SF Chapter 45: The Luminous Fish Effects Final
Sheldon stared at his mother. "Mom, what are you doing here?"
"Leonard called me," Mary replied.
"I know, but why?"
Leonard joined the conversation, a little exasperated. "One of the great minds of the 21st century... is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving serapes."
"Hey! Don't forget glow-in-the-dark tampons," Dani chimed in.
Sheldon immediately corrected his roommate. "This is not a serape. This is a poncho. A serape is open at the sides; a poncho is closed. This is a poncho," he repeated.
"And neither is a reason to call someone's mother," he finished, annoyed.
"Can we just turn him off and on again?" Alexandra frowned. "That's what I do with my computer. Works most of the time..."
"If only it were that easy..." Mary murmured, not offended by the girl's comment.
She turned back to her son. "Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you."
"Yes, well, I'm not a child. I'm a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit. And I certainly don't need someone tattling on me to my mother."
"Wait, where are you going?" Leonard asked, seeing him already walking down the hallway.
"To my room, and no one's allowed in," Sheldon said, making a face, still wearing the ridiculous poncho.
"He gets his temper from his daddy," Mary remarked unfazed, still looking toward the hallway.
The rest murmured. "Ah."
"He's got my eyes."
"I see."
"All that science stuff? That comes from Jesus."
The quartet looked at each other, not knowing what to say.
Then someone knocked on the door, drawing everyone's attention. Raj and Howard were standing outside.
Howard immediately moved toward Alexandra, since he hadn't seen her yet.
"Hello. Enchanté, mademoiselle. Howard Wolowitz, Caltech Department of Applied Physics." He made a theatrical gesture, but his expression was too eager - and a bit disgusting.
"Alexandra Daddario. Actress. Sorry... but no. Not a chance. Ever." she said bluntly, without any pity - especially because he was staring at her breasts without any shame.
Daniel smacked Howard on the back of the head, making him stop looking.
And they all ended up staying at the apartment, since Mary insisted on making dinner that night.
[Daniel and Alexandra commented]
Daniel stated. "Howard is a perv!"
"Don't you feel hypocritical admonishing Howard when you're not exactly any better?" Alexandra mocked Daniel, who was sitting beside her.
It was more like a provocation. She didn't think the two were alike at all.
"No, why?" he replied, unfazed.
"And I wouldn't continue doing something if I saw you - or any girl - making a disgusted face at me."
"Besides, you're the hypocrite one." He reversed the idea. "Just because I'm good-looking, rich, and famous, you treated me differently than you treated him."
She stared at the shameless bastard for a moment, but then thought about it. "Touché, I can see your point..." she made a rare concession.
"Are you really a girl?" Dani asked, making a surprised face because of her agreement.
She just rolled her eyes.
[Commentary ends]
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"Sheldon, your mom made dinner," Leonard shouted from the kitchen.
He received Sheldon's reply. "I'm not hungry."
"Oh, Leonard, don't trouble yourself." Mary began handing out the plates so everyone could serve themselves dinner.
"He's stubborn. He may stay in there till the Rapture."
"Are we so sure that's a bad thing?" Penny raised an eyebrow.
"I love the boy to death... but he has been difficult since he fell out of me at Kmart," Sheldon's mother commented.
And Howard continued his simp saga. "Excuse me for being so bold..." he smiled, stepping closer to Mrs. Cooper, "...but I now see where Sheldon gets his smoldering good looks."
"Oh, honey, that ain't gonna work - but you keep trying." She simply ignored the ridiculous attempt at flirting.
"Hey, Howard, that is a bro code break." Daniel got annoyed. "Rule number seven, not with your friend's mom."
"Whoa, such a gentleman," Penny said with a mock smile.
"Really?" Leonard looked at him, surprised. "Not even once?"
"Yeah! Never!" Dani replied while putting food on his plate. "But sister... is a different story," he raised a finger.
"In my modern bro code book, sisters are totally fair game!"
Leonard let out a small laugh. "That's because Cousin Claire is impossible for anyone. I can't imagine her betraying Phil."
"Unless you are like Brad Pitt..." he muttered.
Dani patted his cousin on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I wouldn't do that to you, cuz. Our family doesn't even remember your sister's name."
Mrs. Cooper finished serving the last dish she had made. She approached Raj and asked, "I made chicken. I hope that isn't one of the animals that you people think is magic."
The Indian man shyly shook his head, still unable to speak in front of women.
Leonard gestured toward the hallway, asking Mary, "Are we gonna do anything about Sheldon?"
"Oh, we will." She nodded. "You have to take your time with Shelly."
"His father, George, God rest his soul, used to say: 'Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon.'"
They all went to sit on the couch and in the chairs around it.
Penny inquired, sitting in one of the chairs, "Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before?"
"Oh, all the time, dear." Mary replied. She was sitting next to Howard on the couch, in Sheldon's usual spot. "I remember one summer when he was 13... he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed..."
"...and told everybody he was gonna provide electricity for the town."
"Whoa, at thirteen..." Dani murmured, impressed.
Alexandra felt the same and ended up asking Dani, who was sitting beside her, "What were you doing at thirteen?"
"Releasing my first book..." he replied, "...and sneaking pretty chicks into my room." He chuckled.
"At thirteen??" She made a face.
"Miss Daddario, you have a disturbing mind. I was just kissing - although some were pretty intense. But I didn't go all the way... you know," he remarked.
"I was having my first boyfriend..." Penny nodded.
"Anyway," Sheldon's mom continued the story, "the only problem was he didn't have what you call fissionable materials."
"And he was told by an agent of the government that it was against the law to have yellowcake uranium in a shed."
After that, she ended up commenting, "You know, you two make a cute couple," pointing at Daniel and Penny.
"We are just..." she paused. "... friends," Penny clarified.
"Great friends," Daniel corrected her, "really great friends."
"Okay." Mary ignored their sinful little arrangement. "All right, everybody, it's time to eat."
But she began to pray first, "Oh, Lord, we thank You for this meal and for all Your bounty."
Howard froze with his fork halfway to his mouth, and Raj awkwardly pushed back the piece of bread he had already started eating.
"And we pray that You help Sheldon get back on his rocker." After a moment of silent meditation, she finished, "In Jesus' name."
"And in Moses'... and Holy Cow's name," Daniel added, including the two non-Christian friends.
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After dinner, it was time for dessert.
"Oh my God, this is the best cobbler I've ever had," Penny praised in delight, taking another bite.
Mary remarked, "It was always Sheldon's favorite. You know what the secret ingredient is?"
"Love?"
"Lard."
Daniel whispered to Penny, noticing her expression, "We'll do some exercises later. Don't worry about the calories."
She gave him a playful nudge.
"Hey, look who's com-" Howard noticed Sheldon appearing from the hallway.
"Shh. You'll spook him. He's like a baby deer. You gotta let him come to you."
Sheldon tiptoed over, grabbed a piece of dessert, and put it on his plate - as if doing it quietly would make no one notice him.
"This is ridiculous." Leonard stood up, unable to take it anymore. "Damn it, Sheldon, snap out of it. You're a physicist. You belong at the university doing research, not hiding in your room."
That startled Sheldon, making him run back to his room like a frightened deer.
"You don't hunt, do you?" Mary deadpanned.
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A few days later, Daniel was in bed with Penny, both of them naked after some naughty activities.
"So Sheldon got his job back? And his mother got a date with Dr. Gablehauser?" he asked.
"Yes." She nodded, adjusting herself more comfortably in the bed.
"Huh... that reminds me of Mom..." he muttered, turning off the bedroom light.
Penny suddenly shifted and turned toward him. "Is that a luminous fish?" she asked, noticing something glowing in the dark room.
"Yeah, bought it from Sheldon," he replied, pulling her closer to him again.
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