying with this perverted noble lady with just a few words. But... the name Lalatina really suits that vibe of hers—being serious yet somehow very erotic in a certain sense.""Kazuma! You better stop right there! Call me by that name again and I'll smash your head with my sword hilt!"Darkness's breathing became rapid, her body trembling slightly.Haru thought she would flee in shame, but he had clearly underestimated this pervert's ability to handle pressure.She suddenly snapped her head up. Although her eyes were filled with tears of shame, that eerie flush covered her entire body with startling speed.She crossed her arms over her chest and let out a spine-chilling, trembling moan:"—Ah...! To... to have my true identity discovered by the companions I spend every day with... and then be toyed with and mocked at will... even being forced to endure honorifics for mental humiliation... this sense of immorality from being a noble toyed with by commoners...! Haru! Kazuma! Please... please continue! Say more! Say more things like I'm a 'useless young lady who is worthless except for her status'!!"Haru and Kazuma fell silent at the same time.Kazuma, who had been planning to continue his verbal assault, froze with his hand in mid-air, his face turning pale. "Big Brother Haru, I was wrong. I was really wrong. I underestimated this woman's bottom line. The way she looks now is even scarier than the Demon King's Army..."Haru's eye also twitched involuntarily as he silently took a step back. "...Darkness, you win. To be able to enjoy this kind of teasing as a reward, you truly are Axel's strongest shield.""Eh? Is it over already? Don't stop!"Darkness chased after them with a look of wanting more.
Chapter 80: The Shop's TreasureLate at night in the mansion, the embers in the fireplace crackled softly.Aqua was already sprawled out asleep on her exclusive extra-large sofa, with a trail of drool about premium sparkling wine hanging from her mouth; Megumin had also hugged her staff and returned to her room to dream of her Explosion Magic.Haru sat on the terrace, swirling a cup of lukewarm black tea in his hand, watching Satou Kazuma, who was squatting nearby and tinkering with a few simple anti-theft traps."Hey, Kazuma. I recall that after you leveled up to 11, you haven't really touched those skill points, right?"Kazuma stopped what he was doing and looked up. That small face, etched with both decadence and shrewdness, appeared somewhat puzzled under the moonlight:"Huh? Yeah, Big Brother. After all, I'm an Adventurer, the weakest class, and learning skills from other classes requires double the skill points. I'm just struggling with what to learn. *Ahem*, I should probably learn something practical. Why, does Big Brother have any good suggestions?"Haru cleared his throat lightly, shifted his gaze to the full moon outside the window, and spoke in an exceptionally calm and indifferent tone:"I was thinking, now that we have a mansion and have established a foothold in Axel, future enemies will definitely become stronger. Your meager beginner skills probably won't cut it. How about... we visit Wiz's magic item shop tomorrow? She is, after all, a former Demon Kings Army General and very knowledgeable; perhaps she can guide you in learning some powerful advanced magic or special skills. As your teammate, it's also my responsibility to help you make the right choices, right?"Kazuma narrowed his eyes suspiciously, looking Haru up and down.Those eyes, equipped with an inherent pervert-detector, seemed to want to see through Haru's composed mask:"Go to Wiz's place? Although what you're saying makes a lot of sense, but... why do I always feel like you're not doing this for my skills, but for that Lich lady who, despite being a total loser, has a top-tier figure? Look, when you mentioned the name Wiz, didn't the corners of your mouth just lift by 0.5 millimeters?""That's just your imagination, Kazuma." Haruretorted without changing his expression, his gaze as sharp as if he were cutting cabbage. "I'm worried about your survivability. If you were to be snatched away by a monster one day, who would help me pull the weeds in the yard? Besides, those useless but interesting items in Wiz's shop might provide inspiration for your traps.""Oh—so that's how it is." Kazuma flashed a lewd smile that said, "I get it, you don't need to explain," and stood up while dusting off his backside. "Since you're thinking so much of me, I won't refuse. It just so happens that I also want to go see Miss Wiz... ah, no, I mean, go see if there's an opportunity for me to become stronger. But Haru, if you and Miss Wiz get too engrossed in your conversation, please save me some face and don't leave me standing there as a third wheel the whole time."Haru ignored his teasing, simply stood up, and brushed the dust off his cloak:"Then it's settled. We'll set off first thing tomorrow morning. As for Aqua and the others... let's just leave them here to watch the house, so that idiot goddess doesn't start casting Purification Magic the moment she sees Wiz, turning a perfectly good teaching session into an exorcism scene."Kazuma nodded in deep agreement: "Exactly. If we bring Aqua along, it will only lead to a lot of unexpected trouble. So, tomorrow it'll just be the two of us... Hehe, a secret journey for men to become stronger, that actually sounds pretty good."Haru turned and walked toward his bedroom, though in his mind, he had already begun to outline Wiz's flustered yet gentle and amiable appearance.Although he claimed it was for Kazuma, in this world full of absurdity and surprises, occasionally visiting that gentle Lich who could make him feel at peace was indeed the thing he looked forward to most these past few days.On the streets of Axel in the early morning, the mist had not yet fully dispersed, and two furtive figures were hurrying along side by side.Haru was dressed in a well-tailored dark casual outfit, with his Adventurer card, which had become increasingly refined due to his level increase, hanging at his waist; meanwhile, Satou Kazumabeside him was hunched over with his hands in his pockets, looking less like he was going to learn skills and more like he was about to conduct some shady, illicit transaction."Say, Big Brother Haru. Isn't our pace a bit too fast? The people at the guild haven't even woken up yet, and I doubt Miss Wiz's shop is even open, right?"Kazuma panted as he glanced out of the corner of his eye at the rectangular box wrapped in exquisite silk in Haru's arms."The early bird catches the worm, Kazuma. Since we're going to ask for guidance on skills, naturally we must show sufficient sincerity." Haru answered without changing his expression, tightening his hold on the box in his arms. Inside was the premium strawberry cream daifuku he had stayed up late making; to maintain the texture, he had even used a bit of faint magic to keep it at a constant temperature."Sincerity, huh? Heh, indeed." Kazuma gave a cold laugh, his right hand instinctively touching a small cloth bag tucked inside his shirt.Inside it was a book he had found at a general store a few days ago, titled "Extremely Rare: Ancient Ruins Plant Encyclopedia"—although he claimed it was to help Wiz identify her inventory, in reality, he knew that the overly gentle Lich had no resistance to this kind of strange plant knowledge.The two of them fell into a tacit silence for a while until the dilapidated sign reading "Wiz's Magic Item Shop" appeared at the end of their line of sight."We're here. Remember, Kazuma. After we go in, talk about the skill points first. You're going there to become stronger, understand?"Haru stopped at the shop entrance and instructed him solemnly."Understand, understand, understand, Big Brother. You're only bringing snacks along because you're taking me to get stronger; I completely understand."Kazuma flashed a lewd smile that said, "We're bros, aren't we?"Haru took a deep breath and pushed open the wooden door that always made a harsh creaking sound."Welcome... Ah! It's Mr. Lin Jin and Kazuma!"Behind the counter, the brown-haired, beautiful Lich wearing a purple dress, with a graceful figure but a sleepy face, had her originally hazy, large eyes light up the moment she saw the two of them.She stood up in a panic, but accidentally bumped into a pile of dangerous goods behind her known as "Self-Destruct Potions," causing a clattering noise."Whoa! S-sorry! I'll clean this up right away! Please, you two, just take a seat... Um, is there something you'd like to buy today? Or... have you come again to help me deal with that unsold inventory?"Wiz twisted her fingers, a hint of shyness and anticipation on her face."Actually, Wiz. We came today to ask for your help." Haru walked forward and placed the silk box gently on the counter, his tone so gentle that it gave Kazuma standing beside him goosebumps. "Kazumahas saved up quite a few skill points recently, and I would like to ask you, this knowledgeable great Lich, to guide him. As a token of thanks, this is a small snack I made myself; I hope you'll like it.""Eh?! H-handmade snacks?" Wiz's face turned bright red instantly, and steam could even be vaguely seen rising from her. "Mr. Lin Jin is too kind... I-I will definitely savor them! As for the skills, as long as it's something I can teach, I will definitely share everything I know!"Kazuma rolled his eyes to the side and also stepped up, pulling the cloth bag from his shirt: "Ahem, Miss Wiz. This is an encyclopedia I happened to find for you, to save you from being tricked by those unscrupulous merchants into buying things like explosive cabbage roots next time you restock. Let's get started quickly; I don't want to keep watching some kind of pink aura spreading in here."Wiz clumsily took the two gifts, almost shedding tears of emotion:"Wuwu, you two are truly wonderful... even though I'm just a loser shopkeeper who only knows how to lose money..."Watching Wiz's moved yet flustered appearance, Haru felt secretly pleased, while Kazuma had already begun calculating how to dig some heaven-defying skills out of this former Demon Kings Army General.Wiz's violet-like eyes were now shimmering with crystalline tears.She hugged the snack box Haru had given her tightly, then looked at the encyclopedia Kazuma had given her; her thin shoulders trembled slightly, and she fell into a state of extreme anxiety and happiness known as being unable to repay the kindness."Wuwu... Mr. Lin Jin, Kazuma... even though I'm just a loser shopkeeper who only causes trouble for others and even buys explosive cabbages when restocking... you are both so gentle to me..." Wizsobbed, then suddenly seemed to make a decision. She lifted her head abruptly, her eyes filled with a tragic, death-defying resolve. "P-please wait! I must give you a return gift! Although most of the items in the shop are defective, I have one... I have one absolutely, absolutely safe heirloom! I had originally intended it to be the shop's treasure!"After saying this, she dashed like a purple whirlwind into the depths of the chaotic storeroom.From inside, screams like "Ouch!", "Don't touch that!", and "Whoa, it exploded!" immediately rang out, along with various suspicious chemical reaction sounds.About five minutes later, Wiz, covered in soot and with a few mysterious feathers stuck in her hair, walked out carrying a metal cylinder covered in thick dust and plastered with red seals in her hands.She placed it carefully on the counter, her movements so gentle as if she were cradling a nuclear bomb that could explode at any moment.
Chapter 81: The Best Future Customer"This is it! This is a secret treasure I unearthed from some ancient ruins back when I was a Demon Kings Army General—[The Goddess of Luck's Accidental Drop—Fully Automatic Good Luck Spray]!"Wiz introduced it with a face full of pride, even using her sleeve to wipe the dust off the metal cylinder. "Its effects are amazing! Just spray it on your body once, and for the next twenty-four hours, no matter what misfortune you encounter, it will be transformed into a lucky outcome through irresistible force! And it's driven by pure natural mana, so it definitely won't drain the user's essence like those cursed items. It's a very, very safe treasure!""Fully Automatic Good Luck Spray?" Kazuma leaned in suspiciously, his eyes filled with distrust. "Miss Wiz, I'm not trying to bring you down, but based on your past track record, this so-called 'absolute safety' usually means it's only safe when it's not being used, right?""N-No, it's not!" Wiz stomped her feet in anxiety, her impressive curves heaving violently, making Haru's eyelids twitch. "This time it's for real! I tested it personally... Although during the test, because I accidentally sprayed it in my eyes, I ended up hitting the doorframe three times in a row, but in the end, I found a dropped 10 eris coin in the gap of the doorframe! Isn't that lucky?!"Haru looked at the dense seals on the metal cylinder and the faint warnings visible on them like "Extremely Dangerous," "Prohibited for Use on Living Beings," and "May Cause Reality Logic Collapse," and fell into deep thought."Wiz, we appreciate the sentiment." Haru smiled and held Wiz's small hands, which were cold from nervousness, his tone as gentle as water. "Since you say it's a good thing, we'll accept it. However... since it's such a precious treasure, I think it's better to use it at a critical moment. For instance... when Aquacauses another mess that can't be cleaned up.""Mr. Lin Jin... you're so considerate!" Tears of gratitude surfaced in Wiz's eyes again, and she instinctively gripped Haru's hands back. "Then, please, you must take it! This is also a small token of my appreciation!"Kazuma watched the two of them in their 'holding hands with tearful eyes' scene from the side, silently rolled his eyes, and muttered under his breath, "Give me a break. If this thing could really change one's luck, Miss Wiz, you wouldn't still be struggling on the brink of bankruptcy. Big brother, I have a feeling this thing is going to become the biggest landmine of our lives."Haru put away the spray, but in his heart, he was calculating: This is a token of love from Wiz!!!With a straight face, Haru stuffed the metal cylinder—covered in seals and looking like it might cause a dimensional collapse at any second—into the deepest part of his backpack, his movements as practiced as if he were handling hazardous materials.Seeing Wiz's adorable appearance—her face flushed red because he was holding her hands, and she was even starting to move her arms and legs in sync—Haru gently patted the back of her hand and timely brought the topic back on track."Alright, Wiz, I've accepted the gift, thank you very much. Now then, isn't it time to let a certain 'Weakest Class' who's been waiting so long he's about to turn into a statue witness the true power of a Lich?"As Haru spoke, he let go of her hand and gave Kazuma—who had been rolling his eyes so much he was about to cramp—a look that said 'it's your turn.'"Ah! S-Sorry! I'll start right now!" Wiz was as if a switch had been flipped; she hurriedly straightened her slightly messy purple dress and tried to strike the pose of a serious mentor. "Well then, Mr. Kazuma. Although it's indeed difficult for the Adventurer class to learn skills from other classes, as long as you have enough comprehension, some basic practical magic can still be mastered. For example... this [Sense Enemy]."Wiz extended a slender finger, and a faint, dark purple light glowed at the tip:"Close your eyes and feel the flow of mana in the air. Imagine your perception spreading out like a spiderweb. Any fluctuations of malice toward you will form a clear red dot in your mind. This is a very life-saving skill for an Adventurer who often needs to make a strategic retreat.""Strategic retreat? What an elegant way to put it." Kazuma closed his eyes and began to try, following Wiz's guidance. It had to be said, this guy's talent for 'running away' and'sneaky business' was truly off the charts. After a short moment, the corners of his mouth began to curl up. "Ooh! I feel it! This feeling like someone's pressing an ice cube against my back... Wait, Miss Wiz, why is my head full of red dots right now? And the source seems to be right outside the shop door?"Haru's heart stirred, and he immediately activated [Insight].Sure enough, before Wiz could explain, the shop door was slammed open with brute force!"Haru—!! You really are here!! I knew you and Kazuma must be up to no good sneaking out!! To think you'd come to this gloomy shop behind our backs to enjoy a private feast!!"Aqua burst in, swinging her fists and carrying the scent of holy water and a sky-high resentment. Behind her followed Megumin, looking helpless and clearly having been dragged along as forced labor."Waaah! Lady Aqua! P-Please calm down! Don't use Purification Magic here, my body will melt!!"Wiz let out a cry of distress and instantly hid behind Haru, her hands tightly clutching his clothes as she curled into a ball.Haru looked at the chaotic scene before him, then at Kazuma's face, which was already as black as the bottom of a pot, and sighed helplessly."Aqua, if you shut up right now, there will still be a portion of red wine beef stew for you tonight."Haru calmly played his trump card.Aqua's movements froze instantly, and her face, which had been full of 'executing justice,' switched to a fawning smirk in a tenth of a second:"Ehehe! Lord Haru, what are you talking about? I was just worried you'd run into danger outside and came specifically to protect you! Right, Megumin?"Megumin raised her staff expressionlessly and pointed to the ceiling. "I just wanted to see if they sell any secret medicine that can increase the power of Explosion Magic. Since Haru is here, can I look forward to lunch a little?"Haru rubbed his temples and turned to look at Wiz, who was almost in tears. "Sorry, Wiz. It looks like today's private lesson is turning into a family dinner. If you don't mind, can I borrow your kitchen? I plan to prepare those snacks so we can all eat together.""I-I don't mind! As long as you don't purify me, anything is fine!!"Wiz shouted as if she had been granted a grand pardon.In the cramped corner of Wiz's shop that could barely be called a kitchen, a rich aroma of meat was currently diffusing—enough to make all the Adventurers in Axel salivate.Haru was calmly wielding a spatula, stir-frying top-grade beef cubes with special spices in a pot. The sizzling sound, accompanied by the sound of Aquaslurping her saliva nearby, formed a bizarre harmony.Meanwhile, over at the counter, Wiz was earnestly guiding Kazuma."Yes, Mr. Kazuma, that's the feeling. Place your palm close to the target's skin and imagine yourself as a dried-up sponge, greedily extracting the life force and mana from the other party... This is [Drain Touch]. Since I'm a Lich, it's easy for me to use, but humans must be careful to use it in moderation."Kazuma's palm was emitting a faint, eerie glow. He was staring at a spider in the corner with a villainous expression, muttering, "Hehe, it worked! With this move, I'll have infinite stamina in the future! Whether it's using skills or doing physical labor..."Just as this heartwarming time of teaching and cooking reached its peak, the shop door suddenly let out a bang even more exaggerated than when Aquaburst in!"Hahahaha! What a brilliant farce, full of stupidity and warmth! I have crossed the borders of hell precisely to witness this moment!!"A man wearing a well-tailored suit and a black cape, with a mask that was distinctly black and white with a bizarre expression on his face, walked in with exaggerated waltz steps.He spread his arms as if embracing the chaos of the whole world, his voice melodic with a hint of annoying pleasure:"Oh my, oh my, look who we have here? It's that peculiar man who has made Axel's trajectory of fate a total mess—Sir Haru! I could smell that delicious aura of variables and the unknown emanating from you from afar! And of course, this mouth-watering pot of... beef?""M-Mr. Vanir?!" Wiz was so startled she jumped right off her chair, almost bumping into Kazuma's arms. "Y-You... weren't you supposed to deal with that batch of talking cursed dolls? Why are you back at this time...""Hmph, how could such boring work compare to witnessing a turning point of fate?" Vanir elegantly adjusted his mask, the single eye-hole sparkling with a light that saw through everything. He turned to Haru, who was walking out holding a spatula. "Sir Haru, I am a Duke of Hell, the demon who sees through all in this world—Vanir! Although I haven't officially moved into this failing, useless shop yet, I have already foreseen that you will be my best future customer... or perhaps, the most interesting trouble?"As soon as Aqua saw Vanir, her big water-blue eyes rounded instantly, and her body began to emit a strong holy radiance:"A demon! It's an evil demon! Haru! Get out of the way! Let me use my sacred Purification Magic to send this guy with the ridiculous mask back to his hometown!!""Shut up, you useless goddess who only knows how to drink red wine." Vanir didn't even turn his head; he just waved his hand, and a burst of pitch-black mana neutralized Aqua's light before it could even take shape. "I'm not in the mood right now to deal with a creature like you whose head is full of moss