'YES! I'M FINALLY BACK!'
I shouted so loudly that several pigeons in a nearby tree flew away in terror.
Freedom.
Glorious, beautiful freedom.
No more demon armies.
No more world-ending threats.
I spread my arms and took a deep breath.
Ahh..
Modern air.
Polluted.
But nostalgic.
Then I looked around.
Wait.
I looked at the shop signs nearby.
'Huh.'
I walked closer.
'Is that Chinese?'
I rubbed my eyes.
'No… no,no,no'
My brain finally caught up.
'That's not Chinese.'
'That's fucking Japanese.'
I slowly turned in a circle.
Japanese signs.
Japanese vending machines.
Japanese convenience stores.
People stared at me as I had escaped from prison.
'Why the hell am I in Japan?'
A middle-aged businessman walked past me.
I grabbed his shoulders.
'What country is this?'
'…Japan.'
I released him immediately.
'Of course it is.'
He hurried away.
Probably to report a suspicious foreigner having an existential crisis.
Anyway.
Before this gets even more confusing, let's rewind a bit. So you can understand how
I got myself here.
My name is Dylan.
Originally, I was from Australia.
One day, a god-like being decided to yoink me out of existence like someone
deleting a file from their desktop.
Apparently, they needed a hero.
And for some reason, they picked me.
Naturally, I said no.
I told them I had absolutely zero interest in participating in their medieval fantasy adventure.
But then they showed me something.
Videos.
Videos of cute animals living peacefully in nature.
Baby rabbits hopping through fields.
Fox cubs playing with their tail.
Deers are drinking from sparkling rivers.
It was wholesome.
Then…
The forest burned.
Animals died.
Entire habitats were destroyed.
And the cause was the demon army.
At this point, I stopped resisting.
'Alright.' I said. 'You win.'
And just like that, I became the hero of another world.
Naturally, I had all the protagonist's benefits.
Plot armour? Wore it with no shame.
Learning advanced skills? Is this beginner mode?
But there was one problem.
My life followed the old-school hero template.
Not the modern one.
Meaning…
No harem.
I prayed every night for my harem arc to start.
A busty wizard.
Loyal female knight.
A cute rogue girl.
And maybe an obsessive saintess.
Instead, what I got was:
An old geezer.
Chad Prince.
Homeless drunkard.
And a germophobic priest.
Don't get me wrong.
They were great guys.
True comrades. Friends I would trust with my life.
But still.
My harem…
Now that I think about it, I did get a harem.
A boy-love harem.
God.
When am I going to lose my V-card?
After a long journey, we finally confronted the demon king and I gave him a re-
education.
After several long discussions about environmental preservation and the beauty of
nature… He eventually became one of the biggest advocates for protecting wildlife.
Mission complete.
The God who summoned me congratulated me.
They said they had a little gift prepared before sending me home.
Which brings us back to the present.
I stood in the middle of the street.
Holding a piece of paper that had suddenly appeared in my hand.
I opened it and read it:
***
Welcome back, hero!
The world might seem familiar to you.
But I was feeling a little lazy, so I placed you somewhere similar to your original
world.
You're currently living in Japan as a foreign exchange student in your second year of
high school.
All the details are stored in your system.
Have fun and enjoy your youth!
I love you *Kiss*
***
I slowly lowered the paper.
Then I collapsed onto my knees.
"WHY?!" Tears streamed down my face. 'WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!'
A woman walking her dog stopped.
'Are you okay?'
'No.' I said.
I pointed at myself.
'Look at me.'
'This is the body of a teenage boy.'
'I'm not a teenager.'
'I'm a grown man.
'So tell me, stranger.'
'Why do I have to go through high school again?!"
The woman slowly reached for her phone.
'…I'm calling an ambulance.'
'No need.' I stood up, 'I'm a man.'
'I'll survive.'
Probably.
__________________________
[A few days later]
After spending several days digging through the information God left in my system, I finally understood my situation.
'That fucking bastard.'
My name?
Still Dylan.
My 'parents' in this world?
Deceased.
My bank account?
Barely better than a homeless guy's cup on the sidewalk.
And the worst part?
School was about to start.
And apparently, this world was classified as an 'H-World.'
I had no idea what the H stood for.
Maybe Hardcore?
Like those games where the difficulty setting exists purely to make you suffer.
The only silver lining was my system store.
Thanks to my time as a hero, I had accumulated a ridiculous amount of points.
Meaning I could buy almost anything.
Food.
Clothes.
Weapons.
'At least I'm not broke.'
I looked around my house.
God had given me a traditional Japanese house to live in.
Fully furnished.
All my identification documents are neatly prepared.
'At least they have a conscience.'
Unfortunately.
Today was the first day of school.
I slipped on the uniform and stared at myself in the mirror.
The reflection stared back at me, a teenage version of myself.
I sighed.
'Oh, how I do not miss you, young me.'
___________________
After arriving at school, the first thing I had to do was report to the office.
While I walked through the hallways, students kept glancing at me as if I were a rare animal in a zoo.
Was I really that interesting?
Or was this my protagonist's aura kicking in?
Eventually, I arrived at the office.
A bald middle-aged man greeted me.
'Ah! You must be Ku-reiji san?'
'Yes, I'm Dylan Crazy.'
What kind of last name is Crazy?
Did God run out of ideas halfway through?
'Ahh, sorry.' The man said with an awkward smile.' My English isn't very good.'
He rubbed his head.
Which immediately distracted me.
Because his bald head was shining like a polished bowling ball.
Seriously.
Was he waxing it?
'Please come to my office,' he said. 'We will finalise your enrollment.'
He talked for a while.
Forms.
Rules.
School procedures.
Honestly, I wasn't listening.
It was mentally impossible to focus while his head cast a direct beam of sunlight into my eyes.
With the paperwork finished, he led me to my classroom and handed me over to the homeroom teacher.
'Glad to have you in my class,' the teacher said. 'Ku-reiji san? Is that correct?'
'Crazy.' I replied.
At least this guy had hair, which already made it easier to look.
Still…
Where was my harem cast?
The strict, but kind teacher.
The caring senior.
The clumsy junior who trips every three steps.
Instead, I was surrounded by grown men and children.
My life was doomed for virginity.
The teacher opened the classroom door.
Once we entered, every student turned toward me.
Whispers filled the room.
The teacher clapped his hands.
*Clap clap*
'Attention, class.'
'Today we have a foreign exchange student joining us.'
'I hope everyone helps him adjust.'
Then he turned to me.
'Please introduce yourself.'
I looked at the classroom.
A sea of baby-faced students stared back at me.
Kids who had never paid taxes.
Never worked a full-time job.
Never learnt the struggles of life.
I took a deep breath.
Then I gave my grand introduction in perfect Japanese.
'I hate school.'